Tuesday, September 7
i want to earn enough money...
so that i can travel to places i like
so i need not worry about $$
so that i can buy things that i like
so i can pay back mummy
so that i can buy a camera and take lotsa photos
so i can live the life i want
in order to earn enough money
i need to study hard now...
but to study hard is so difficult when i also need to work...
Work will be less stressful and more enjoyable if we work with passion
School will be less stressful if you listen in class and understand what the lecture is about
can i balance both so that even with work i can have time to study and understand?
i hate only having $15 in my account
the insecurity of it is crazy!
i NEVER had that little before...
all thanks to paying up of school fees for poly and uni
i'm now broke!
=(
Study hard girl! and prove to those who look down on you.... that you can make it!
& remember to thank those who helped you along the way...
wish upon a star** 11:19 PM
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Monday, April 12
There's no Monday to Sunday...Only OFFdays and WORKdays
Recently, i always got picked by another team member...
and i don't know why it goes to the extent where i nearly lost my temper a few times...
and that rarely happens at work
so why is it that such things are happening?
After work we can be friends and chat, joke etc
but at work there seems to be some misunderstanding or miscommunication happening...
i don't know if you're looking down on me
or pushing me to strive better at work...
the way you challenge my style and working abilities is frustrating me
worst still, must you always put me down in front of other people
i don't exactly welcome the position of a lead at first
mainly because of the added on responsibility and stress that we need to know more things and handle more issues...
but come to think of it, its another new challenge that i can put myself up to
i understand that the position doesn't belong to me in the first place
but why do i still feel a tinge of disrespect when they do not recognize me as one of them at times?
the pending up frustration of being misunderstood, or carrying on other people's mistake is tempting me to call it quits and leave...
i don't like working in an environment where its so full of unhappiness...
at other place, we do get recognition for the effort we put in... Your own effort will be reflected in your performance and result produced...
but right now, i seem to see people slacking the 'smart way'
and all you get is added workload from them...
do anyone sees this?
Yes, the supervisor is good in the beginning... he sees what is happening and observe individual's performance because we're all at the same level...
but as time goes by, you start to see the hierarchy...
and he starts to depend and listen to the people around him to tell what's other person's performance...
and he starts to depend a little too much on the person that he slowly fades off as a supervisor we know we can trust upon...
i learnt an important lesson at work
and that is nobody can be trust with secrets...
u tell them, they share with others and the message behind the initial matter goes out of hand
at the end of the day, it just makes things worst
I'm so caught up in the working life
and finding time to search back myself during rest
that my world revolves around a small area only...
the friends around, the things happening in the world,
the initial ambition and drive to learn more things slowly subside into the dark corners of my mind...
Nah...this shouldn't be happening...
i need to hurry get myself rested and start to plan for my future
and think about the REAL life that i want to lead and have
and work towards it...
a GOAL to keep me going and not lose myself...
or the friends around that i really treasure...
wish upon a star** 2:50 PM
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Sunday, February 21
I need a break...
a really good one so that i can stop and think
but i've come to a conclusion
that maybe
i have changed...
and i have neglected my friends around
during this period of time
and i don't like that
so many things are closing up that my performance just gets worst
i'm sorry for everything...
and i feel like this is not the best i can do
=(
maybe i need help?
wish upon a star** 1:41 AM
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Saturday, February 13
I am shock by how our own people behave...
when i went to Chinatown for reunion dinner on wed...
What is wrong with some Singaporeans??!!
GOSH
we wanted to buy bak kua and were deciding which flavor to choose
upon seeing a fresh bowl of samples put up on the table top,
this guy budge his way through and got his hands on it
while being kiasu, he knocked down the whole GLASS bowl
which fell onto the table where all the other bak kuas await to be purchased
i was SHOCK by what happened after that...
the guy just shrugged and say 'the table is too slippery...' and WALKED AWAY
HEY!!! whats wrong with you??
and the disappointment was the people behind continued to sample the others!
and after sampling, they just walked away!
where's everyone's manners...
what disappointed me even further
was the guy selling the bak kua...
he just took a cloth and sweep off those chunks of glass bits
and he continued to sell them without checking whether glass got into the bak kuas!
even those placed outside which most apparently would suffer from the glass shatter...
