sometimes i wonder what makes me stay strong and focused.

i know it's been a long time since i last came online. much less talk about blogging. but i guess work has occupied much of my precious time. a lot has been happening at work. things that made me break down that one fine day to juz sit in the managers' room and cry my heart out. nobody saw the tears that juz came streaming down. the only one who saw. i made her keep quiet about it.

i cried not coz i was upset at the number of responsibilities that was suddenly thrown at me. not at the number of days i have to work instead of resting. but at the fact that i lost a very good mentor. a friend. my jie. i was crying for someone dearly whom i've lost when the last time we talked face to face we were gossiping away like nobody's business about a particular disgusting bitch and about our personal lives.

i don't understand and can't understand how one can be as heartless and void of emotion as she is. doesn't she understand the pain we are going through and the tiredness of it all? so what if she's working 7 days straight? 3 of those 7 days were spent at meetings. is that considered as working too? have pity on those we have to give up their off days and work 5 straight opening or closing shifts. do you not know how tiring it is to work continously day in day out? with no time for our family and friends. how many of these friends have i neglected coz of work? i really feel like quitting. i haven't encoutered this feeling in ages but it's back again.

ever wonder how certain feelings can be buried and then revived out of a sudden?

i don't dare to mention any of the feelings that i'm going through to anyone. i juz keep it inside of me. coz i am afraid that i'll become someone else's burden again. but it's not as easy as i thought it would be. there are people i wish to let out to. but these people seemed to have moved on in thier lives and i'm not part of theirs any longer. but thankfully. in the unfortunate sense of the word. i have work to keep me busy and tired so i don't even have the energy to think about anything and how i feel. i juz take each day as they come and choose the easy way out. by ignoring my own emotions.

no one ever cared enough to hear what i have to say. or coz i didn't give a chance to anyone. i chose to keep quiet.

my once in a blue moon off days are spent with family and friends. and during those days which i am off. i chose to block certain calls so that i need not think about work and all. like that day. i went out with the ig peepz for a long awaited gathering. steamboat and k-ing. and then with bro to swim and pastamania. later will be spent searching for deals to hk and macau with line. and that will conclude the end of this month.

and the stupidest thing i can think of now. is how my feelings for a certain person is back again. i thought i had already lost all feelings since we were not in contact for almost a year. but juz yest night. i had a dream and when i woke up. the feelings were all there again. bloody shit. i don't understand what's wrong with me. why should i miss her still after so long? there's no reason to since we already sorta made things clear then.

i seriously have no time to think about how i'm going to deal with this new-found emotion. not when i have so many things on hand that i need to settle.

i miss those days when i wasn't burdened with all the current resposibilities and that there was alwayz someone there for me. now? i don't dare to wish for more. juz that i won't fall sick soon coz my body really isn't feeling that well now.

i want a hug. i want someone there for me to cry my heart out. my heart is full of tears but i don't dare to let them out. at work. at home. in front af all my family and friends i have to act as if i don't care at all. that i am doing fine. i laugh and joke with them as if there isn't anything upsetting going on in my miserable life. to put up a brave front takes a lot of energy. and i have no idea how much longer i can hold out. i'm juz afraid that someday i may cry in store. which i don't wish for it to happen. coz store has too many people whom i know cares for me.

the worst part isn't over yet. there's more to come. i know there is. i don't know how long i can hold on. but i wish that it'll be for the longest time ever yet. and that sis and i will still be in one piece by the end of the year.

i really really really need a break. can anyone grant me that wish? *prayz*

shagged. tired. lousy. =X

the only good things in life would be that i completed the 1000 cursed dolls' quest. and the icarus cape's one. AND. that he is back in my life. =P

feeling: time is not enough.

it's been some time since i last updated. especially to recommend food places. =) hahaha. but no. i haven't been slcaking away in a bid to find good food. juz that i found this other website called http://www.hungrygowhere.com/ that allows me to write my reviews on places i've visited. and yesh. i frequent that website very very often for recommendations on food. =P think i'm getting to be a little too food fanatic over here? =P

anyway. had a tiring week at work. monthend reports and all on the 30th. then children's day party on the 1st. 2nd was off. so i decided to bring mummy out for a good meal and to pick up my ratatouille poster from popcornpop at esplanard. =)

was doing research the night before for a good meal. and was finally tempted be this place called outback steakhouse at millenia walk. it's juz poosite candy empire. so don't be dumb like me and walked all the way from the other end in. =P

it serves australian fare. even the decor are very australian themed. but have read reviews on how they raved about the food and service and the price was really affordable. like S$40 per pax. but that was coz of my steak. if without my steak it would be like S$30 only lo. to me it's good price for the food. =)

so as usual. i had my dose of cesear salad. not too bad. but a tad too saltish at the bottom where all the dressing has settled down. but the croutons were sooo crunchy and buttery. i felt so sinful after polishing most of them. =P


the 'shrooms were also given thumbs up so i ordered them too. juz one sentence to sum it all up. 'i felt like i was in mushroom heaven after eating them.' =) they were really mouth watering good. especially when they were piping hot. the marinade was a bit spicy. but it really complemented the sweetness of the mushrooms which were all so fresh. =)

and that's their bread roll. it was alright. nothing fantastic about it. but it was crispy on the outside while soft on the inside. the best part would be the pat of butter served with it. whoa! =P

that's my mummy's fish and chips. not too bad. judging from that one mouthful that i had. crispy but very very soft. it's like once my fork touches it. it juz breaks into pieces. =) and the coating was good. if i'm not mistaken. it has a hint of cajun pepper in it. =) but mummy said the coleslaw was very bland. =X

and that's my rockhampton rib eye. i tried it coz everyone was saying how good it was. we-ll. it definitely wasn't the best steak i've ever tasted. =X the good part was that you could choose your side. which i chose the jacket potato. but there's other choices too la. the steak was really done medium. bloody enough for me. but the bad part was that i dislike spring onions and sour cream. 'saya tak suka.' =X and the steak was a bit tough on the bottom side. like placed too long on the grill. =X and it wasn't a hotplate! =X enough said.

but the service staff were really attentive and friendly. unlike most restaurants i visited. but if i am to choose whether to come back again. i'll be back. =)

... ...

work wise have been alright. i love drinking aya katera! damn it. all sis's fault. now i'm hooked. worse of all. it's only available during the fasting month. =X but it's really really good. i had it 3 times this week le. first was a greyish green colour (orignal flavour). second was a bright green (original flavour). yest's was a bright yellow (sweetcorn flavour). hahaha. maybe i'll get one today? =P

alright la. think i'll stop here first. need my dinner le. coz i skipped lunch. going to work later. i need the energy! =) (maybe i should have nasi lemak for supper later.)