i think my mum is funny. was walking home after lunch and i told her if i get what i'm hoping for at work i wanna buy something to pamper myself. so this was what the conversation was like:

Mum: what you wanna buy?

Me: hmmmz...

Mum: a branded bag? wallet? LV? Gucci?

Me: huh? why i wanna buy those for?

Mum: then what you wanna buy?

Me: maybe a baby g. or a netbook.

Mum: not a few thousand dollars worth kind of thing?

Me: wah! i'm not that rich la! you sponser ah?

Mum: then you buy both lo. the watch and netbook.

Me: *dotz*

funny the way mums think at times. ha! =)

met up with karin earlier yest for lunch and some shopping before watching step up 3d again. hahaha. it's another movie that i caught twice ever. =D

met for lunch at itacho sushi at ion. and man. i miss japan so! =(

my tako sashimi! =D loved the ones here coz they were really thinly sliced and not as chewy as the ones i used to have. =)

chawanmushi as usual. =) with crabmeat on top.

salmon sashimi! =D

the eel was superb lo. so luan. and the sauce was not as overpowering covering the taste of the eel. =)

have i mentioned how much i heart the roe on sushi? =P

roasted salmon sushi.

more sushi.

shrimp tempura! hahaha. i like the dip too. coz it wasn't as salty! =P

fried baby squid.

karin's handrolls.

foie gras sushi!!! hahaha. heart heart! =D

the chef blow torching the sushi. =)

in the cinema before the start of the movie. =D

and then we went on a mini shopping spree for cosmetics at sasa. and buying slip ons for karin. and then wandering around before meeting beloved and mummy at tung lok seafood at orchard central for dinner. =D

warm and iced barley. =D

and look at the wet tissues they provided! =D

our table. alongside the 'lush greenery'. =P

not sure why my fish maw soup looks sideways here. but i a bit lazy to tweak again ah. =P

fried eggplants with chicken floss. first time i had eggplants. it isn't that bad... at least i think so... =P

our 3 layered tofu with mushrooms on the top. =D

the waitress/captain flambeing our drunken prawns!!! =D

drunken prawns!!! =D the last time i had it was like a year ago at jurong west???

our steamed garoupa in light soya sauce. =D

not to be missed man dous. =D

and the crabs with salted egg yolks!!! =D

and there was mummy trying to pour the drinks evenly into 2 glasses.

sago with honeydew.

can't remember the name of this. shoot. =X

my herbal jelly. =D

group pic! =D

and we rounded it up at centrepoint's mccafe. with my hot chocolate. =D

watched step up 3d with devil the other day. *lovez*=) it's one of the best dance shows ever. after dirty dancing 2 that is. =D

and then there was this that caught my attention. it's so much the kinda movie that he'll wanna watch. hmmmz. should i even ask?

in store the whole day after the pnl workshop. and had dinner with devil. alien and shark. thanks to them for keeping me company while i was killing myself over the schedule. =X 1 more week's to go before i can take a break for at least 2 weeks. =) then they waited till like 10pm plus a bit and we went for supper at 302. =) alien was like falling asleep le. then the 3 of us were entertaining ourselves. all the way till like 2am plus over fb. hahaha. =D

... ...

maybe that msg i sent that day was quite random. but i guess that was what i was feeling at that time. time to look forward now. =)

... ...

was reading over the papers and from blogs about ladyironchef's predicament. and i guess there's always 2 sides to a story. i'm not sure who i want to believe me more. but i guess more of ladyironchef ba. call me bias whatsoever. i don't care.

isn't having a blog the way to vent your anger. share your thoughts and emotions with people? but that it does not mean that everyone who reads needs to comment on it. so if we can't even write what we feel like writing what the fuck is a blog for? funny how some people juz jumps to conclusions.

ladyironchef.

how cruel words can be. and how unforgiving people can be. assumptions stems from the lack of facts.

