I feel myself being like torn apart, between the realistic and stubborn me. Had been thinking lots recently, after being rejected by NUS medicine. The first three words that came across my mind after moonie helped me check the results was like "wo hao lan!". Haha, just feel my self-confidence have been diminishing for the past few years. Kept thinking what have I really achieved in these past 19 years, other than joining the blind rat race to achieve good results, have a great CCA and CIP record... I guess that's about it. I haven't really done anything that I really wanted to do, and I felt myself just becoming a person who can only study..

Even thought of considering doing medicine in australia cos I'm not sure whether I can let go of my dreams of doing medicine. Kind of hard to let go after going for the NCC attachment and seeing for myself what I may possibly be doing in future. But I guess even if my parents are willing to pay, I won't be able to study in peace thinking of the additional burden that I will be imposing on my parents when it is like time for them to retire and enjoy life. Sigh, so I guess my only option is just to accept the fact that most likely I won't become a doctor. The funny thing is that the thing that really made me give up the thought of doing medicine in australia was when watching wang quan yu le. They were doing a special report on how artistes unite together in times of natural disasters to raise funds. Looking at the different people experiencing all these natural disasters, especially the Sichuan earthquake and Myanmar cyclone, I find myself qian bian for sitting down there and complaining about giving up medicine when I am able to get a place in a local uni and get a proper education. Haha, guess I shall stop complaining and just accept that fact and get on with life..=)

Piano diploma is giving me a headache, the fact that I haven't memorised my programme, or rather I can't even play the notes smoothly irritates me lots. Plus not considering the amount of work I have to put in to prepare for viva voce and programme notes. And there's still sight reading to think about!! Bleah, I think I'm going to die horribly for the exam and waste that 600 plus bucks paid for the exam. Shall have to jia you lots more!!

Too much hustle and bustle for me for the past few months, just wish that I can take a long break and have some time to think and sort out some of my thoughts. Have been listening to carrie underwood's 'so small' lots of times recently, just felt that it really describes how my thoughts and actions during all the applications for scholarships and universities. Sigh, life really does make one lose direction and doubt oneself at times..

YIPPEE!!!..I'M IN US NOW!! =)..hahaha...currently, it is 9pm, 22 dec in Singapore..but i am awake at 5am, 22 dec in US, Anaheim..hahaha..i think my sleeping cycle is a bit weird now..wake up so late in singapore, but so early in US..

anyway, since there's nth much to do now since i already finished checking my mail, looking at new job offers, and reading up for scholarships (too lazy to edit personal statement yet =P), decided to just blog my trip to US!^^

20th december 2007
took three planes to get here, one from singapore to hongkong for transit, another from hong kong to san francisco, and finally a domestic flight from san franscisco to los angeles..it is quite tiring..plus there's not much entertainment even though it is SQ, since it is the older plane model which didn't have the 700 music albums that i was looking forward to..

the customs check at san francisco airport is horrendous..they totally check you from head to toe..first we had to as usual put our hand-carry luggage thru some machine thing, and even have to scan our shoes too..then have to cross some barrier, which is also the usual procedure. After that, we had to go through this barrier which they will blow short and strong spurts of air at you (apparently to check for dangerous weapons), and they will open up every single luggage and use some filter paper like thingy to check for some chemicals in the bag..the whole process took like at least 10 minutes before my whole family cleared the customs..

by the time we reached los angeles, we still had to travel to anaheim to our hotel, so by the time we checked in it was already abt 1am liao...bleah..but at least the hotel is fabulous!!..it is like more than thrice the size of the hongkong hotel rooms..and the each single bed is like nearly queen size!!..


