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Hey, it's been awhile.

I started remembering things again, things I don't want to remember. A already moved on and I should be happy for him. I am, and I'm not. Why can't I be happy for him? I really want to. I don't want to get back together with him, or so I tell myself that. I keep having these notions in my head, I keep telling myself that even if it were possible it wasn't, I'd have to restart and get to know him all over again, what if I didn't like him now, but then, I realized I still liked him regardless of who he is now. I used to believe in soul mates but after countless of relationships after A, I realized it doesn't exist. But why do I feel like he's my only one and why am I still clinging on to some stupid promise as though like it's gonna happen again, I fight it. It's not going to happen. But why do I want it to? Why do I want another chance to make amends, why? It shouldn't matter anymore.

I dreamt about him twice, in a row two days ago. I jotted it down in my sleep journal, I'll leave it here if you want to read it.(be warned, it's long. I didn't bother to correct anything either.)

Had pizza with what I thought was J and his friends. Sam was there for some reason and he was sick, we spent time finishing up walking around the mall. Sam said she was going to the doctor first. I go grab a seat next to who I thought was J but was actually A. (I wasn't surprised) J's friends were as still in the clinic. But was seated in front of us. Scott and his friends walks in and they sit behind us. A proceeds to tell me how it's been awhile and we haven't talked for awhile. He gives me the impression that he misses me. It felt like he was avoiding me the whole time to forget me but couldn't. When he finally talked to me again he seems like himself when he was happy. He seemed like the A I knew before that was happy but with his friends. We proceeded to walk outside the clinic which looked a bit old and dogey somewhat like Sim Lim but for some reason being there comforted me. The whole time being in the dream I felt really comfortable. We continued some conversation and though it I had the sense it wasn't exactly a normal dream. We ended up trying to get out of plaza sing going towards the car park, I'm not sure why but I got the whole glimpse of what the mall looked like and it was really big. We started walking around to the bus stop and it started to rain. A/J offered to send me home. (Again, in the dream it kept swapping to Aason and J and I kinda felt that A did this initially to not make me feel weird about it really being just me and him because initially J felt nice, too nice, too good to be the real J) A proceeds to send me to my AMA's house since he remembers the address, but we had a couple of weird accidents on the way that being that it was raining. Scenes kept switching from J and A but in the same place. We were in the car initially. J made a wrong turn and we ending driving opposite of oncoming traffic, we survive due to J's backward driving skills and barely scratching any cars. The last traffic almost kills us and it swapped back to A. I get out of the whatever vehicle and walked towards the pavement A suddenly jogs up beside me in a bit of pain/discomfort, I couldn't tell. I was sad but I couldn't tell at first because I wasn't supposed to know he felt that way in the dream. Scott's friend walks up and guides us to my Ama place. Ama sees A and opens her house up to him wholeheartedly. We sit on seats next to each other with a small table in-between us, had small discussions on the new me. He said since now I drink, how about I go drinking with him now. I stared at him not being sure about it since he never really liked it in the past. Ama tells A to bathe and he goes do it. One of Scott's friend sits opp me on the sofa. Scott and his friend are outside the house talking about some Singapore Zoo towel and how it smells weird but keeps referring it to the Sentosa towel. Not sure what happened but I turned my head to the left to look at my grandmother but woke up. This is the second time I've dreamt about A today.

Yeah, so that was the dream. I don't know what to make of it but it's giving me so much emotions. I felt so much that I texted A and started stalking him again. He doesn't post much but I found Instagram Stories of Elly and God, she's still so adorable. I miss her. I ended up crying for a few hours after that. I decided I would try and forget about it again. I went so far as to stalk A on his Spotify and I realized he added a lot of songs that he and I used to listen a lot to. I made him a playlist on my account but I hope he doesn't find out. That wasn't the only thing I stalked, it was his Steam account, I started Iookingthough his online status and his past game history. I ended up on his wishlist and realized he had Banished on it. It's one of my favourite games and guess what I stupidly decided to do? I spent $20 on it and scheduled the sent date to Christmas this year. I don't know why I did it. The message I set was just "Merry Christmas. Best wishes, S." I was feeling so much and I didn't know what to do about it. I hope he doesn't read too much into it. I hate having feelings for him, I know he no longer feels this way for me.

