不管是1Q84还是1988

Friday, February 25, 2011

最近看完了村上春树的1Q84。前两本是身在欧洲的时候还特地因为寂寞无聊从网上订购，回国之前读完的；第三本在我回国后第一个星期就从书局买下，辗转读了一个多月，也终于读毕。就像踏着时缓时慢的节奏但只要明确朝目的迈进，任时间如何推移，最终还是会到达的终点 一样。只是终点有时只是个虚设的路标，只是为了和起点遥相呼应而成立，如果愿意，它大可摇身一变成为下一个起点。

村上的1Q84反倒没给我太大的冲击，只是像很得你信任的朋友很诚挚又称职的一份陪伴，在接受程度上并没什么不能接受，但在情感回应上也不见得会特别强烈。

我过后其实就读了韩寒的《1988：我要和这个世界谈谈》。一直很喜欢韩寒的尖酸直白、一语中的、那种对现实冷嘲热讽的黑色幽默、那种道出冷暖人生后其实隐藏着的对生命的期待。他小说的调子总是很能够牵动着我，在轻松阅读之余也引人进行反思。

两部著作都无独有偶选择用四个数字单位作为书名，但其实两者代表的都不是年代，尽管人们普遍会先入为主地凭着既定图式schema对号入座。然而，两者想要做的是对书里书外所存在的世界提出疑问，透过主角的经历和视角。这样一来四个数字单位就只是单纯符号，却也像是被赋予超越单纯符号所代表的观念。不管是游走于1Q84、还是乘着1988，小说还是做到小说的特点，能让人短暂地抽离，细细地玩味。

Envoy of the Stars @ 1:01 AM
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The Black Swan

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

The comments I have been gathering from people around me about the movie "The Black Swan" have been largely favourable and complimenting, but mostly accompanied by remarks that the movie left a mildly traumatic experience or knots in their stomachs. One even presented me with the notion whether the movie actually contained demonic undertones, citing certain disturbing scenes that probably generated those thoughts.

If everyone is prepossessed with both a Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, rationality and restraint keep us functioning as the former, but the challenge comes when it is not so much about what we have (dispositions), than what we think we are (being) or how we act. (doing) When these mutually facilitating selves come into conflict and become competing selves, the resulting anxiety takes a huge toll on ones psychological composition, and depending on the perspective one takes, it may become a transformation stage or the inception of a mental breakdown.

It might be momentarily invigorating to be freed of the lashes in the form of moral codes, social contracts, worldly conventions, that bound us to obligations and duties, but the irony sets in when one realises that one is not entirely free when you become aware of the things you have breeched. Sometimes what's infinitely scary is not about letting go, but allowing that mysterious and imperceptible side, unconscious and unbeknownst to oneself, to take hold and assume control, and it gets even more terrifying when you realise in hindsight how much you got carried away by such overwhelming feelings of liberation.

The movie talked about the transformation of a young actress in a way that is analogous to her role she undertook, from an innocent, controlled white swan to the sensual, unrestrained black swan. In the end, she achieved a state of transformation that earned her a perfect stage experience, at the melodramatic expense of an ultimate sacrifice a performer can offer. Transformation does not equate to transcendence. I feel the latter is more about the fact that if one is capable of going beyond a certain stage of excellence, then it is important that one is equally capable of relating back. Otherwise, one will just become something else. In the movie, Natalie Portman was eventually consumed by the side of her that her role called for, letting herself burn in the midst. Her struggle was painful, though she did achieve her eventual gratification, short of passing a state of no return.

I, however, believe the deepest feelings show itself in silence; not in silence, but restraint.

Envoy of the Stars @ 2:16 AM
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就算经历沧海桑田...

Saturday, February 19, 2011

在多年后的重逢，我和你，聊的却是事不关己的话题。我发现你言语的小心；你察觉我玩笑的收敛。我和你是在下班的繁忙时间遇到的，刚巧却是两人最不忙的时间。你说回家也只是早点休息，我说回家也只是独自叹息。你笑了说，你还是老样子。我莞尔说，是我们的样子老了。你没好气想就这么走，我识趣地说不如吃饭再走。

我和你找了半天，还是不知道要吃什么，也可能只是想多绕几个圈，最后才像是时间差不多了需要进入下个环节一样，走进一个还算典雅的餐馆。周围坐着几桌人，有沉浸天伦的一家四口、旁若无人尽情嬉笑的小情侣和放工过后聚餐的年轻夫妇。我和你从来没感到如此不合时宜，直到服务生带着企图晒死一切生物的阳光般笑容，对着我和你说，先生小姐，情人节快乐。要点什么呢？我和你笑了笑，都没留心笑中的苦涩。

坐下来后，我认真看了看你的穿着。你的打扮，诚然比以前讲究了，但依然看不到丝毫的奢华。隔壁桌的小情侣兴奋的交头接耳，谈的是对品牌的看法，女的身旁摆着Prada的黑色手提袋，金字招牌在烛光下耀眼生辉，我视线却停在你手边看不出来路的白色手提袋上。你还是喜欢述说着自己对城市的看法，却没被城市所俘虏。这个似乎没留下昨日痕迹的城市，却似乎在你记忆中留下零星笔录。

