As the title states...in short it just mean I am officially unemployed! Yes, this is by far the most daring decision that I have done so far. I have resigned from the famous ~A..W..S~ job which I have been yearning for years. It has always been my dream to work for giant like A..W..S, G.o.o.gle or F.B. because of the global MNC exposure and established products. No doubt, it is a large MNC with products that I truly believe that works and will have lots of fun doing marketing for this big giant. Nevertheless, the higher the hope, the higher the disappointment. It turns out the job scope of the Program Manager role is totally not what I have expected and the company culture was utterly cold and silo. My role is just to ensure that the online conference go well with perfect recorded videos and coordinate with speakers, solutions architects on the content for each event. Seriously?!!! This is more like a conference producer or coordinator job bah?! Believe it or not, I have reviewed countless video which last 30min each over the last few weeks and I find it a total waste of time to catch background noise, masking of account details or unnecessary movement by the presenters. I believe this could be done by video editors and not program manager.
Over the 4 weeks spent there, there is not a single day that I feel happy or motivated to go to work. There is no one to greet you good morning in the morning or bye when we leave the office, there was absolutely no one to eat lunch with, no one to ask questions when I am in doubts and a super nasty peer who constantly pick on me. All these just add on to the frustrations working there, not just mismatch job scope, everything else failed and I really cried secretly a few times over the last few weeks. This is really not the life that I want to lead even though the package maybe much better than any other jobs out there. I asked myself everyday if I can hang on and just suck it up for the pay, the answer is "NO!" because I know my health is affected, my emotion is unstable and I am worried that I will go into depression being a work machine with zero emotion and zero friends at work. I have reached the extent of feeling nauseous for weeks since I was there because of the stress and insomnia that I get because of all the unreasonable deadlines given to me. C'mon, everyone needs time to learn and do things better, don't expect someone to fly when I am still learning to crawl, maybe my pace is simply too slow for them.
Maybe its just me, the others seems to be adapting well to such a cold environment and focus on just working non-stop (including skipping meals) and working 24/7 (including weekends). The super nasty colleague named P.L. is a super bitch who keep bad-mouthing me though she was suppose to guide me since she has been in the company for more than 2 years. She just acted really nice but always give sarcastic remarks and bugged me non-stop even on weekends for work updates. To be honest, she is NOT even my boss and she has no right to assign work to me at the rate she did. Every night 10pm send me emails to tell me to get things done by 10am the next day is so so so unreasonable. I know the event is nearing and a lot of things need to be done but she is the more experienced one and why should I take up so much of the workload though I am entirely new to the company??!! Puzzled...and the boss H.B. just barely speak to me for less than 1 hour per week to find out how am I copying without guiding me about the work that I am suppose to do as she is simply too busy for anything (including not even having a team welcome lunch). I don't fancy treats or what but I just feel that this entire company has no feeling and only focus on endless work and chasing numbers. I know this is NOT wrong but everyone is a human, spare a thought and build relationships for others (especially the newbies) are so important to help newbies to blend into the team. I think she totally missed the point of team management and focus only on getting work done timely. There are million times she told me that she has to deliver the work on time no matter what it takes.
If you ask me, I feel so at peace when I passed my resignation letter to the boss. She wasn't expecting it but she has been telling me all the negative remarks from the team, mostly from P.L. (the nasty bitch). I seriously don't understand why I can screw up so badly with human relationship when I am always neutral or friendly in any work environment. I think this company culture really don't suit me well bah. I tried to ask colleagues for lunch but they refused because too busy or have meetings during lunch. Seriously....can't they take good care of their health than just work endlessly? It kept me thinking...so what if I earn a lot of money in this job but my health is entirely destroyed? It will probably shorten my live span by 10 years if I work 1 year in such company. So my conclusion is: Not worth it! Don't waste time anymore, move on for better job! And thus I ended my short 1 month stint with the famous A company. Nothing is more important than my health and happiness now, just need to have a job to sustain my simple life, though I shop online quite a bit but not to the extend of extravagant and branded stuff.
I am telling myself everyday to stay positive for next better job opportunity, though it is scary to be jobless which equate to zero income. I do feel more relax and no one bugging me non-stop for deadlines and deliverables. I have finally got a well-rested weekend after 4 weeks in the A company, honestly didn't had any good sleep in the last 4 weeks and always wake up at 3 or 4am thinking of work. How terrible right?! I am so sure that this is not the life that I want to lead no matter how good is the package. Get a life!
The jobless worry is real but I know as long as I keep trying and be thick skin to ask friends to refer suitable job, I think I should be able to find a job in the next 2-3 months. Keeping my finger crossed! *Praying hard for a good job with positive culture* because I really want to stay in the next job for good few years. Its getting so hard to adapt to a new job, new workplace and new people as we get older, its the truth that no one can deny.
Meanwhile, I should probably think of a short trip getaway to recharge myself for better things happening ahead! *cheaper options since don't know how long I gonna be jobless*.
Psst...This is my FIRST post in 2019, I seriously don't know what I have been busy with all these months. I guess I am hitting my mid-life crisis at age 37 this year, praying that all will be well very soon. Keep me in your prayers pls, thank you friends! Hope to start writing more often to keep my life documented, maybe will be a good reference for friends who miss me when I am gone next time. LOL. Ciao!
