"don't let fate control your destiny... control your own destiny..."

that's the quote of today... hahaha... i feel good today... after such a rotten day in school yesterday when i screamed at the class to juz let the tutor finish talking... i feel bad... so here's to people from T02...

SORRY!!!~

i guessed i juz wasn't in my best of moods then... =X

but now i feel good... things are going great.. everything is going fine... and i'm HAPPY!!!~ => why? coz i got motivation to go school now... but my motivation doesn't know who he is... hahaha... yes... it's a HE... => so happy... then we talked and all... => nothing much but i juz feel happy... => and hun loon will be coming back this sunday to visit us... hahaha... so happy... then saturday will be working counter with lee lee and maha... => that's the reason why i'm so happy today... and saffron was great that day...

juz went saffron to eat with jas juz now... hahaha... so i'm broke now... => but with a very satisfied stomach... hahaha...

take carez peepz...

i love everyone!~ =>

'because there's love... there'll be hope...'

been hearing a lot of things about love and all these few days... really a lot...

been seeing things that i shouldn't have seen as well.. things that made me think that getting attached isn't such a good idea after all... but then... looking at my parents... i really envy their relationship... they are married for like 20 odd years yet they are still so in love with each other... always teasinbg each other and all... if i ever do get married... i wish for a happy marriage juz like theirs... =>

that day i was writing a blog that i was so proud of but there was something wrong with the internet and it was ALL GONE... so pissed off by it lorz... =X

yarz...

life's been alright now... busy but still able to cope... this week was the max i could take man... 2 days of reaching home at almost 12plus... tired saiz... today will be another day like that...

thinking a lot again... things like work... projects... sjcc... ig... all the crap... i think i'm a born daydreamer... hahaha...

sometimes i wonder how nice and fluffy the clouds in the sky are... looks so cottoney and all... => maybe i should go sky diving one day soon... as soon as i get enough money... hahaha... then i can land on the clouds and see what's it's like... hahaha... =>

been blog hopping agian... visiting others... =>

sometimes... i think that mood swings are getting worse... it's like... i juz get so irritated for no good reason... i mean... there's a reason... but mot that valid of you get my point...

like yesterday's ob lesson... i guessed that i amy have looked ultra piseed off or something coz fagan was trying to get me to smile again... ha!~ we-ll... it worked to some extent... or maybe it's because sue was looking and reminding of a seiw mai and tina and mel were laughing on and on... it's juz contagious so i guessed it brightened up my day a bit... =>

but the projects were crazy... i don't know about you guys.. but i feel that people don't seem to understand me at times...

read this at susan's blog and it made so much sense...

'If you're mad with someone , and nobody's there to fix the situation... You fix it . Maybe today, that person still wants to be your friend . And if u don't, tomorrow can be too late . If you're in love with somebody , but that person doesn't know... tell her/him. Maybe today, that person is also in love with you . And if you don't say it, tomorrow can be too late . If you really want to kiss somebody... kiss her/him. Maybe that person wants a kiss from you, too . And if you don't kiss her/him today, tomorrow can be too late . If you still love a person that you think has forgetten you... tell her/him. Maybe that person have always loved you. And if you don't tell her/him today , tomorrow can be too late. If you need a hug of a friend... ask her/him for it. Maybe they need it more than you do. And if you don't ask for it today, tomorrow can be too late. If you really have friends who you appreciate... tell them.Maybe they appreciate you as well. That if you don't and they leave or go far away today , tomorrow can be too late. If you love your parents, and never had the chance to show them... do it.Maybe you have them there to show them how you feel. That if you don't and they leave today , then tomorrow can be too late. '

and then there's the part where you find out that who you regarded as your close friends are not actually... it cuts you like a knife stuck in your heart and you juz can't breathe anymore... why are there people like that?~

that's what i mean by my mood swings... or perhaps i juz have split personality... ha!~ won't that be fun?~ i can kill those people i dislike yet deny it and the police won't know... =P yes... i'm crazy... whatever!~ i have a right to be!~ =>

i juz can't be bothered by what others think about me anymore... if i'm like that... i'm like that... you wanna change me?~ too bad!~ i'm someone who will stick to my own values... this is one long blog i'm typing... or maybe it's because that i need to have a vent for myself... a place where i can juz forget about myself and let go...

