Friday, June 27, 2008

The one thing that irks me the most with blogging, or rather I prefer to call it writing in my online journal is how a single misplaced finger can cause you to lose an entire entry.

The effort of processing the thoughts into written literature. The flow, the mood, the words specially chosen to bring forth all that was so thoughtfully planned and executed.

But, a careless moment in between thoughts or when you're caught up in the moment of thought, words flowing through your mind, fingers dashing across the keyboard in a mad rush to catch up. Then all too suddenly, poof.. and it refreshes.

All those words, lost, spent like energy depleted after engaging in a mindless heat of passion. And all that is left, is just emptiness, this hollow that remains because there is no way back.

This literature is akin to that of time.. it cannot be turned back.. impossible to relive the moment, with only a vague illusion of memories to hold on to. Just like a fleeting dream, it vanishes when you wake.

P.S What is wrong with me? Why can't I pen an entry just like others. It's too complicated to be simple.

tInkerdOll

Friday, June 27, 2008

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Friday, July 20, 2007

Alright! In about 5 hours i'll be headed to the airport for my mini birthday vacation/ independence trip/ romantic getaway. I felt that today would be a good time to break my writing drought and reflect on my life like most people do.

I can't help but feel the pinch as I witness the increase in numbers of my age. It feels like my youth is slowly but surely leaking away from me into the past, forever out of reach. I remember the days when I anticipated the arrival of the twenties, willing it to arrive almost immediately....until, it actually did.

I had fantasied a world of immense freedom and change, where I would cross over the threshold and become an adult. Oh how I loved the sound of that. Young adult. Independent and raring to go. Boundless energy with great ambitions.

But then, even as the clock ticked past midnight, I sat and felt exactly the same way as 11.59. I was disappointed to say the least. My false hopes dashed and numbed my excitement. I was now a young adult who was just as clueless about life as when I was a heady teenager. Except now, I did not have youth to hide my indecisiveness.

Where were my ambitions, my burning passion for life, to make a difference in the world. To become someone significant, someone who would be remembered in the history books.

I was overcome with a fear, the fear of falling into place, conforming and just accepting my place. A tool in the well oiled mechanisms of society.

And I have realised that with freedom and independence, comes a responsibility, a risky adventure where every action must be carefully thought out...

Anyway, my point is, I feel age creeping up onto me, even though I do not feel any different from when i was 19. The truth is I am already 23 and it's really freaking me out!!!

I might just have to wait till 30 before I find myself!

I guess...Happy Birthdays are in order.


On a sidenote...I'm really excited about my trip! Haha...so suaku!

tInkerdOll

Friday, July 20, 2007

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Wednesday, February 28, 2007

It has been some time since my last update, as usual, i wouldn't try to find excuses or give reasons. Updating is done on a whim and mostly lost when my attention shifts to another object/topic.

I feel like I have lost touch with the outside world, all the upbeat action packed lifestyle i used to lead has mellowed down considerably to just mere attendance at lectures at SIM. I barely have any friends there, mostly isolating myself in my corner, attentively taking down notes.

Initially, i thought this would be a good way of reducing the distractions during lecture however, it does get awfully lonely at times. I bet, my lecture mates must have noticed this weirdo and gossiped about me. Then again, it might just be paranoia or excessive daydreaming.

I guess i could always make friend next year, join an activity group or two. However, i hope that this would not affect the ability to concentrate on school work. Must focus on my core competency you know! ( haha.. an inside stacie joke)

Yes, I have resorted to making funny jokes with myself. At least, i know that my jokes will always be understood and not replied with... so lame.

Chinese New Year was nice, we had a decent amount of gatherings for once, met up with my cousins for some quality catch up and a night of fellowship with friends. Aaron won 129 from blackjack, his luck was simply unbelievable. And so, breakfast was on him, to lessen the pain from the money lost.

I have always tried to maintain proper sentence structure for my blog but the words and thoughts do not always fall in line. Therefore, i am, giving up on that aspect, conformity ruins all motivation to write and disrupts my train of thought.