You know what sucks more? I told J about it today and he was somewhat upset, it's a given of course but he's being nice to me about it. He comforted me the whole 4 hours while I cried. He said he couldn't be A but he'd try his best to be whatever I needed. I don't want that, I can't bear to hurt another person all over again. I really don't know what to do anymore.

I started feeling a lot of shit again at around 3am, it's currently almost 6am but yeah. I went on Reddit on r/BreakUps and I posted on Reddit for the very first time.

Hello, this is my first Reddit post. 

I've been trying to get over my first real relationship for almost 5 years now. I was 16 when I first got into a relationship with my ex, we've known each other for 2 years before we started dating and we've been together for almost 4 before we broke up. During the course of the relationship it wasn't smooth sailing, I have been dealing with depression since childhood and he had been helping me cope through those years. I wasn't the easiest to deal with and with those kinds of negativity, it's bound for someone to lose patience. I'm not sure if it was me who caused it but, he has shown signs of anger issues. I don't exactly blame him for it. He doesn't get angry often but when he did it would be pretty bad. Outside of his anger he's probably one of the most patient and nurturing guys I've met, even until today.
During the course of our relationship, I felt like I was being restricted, he doesn't restrict me necessarily, he would tell me things he didn't like. He didn't like clubs, drinking, me hanging around with my guy friends. I restricted myself out of consideration initially. I don't like being restricted at all. I wasn't the kind to cheat either, I needed the freedom to know that I could do things. I needed to know that my partner trusted me to do those things and not harm myself or the relationship because of it. I wasn't the person to cheat, initially. I say initially, because I did. After a year of being together, I couldn't take it whenever my depression hits and he wouldn't be patient about it anymore and I felt like he didn't care.

I live in Singapore so it was an obligation for men to serve National Service, a basic military training that young male adults had to serve for about 2 years. During the beginning stages he would have to spend time on an offshore island for about 3 weeks, I couldn't see him for that duration. It had a toll on me, I was so dependant on him. The only thing I had was a call he could make during the night. He was the sweetest, despite our distance he would try his best to soothe me over the phone, sometimes it wouldn't go well, most of the times we end up arguing and being upset. He would call me around 10-11pm and the call would last till 2-3am, meaning he only had 2 hours of sleep each day and he just did it, just to keep me sane. He sacrificed so much for me. One day, our calls got really bad, we started arguing and we didn't have the night calls for a few days. I felt so lonely, I felt like I didn't have anyone to talk to about my depression. At the time, he had a best friend whom I was close to, his best friend had depression too and I'd talk to him sometimes when my ex was busy. At the time it felt nice to know someone was going though something I was. He comforted me when my ex couldn't. Sometimes I would hang over at his house, with the permission of my ex. But one day his best friend, an avid porn addict, decides to talk to me about a fleshlight he just bought. I indulged a little in the topic, being open minded about sexuality but quickly changed topic to my ex after. I started crying in the midst of talking to his best friend about it. I was telling him how I felt that my ex didn't seem to care about me as much anymore. His best friend hugged me, it sent me mixed feelings but I shrugged it off thinking he was just trying to be nice to me. A days later, his best friend hangs out at my place and I can't exactly remember how it started but he started cuddling me on my bed, and don't get me wrong, I was really weirded out by this but I didn't know what to do at the time. He started taking my clothes off and tired to penetrate but he couldn't since I wasn't sexually aroused at all. We stopped, I told him I was uncomfortable and he said that it was okay and we would just talk. A few hours rolled by and my ex was in front of my house door. He wasn't mad, I let him in and he just talked to my best friend like everything was normal. His best friend decides to leave after awhile and I told my ex what happened. He was shocked, angry, upset, basically everything. I remember we tried mending things but we ended up taking a break after awhile.

We couldn't bear being apart from each other so we got back together after 1-2 weeks. Everything was normal for the most part, but I was so guilty. I couldn't live with the guilt of hurting him. I started feeling more depressed and I didn't know how to talk to him anymore. I couldn't deal with how I felt when I was with him and my mind decided that I couldn't hurt him anymore and I had to break up with him so he could find someone better. Every argument we had, I would find an excuse to break up, but everyone I did he would apologize and asked how he could fix it and be better, it ate me up more inside. I couldn't break up with him.