realized that letting go is actually so good... at least there's no more burden on me... guess i've learnt to let him go after all... after so long... but he still plays a part in my life now... juz that i'm not relying on him so much now... i know that mentally... he'll alwayz be there for me and all... it's not everyday that one can find a friend of the opposite sex who seems to know you inside out... outside in... and he juz remains as a friend to you...

haiz...

why izzit that for some... they can give their all at work while others juz can't be bothered?~ why can't everyone juz do their best for everything?~ won't the world be a better place to live in then?~

feel that i've been drifiting apart from a lot of people... i don't know why either but it's like those who really know me are getting lesser and lesser... or perhaps it's juz that i'm reluctant to open up these days... ever since my 'daddy' started working elsewhere... i felt that something is missing somewhere... i still remember that she would usually wait for me to punch out and we would walk to the bus stop and mrt station together... then we would talk and talk and talk on the way... but now?~ it's so different... i juz keep quiet... there's no point in letting so many people know you inside out when the one who would get hurt in the end would stilll be you...

then hun loon has also left store... it's like he brought a part of the whole crew with him along to NTU... he was 'The One'... the one restaurant manager that everyone was comfortable with... and the stuff he does... he works in the kitchen juz like all of us and listen to the PC for orders... he was someone you could talk to juz like a friend and all... and now... the new restaurant manager is sooo different... for one... she's a lady... second... i don't think she's those whom you can talk to freely...

haiz... sometimes... i do think of why i didn't choose to leave with hun loon that time when he asked... guess that i'm afriad of sudden changes... or maybe i can't bear to leave to lee lee and the aunties and cally behind... they are the ones who really made me feel that i belong there... you guys should have seen me when i go to work... i'll be walking with a spring in my steps... it's juz so fun when you know that you are goig to work with people you enjoy working with...

and i love working at the counter now... i don't know why... maybe coz it allows me to build up some of my confidence and i so enjoy talking to people and learning about what makes them tick... and especially so if lee lee is the manager on duty that day for counter... => i simply love the feel of the rush of the crowds... the challenge of clearing the queues as fast as i can... packing their orders no matter how large it is within the 60 seconds... => it's these simple little things that most dislike that pushes me to work faster and better...

i used to think that working at fast food joints are for the lower class... but now i don't think so... it makes me look at them differently... it's like an insider peek behind the scenes... i used to wonder about the time cards at the warming bin and all... but now i know about it... i'm still in the process of learning something new everyday i go to work... and i realize why the older generations like to say that everyday is a new learning process for all... =>

that's why i simply hate it when people ask me where i'm working and i say 'mac' and they will ask things like... 'the pay is so pathetic... why you still there?~' but have they ever thought of it that in the first place... i wasn't there because of the money but because of the fact that i juz wanna spend my free time doing something... learning something new...

money is important... but i don't think i'm those who work for the money... i work for the fun and joy of working at the establishment that i enjoy... where's the joy in working when i know that i won't be happy working there... like the job teaching enrichment classes during the holidays at different cc around singapore... tha pay was good... 6 per hour and maximum 6 hours per day only... everything is provided... you juz teach... the first day teaching and i went home crying... i totally disllike the job... everyone says i'm crazy that i'm thinking of giving up that job to work more time at mac... going from 6 per hour pay to 3.09 per hour pay... hahaha... i'm crazy but i feel like i'm born to work in the F&B industry... there's a certain sense of pride i feel working there and i'm even seriously considering going back to mac for my SIP in year 3... honestly... or even if i do try other places... i'll still go back to F&B outlets... =>

that's work...

school life's alright... nothing very interesting... but i love tuesdays... coz there's saffron... hahaha... => everyone seems to hate that but i love it coz i get to learn stuff that i can appply back at store... => but i hate putting on make-up... it's so disgusting... =X

ig's still great... juz that i feel that we're still not communicating enough at times...

sjcc's ok... finally feel that i'm happy there... no longer feel like quitting... the teambuilding chalet was really bonding... => hahaha... if that makes sense to you guys... =>

'if this is my destiny... so be it...'

i don't care what people think about it and all... but i juz feel that i should live my life the way i'm happy with...

if i'm happy i'll tell people about me more... if i'm not... juz too bad for you...