I will just ramble on to eternity, who cares if no one understands. Afterall, i managed to live through my first year of uni alone. I am strong. HAH

oh yes, Dreamgirls was quite good, the solos and the clothes, Beyonce looks pretty much like herself though. I loved pursuit of happyness, the title of the show actually had my internal spell check going hey they spelled happiness wrongly. But they elaborated on that point in the show so i'm appeased. Ghostrider was a joke. i think they used ctrl c and v on the scripts and cheat codes on the fight scenes. How else to explain the cheesy cliche lines and the 2 sec fight scenes.

I'm a movie fanatic.

I like ugly betty and prison break and gilmore girls and soon heroes... too incoherent thoughts... my bf is flying his picco-z heli over my head and the buzz is making me dizzy....

ok LA! ciao..

no inspirational afternote. I love battlefield. me am a medic!

tInkerdOll

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

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Friday, October 06, 2006

Hello, I back from oblivion, it has been ages since my last update and since then, even I have not visited my stagnant blog. Many a time, I logged in wanting to update to spice things up however, each time ended with me procrastinating.

Life has indeed gone on quite a bit, with school commencing at SIM, pursuing a degree in Business with UOL (Uni of London). My days are kept busy with attending classes and attempting to keep fit. Swimming and playing golf (newbie) are my hobbies as of now.

The major happening thus far has been a collision when I went go-karting with Lionel, Ke and his friends. Thinking back, I am indeed fortunate to escape relatively unscathed with mainly burns and abrasions as a lesson and reminder. A reminder that I am by no means a pro racer more of a wannabe.

The story is, I was attempting to overtake a friend, Karl when we approached the bend. Unable to slow down in time, my kart collided with his, wheel upon wheel and me being the light feathered one flew up and out together with kart. I did a flip in mid air landing on my left side when the bucket seat of my kart came crashing down hitting the side of my back thus pushing me further along the gravel ground.

Needless to say, I sustained numerous injuries

.

The cleansing of the wounds brought upon indescribable pain but what hurt most was the sight of my brother and boyfriend faces of worry as they attended to the wounds. It was a bizarre moment, but I felt loved and safe, and I knew then that no matter how serious my injuries may be, I would persevere and fight on.

At that point of time, we were unable to determine whether there was any internal injuries and to make matters worse, we were in Malaysia, far from home. The drive back through the customs took approximately 3 hours but felt like an eternity. I felt like I was burning in a fire and every jolt of the car made contact between my wounds and the seat, intensifying the pain. My back also had a numbing pain from the impact of the bucket seat.

Many a time, I wanted to breakdown and weep or just settle comfortably to take a nap. However, having seen too many movies just brought on the phobia of falling asleep seeing that the people actually slipped into a coma soon after. Thus, to take my mind off the drowsiness and pain, I resorted to squeezing my forefinger in intervals of 5 minutes.

Time never seemed to pass by as slowly as then, stretching to what felt like an eternity.

Thankfully, I made it to the hospital in one piece and with the doctor’s consultation, relieved to find out that I only sustained superficial injuries.

So, that is my big story to tell.

As with all big incidents, there is always a moral at the end, a self discovery to help change and make life a better one.

I learned that no matter how cliché sayings of ‘Life being short’, ‘Treasure what you have’, ‘Living life to the fullest’ is, it always hits the hardest when something does happen to you.

Thus, I am grateful to have a great family with wonderful parents and a brilliant brother, truly my partner in crime growing up. Many lovable and interesting relatives who add that much spark into my life.

Fantastic friends who create a diverse and colourful atmosphere of which I thrive in. Humans are social creatures!

And last but not the least, my boyfriend, the love of my life, Kevin Wee. Thank you for accepting me through and through with all my quirkiness, mood swings and incessant chatter and indulging in my requests. Obviously, you know that I have many good qualities …Ahahaha… like being your devoted girlfriend. =)

Love you many… all of you!

I’ll be back again… soon. =)

tInkerdOll

Friday, October 06, 2006

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Tuesday, May 23, 2006

tInkerdOll

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

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Tuesday, May 02, 2006

I'm in so much pain now, it is not even remotely funny.

I recently had my wisdom tooth extracted as it was giving me gum problems because of the way it is positioned. Therefore, infections set in resulting in the most unbearable pain imaginable.