... ...

i can be mean. and i think i am. but if whoever you are. you don't like what i'm blogging. why read in the first place? don't be bothered then. this is my space. and i write however i want to. don't come and tell me what i should or should not blog about. it's shit. i don't expect a response in the first place. this is for friends to know be updated about what's going on in my life. the emotions i'm feeling. not for some stranger to come and criticize how i write.

will skip dinner tonight.

feel like sitting in a corner and juz letting my tears roll down freely.

i know this time there'll be no one there to wipe away the tears like before.

and i know my hopes are juz hopes.

they'll never become reality.

i wanna learn bike.

so i can move around freely without restrictions.

i wanna go drinking.

till i'm drunk and get into some accident.

i realized i'm suddenly more chatty with some people. and these people were never that close to me before. and i'm thankful for this chance to know them slightly better. devil. ah pang. uncle. shark. thank you. =D

thanks for walking me through and getting me to laugh to myself while reading your comments on fb or the msgs i get or over breakfast/lunch/dinner. =D

i know i'm still emo-ing. and everytime i does that. it seems to rain. but then again. it's been very long since i was really happy.

sometimes it isn't as easy as taking action juz based on assumptions or hearsay. there's always consequences and it is my duty to think of solutions that will be win-win for all. the things you saw are juz things. but the actions i need to take requires more than juz that. actions.

it also ain't easy to run a shift when all you see the runners standing around and literally chatting away without any focus on customers. there is always a reason why some people are juz the way they are. true. it may be the manager who may told you not to stock up or whatsoever. but have you really spare a thought for the shift manager? it may not juz be me. it can be anyone else on shift. but if you guys think i'm over-reacting and overbearing. i'm sorry.

from now i don't want to say anymore. do what you guys deem fit. i am sick of it all. why should i bloody hell put on a happy front and tell people to do things nicely when all they want is to earn easy money and stand there and chat. tell them to do this and that and they give you a fucking black face? and so if i am petty enough these are the people i will choose not to put on schedule and these are the people whose hours i will cut. as short as possible. coz to me without them the store won't collapse. if i am petty.

then there are those who stands there and the customer is waiting in line yet they stand around and chit chat. i'm not saying all are as such. but you can see for yourself. and so what happens? being a fellow in blue or red with a black name tag i'm the one who 'entertains' the customer. do you know how it fucking feels?

i feel i'm a lobby crew every weekend when i'm on shift. i'm not managing. i'll give myself a fucking 'F' for my shift. simply coz i'm the one who clears the table. looks for seats. stock up condiments. bring clean trays to the counter front. and for what fucking reason do i need to? juz coz so i want my crew to be able to focus on the customers on hand and i chose to do this. but have anyone fucking cares about what i feel or even appreciate what i does? fuckingly no. they think it's normal and expected behaviour for a manager to stock up while they juz stand around. so a manager is paid to stock up? fucking fine. why don't i demote and juz be a crew? stand around only what. not like i can't do it. i think my procedures are 90% of the time right if not 100%. and i can fuckingly run more than 3 stations at peak period while performing procedures.

and the fucking customers are irritating. izzit so hard to juz thank or acknowledge the person who clears the table or wipes after your mess? singaporeans are fucking spoilt brats.

there's enough stress at work these few weeks and next month is going to be hell. no idea how i'll leave through the month but hopefully i'll survive in 1 piece. and i'm parking in store more often nowadays. coz probably most of the people i'm closer with are now from mac.

i'm now running on adrenaline coz i worked closing the other day and met devil at imm to buy my mouse. then went csc to try to bowl but was full house so headed down to home team ns to bowl. and then to lot 1 for dinner and store for hot chocolate. then next day was working with devil. and then 1 day i met alien and jessica for k and des for pasta after. and then i met angel and devil for dinner and went chill with angel in store over hot chocolate and ended up leaving only at 2am with shark and jac jac when i've been in store since opening and working morning today. and i got the cup from devil today. tkz devil! =)

was pouring out to angel all that i was feeling and my dilemma. and now i feel drained. it has been some time since i last felt this drained. yes i was stressed out certain days the month before and the last. but this time. i feel even more tired. and next month with 4 managers on leave i can 'look forward' to another wonderful schedule. although i did tell my boss i don't mind working straight for 2 weeks coz i don't have a choice. do i? and i pity her. especially when there are people who are not understanding and as heartless.

and there's always you somewhere at the back of my head. why?

it's scary at times when there seem to be so many silent readers out there. =/

sometimes juz for once i wish i didn't think so much at night. like what i said to jessica juz now. it's weird sometimes how on the outside and at work that we all look fine but when it comes to fb-ing and blogging that all the negative emotions starts showing.

i want to go travelling again. but not back to japan for hokkiado. was thinking of south africa or maldives or central europe or turkey. i think i am spoilt for choice.

and i lied. i lied that i was never going to msg him again after that last msg. but i did. today. and can i say i regretted it? coz as usual there was no reply. so this is the hint? this it it? the end? but i don't want it to juz end here. can't we at least be friends?