I finally started working at an events place where I met a guy whom I got close to and he had convinced me to break up with my ex. He would tell me how it was unhealthy for me and for my ex. He said he would help with whatever I needed after the break up, as friends, he stated. After a few days, I went to my ex's house, wrote a letter and left. I started handing out with the guy I met, let's call him R. We would hang out regularly because he lived closed by to where I did and he knew how I had issues being alone. We were at the mall trying to get food when I noticed my phone got locked. My ex had used my Google "Find My Phone" tool to lock it. On the notification after in bold letters it read, "I want my stuff back, you have 36 hours" my heart sank. I completely forgotten that I still had his iPad. I went back home to unlock my phone with the account and changed the password. The next day, knowing that my ex would be at work I went to his house and left his stuff on his computer table, with a letter I wrote about how sorry I was for breaking up with him.
During my break up process, R decides to ask me to be his girlfriend. I declined, telling him how I needed time to get over my ex. He threatens me with depression and I give in because I was naive at the time, I didn't want anyone else to have to go though what I did so I accepted. Being not completely over my ex, I still cried. R had promised he'd be there and give me time. It took me a year to have affections for R, but during that year I was still texting my ex on and off, checking up on him since I cared for him deeply. Things started getting sour for me and R, he became abusive and hated whenever I talked about my ex. After about 1 year and 8 months, we decided to call it quits.
I started working and talking to my ex again, we got close and decided to try dating each other again. We were eating for about 3 weeks. Thing were great, I was over the moon, I was so happy. Until, R threatened me again. He found out I was dating my ex and  used whatever secret or knowledge he had on me, he told me he would tell everyone about it unless I got back together with him. I left my ex, my heart broke. His did too. I had broke his heart for the second time. I was devastated, upset and having major depression.

I went back to R and we lasted about 3 months, he has abused me for the final time. I found out that R cheated on me. Not taking the news easy he decides to kick me in my stomach, throw me around and hit me. (Whenever he hit me, he would tell his parents that I did it to myself because of my depression) I had the final straw and I called the police. They came to his house, questioned him and asked if I wanted to press charges, I declined because I didn't want to hurt R's future. Police assisted me with packing my things and bringing it down his house.
The first person I called was my ex, I cried and told him how I needed help(he would always be there regardless of what happened), he told me he couldn't come down right now. I was shocked, I told him  the situation but he apologized and said he couldn't help and hung up the phone. I called my brother next, he took a cab down and found me. We sat at the table nearby and he told me he was going through a break up with his ex as well. He told me that he was always there for his ex's father who had a stroke, constantly taking care of him and feeding him in the hospital. He told me that he was upset today and I asked why, what he told me left me dumbfounded, he said he went to the hospital to find his ex so he could take care of her father but instead he saw his ex and mine holding hands at the hospital. My brother didn't know what to do at the time, he was angry, but he kept his cool and left the hospital. I didn't think both our exes would be capable of doing such a thing to us. I treated my brother's ex like my little sister and my ex definitely treated my brother like his own, evening buying him a PS3 on his birthday. We didn't have much else to do but move on so we tried.

I'm sorry for the long read but if you've made it this far, I appreciate you taking the time.

It's been years now, but the memories still haunt me. I'm no longer angry with my ex. But I'm worried for sure, I wonder if it was truly me and brother pushing them together for the longest periods of time. I wonder a lot during the first 2 years after the incident. But I met an amazing guy who treats me well and takes care of me. I told him about my past and he's trying to accept it(I'm his first girlfriend). I haven't been thinking about my ex for about 2 years and just a few days ago I dreamt of my ex twice in a row and all the feelings rushed back to me all over again and I have no idea what to do anymore. I feel guilty about having these feelings while I'm in this current relationship. I have no idea what to do. I just want this pain to go away. I don't want to think of my ex anymore.Edit: and yes, both me and my brother's exes are still together till today.

It's one fuck of a rollercoaster now but I'll try my best to make it though. I hope I'll get over it soon. It's been too long, 4 years too long. Sigh.

Song of the day:  Old Hotel - The Adjective

“There we were, sitting quietly on the edge of the world, and no one could see us. I just wanted to stay this way forever. I knew that was impossible – our life here was just a momentary illusion, and someday reality would yank us back to the world we came from.” – Haruki Murakami

Ciao.

Something New (Part 2)

"Jackie"

by

Stacey Charlene Chew

INT. SCHOOL - MORNING

STACEY, a new student from Flimmaking dances comfortably around her classmates, trying to make them laugh. Mid dance she glances over and finds someone staring at her, she sees her male classmate with the cutest grin on his face, a residue smile from a conversation he probably had with another classmate seated right next to him. Stacey stops out of shyness.