Pain when I eat, talk, swallow and basically any other mouth involving functions. It was a miserable 5 days, until I could not tolerate it any further, practically begging my mum to arrange an appointment with the dentist to get the darn tooth out.

I was prepared to go for it and get rid of the root of all EVIL once and for all.

However, seeing that my appointment was arranged in a haste, the dentist could only spare enough time for a check up and to issue me some medicine. Therefore, the date to extract my tooth was scheduled for the following week. Truthfully, I was elated at not having to extract my tooth that day (given my phobia of visits to the dentist).

The build up to the dreaded day was filled with I want to eat the best food I can find, quick quick let's go before I cannot eat for quite some time again.

My parents accompanied me down to the clinic for the actual operation seeing that they needed to attend to the bills and also to provide me moral support and a ride home.

To put it simply, I was nerve wrecked. Luckily, I had a nice dentist who made small talk and assured me ever so often on how he would be gentle. I was somewhat comforted by that however nothing could ease the tension completely away.

The operation proceded smoothly amidst lots of clenched fingers, concentations on deep breathing and futile attempts at communication in response to the dentist. It was quite a comical experience though, sounding more like gurgled acknowlegments.

- Tense moments were when the sucking pipe was first placed in the mouth. It landed quite unfortunately at the tip of the oesophagus and I almost thought I would run out of air.
- The various objects which were placed in my mouth during the operation. All the movement and the noise was scary.

- The constant tugging of the tooth. It was kind of weird, feeling the pulls but not actually feeling the sensations due to the local anaesthetic.

I was flooded with relief at the end of the entire operation. Got a little too hyped up that the dentist got worried that I might not be mentally prepared for the pain to come. Kept reminding me about the swell that would make me look like a chipmunk. -bleah-

Never did I know that the worse was yet to come.

I managed to have my last painless dinner with the remaining effects of the anaesthetic.

Thinking I could outsmart the pain by taking the medication before was just wishful thinking on my part.

I was simply overwhelmed by the intense pain that followed suit, it was incruciating and terribly unbearable. I could not find a comfortable position to rest, be it; lying , sitting, squatting or putting my head in my hands. Tears flowed in a desperate attempt to relieve the tension in my head.

So for the ensuing days, I was struck down with fever and stomach aches not to mention that funky taste in my mouth. Terribly vomit inducing. Coupled with the incredible bulge...on my face. Kind of how I would look like if I put on too many kilos.

Now, it's the 5th day since my operation and the swell has gone down considerably but the funky taste is there and the blood that I used tissue to wipe out has this incredibly stink to it. Like it is rotten or something.

My cheek hurts terribly and so does my gum, I guess from clamping down on the numerous tissues to soak up the foul tasting and smelling blood. It really is not much, just that I cannot withstand anymore of the taste.

Research online has given me reason to suspect that it might be infected. (Please NO!) And so, I would have to check with my dentist on this aspect and hopefully he can help me find a way to get rid of the pain and return me back to my former health 'painless' status.

I'm just really worried and paranoid now. The medication doesn't help much and all this is causing me to feel depressed. I do not like to be confined within 4 walls and I hate feeling sick.

So hope that all goes well for me. Sigh, that all said and done, I have another wisdom tooth that i MUST extract, Oh boy...I think the entire chair is going to shake from the tension and quivers in my body the next time.

Help! I do not think I can undergo another likewise ordeal. It is driving me crazy. Don't they have magic potions to just make those darn wisdom teeth disappear? They serve no purpose and mainly are there to cause pain and suffering and to place ka-ching in the pockets of dentists.

It is at times like this that I truly wonder whether God is a prankster.

tInkerdOll

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

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Friday, March 31, 2006

whatzup!!....

Life's been good and getting gradually better, especially since I have managed to stop working at my gelato place. Finally, freedom is restored and with that the opportunity to do what I will.

However, the top priority of cleaning my room has sadly not been accomplished, probably because I keep relinquishing its top spot with other more pressing stuff. Such as... sleeping, watching television programmes, eating and mostly just hanging out with Ke.

School's starting soon, yet again, which places me back on track with my life enroute to attaining a degree that is essential to a high paying job. Hopefully, I will persevere this time and achieve good grades. A goal now would be to graduate with honours.

...