someone once told me before to let time heal all wounds and that i should not regret the decisions i've made. then i read it somewhere that in order to forget a person. you need to take double the number of years that you know the person.

but.

i don't think time heal any wounds. they juz lighten the pain and hurt that was caused. and i wish time would do that right now. not sure why am i really hurting when the person doesn't seem to be replying anymore. and so i shall give up. i know i've been saying i've been wanting to. but it juz doesn't work. at least not yet. especially when i see people in scdf uniform. carrying those duffel bags. going past his station. seeing super 4 on the roads. it juz all reminds me of him.

forrest at orchardville.

seletar reservior.

cheese prata shop.

wcp.

yew tee kopitiam.

casurina curry.

al-azhar.

jalan kayu prata.

mr prata.

my white wallet.

scdf.

fire station.

ai qing hai.

always be my baby.

bee hoon goreng near chomp chomp.

cilantro.

villa bali.

ikea.

e blackboard.

changi airport.

bedok hawker centre.

hort park.

cck park.

the bridge opposite hort park.

pasir panjang wholesale.

air katira.

white super 4.

saw 5.

high school musical 3.

quantum of solace.

playing piano.

that bouquet of flowers.

dou hua at geylang.

man u.

the long phone calls.

she's out of my league.

filmgarde.

jb.

austwine.

2 years on this are memories i hold of you. do you even remember any of these?

today is the traditional chinese valentine's day. qixi jie.

is that the reason why *y came and passed me my yearly craving of air katira? all the way from jurong west. hmmmz.

and to *w. happy chinese valentine's day. (and i still remember the air katira you bought for me in what seemed like years ago.)

met up with bro juz now for dinner at jp before he went back to camp. coz ms's out! hahaha. so i left on time. =) then met angel to keep her company for her dinner. then back home blogging and uploading. and then the thoughts started running all over again.

i think i am going crazy. coz i seem to be fighting for that balance between physical and emotional control. *y msged me this evening. asking if he can meet me for a few minutes to pass me something tmr before work. and now i'm getting apprehensive although i know i shouldn't. ah well. couzin's back. at least for now. but he's going back india real soon for another job and it may jolly well be permanent. damn. that's one less person to share my thoughts with. i do miss couzin. =(

mentally i'm getting tired coz the thoughts are running all around. i was juz browsing through my past posts and i realized i've come a long way since *her. it's been like 4 years since it last happened. since i was last in contact with her. and almost 1 year since i was last with *y. and it's been almost 2 years that i know *w.

time flies.

but time doesn't heal all the wounds and hurt it caused. it only diminishes it.

looking back i can say i don't feel much for *her le. coz it's been 4 years on. for *y it's still a bit of bu she. but for *w. i think i'm too persistent. in what sense of the word? in the sense that no matter how busy or what shift i'm working i try to meet him. but when i ask him. he's always so busy. i text-ed him. for the last time ever. i'e made up my mind. he didn't reply. and even though i wanted very much to text him last night after the fireworks. i decided against it coz. so what if i did sms him? like as if he will bother to reply?

i feel like i'm ah chen in the show lie huo xiong xin. i'm so stubborn that i don't know what's really happening around me and him. and that i believe that by changing myself the other party will like me better. that i believe that i gave up the most between the two of us. why can't i believe that by letting go sometimes it's for the better for both of us?

i go to sleep by listening to the song *w bluetooth-ed to me ages ago. and by looking back on the pics that we once took. it wasn't a lot. but there are 2 that makes me happy juz by looking at them. call me silly. call me stupid. i still can't forget the times we spent together.

'you'll always be a part of me. and i'll be a part of you indefinitely.'

i feel drained. but i wanna meet you still. *w. =(

and i went to yog in the end despite of the rain in the afternoon. coz my bc passed me a free tix. so i went alone. =)

no idea why the pic turned out like that. i thought i adjusted already? hmmmz. =/

now i'll let the pics do the talking. it's a lot of fireworks. more than ndp! =D so happy snapping away lo. i took like 188 photos on the day alone. =D

reminds me of hong kong. =)

i thought this was quite grand. with the grand paino on the water. hmmmz. =)

yog is not all about fireworks. it's juz that i feel like sharing the fireworks. =) and they had the part that had all 204 countries introduced one by one.

that's all for this post. the next will have more words. =D