                                   STACEY
                               (softly)
                      Oh fuck.

Okay, sorry. We just started script writing awhile ago in class and I really liked it a lot. I liked the professionalism of it and I really like the way the whole script looked. On with the story.

While working, I was waiting for school. I had just sent in my appeal application for Flimmaking or AKA. Cinematography and they accepted me for an interview. They told me to take some pictures that I could show them and they accepted me a day after the whole thing. They told me to attend classes on a Tuesday and I was overjoyed. I entered the class and was greeted with the nicest of course mates and got introduced to my classmates. Many of them got confused by me looking Malay and having the most English name possible. I told them about how I'm mix blooded and they all just thought it was cool and stuff.

During my third day, I began feeling very comfortable with my classmates so I started dancing around in class, making my classmates laugh and mid dancing I turned around and glanced at this guy looking straight back at me with his adorable half smile which I presume stayed from a conversation that he just had with my other classmate. I got shy so I just turned back and stopped. Right then and there, I crushed. I didn't even know his name at this point. The Stacey in me began to be weirded out by the feeling and I told myself that it's just an eye-candy and nothing more.

I got really bored at home one evening and I mass added my classmates on Instagram and I stumbled onto my crush once again but this time I knew his name, "Jackie". I added him and he commented on the very picture I just showed you in the previous post. It turns out that he went to MILLIAN before so our conversation just started out there. He didn't appear to school one day and I talked to him about it on Instagram. He told me he was working that day that's why he couldn't come. We talked a lot and the more I talked to him the more I felt myself falling. It was an odd feeling, I had sworn to never feel that way because of how things usually turn out for me. I ignored the feeling once again and went to school. It was super funny because I'd usually be really perky in school, I'd say Hi and high-five my passing classmates while walking. I saw Jackie that day and I just smiled and waved at him, I walked away after that. We probably found it really weird that we had so much to say online but nothing in person.

This was a Friday and I needed to work that day after school, so I went to the toilet to get dressed in my tank top since that was what they told me to come in. It began to rain that day and I was texting Jackie, he asked about my tank top and I told him about me working, I told him about how cold I felt since I was in that attire. He told me that he could lend me his shirt and that I just had to meet him outside our school's bus stop so I went there and he passed it to me, we had a small conversation and he left for his CCA. Work starts at 7pm that day and it was about 1pm when I met him. I had time to kill so I went back into school to hang out with my other classmates. Because of the downpour, Jackie didn't feel like going to his CCA anymore so he told me to meet him at AMK Hub if I was still free. I was free so I went there to meet him, we decided on having ice cream together and I ended up paying even though he wanted to and I think at the point of time he was really upset/disturbed by it.

We ended up eating ice cream at McDonalds and we had a long conversation about our past and our future, it seemed like the more we talked about it the more we felt like we already knew each other. We had the similar background, almost the same mindset and almost similar fears. At this point of time I felt like I met Jackie before and I think I had, a really long time ago, somewhere along Facebook because his older profile pictures looked really similar to me.

So comes tomorrow, a Saturday, he asked me to hang out so we could do our assignments at the same time so I said okay and we ended up in Malaysia, yes, Malaysia. It was so spontaneous and random. We were in Malaysia taking lots of pictures and it got too late so we ended up needing to stay over night in Malaysia. It was so weird too because we felt completely comfortable with each other, it felt like we already together 6 months prior, We were laying in bed side by side and we ended up talking about things, I told him about me having a crush on him and he told me he felt the same. It was the most soothing feeling I had in my life. I felt really safe next to him, I felt like nothing could harm me. We went home in the morning and ended up skipping work to rest at home. We went to school the next day, and things just went from there. He told me about him wanting to quit the course because of some personal reasons but he stayed because of me. I'm really glad I helped motivate him to continue his education somehow. It's officially about a month and a half in since we began dating and I can say that I'm really happy with the person I'm with today.

The only issue I had about our relationship was that it has only been a month since he broke up with his ex-girlfriend and I was constantly thinking about how she felt about it all, I would know how break ups felt, especially since it took a huge toll on me. I went to look at Jackie's Instagram today and I saw that he already had deleted his ex-girlfriend's picture and I went to his ex-girlfriend's twitter to check up on how she felt but I ended up on her blog instead, one of her blog title hit me straight on impact, it read "What do you do when he has found another?" I froze for a second, and began reading..