OH MY GOSH!
and its at Chinatown...where all the tourists would go!
whats WORST came after...
we passed this shop where a Caucasian guy was trying to get the shop keeper to approve of him filming....
the shop keeper didn't allow...and that is normal...
so the Caucasian guy tried to persuade in a polite manner
and what followed after was totally...RUDE!
the shop keeper of all words, chose 'F&*K you' to scold the tourist...
and i was like OMG!!!!
ok serve him right if he was beaten up...the Caucasian guy immediately changed his tone and challenged him...
HEY!!! what is wrong with our people?
Its the festive season and i got to see the worst side of our local people in a place saturated by tourists who are here to ENJOY and EXPERIENCE the culture of SINGAPORE!
RAR!!!
wish upon a star** 12:47 AM
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Thursday, February 4
COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWN!!!
=( i don't know why i'm feeling so restless...
@ work
I'm kinda stuck in between
neither here nor there
I see both side's struggle...
who are there to look after those who seldom come?
while everyone is busy, and i do see their stress and hardwork...
they tend to bury their heads into things and forget to take a look around
so for those who step in at that moment, they would not know what is happening
and when they ask around, its either those who are equally lost telling them they're lost too
or they are being overlooked by those people busy with their work
in a long run, those who are lost, remain lost
or worst, becomes frustrated and left out
while those who are busy doing their work, finds that they are over-stressed
and they don't see a solution in seeking others to help because its hard to explain the long list of whats going on...
for those caught in the middle like me
i'm hearing the woes and complains from those who are lost
and trying to help those loaded with work with little success because i'm not clear of the whole situation
and things get even more messy
when people like me who tried to help,
are not passed down with information updates hence unable to contact the appropriate people whom i'm supposed to correspond
and thus things turned out even messier...
E.g. updated schedules not informed
and because things are not done properly, those who are busy with work, gets more workload on their table...
the worst that could happen would be them getting irritable because you are supposed to be the one helping but instead, you did a bad job and gave them even more trouble
whats worst than that would be them, due to the immense stress they are under, closes their ears to your explanation and continue to bury their head in their work
so you, feeling immensely mistaken, gets frustrated with things
and when you offer to help again, you might not get any tasks because you failed to complete your previous assignment
you are once again, left in the middle, listening to the woes of those who are lost
and you see why they are feeling that way...
but when they seek for help with a problem, and you try to help them resolve it
you step back into busy workspace and tap on the shoulder of the busy person
and thus, increase their irritant level for you
hmmmm thats a very good example of how communication breakdown comes about...
so whats the solution?
get everyone to sit down and listen?
it takes a long while for both parties to see what the others are going at...
and even longer to seek a solution to the problem...
so unless there comes a day when everyone can gather and talk things out in an open manner
things would continue to be like this...
and the workplace continues to be a battle place...
*bless me
wish upon a star** 8:23 PM
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Sunday, January 24
I was shock
to see
that...
its very hurting
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Recent Updates!
My life revolves around working now
even on my off days
i'm just dying to spend it lying around my house
and do nothing
that itself is a blessing...
with lesser communication with friends who matters alot to me
misunderstandings, lost of trust, and distance resulted
working life really pulls people apart sometimes
the priorities, the schedule, the topic we talk about etc.
i thought there's an invisible connection that would always pull a group of friends together
but i feel like it is getting weaker
My initial thought was to blow up and rebut
but come to think of it, there's a reason behind how we're influenced to see the people around
Life has indeed changed
and i don't know how i can explain it here
taking a step back, i see how different our life path has taken
the trust is blurred by lots of guessing on what is going on in one another's life
and how different we've all become...
but at the end of the day,
i still treasure my group of friends who've accompanied me through the years
and if i don't seem to care that much recently,
i do think about everyone just that picking up the phone seems tougher than before
i am still scared of rollercoasters
and i'm trying very hard to challenge my fear
because this is within my work space....
in the past, i would not think of sitting one
its the same for now.
*sigh why am i finding it hard to explain myself nowadays?
its frustrating trying to get everyone to understand =(
wish upon a star** 12:23 AM
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Wednesday, January 6
Time passes by so quickly!
yea i haven't even got a chance to say HAPPY NEW YEAR!
its everyone's wish for the year to be happy
and i'm going to pray hard it would be...
1 year ago i'm still in Taiwan 2/3 through my attachment...
1 year ago i'm still a student
1 year ago i haven't join the western islander...
and now here i am, a graduate, full timer worker and started job in another company...
some things don't change though...
i still keep in contact with the bananas and treasure them even more
i still got my smelly armpit 'girlfriend' whom i trust and enjoy going out with
i still got the retards to do silly things and talk to
and last but not least, i still got my sister who never fail to make me =)
Recently, i started to wonder about my future...