I attended TPSU's dnd recently, paying a sum of $53 for the very first time. Although I was initially quite reluctant with that much needed cash, I decided upon going seeing that they needed my support. Besides, I could use that opportunity to catch up with the friends of old. =)

It was a rightful decision... besides getting down way too early, standing around in my painful heels, suffering from hunger and barely feeling like I belong. However, the program was pretty entertaining, the decor nice and well... it served as a good memory of the good old times.
Would have been great to win some prizes though...boo.

The trip to MOS was nothing much to shout about other than the company, I was pretty tired by then so Ke came to get me and we headed for some supper at Coffee Club. Cabonara never tasted better... hmmm YUM.

And yes! Today is his birthday... a quarter of a century old. Sharing the same birth day as my grand aunt, which brings about some inconveniences in the actual celebration part. However, we worked the chinks out of that and now we're raving to go.

He is an adorable and MANLY guy. Never fails to make my heart thump...

Happy birthday darling, I Love You.

Some amusing ante dotes...
Cie: Miss you loads whenever we're apart... Why is that so?
Ke: Well, I suppose it's because when we're not together, a part of me is missing. You've like my other half now, so I'm only half when you're not here. So you can just call me Kev.
Cie: *amidst laughter* Hmmm, so if you're Kev, then I must be In. Then together we are Kevin.
...gosh how lame we can get sometimes, so corny, cheesy and all things that will make you grimace. But how convos like this make my heart flutter.

Today will always be the day I fall in love with you....

because I fall in love with you every single day.

tInkerdOll

Friday, March 31, 2006

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Tuesday, February 07, 2006

mumbo jumbo;,.


Life has been good to me this dog year. Although, luck was a tad wishy washy on my side during CNY. Lost close to a hundred to the Songs but managed to recoup some from cousins and a Wee.

I still am working over at Estivo, doing my thang, selling the ice cream, coffee yada yada. A rather mundane lifestyle I must admit. Although, it has provided me with the cash but then there is still something lacking.

I yearn for some excitement, something akin to those events I used to organise in school. The meetings, the plannings and all the gossip. Most importantly, the lead up to the event and finally the actual event itself. The adrenaline rush, the lack of sleep and all the fun filled crazy antics.

I have tried explaining my case to those who question my dedication for these student union stuff. But as much as I manage to say, they are unconvinced as to why I would prefer slogging for months for a single event or staying in school to prepare for one.

I have managed to single out my one main motivating factor, which would be my passion for it. To have an event that can reach out to many, touch their lives and ultimately bring a smile to their face, to serve as a memory for life.

This aside, things with Ke are good. Although fear tends to trip me, as humans tend to be paranoid when faced with a situation too wholesome. And human, I definitely am. The tendency to read into tensions that do not exist and the pitter pattering of the heart suddenly brought about by minute details. Things that I wouldn't have given two hoots about otherwise.

I guess this is all part and parcel of being in a relationship and giving your heart to another. You surrender yourself into what could be a mine field and all that lifts you up, preventing your heart to be smashed is the trust that you share.

You are given the opportunity to discover facets of yourself you never knew existed and also to experience the emotions and living is all about. Because of him, you live.

Love is...

tInkerdOll

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

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Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Solitary wanderer.

My friend, Yasin once asked me whether working at Estivo created opportunities allowing me to think. To mule over the facts of life, discover the ideals that you support and ultimately have a conversation with yourself.

Initially, I responded with a negative as I normally surfed the internet or indulged in my reading. However, now upon deeper reflection, I realised that, yes, I do think a lot during my shift.

I am given sufficient time to mull over my thoughts and reach a decision as to how I actually feel towards various and specific issues. This plays an important role in the development of character and personal opinion.

I am not very much of an independent person in the sense of being able to just go around roaming the streets, shopping, eating or catching a movie by myself. I somehow feel a sense of insecurity doing these things without a companion, someone to share my ideas over random thoughts that pop up. The fact that I also find people who eat alone looking quite pitiful does not help to strengthen my resolve in wandering around solo.

And yet, this is another barrier that I need to overcome. It is similar to the moral that movies like to emphasize on, your greatest enemy is yourself. Very true, indeed. Of all the secrets you have, how many can you actually hide from yourself?