Hotel room

21st december 2007
DISNEYLAND!!..it was really super big until it is impossible to finish every single attraction within a day..the whole atmosphere there really brings back all those childhood memories of disney movies and the crowd there was huge..can imagine how much money they earn in one day alone..

most of the attractions actually are about the same..like riding some boat along some river..such as the jungle cruise or taking the pirate ship..and my family went for those small kids stuff like the many adventures of winnie the pooh and it's a small world..haha..the winnie the pooh one was so cute la!!...especially pooh bear being stuck in the honey pot upside down or rising up to the skies using a hot air balloon..took a mini roller coaster ride..called the big thunder mountain railroad..hahaha..quite exciting..but i ended shivering lots in the end cos the cold weather + fast speed of the ride made me even colder than usual..

i was particularly impressed with the pirates of the carribean and haunted mansion..the pirates of the carribean was so fun!!..cos everything is so dark until u dunno what is coming next..and the ceiling looks so much like the night sky!!..and the haunted mansion was so zai!!!..they put you into this weird seat for two people..which will be always turning..at first i thought it was those kind that people come out and scare you..but in the end it just showed those scary stuff..like pumpkins singing etc etc etc..but the effects were good!!=)

the worst part i guess was squeezing into this small little house that belongs to mickey mouse..they didn't let us see mickey mouse straightaway..instead..we like went through the whole house..then out into the barn..the whole process took at least 20 minutes..with noisy and hyperactive kids running around and giving me a headache..in the end just took a picture with the mickey mouse..which was really short..


Mickey Mouse and I!

anyway..here's a pic to the nightview of the disneyland castle..although it isn't very clear..


Disneyland castle at night

22nd december 2007
universal studios was even more fun than disneyland!!...hahaha..my family started off with a thrilling ride in the river adventure of jurassic park..the start is already pro liao..we sat in a boat (again -.-) and they opened a few wooden doors slowly..then we entered into a mist and start seeing all those giant dinosaurs (those very gentle and herbivorous de..i dunno what are they known as)..after that got all those small dinosaurs shooting water at us..i can only rmbr those are the ones that shoot some black stuff in the movie..then they brought as into some building that controls the environmental systems..and inside it is really scary..cos of all those sharp turns and warning signs...then we start to go up very very high slowly..and when we got distracted by this huge T rex head above us...we started to plunge down a 84-foot vertical drop waterfall..which is about 4 to 5 stories high..it was so shuang!!...all the people in my boat just screamed and shouted after we finished the plunge..cos it was so thrilling!!..


At the entrance of Jurassic Park

after that went for backdraft..where they showed us how they created the massive fire scene in the movie backdraft..then they had different ways of spurting of the fire and also explosions..then i got so scared until i nearly cried la..cos it kind of reminded me of those scary dreams of places in fire when i was young..the biggest shock came when the structure that we were standing collapsed all of a sudden at the end..totally scared the whole bunch of us..after that went to see the special effects stage..the hosts was really funny...and they showed us how they do all those audio and visual effects in the movie..

the studio tour was an eye-opener..cos we saw all those scenes that were set up for different tv shows and movies..and we even saw and experienced the movie effects!!..like the car demonstrations in fast and furious..floods..wild wild west..entered a stage where there was this bridge and then violent shakes from King Kong..the shark from jaws..desperate housewives set..war of the worlds..then we had simulations of earthquakes in an underground railway station..mummy returns where our tram entered some set with it turning 360 degrees etc etc etc..


Set used to make heavy rains and flood..note: those rain are just made from sprinklers set up on the roof tops and trees and lamp posts


One of the houses in desperate houswives


Set of the war of the worlds..apparently they crashed a real boeing-747 according to the requests of steven spielberg..

went for shrek 4D show..then the chairs had those kind of feeling of being on the horse carriage when shrek and the donkey was like rushing to the castle in a horse carriage..then also when there were spiders..there was sth from under the chair that sweeps at your legs..which gives you that kind of creepy feeling..also got to watch fear factor live!!...which was quite disgusting cos those people had to drink some blended stuff containing fish guts, pig parts, sour milk etc etc..then other attractions like waterworld and terminator 2 3D are more of effects show..


My head being bitten by a shark!