I've passed the 20 mark and am closer to being 21
alot of people said your 20s go by very quickly
and i'm starting to worry for myself...
At work,
i'm starting to learn about work politics and see more sides to people around
i don't know how people would look at me
but right now, i'm still standing at a neutral point and do not believe in going to work wary of the rest...
since i've just started the new job, i also choose to trust what everyone is telling me and would start to filter out as times go by...
but i'm aware how words spread and go out of hand easily in the office...
and i dread a day when i might accidentally get involved in disputes
crossing my hand and hope for the best is the best thing i can do i guess...
One of my goal in every job would be to work with a passion and smile on the face
Work would get twice as tiring when everyone goes there for the sake of passing the day or just to earn the money...
anyway, i don't lose anything to be happy and might even make a day better for another person just by smiling at him or her right? Yes...for now i will keep that as my mentality
though i fear alot...of being backstabbed but there's nothing i could think of to stop that
there's so many things people could think about of u, of words, of everything
but i shall work with my conscience and avoid creating any misunderstanding
Then again, i do get quite frustrated with a self i portray to people...
i chose to work with an empty mind but regret letting people think that i'm stupid
i chose to speak without thinkin so much of the contents but regret sounding lame
i chose to put on a smile at work but regret appearing fake sometimes
and i hate it when people disregard me
or think lightly of my ability to be serious
i might appear friendly but i hate attracting unwanted attention
all i want is to go to work being happy, be nice to everyone, and hope everyone else do the same thing... is it that hard? i'm starting to think so...
On the other hand, is it so hard to find my boyfriend?
i want to stop attracting weird people into my life
WHERE ARE U??!!
=(
the cruel truth of the society can be seen though a rainbow telescope to make it less scary
wish upon a star** 9:34 AM
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Wednesday, December 16
=) = =( ='(
Its goodbye to my comfort zone
and shift to a new challenge in life
despite the longing to return
my new friends are nice
they are friendly
and super hyper
but despite all,
i'm still searching for a place i belong in the group
their unity reminds me of the past
where i belong to the western end family
and have grown familiar and relaxed enough to be myself
it is where i've grown used to and dependent on
changes have never been easy
been i hope in time to come, i will call upon my new friends
to become my '3rd family'
here came a point in life
where i'm so caught up getting used to change
that i realize i haven't been contacting much with the people dear to me...
forgive me my dear girlfriend
retards & bananas...
for though i miss them, and they're just a msg away,
but i've never found the initiative to contact them & tell em
'hello girls! i've thought about u and i hope u're fine!'
today, i'm pissed with myself
for being careless and over-confident
this is the pithole to ur downfall
and u so deserve it...
wish upon a star** 8:39 PM
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Sunday, December 13
I was standing inside a bakery when i witness this...
a little girl walked into a bakery and asked the staff at the counter
"excuse me! what could i get with $2?"
the lady at the counter replied
"it depends on what you would like to have"
little girl: 'oh...i only got $2 but i would like to get something for myself and my mummy'
at that moment in time...it just brings a smile to my face. How thoughtful of this little girl... i wonder how happy the mumy would be should she witness this...
many times, my sister offered to share her food or brought me things that she claim she bought for me...
and many times, i just muttered a thank u and waved her off saying that i'm busy...
but to come and think of it... maybe i should consider the effort and thoughts she put into remembering me
wish upon a star** 8:29 PM
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Sunday, December 6
I kind of missed life at 'the western end of the island'
although i only spent 8 months there
it became like a 2nd home for me
its not so much the work but the people who made life there so memorable...
Each and every person there is unique and special in their own ways
Opening and closing may be tiring but its fun when we're crapping all the way...
Operations may be mundane or stressful but its refreshing to see ur fellow friends waving and smiling at u every 15mins...
Pests may be irritating but it gave us a topic to complain about...
The feeling that i've left the place never really sinked in
once a fortian, u'll feel like defending it
even after leaving, when people ask me about the history of our war period
i'll point them towards the western end of the island
=) i doubt any fort-ians might see this but nevertheless,
this post is to thank them for making work so special
and i do miss everyone...
wish upon a star** 2:50 PM
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Traffic light
STOP
now, decide where to move from here
the cars at the back won't wait...
wrong road?
take a roundabout
it just takes a little longer
traffic makes u confused sometimes
a tad disappointed with u
wish upon a star** 2:29 PM
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