I admit, time-to-time, I would go to his social media pages to ease my curiosity. Jackie has a friendly personality so whenever I see him mentioning other girls on his social media I wouldn’t get jealous and would never take it to heart. However this time round, it was different. Why was this girl wearing Jackie's t-shirt and the jacket I used to see in his wardrobe? Why was this girl reading Jackie's favourite book? She was different from the others; and to top it all off she was Jackie’s “type”. I wouldn’t want to further elaborate what are his preferences for females because I am not in the position to tell. 
So bringing you guys back to this present day, on the midnight of the 6 of May. I took the courage to message him, my ulterior motive was to find out who was she to him so I casually found something to talk to him about and slowly, I lead him to my question.
“Haha you’ve got a new girl S_____” were my exact words. I didn’t know what was I expecting but really deep down I wished it wasn’t true and oh how I wished I never asked him.
“Yeah”
My heart stopped and I stared at the four-letter word in distress and sadness and anger and confusion and embarrassment and whatever mixed emotions that were going through my head. Fuck. Fuck FUCK.

I almost broke down from having an anxiety. I couldn't believe that I had such power to make someone feel this way. I've never had something like this happen so I didn't know how to feel about it at all. I went to talk to Jackie about it. I always had trouble expressing myself, that's probably why I started blogging in the first place. I told Jackie that I had stalked his ex-girlfriend before and how I really liked her, I wasn't kidding. I felt like if we had met in a different circumstance that we might probably actually be very good friends. I found myself drawn and curious to a sentence in her blog "She was different from the others; and to top it all off she was Jackie’s “type”." Now, Jackie has told me that I was different from other girls before, I didn't understand and I still don't. But now she says that I'm Jackie's "type" and few days prior I had actually told Jackie it was weird because he wasn't my "type" at all. I don't know what is it about him that I'm particularly drawn to but he definitely has that something that I can't ignore.

His ex-girlfriend I presume already has someone she's starting to feel for someone else and that really puts me at ease but I'm still definitely upset about how I made her feel and I hope it'll go away soon. I don't know if I'll ever show him my blog. I don't know how he'll take it either. I know no one really reads this other than a few handful of people that I trust but even them, I don't know if they'll read it. I hope that if there was ever a day that comes that he would take this post openly, after all this is my only output for my thoughts.

I hope he doesn't get mad about it either but these are feelings, thoughts and memories that I don't want to forget, ever. That's why they end up here, where I can read years later. Other thing weird is that, the more I find myself comfortable with him the more I feel like I can't trust him. I've had really bad trust issues before but this takes it up to a whole new level that I just can't really understand. I can't seem to trust him with my thoughts and feelings as much compared to the my past relationships. I hope this somehow changes too. He's a really good guy with genuine feelings towards me, his family and friends. I hope this wind really takes me somewhere far.

Goodnight.

Something New

Hey, it's been awhile. It's going to be a very long post so please just bear with me.

I've had several abnormalities ever since my break up with Ray and I think it kinda caused my life to spiral downhill for a little bit but that might actually be Jessica opening the old me up again. I met up with Jessica after my break up with Ray and I was in the saddest fucking state in my life. I went on a clubbing spree because I've always had restrictions from my past relationships and I thought like "hey, since I'm single and practically free right now, why the fuck not."

I kid you not but the very first time I ended up drunk after like a month of my break up was with Jessica and it was a real mess. We had planned to go to Zouk because Jessica's never been there before and we thought it was a good idea to go to T-Bar at Warren's Country Club before the whole thing. I had not eaten that day and I ended up drinking enough to have be laying next to the bushes in Zouk. I was crying and I didn't want to ruin the night for Jessica so I had her call Shaun to pick me up. She told me I called Ray and I vaguely remember him saying "I can't, I'm sorry. You'll be okay, don't worry." I remember him sounding worried, like it was so bad that I started crying more till Shaun came over to pick me up.



During this time I was dating a guy, Shaun. He was sweet, don't get me wrong but I had just broken up with Ray so all things wrong were going for me at the time. He's a vegetarian and I remember feeling weird about this because of Scott's ex-girlfriend. While dating him I really had no idea how to deal with this kinda thing because food is practically my life. I have no idea how Scott does it. He was really nice, out-going, friendly but maybe a little to aggressive and mean to his brother but I know he's close to him and all that's why he does it.

