because i saw that my boss put me 3 days straight off. and so that got my travel bug biting. was planning on travelling overseas and having a good break. but as i was surfing the net while trying to complete the schedule juz now. it's so expensive the places i wanna go. so i guess i'll stick to singapore. probably rent a car instead since darling's off on the 1 of the days too! =D

feeling somewhat better since my last rant. but i guess that i'm still too tired to move on. what wouldn't i crave for to be able to take a break. a really good one. like to south africa in july! still trying to convince my boss. she said south africa's too dangerous. either i wait for her and we go together or i have to change my destination. she said that the lions will eat me up at the safaris. =( hahaha.

went somewhere yest. and i ended up tearing. coz there's juz an overwhelming load of emotions. i really miss that place. i guess even the people there could tell from my face. what wouldn't i give to go back there again?

been feeling quite down these few days once i'm all alone. not sure what's the reason either. oh btw. i feel like buying a netbook. coz i can bring that overseas and surf the net. although my laptop's still in good condition. hmmmz. still considering. need to save money as well. otherwise can't get a car by next year. =) darling and i are thinking of buying a honda stream. i want it in red but he wants it in matt black. hmmmz. =/

been surfing through my own blog and i realized i started it so long ago! like since poly. my tian. and then as i read back the memories juz pours out from the screen.

my bro has enlisted. in school 1. whatever that means. as much as i dislike him and his attitude. i still love him all the same. hopefully he's doing well in there. the botak! =D and he'll be out on the 12th night! which i'm off... hahaha! time to hear his stories with darling! =)

... ...

i haven't been hurting in what seems like ages. i hope i'll not get hurt again either. it took so much time and courage to be able to be able to stand up and face the world again. only to fall back down and get hurt all over again. but then again. it's through all these that i finally found somewhere i can lean on and who supports me fully throughout. love love. =)

ever since the day i stepped into mac. i've changed a lot. in terms of thinking and maturity level. to my friends i'm still the crazy one who never seems to grow up. but to those who i've had the honour of working with you. you should know what i mean. looking back i've been working for the past 7 years. 3 of part time and 4 of full time. (is that how long i've left school?) i don't miss school. i miss the canteens and the gossips we all have. but although 7 years in the workforce isn't that long. much more when i haven't job hop yet. i still see myself in the system till i'm 30 at least? perhaps that's the ketchup in my veins talking?!? even when it comes to a point that i feel like changing jobs. i'm still gonna stay in mac. probably juz of a different position. a beanie perhaps? =P

... ...

there were so many memories and moments that i feel like sharing. but sometimes flipping back into the past still hurts. juz that teeny weeny bit.

i've lost a very good friend coz of some stupid reasons that till now 3 years down the road from that fateful day. i've no idea what happened. i've given up finding out coz whoever i spoke to ask me not to probe. and so i've totally given up. time will tell i guess. if it's mine it'll be mine. if not. no matter how much i chase after it. it will never be mine.

... ...

people change along the way. i don't deny the fact that i've changed too. most of confidants now are from work. coz we have more in common and there's a common ground to build our relationship from. no matter which store i go to. we still keep in contact somewhat.

it's the friends from school i've drifted away from. there hasn't been any more common topics that garner meet ups i guess. i've chosen this path in a way. but what can i do when all of us have different goals and targets now?

... ...

coming to 24. it's time for me to settle down soon le ba. i'm no longer looking for any action or a rollercoaster ride in my relationships. i'm ready to let the dust settle and move on with the married phase of life.

we've been looking (although not too eagerly) for flats. planning our finances and thinking of sharing a car next year (when the COE drops. hopefully!) of people to invite. the guest list. the venue. the place for honeymoon. it may seem fast. but when both of us are holding full time jobs and mine's shift. it's tough to make a decision juz like that.

i've never ever thought i'll think of marriage so young since my target was actually like 30 years old? hahaha. probably coz darling's older than me by quite a bit. that's why i don't mind getting married younger ba.

... ...

there are times i recall of the moments spent with others. and i feel guilty. yet i couldn't help but think that it's a good thing i didn't end up with them? coz probably i met the right one at the wrong time. and that caused the hurt and pain i've been mending all along.

until i met back my darling whom i knew 6 years ago juz for that few hours. we've been together for exactly 5 months now. and this is what i call fate and destiny. after a full round of running around blindly. i ended up next to him. and i pray hard that i'll be next to him till the day we die. =)

i don't need anyone else. not when you are by my side... =)

why izzit in such a way that when you never had something for you didn't know you wanted. but when you left it. and no one else gives it to you. you yearn for it so much more?

when i was at jscc. maha had never sat down to find out about my development or juz to chit chat and find out how was i doing. and if i needed help with anything. so 5 years in jscc i survived solely on my will and determination to stay on in the system and did my best learning things from others colleagues and even ex-colleagues.

when i moved on to cl3. the place that all deemed as hell. kris made time for each and every manager and sat down with each of us on a one to one session to find out how we were doing. and asked if there was anything she could help me with and followed up with my development. i never had a rm like her. who was 24/7 there for me. even though i may juz be a 2nd asst.