23rd december 2007 to 25th december 2007
off to las vegas!!...went to factory outlet..and was so sad because not only did i not buy anything..I DIDN'T HAVE TIME TO GO GAP!!...argh!!...my brother bought a pair of jeans from there and it only cost 30 plus USD!!...so irritating!!..

travelled about 5.5 hours the next day to see the grand canyon..haha..actually nth much..just took pics of it..and totally got reminded of all those geog lessons learning about fault lines and strata etc etc etc..halfway we went to see hoover damn...which is err..just a dam..after that travelled another 5.5 hours back to las vegas..

spent my christmas travelling back to los angeles from las vegas..i dun really like las vegas..it is just filled with casinos where people gambled the whole day away and it is so hard to breathe there cos of all those cigarettes smoke..plus it is so cold in las vegas with all the strong winds..

26th december 2007
off to san francisco!!..hahaha...this is actually just a looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong bus ride..quite dumb actually..cos we went to yosemite national park..thinking that we are able to see the national park in the daytime..plus i can play with all the snow!!..since it was snowing when we were in the bus..but we were so unlucky that there were 5 cars involved in some accident, so in the end we could only see the national park at night cos the sun set earlier..then it was so dangerous for the driver..cos we had to travel those narrow mountain roads...with no lights at all (cos no lamp posts) and slippery roads cos of the snow..it was like a roller coaster ride cos the driver kept swerving left and right..so by the time we reached our hotel..it was already 11 plus..which meant that we took nearly 15 hours to travel from los angeles to san francisco..

27th december 2007
san francisco is so nice!!!...in the morning we went to eat dimsum..and the char siew bao is like mega duper big!!..and the xiao long bao is like the size of a siew mai..then after that burnt all those calories when climbing the slope...cos san francisco is built on lots of small hills..so all the streets are like slopes..and some were very steep..like at least 45 degrees..by the end of it..i concluded that people who lived in san francisco must be really fit..running up one slope everyday sure improve stamina and burn fats de..

after that is mostly sightseeing..like going to see the golden gate bridge and fisherman's wharf...super happy now!!..cos bought a san francisco sweater..plus 2 pairs of jeans!!..one from levi's and gap!!..haha..my very first levi's jeans and gap jeans!!..quite cheap..cos they cost about S$60 each..

haha..i like san francisco lots..the pace of life here is just nice..not too hectic nor too laidback..there's chinese food here too..and the buildings here are nice!!..there have european monuments...the places have themes..like one part is called the little italy..there's chinatown too etc etc etc..there are nice sceneries..and it still has a city life..haha..

28th december 2007
right now..sitting in my hotel room..typing this blog entry..slacking my time away..waiting to go to some shopping mall later..hopefully can find some nice top for my chinese new year clothes..or else by the time i go back to singapore..all the red clothes will start coming out..then after that it will be a long flight back home..

looking forward to be back in singapore..miss my wanton mee..sugar cane drink...char kuey teow etc etc etc..sigh..

i am seriously fucking pissed off..and i simply just have to let off my steam

This person..just know how to pissed people off with his domineering ways and being a total good-for-nothing..so what if i'm 'fucking bloody bloody bloody rude' to you...so what if so many years of education just taught me to be that rude..stop calling the kettle black yrself you pot..so many years of being a human dun even teach you to be civilised..or even have the most basic courtesy to yr own family..you just know how to be generous to outsiders..and show that you like so nice to yr own family to outsiders..but you are so damn miserly to us..and so domineering and selfish..

And you just think you are so great..so smart and so brilliant..but u are nth at all for goodness sake..you are just a damn show-off with no substance to yourself..you totally have no sense of responsibility at all..if you complain so much about us spending a lot..or u having to pay a lot for the trip..then just go get a damn job!!..stop making excuses for yrself that you are very tired and all those crap..when you just know how to play sudoku and watch tv whole day long..at least when i sleep late at night..i m doing serious work like my personal statement la...you leh..just do all these meaningless things and start scolding us for sleeping so late..just go and fan xing yrself before you start preaching to others..and stop acting like a know-all because you are not at all..

