December will always come.

" Baby, you light up my world like nobody else. "

Well, I haven't been blogging like I promised, have I? Haha. I promise I'll try harder. Blogging isn't really a trouble or hassle to me it's just that, I want to blog whats interesting. Maybe, stuff that can stir up my reader's hearts? Basically, something that people can relate to and make them think. So forward into this venture of my diary! As what my previous post had said, my boyfriend is currently in the Army. About a few days ago, he texted me saying that after his national service blows over, he'd like to marry me. In my perspective, marriage isn't excatly growing up, getting laid and getting a family started. It's that bond of trust, promising someone that you'd take care of her, in sickness or in health, wealthy or poor. He's promising me all that, who wouldn't be touched? But still, I'd have to think over this. I do not want to be a person that controls his life, I'd like to give him as much freedom as possible without me being jealous at all. Every girl would have the right to be jealous, if she doesn't well, you'd better check with her if she still loves you. Haha. This is an interesting topic, marriage.. Hmm.. as much as I love the idea of it, I really just want to think over again, I know i'm able to promise all the vows but, will I really do it in the future?

You know, they say that the hardest part of being married is the first two years of it, anything could happen. I wouldn't mind living in a small rented apartment/HDB with just the two of us. I'd like to happy with the person I love. But, doing all those, you wouldn't really need marriage now would you? So maybe.. just maybe, I'd do that in two years. I'll get married to him when the time is right or something. Moving on! You see that picture above? It's my christmas gift to him, what is it you may ask. It's his favorite clothing brand, CLOTinc. You may Google the brand, it's a brand thats mainly based in Hong Kong, Taiwan and Malaysia. I had to order the shirt from China directly. Which isn't much of a hassle but the T-Shirt cost about $120 Singapore Dollars. Right now, you might be saying "Woah, oh my god. Stacey thats expensive". Well, the thing is, is that CLOT sells stuff in a unique way, it's limited edition and the stuff sells fast. The shirt is also a collaboration with Disney and as well as Madasaki Egra. Haha, I bet now you're all like "Madasai-what?". If you don't know him Google. The internet is there for something you know!

I took this picture of the moon awhile back, during the lunar eclipse. I'm very proud of this photo. Haha. I especially love the song "Talking to the Moon" by Bruno Mars, it has really deep meaning. You really should try listening to the song. I didn't really intend on blogging about the moon, I just wanted to show you guys. So, thats it. Off I go now! Haha.

With Love,
Stacey ♥ 

Maybe.. a new beginning, perhaps?

Remember how most of us used blogs to express our feelings? How afterwards we'd feel that sense of relief once we've let it all out? I think.. today, I might try it. You see, my boyfriend is going to do is National Service tomorrow, he'll be gone for two weeks. I know, you might say two weeks isn't long at all.. but, we've been seeing each other everyday, sleeping with each other side-by-side, lying on his arms. It been a year and four months we've been together. You might call me young and tell me that I wouldn't know what love is like.. but, you see. I have been with different guys ever since the age of 12, I got hurt, I fell down, I got up, I found a new guy and all of this became a cycle, I wasn't used to being alone. It's not that I needed a boyfriend in the beginning, but rather, someone who's just there for me to cry on. I've been brought up from a family that's constantly fighting, arguing, maybe sometimes, comparing. I didn't have that love I've always yearned from my parents thus, leading me to go astray for a few years of my life. In that few years of life that I had, I've began being sexual in a term? I wasn't sexual at all at the beginning but somehow, curiosity just got a hold of me. I didn't have sex till I was forced to, at the age of 14. I regretted it badly, I cried for weeks after he left. At that time afterall, I didn't know what love really was. After this guy, I met this kid who lied about his age in the beginning, he was nice and everything. We went out for about 11 months, and around the 3rd month of out relationship, he changed, he wouldn't let me love him at all, he kept shunning me, pushing me away.

Feeling sad, I called out to the guy (who is currently now my boyfriend) to make me feel better, to talk to me. We started talking and everything, he kept dropping little hints at me saying stuff like, "If I was your boyfriend, I'd definitely treat you better." and you know what? He did. He fulfilled his promise. He wasn't exactly a boyfriend to me. He wasn't exactly, 100% a lover to me at all, he's best friend. Which guy would lie down beside you, look at you and cry together? Maybe even sing together? or even laugh at stupid trivial matters. Needless to say, he's the best. The guy that I'd like to marry, the guy that I would not like to leave behind. He may be clingy sometimes and all but I guess that's a good part of him. He's lovely, full of surprises. He may be gone for two weeks starting as of tomorrow but, he wont be there to lie beside me and do all of those stuff. He wont be there to make me smile repeatedly for two weeks. I'll miss him, I'll really do. You were mine, ever since 24th August 2010. You're awesome, you're really sweet. Please stay this way, forever making me happy.