We were going on like maybe 2 weeks of dating and that's where it all ended. It was during valentine's day that I went to the void deck of his HDB. I gave him this handmade board that I thought would've helped him since he was really serious about getting a 4.0 GPA for poly. I thought it would've motivated and kept him organized. I'm not big on gifting, I suck at it if you can't tell already. Anyways, I had specifically told him to take the relationship slow because I wasn't ready yet and he just drags me up to meet his parents. I was scared and dumbfounded. I pretended to be alright and went out to meet Jessica and Rex because we had our own little bestie date going on. Fast forward and I'm back home., to Shaun at my house? To me this was too much. It's only been 2 weeks and he's already asking my mom permission to surprise me at my house. I appreciate the gesture but it's too soon for this kinda thing. So to cut everything short, I just ended things with Shaun after that. (By the way, if you kinda wanna read about Jessica's side you can click here.)



After the whole ordeal, I continued clubbing with Jessica like about 2-3 times a week. We decided to head to this place called Aryaa where her classmate was Farah was DJing. We were there to support her so she gave us a couple of drinks and we just danced. While being there we met this guy named Zac, he bought us a few drinks and we just continued dancing till the club closed. Now Zac, he became really close to us overnight. He told us about his LDR and his career and how he was like when he was younger. I wont disclose his age but he's about almost about the amount of fingers you have, older than me. He invited me and Jessica to this house party that his friend was hosting and it turns out that I actually knew his friends from when I was 16.

So things were easy and good for me there until I met this guy, Daniel. He's a really tall, lanky guy decked in black other than his white shirt peeking through his leather jacket. I've also never met a guy who's more suited to an undercut hairstyle than him. He talked to Jessica about bring me and her to a club that he and his close friends frequent. Jessica vowed to take a break from clubbing after getting drunk at Aryaa but upon hearing a key sentence "they're playing trap tonight", it sold her completely so we went. We went there and Jessica met this guy there that was completely hooked on her and there was some things between them after all of this but I that's probably for you to read on her blog. I didn't feel like dancing that much that day so I went back to the seat they had. Speaking of their "seat", it's being the DJ Deck, VIP area, where I saw Yan Kay Kay and her best friend, Eric. What. The. Actual. Fuck. Right there and then that's when I knew that me and Jessica were really like dealing with really big people.

Okay so, I was sitting down and Daniel was sitting beside me. I see him whipping out his phone and I asked him if he wasn't enjoying himself, he told me that this is what he usually does since clubbing isn't exactly his scene, he's more of a pub kinda guy, he told me. He asked if I wasn't having a good time either too since I wasn't dancing with Jessica and I told him about how I didn't feel like dancing and stuff so he just said alright and poured me a drink. He continued to ask me if I was frequent in clubs and I told him I wasn't, which was true, because during that time you could practically count the amount of times I went to clubs on your hand. I told him about how I'm actually a really good girl and how I was really dedicated to my work and studies at the time and I remember his response at the time, it was so cringy and funny at the same time. "You're a good girl? I like that" I practically died inside because I haven't flirted in like the longest time and I wasn't even sure if I knew how to.

He asked if he could bring me out on a lunch date the next day and I agreed that it was fine so he reached into his pocket for his phone and the most legit thing happened, a condom fucking fell out of his pocket. I was like "woah dude" in my mind, and he told me he just wanted to be "safe" so I just ignored it and typed my number into his phone. We had a ramen lunch the next day and we ended up talking about our past relationships and we realized we went though about the same thing. Our connection was there, everything was good but the more everything went well we realized that we just really wanted someone really close to us without having the use of a relationship since it really scared the hell out of both of us. We ended up as really good friends that talk about life and problems as then and when.



Before things stopped with me and Daniel, I was clubbing at this place called Trace with Jessica and we were dancing and she was shaking her booty so hard that she actually landed up a with job. Initially she was offered a job as a go-go dancer there but we ended up being hired as Bottle Girls at this place called MILLIAN. I worked pretty hard there, harder than my last job I had at a bar that my mom worked at too. I had to wear this skimpy attire that they set for me. Here, I'll show you.

 

I feel like the post might go on alittle too long so I'll leave a part two right after this. Also because it's a special post. See you in part two. :)

Ciao.