你双脚交叠斜放，双手自然轻放在腿上，往日矜持化为一副泰然自若。我和你是多久没见了？我和你怎么没有尴尬的原因？

你想了想，眉头微皱一下，奇道，你觉得该有原因？

我想了想，耸了耸肩头，说，我有的只是残留在身体里的咖啡因。

为何你不再多愁善感？

我隔了一阵问。问得不求甚解。

因为穿越了。

你顿也不顿，答得云淡风轻。

沉默悄悄上场。空中播放着抒情的交响乐章，像是夹带着什么情绪，诉说着什么故事一样。不管播多少次，音乐的旋律和起伏都是预料中事。就算经历沧海桑田，也只是单纯依恋着对彼此的熟悉。

你嘴角微微上扬，我眼角余光摇荡。我和你似乎就这样凝视着四周，你还是化着淡妆端详，我还是隔着眼镜观望。似乎在想着什么，似乎什么都没在想，直到食物已送上，直到夜幕已落下。音乐却没结束的意愿，像是要继续前往已经决定好的地方，又像是要突然走入未知的方向。

Envoy of the Stars @ 2:04 AM
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旋转门

Wednesday, February 16, 2011


学楼的出入口装着不停在原地自转的旋转门。我踏入门中，转了一圈，又回到了原点。

Envoy of the Stars @ 12:10 AM
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@valon Life's 20 modules

Monday, February 14, 2011

While many people around me busy themselves with the 4, 5 or 6 (maybe even 7) modules that they have taken up during a new semester, someone once took the liberty to name me a 6th module on top of the 5 I have claimed possession with the start of a new school term. "Going for lunch with friends seems to be your 6th module." A friend of mine once declared to me with new-found delight at the seemingly witty remark. If only that friend of mine knew how wrong, or at least inaccurate, that statement was. Because I would like to say that I have nearly 20 modules, 5 of which are purely academic, ephemeral and mundane; 15 of which are the better things in life I appreciate. They may be personal projects, personal strivings or current concerns, that I have continued to adhere to regardless of opinion, and chances are they are what most people have been devoting themselves to as well.

Sleep
"Sleeping is no mean art: for its sake one must stay awake all day." -Friedrich Nietzsche

Sometimes I get 10 hours, sometimes I get 3. Sometimes I get it easy, sometimes it starts to flee.

Coffee, Tea and Me
I have yet to work out the correlations between the three but there's definitely a significant relationship and in this case, it forms a trichotomy.

Music
Someone asked me what kind of music I listen to. I deliberated for a while, before managing an "almost everything", which in most cases, would hardly mean an answer but in mine, I mean it word for word. To which another, bearing down on my reply, ventured, "Do you listen to Indian music too?" And I looked him straight in the eye and said, "Yes. It sounds infinitely better than some people's singing." (No he's innocent)

Running
I think I have said it so many times but still feel compelled to renew my commitment to this longtime endearing sport. I am equally obliged to admit, however, that I have not much love for its cousin, Jogging.

Books
I like them in print, in honour of those noble people who brought about the printing press.

Movies
There's always time for a good movie. -Tan, K.H (2011)

Writing
The pen is mightier than the sword only when you pick it up.

Idling
"Power-saver" mode is always automatically triggered in daily functioning. It constitutes to economy of information processing, in my opinion.

Hanging out
We know that it's not because we have "nothing better to do" but because this is something we want to do.

Piano
A good confidante, albeit it's always one-way traffic.

Work
The two most important things in life are work and love. Freud said that and I concur.

Eating with friends
Just to credit that friend's achievement in empirical observation, I feel this should be included.

Travelling
Unsurprisingly, I am planning my next voyage(s), alone or accompanied.

Future skill development schemes
Driving, Korean, Spanish, German...

Blank
I think there should always be space for improvement, or in this case, development of a life narrative. Something/someone might require that space to fill, and there will be a blank then.

Envoy of the Stars @ 12:21 AM
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@valon 轮回

Friday, February 04, 2011

十二年前，我还在担心小六会考PSLE。十二年前，新年似乎有些特殊意义。十二年前，很多人我都还不认识，很多道理我都还不知道，很多地方我都还没游历，很多事情我都还没头绪。

经过反思，如今我明白：有些事物已不再。有些人只剩下影子在廊边徘徊。有些景致已成昨日的遗骸。有些声音继续道着内心的独白。

十二年后，我依然不知道什么人会让我甘心等待，什么知识会让我勇于依赖，什么地方会让我不舍离开，什么事情会让我铭心记载。曾经等待也等不到春暖花开，曾经伤怀却也伤不到脾脏命脉，曾经感慨却也感不到缘分不待。百转千回一路走来，是悲是喜并非完全无法忘怀，渐渐就会懂得随处而埋。轮回仍在，继往开来。我只是还在学着体会什么叫自在。

Envoy of the Stars @ 3:03 AM
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