I love you, Aason Ong.

With Love,
Stacey ♥ 

Tumblr Inspirations

" Have you ever seen something on Tumblr thats oh-so-amazing? "

Hello to the people reading this blog. I doubt there will be any, I don't seem like the kind that would be famous like Xiaxue or Miyake Wong. If you don't know who those two bloggers are, well.. You're not Singaporean, are you?

Well back to the topic, TUMBLR. It's been really popular this year and if you've not noticed, I'm a Tumblr-Whore. Tumblr is great, Tumblr is the best. You know why Tumblr is so good? Because unlike most social/blog sites, Tumblr stands united with people. It's not only a blog but it gives us that small area to socialize with people as well. It allows you to be creative, posting your pictures of artwork or poems or even just blots of your daily life.

Personally, I just use it to re-blog people's stuff. So the junk thats in my Tumblr site is mainly how I feel about that day or how funny I thought the things were. Okay so, in that picture you see at the top, it's from Tumblr. My friend actually recreated a few of it and asked me to help her sell it. She's made about 8 collars, If you would like to purchase it, it's now on sale at my blogshop at SGD35.00, I'll put a link down below before I leave. Well now, I hope you guys have a nice day and enjoy this random blog post of mine.

http://prismstone.blogspot.com

With Love,
Stacey ♥  

Mahō Shōjo Madoka Magika

魔法少女まどかマギカ。

Probably one of the most touching animes I've ever watched.

Emotions.

Imagine living your life in fear. Having done the most stupid thing you could ever think of and risking not yours but someone else's life. Think about the pain, the hurt. Being afraid of your family, being afraid of the one person you love and that you hope you'd get married to someday. Imagine being so scared you eventually just cry yourself to sleep everyday. Imagine being so afraid that you just constantly just think of ways to end your life just to see who would cry, who would care. Imagine wasting your life, thinking of what to do for the future but never really done anything about it. I've been wasting money, throwing it away just to hide these emotions, the hurt. Making myself as happy as possible to forget it all. I'm stupid, really stupid. Letting my past haunt me, how stupid must I be.. right?

I'm too scared to even think. I'm afraid of being alone but, I was already alone to begin with. Being with someone who constantly just causes me fear, I tried to hide the fear, tell myself that person just didn't mean it. Maybe he didn't, but for that fact that he still made me fear him. It gives a good enough reason to leave him. I'm stupid, I look for love to hide my pain. I look for love to ease my pain, I look for love for comfort, I look for love for someone to just simply tell me things are okay and hug me to sleep. Simply, I'm afraid, of being alone. Afraid of not being cherished, afraid of pain, afraid of darkness, emptiness, not knowing where I belong.

I lost my boyfriend tonight. It's already 4am and I'm still awake, living in fear. I don't like being scolded, shouted at, hated, shunned. I'll cry when it happens. I was outside, thought I'd get fresh air but I couldn't help it when all I thought about was death. You know, half of my mind was gone, thanks for this aching back I have, this fever thats killing me and this splitting headache thats driving me crazily nuts. I'm tired. So tired. I just wanna leave. Go to somewhere far. Better yet, I rather have no emotions at all. Happiness would all be just like a blank piece of paper. Feeling nothing at all, I'd rather that. I rather that than anything else right now. I'd give my emotions away for anything. Just, let me fade. Let everyone forget me. People are coming and going anyways. It just doesn't matter to them anymore.

Dead.

I don't deserve to live.

Smile for me

You should know by now, no you should be aware, of how much I love you BY NOW. Heh, I very much wanna be with you till the day I die. I'm happy with you Mr. Aason Ong Ching Wee. I'm so very blessed and happy. I love seeing you smile. You're really handsome, you gotta believe me cause 99.99% of the time I don't lie. Trust me, love me, be there for meh. I love you. (:

Wanna see you smile.

Heh, haven't really posted anything for awhile. I just felt like posting cause, like.. I feel as if I haven't done enough for you. Seeing you smile, just isn't enough for me, I wanna make you happy, eternally. You might murder me for what I'm thinking about doing next month, even though it's limited edition, even though, you can't really find it anywhere anymore, even if It might be fake, even if you might kill me, I still wanna give it a shot. It might be true, it might be real, and if it is, you'd be happy. It's something you like, a lot. Probably more than Buzz Lightyear. Hah. I just don't know what I can do for you, I'm turning 16 soon, and yet, I still don't know what I want to do with my life, it's frustrating. If only I had a sign, If only someone told me what I should do. Everything would be so much easier for me.