Is it summer or Hades?

Here it is Sunday again and I realized I did not do my weigh in post last week. I did weigh, just forgot to post it.

Last week was 167.1 (same as the week before)

This week was 165.7

Definitely still going the right direction. 

Had a little scare last week though. We were at the grocery store and I started feeling really bad. I wound up leaving in an ambulance and coming home with a diagnosis of pericarditis. And the treatment for this? NSAIDS. So I have been put on pain pills and told to ride it out unless it gets worse and they will "take other measures."  So, fun times. 

I did find a RTD shake I love. I got it at GNC and it is their line called Total Lean. They are 130 calories for 25g of protein. I haven't tried the powder yet, but I bought some single serve samples. So far in the RTD, I have had the vanilla bean and the strawberry. I think I like the strawberry one better, it kinda of tastes like nestles strawberry milk. I also have a chocolate one to try later today. The vanilla powder will be fun for mix-ins for variety.

They also have a line of protein bars. They are typically 170 calories for 15g of protein. They are pretty good and are filling. They are nice to keep in my purse for times that I need to eat and fast food might be my only option. So far I have had the chocolate peanut butter one and really liked it.

Yesterday, it got over 100 degrees and everyone was miserable. It's gonna be another scorcher here today so we might go swimming or to the movies. Not sure which yet, since I am the only one awake.

Try and keep cool and drink lots of water! 

What's Your Tell?

When I first started my journey, one of the things we discussed in classes was your "tell." This is supposed to tell you when you need to stop eating. They told us that everyone has at least one and we need to learn what it is. At first, I didn't have one that I could discern. Here lately though, I have noticed when it's time to stop, my nose will run. That is my "soft tell." If I keep going, I get the hiccups. And they are painful ones. The kind that seem to collapse your throat and then make you cough. These are my "hard tell." If I don't stop then, it just all comes back up.( I guess that would be the "I told you so, tell")

This can be a problem if you eat fast. You can out-eat your tells. By the time your brain recognizes the first tell, you can be well on your way to the second. And when you eat mindlessly, you may not ever actually recognize the tell.

Mindless eating is my biggest problem. When I sit down to a meal, I eat like a rockstar. But when I am not thinking about it, I can really do some damage. Especially when I am driving. I am stuck in traffic about 1.5 hours a day (round trip) and if I have any kind of finger food in the car, it won't make it to my house. And outside of that "zone" I am aware of the temptation and lack of will power I have. But once I start, I keep going. And when I finish,  I have these feelings of guilt. I know better and should stop even buying whatever it is (cookies,popcorn or crackers usually).

So, what is your tell? How do you deal with the mindless snacking?

Off to a good start.

I didn't forget to weigh in yesterday, I just didn't have to time to post. So drum roll.....

Last week was 169.4

This week, 167.1

I'll take it. 

I am looking forward to next week.  :)

Good or Bad.

I am reading a book called "But I Deserve This Chocolate!: The Fifty Most Common Diet De-railing Excuses and How To Outwit Them" by Susan Albers. She also wrote a book called "Mindful Eating." She has some very good insights into recognizing triggers. I have almost all of her books and the workbook. I find her ideology very interesting and it speaks to me. It might speak to someone else and I hope you will find it interesting.

One idea is that you are not bad, the food is not bad. How we react to it, and with it, is where the work needs to be done. For example, when you drive around a corner and your car sputters, does that mean you are a bad driver or bad car owner? Does that mean the car is bad and you should swear off cars forever and ever amen? No, it simply means that you need to recognize that there is a problem and find out what needs to be done to correct it. 

I think I have shared this story before, but it was a long time ago and I can't remember if I did. So here goes. I was abused as a child, I was an only child and did not really have social skills. Truth be told, I still don't really. I am perfectly fine by myself and tend to be really quiet around other people. But as a kid, I just wanted to have friends. I had been drilled into my head that I was stupid, bad, fat, worthless and no one would ever "really" like me. And I believed it. Combine that with the instinctual desire a child has to protect the abusive parent or parents, because you know you deserved it, and you get a child who just cannot relate on a normal functional level. At the same time, I was at home by myself a lot and my mother would bring home cases of candy bars. So I started eating to feel better, giving them away so other kids would like me and using food as a social skill. I was in third grade at the time. Food became my companion. When I am happy, I want to share it with my friend food. When I am sad, I want to share my sorrows with a big bag of popcorn or chips.  The issue is much like the car. The food itself is not good or bad. But if I don't address the issue, it will have bad consequences. 

A big weight I carried was my dad dying. He died almost twelve years ago and I have just recently forgiven myself for being happy he is gone. My mom has lived with us since he died and has not once even tried to see my point of view regarding the past. She doesn't remember those things. Thing is, she doesn't have to. It won't make things go away. I no longer need her validation, I need my own. 