when i transfered to cck4. yen ni is a rm who's concerned about developing her people no doubt. but sometimes i feel that i'm more isolated here. she plans and sits down with the assistants and fms and tms. but what about me? it doesn't mean if i don't say anything i'm doing fine you know? i do have my own share of things i'd like to share. yes. she does ask. but never in detail. she seems to think that i'm doing fine. yes i'm up for the challenge. but not when you leave the store's qsc to me. the development of the cls. of the managers. schedule. and bascially the store in charge. and i still have to prepare for next month's ppa. tell me where am i supposed to find the time i need to even think of why am i doing certain things? and especially when on the 1st weekend of each new promotion and monthend. she goes off. and leaves me and 1 assistant and 3 fms to cover the whole shift. then how am i supposed to cover for you when bosses travel? i don't mind getting told of or leaving a bad impression coz it was the honest situation. and i learn. if you already know there were core crew on leave shouldn't you do something about it instead of after hearing the consequences and coming back to bark at us? what kind of rm is this? and the way you treat your cls. they may be extremely productive. but that doesn't mean you can open 3 counters and leave her alone inside to perish.

and so i began another leg of my learning process.

when i become a rm. i will plan time for each and every manager and cl and sit down with my people to show care and concern and find opportunities to work with them on and let them shadow me. this is what i call a role model. to coach and guide the people alone and in turn finding satisfaction when they move on with their lives or even up the corporate ladder. then i can stand tall and tell the world that these are the people i've groomed.

and i try.

i try to be strong and understanding towards why my boss is acting this way. but i still think it's crap. don't get me wrong. i still love my job and still love working at mac with everyone. but it's kinda tough to try to sit it out when there seems to be no support from my boss at the point when i need her the most.

i need a break. like seriously. or at least let me temporarily not do schedule for 1 month. gimme a break please. after doing it off and on for almost 4 years straight. it's now become a chore to continue doing it.

follow me at www.starzdevil.tumblr.com!

one can have many excuses as to why i've not been blogging often. it's true i've been busy with work and social life. but then again. i've been pretty active on facebook. no?

recent updates would include a ton of things. like work. recent meetups with friends over the past month or so. food tasting session that i had with the hungrygowhere people. my travels and the what's-nots random thoughts of my otherwise mundane life.

i don't have the luxury like some others to keep travelling and to post up the pictures of those trips. neither do i have the capability to keep having good food and rave on about them. i'm juz like any other girl next door. working hard for my next incentive. be it a good trip overseas or juz a good meal with great company.

work has been crazy last month. what with juz 4 assistants where 1 is on attachment. and trying to complete the mountain of work that we had. to some it may be nothing. but look at it this way. the grass is always greener on the other side. work seems to be never ending. and there is fixed monthly stress in the way that at the beginning of every new month. we stress over the same thing. crew staffing and cso. then there's schedule for me to stress over. and the development of each crew and crew leader and those trainee managers. *stress* i live for the day where i can breathe and have a break from doing schedule and when are my managers are proficient and confident in their tasks so that i need not be so vexed at times.

this month isn't that good either. it's been a way packed month with activities and classes and workshops back to back. time is really not enough. and then there's action plans to do and files to update for next month's PPA. and more managers to train. hmmmz.

and juz when i have the notion of changing job coz i don't feel appreciated or motivated. juz coz of a simple action plan (which i handed up 3hours late =P) i did and sent to my BC and RM. he forwarded it to 6 other stores. my BM. and yvonne from HR. and and and! my BM replied to me personally while cc-ing the 6 stores. my BC. my boss. amelia who's the trainer for west zone. yvonne and the other 3 BCs and 2 BPs in west zone! tian! we-ll. of course it's a kind of recognition for me. coming from one of the seed stores in the west. but perhaps i'm still a bit shy. =D she said 'i am here 24/7 if you need any support'. *grinz*

so work's been hectic but nonetheless rewarding. hopefully my next goal will be realized soon. =)

people always say that it takes 2 hands to clap. and it getting more and more true. i would love to meet up with friends that i want to. but if the other party does not make the effort. it's very tiring for me to continue trying. especially these friends only asks you out when there is a motive behind it. that's what i dislike. and i don't like meeting friends whom i have nothing in common with. i find that a waste of my time. totally.

so i think last month i did not meet up with a lot of people. out of work would be like lover. beloved. hungrygowhere peepz. mac being mac. revolves around shift work. so i've been hanging out and going out for meals with my managers and ex-managers. and it's been rewarding getting to know each individual better.

went penang with darling and his mum and his cousins for an early qing ming. and i had much much fun with the cousins. =) it was a great trip with tons of relaxation time. probably will be back for the para-gliding next. =P

love love my darling coz no matter rain or shine as long as he has some time he will make the effort to come and pick me up from wherever i may be. be it from work or after my meet up with friends. i've never had someone who cared so much in this way and he's 1 reason i look forward to the end of each working day. to see him. =D

the next thing i'm planning out of work is my trip in july. to south africa or europe? =D and then there's world cup which i'm planning to catch too! hahaha.

ok. time for a short nap before my d day later at 11pm. and a long day tmr. meeting nadz for lunch. dinner with lover. and finding darling after his work tmr and staying over his place and another sunday spent with him! =D