'i'm like the clown who smiles on the outside the whole day but is actually crying inside...'

i know i'm gonna breakdown soon but i know i can't... coz i know there won't be people there for me... or maybe it's because i don't know how i'll look when i do... even if i'm juz quiet for some time... everone keeps asking if i'm alright...

'time is needed for me to straighten out my thoughts...'

so please... juz leave me alone sometimes...

i'm still pissed at some stuff... but i don't know how to express it out yet...

haiz...

Somtimes i wish i were a magician... with the ability that with a swish of my wand i can make everyone happy again... with no worries...

sighz... these 2 weeks are gonna be horrible... how i wish it's holidays again so i can go back to work almost every day... sighz... do i really enjoy working so much?~

i've been in school practically by 9 everyday this week... sad siaz... that means i've been waking up at like 615 every morning... WHERE'S MY SLEEP?!?~ arrghz... all the black eye rings showing le... ~*stickz out tongue*~

hahaha... and i've been in a bad mood swing recently... getting very irritated by all the small teeny weeny details of life... blearghz...

but weird-ly... i'm enjoying this sem more... perhaps because of saffron... hahaha... and marketing... => simply LOVE learning things to do with F&B.. => adn there's so much things i can learn to balance and not feel exhausted and all... => love the feeling of that... this's what poly life should be like... i know a lot of you will disagree with me... but i'd rather feel that i haven't wasted my time here then juz have 2 or 3 commitments... study and work... where's the fun in there?~ pole life's meant to teach all of us the miracle of time... that if you handle your time well... there'll be more than 24 hours in a day... there'll be 48 hours instead...

think about it... =>

at times.. i really wonder where do i ever get the energy and time to do all the stuff i am involved in...

it's like there's SJCC... IG... work... school... ha!~ maybe i'm a super woman at last or something!!!~ =>

'with great power comes great responsiblity...'

hahaha... went to catch spidey 2 already... was a good movie but i still prefer the first... but the seats of the 2nd installment wasn't that good... i think i've gotten a cramp from there... =>

there's been much running through my head these days... like...

1> how did 24 hours seem longer than they are these days?~ i seem to have loadz of time for everything...

2> then there's work... i feel that i enjoy working at mac so much that i can juz practically live there and eat the food there... and grow to the size of the director in the movie 'super size me'... althought i don't think that'll happen to me... => ha!~

3> there's the projects in school whereby everything seems to be due on the 30th of july... and EXAMS ARE COMING!!!~ shootey!!!~

4> wondering why am i alwayz kept waiting... 1 minute... 1 hour... 1 day... 1 week... 1 month... i year... how long more muz i be made to wait before i can finally get my own peace?~

5> why izzit that everytime i board the bus... people will be like rushing to get on it?~ ever realized that even you're rushing for time and the last person tales his/her time to board the bus... the bus still can't close the doors and move off?~

6> ARE SINGAPOREANS REALLY THAT UGLY?~ we seem to bo rushing in everything we do... not being considerate to others and their feelings... alwayz queuing up for freebies... let me give you an ugly example... was working that day at the community centre's open house... so mac had 2 booths... 1 to publicize the happy club for kids and the other for redemption of free drinks... i was at the club booth there with my managers and all... and there's this one lady who brought along 2 BIG empty bags along with her... she went to queue at all the stalls to claim the freebies and left with 2 filled bags of 'souvenirs'... it was an horrid sight... =X lee lee(my manager) and i were so disgusted by her... =X

7> been thinking about waiting for him until he finishes NS... but felt there's no point in holding on to the past... what's yours will come back to you someday but... ~*sighz*~ i don't know... i'm happy with the way i am now... with my days all filled up with fruitful activities... => enjoying every single moment of my life now as a single... => maybe i do enjoy life more this way... freedom within my grasp... =>

You should be wearing the colour....Purple! Purple
creates mystery, and is associated with
royalty. You are a very interesting person,
and have a variety of friends. Purple, would
look great on you!


What colour should you be wearing?
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