maybe it's just christmas this year...

I have a feeling this might be a long post (just sayin').

Maybe it's christmas and the world didn't end.

So I guess I made a decision that will change the course of my near future life this year in October. I decided to leave the city that I've grown to love in the 6 over years that I've been there to go back home and have a completely different life.

Before I left, I tried picturing myself in all different situations that I would be in if I were to go ahead with this big move. I could totally picture myself being basked in all the good stuff bout it but no matter how much I fantasize bout the good stuff, I know that there'll be some down times I have to pay for. True enough, I have already experienced those days when I'm hating myself, everyone and everything else around me. Those days where I feel I'm not good enough and I might not get to wherever I wanna be with my life. Such depressing thoughts, I know. But oh well, one's gotta deal with consequences after taking the first actions.

I guess I just had a sudden pang of realization that I'm having a different christmas this year. Although, I haven't enjoyed a fixed christmas traditions in a long time. But the christmas that I always have in mind is going to church with my aunt's family and going somewhere nice for dinner. Yea, christmas is not as huge as chinese new year in my family. We enjoy it mostly because we get the holidays to spend with the rest of the family and to be reunited with the extended family as two of my aunts have birthdays close to christmas and new year's. The family reunion is what I look forward to the most at this time of the year. And this year I'm glad I'm not missing any of that. I get to see everyone now that I'm back home.

However, earlier this year, I pictured a different christmas. Things have changed so much that I couldn't even bring myself to remember what I wanted to happen this christmas. Somewhen in June, July or August this year, I started picturing a different christmas from what I imagined at the beginning of the year. But I guess in reality, I'm having a totally different christmas. One that I always think about every christmas. It's like part of my christmas wish coming true. This year I get the christmas with my aunt's family and we're going to church together and having a nice dinner as well. I'm just bummed that my sister can't be a part of this.

If you ask me four months ago if I could imagine my life like how it is now, I'd say a big fat "NO!" in your face. But my oh my, how things have changed. I'm actually ok with how things are right now. Of course there's always something that I wanna change but for now, I happily accept it. I think I've come a long way since four months ago and I'm taking that as an accomplishment. Of course, I have a lot of people to thank for helping me get here and I greatly appreciate every little and big gestures that each and everyone have contributed.

Pretty much, I just wanted to give thanks and spread love and appreciation through this post. And since the world decided not to end on 21 December, we might as well have an even bigger celebration as we have many more days to party. This also means we have more days to tell and show the people that have helped us along the way the "thanks" that they deserve. So use this extra time well. For all you know, God might just decide to end everything tomorrow.

With this, I leave you with the well wishes of a Merry Christmas & a Happy New Year. Also, Happy Holidays. May you feel loved, appreciated and blessed in one way or another.

xoxo