And you need your own. A quote I heard recently opened my eyes and took the pressure to impress off.  That was "It's none of your business what people think of you." I love that. You can proudly fly your very own freak flag and not have to worry if someone thinks you are strange.

Reconditioning

Hello again, I am going to give this ANOTHER shot. I have fallen to the wayside in a big way and need to kick my own backside and get busy.

So, here goes.

Confession time. I have been gaining weight, rapidly. I have gained almost 20 lbs since we went to Chicago. And that is not a good trend. I keep toying with the idea of putting a stop to it. By toying, I mean that I have thought about it, dismissed it and kept going. The last few days I have been seriously taking inventory of what it is that I need.

At first, as we all know, the weight came off like butter. And I thought to myself that it was "easy" and I would deal with other issues as they popped up. Only, I didn't. I dismissed the issues and chalked it up to "I deserve this popcorn, or this cookie or all of these cookies." And the issues kept coming up and coming up. So, I am not recommitting. Instead, I am learning how to recondition. I am going to educate myself and learn to recognize my triggers and meet them head on. I am going to learn how to eat mindfully, instead of what I can eat the most of with my smaller stomach.

I have had a huge shift here lately. I am letting go of anger that I don't know that I fully even understood. I have decided that I am going to be a happy person. With so many people living in our house and with it being a somewhat toxic environment at times, I need to embrace my own values and attitude and not react to their attitudes and values. We are all on different paths even if we are on the same journey. And this is where I need to quit blaming them for trampling mud on my path. I need to see that mud and then power wash it out of my way, I got places to go.

Things have to be done with more food based choices rather than thinking I can run it off. I have found out I can no longer run and might have to have spinal surgery. Turns out, the back pain I have been begging them to take seriously for a while now instead of just throwing Vicodin at me is caused by three grape size cysts that are pressing into my spinal cord.

So I chose Sundays as my weigh in day. I will post my weight here. I need to know that I have to tell someone, and that accountability might help me make better choices for me.

And thanks to Lap Band Gal for the nudge to post today!

ETA...I said Sundays would be weigh in day and then proceeded to forget to put my weight! DUH!!!

So, today's weight is 169.4   :o(

It will be better next week.

What day is it?

So my business is taking off. I have one client. He owns three businesses. So I guess I have three clients and one person who pays me. Either way it's awesome. I will be glad when I get enough clients that I can fully quit at my full time job. I am dropping at least one day so that will help. And then my part time job for tax season will be ending soon. I am not actually looking forward to that. I like working there. I did decide I am not going back next year, I am going to just add that service to my business. I won't do many and the ones I will do will be the easier ones. I will work up to the harder ones. My ultimate goal is to be an Enrolled Agent and Full Charge bookkeeper. I am doing full charge bookkeeping now, so I am getting there.

I am pretty much stalled at 160. Not that I am happy with it, but I am just not making good choices right now. I am working back into better choices and will keep working on it.

We did the color run last week. Funny thing is I thought of this 5k as a nice break from work and I got the rest of the afternoon off. Woot!!! I am even looking forward to going to the dentist tomorrow. Yeah, I need a break so badly that the dentist is a welcome respite. Not that life is unpleasant, I just need to stare blankly for a while.

I am also taking classes in accounting. I would love to work up to getting my masters in accounting, but that is a ways off.

Anyway, that's life as I know it right now. I am going to finish my koolaid and dragonberry rum drink (don't judge, you think the koolaid man was sober? He was way to happy and walked through freakin walls!) and call it a night.

Flyin by

So at the moment, I am working two jobs. 8:30-5 Mon-Fri and then 6-9pm on Tues, Wed and Friday and 9-5 Sat and Sun. I am loving the tax prep job and can't wait to get out and do it on my own.

I have decided I am going to start my own bookkeeping business. I am all registered with state, county and city. I have all the licensing in place, ordered my cards, have a client and guess what I don't have. My website working. Oops. I had talked to someone who was going to do it for me in exchange for me doing her taxes, but then she figured out that between work, school and a hubby she just doesn't have time. Which I TOTALLY get. But.....now I am in a panic. I have ordered a direct mail list of advertisement and it goes out March 2nd. I have a website that says my business name and

Nothing Found

Sorry, what you are looking for isn't here.

This is not good and I know NOTHING about websites. So, now I get to try and teach myself in my offtime real quick. Yay.

Other than minor hiccups, life is great. I passed the notary exam and just have to wait for my commission to start.  :)

I had re-gained a little bit, was back up in 8 and 10s, but between two jobs, 24-7 stress and a brief bout of noralvirus. I am back down in 6-8s now. 

I am sure there was other stuff I was gonna say, but danged if I remember what it was!!!