With this battle insight, I have on occasion wandered the streets alone to overcome the fear and pardon this cliché, to be comfortable in my own skin. Initially, it was a little too overwhelming, which led to a bit of self talk that proved to be a tad embarrassing when others overheard.

But gradually, after several attempts, I found the experience to be pretty liberating, to make decisions without needing to consult with another, to not feel apologetic for wanting to linger in certain sections that might prove to be a bore otherwise.

It was just what I needed. A little time to rewind and just be me. No pretense or the need to please.

It seems like work does have a good side.

Although, I would not give up hanging out with people any time, just that now, whenever I feel like I’m being squashed to a corner and the struggle to be me is increasingly difficult, I can always have a day all to myself.

To rewind, relax and just be.

tInkerdOll

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

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underestimating Ulcers

I officially hate prawns, tiger prawns to be exact.
I hate allergies.
I hate ulcers! Especially those that lodge themselves at the edge of your tongue towards the back of the mouth.

Eating is totally over rated just like how we cannot underestimate the pain resulting from ulcers.

I love Bonjela.
I hate it when its effect wears out so fast and the chicken shitt me who does not dare to use more than the reccommended dosage. Blardy hell.

All this is making me increasingly grumpy. Argh. Help me someone...

-think- every cloud has a silver lining

But, damn what I would give to eat! Chew without any regard of which side of my mouth I am actually using. Swallowing my food without grimacing and kissing without ... eh that worked out fine... *blush*

Boy oh boy, am I going to slim down.

tInkerdOll

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

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Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Jerkar*e

You never truly understand the full impact of the word until you experience it firsthand.

There are some people who do not bother about the well-being of others because by some some twisted perception they think the world revolves around them. They, the axis to this planet Earth. Oh... how mighty, everyone let's kowtow to the Majesties!

Majesties my foot!

Customers of such category are even more obtusive. They demand excellent service, the instant money exchanges hands. Obviously (not to them somehow or another), when there are other customers and only ONE staff at hand, this equation does not exist. Simply because the ratio is skewed.

Therefore, taking this into light and exercising some common sense (which is basically what separates humans from animals) and if not that then a little courtesy, time should be added into the equation.

Time to make the drinks, time to serve the other customers. The bottom line is that, time is needed!

At the end of the day, if it is too much for you to wait for your designated servant to serve you, kindly bestow your golden smile when you request for your money to be refunded. Make it out like a demand and you basically have no manners. Perhaps just a tad similar to the animal kingdom.

If you still are confused as to why you cannot demand that instant service seeing that many have the mentality of I paid, I am King. Take a second to consider how You would feel in the shoes of a service staff.

Afterall, with Singapore's latest courtesy campaign, Customers help make service better. The golden rule of customers are always right is passe, long gone in an ancient era.

The fact that such campaigns are needed is indeed something to laugh about, because it is apparent to all that we truly have no courtesy instilled in us from the start. To need to have the government to remind and educate values like this is ridiculous and really humilating.

However, imagine a world without this reminders, manners would be atrocious. Wars would commence because of such tempers and single mindedness. Until a basic courtesy is instilled in each and every one from birth, the notion of world peace is a distant thought, reduced to a customary mention at beauty pageants.

Ladies and gentlemen, please mind your Ps and Qs.

tInkerdOll

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

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Wednesday, January 18, 2006

I Love You.

Remember the first time you felt your stomach flutter and heart pounding as emotions swell, threatening to erupt in a loud declaration of love.

That's how it is these days, all the times i spend with Ke.

He's adorably sweet and extremely sporting. Everytime some weirdass idea pops into my head and I'll demand that he should fufil it on the sport. I suppose he has sorta gotten used to my wacky and rather cranky ways.

Examples of which would be:
(Just after catching King Kong which I felt was a great action show)
S: You're my very own King Kong. Quick thump your chest and roar!
K: (just stares at me with a look of bemusement on his face) No....
S: Okay, just roar then (I start thumping his chest for him) .
K: roarrrrrr

...and we both burst out laughing.

The most recent stunt we are up to currently is getting him to say Hello in his sexiest voice. Of which he retorts with a grunt and some reluctance before saying hello many times in different tones.

Hilarious... He makes me laugh like no other. =)

tInkerdOll

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

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