If you want me to respect you at the first place, show people respect at the first place..don't ever think that the whole family is just a bunch of fools that you can order around and that we will obediently follow all yr orders...cos you are not worth our respect or even attention at all..a total bastard that's what you are..

hahaha..didn't blog for a long time...nth much..just that As is finally over...and kind of enjoying my hols while looking for a job now..

for those who want a laugh...here's 2 videos that i found on youtube..i admire this duo lots!!..they are so talented yet so funny!!!

ARRRGGGGH!!!! GOT VIRUS ATTACK FROM MSN!!! Damn dumb of me to go and open that stupid file, and after making my com go for dunno how many scans, i thought i got rid of that irritating virus, but apparently it came back again, so i'm like barred from going online, which is such a torture!!!

Anyway, today went out with dorea, eunice, weixin and kang to celebrate kang's bday. Dorea and i bought a super duper nice birthday cake that is shaped like a tower from breadtalk, and after that went around window shopping in wisma atria =P Haha, can't resist the temptation of shopping. After that we ran off to suki sushi at cineleisure for lunch, wah, made me so full, and i totally love the chawanmushi (but dunno why inside got gingko nuts) and the scallops and the cream puffs and the different kinds of tofu! Met lots of hwachong people while having lunch though.

After that ran off to play LAN, ok, not me, but the rest. Haha, so i sat there for two hours taking a twenty-minute nap and playing eunice's hp and being amused by the game. People kept kupping dorea's gold, and eunice kept being owned by kang. Haha, in the end kang won against the 3 of them. Went to eat cake after that, which is quite sad cos we had to imagine there's a flame there and kang had lots of difficulties cutting that cake. Haha, then went home and realised i didn't update my mum's passbooks, then she start saying i'm irresponsible, so i felt so pissed off that i just went out of the house and back to the mrt again to update the books, bleah!

Finished harry potter on wednesday night (or rather the wee hours of thursday morning), wah the ending is so..dumb? And the whole thing about horcruxes was so confusing to the extent tt i have to keep revising what the horcruxes are. But felt so sad for snape, didn't expect him to love harry's mum, haha. But the ending is the funniest la, how can harry potter so tyco enough to make voldemort's wand rebound back onto himself de. Just doesn't make sense..

With harry potter done, and half of my national day holiday gone, and prelims breathing down my neck, it's time for lazy me to start burying myself with books! MUG MUG MUG!!!!! (wish i got hermione's brains..)

Haha, kupped this from lydia's blog..

Which Hogwarts house will you be sorted into?

thought my answers sounded like i would be sorted into slytherin..

Anyway, back to hypothesis testing! =)

Lots of things happened recently, but i guess i just want to dedicate this post to hcco..

Wanted to blog about hcco coming to an end after syf showcase, but guess i was too tired after "dragging" my cello across half of hwachong campus to find the gate closed and have to walk a round-about way to get out of the campus at 10 plus in the night after showcase. That night really wanted to blog, cos suddenly so much thoughts just came into my mind, but decided to leave it until after qing gong yan.

Had qing gong yan like last sat at botanical gardens function room. Bought new slippers, but didn't really want to wear it there cos it is like..slippers in botanical gardens??!! And it is not those kind of beach flip-flops, as in it is REAL slippers. But my mum was like making noise about it being a function room etc, so i just wore it in the end. Ended up feeling so embarrassed cos everyone is like wearing flip-flops and sandals, so i went barefoot most of the time. The moment i stepped into the room, i just saw a HCCO casino. Haha, dunno how many grps there were playing cards. Of course there were ppl reading harry potter (which reminds me, i'm still on the second book -_-").

Anyway, had the most unusual catering for dinner, cos the juniors got like indian food for us. So we had like curry fish, curry chicken, rice (those indian kind), triangular-shaped curry puffs, teh tarik/lime juice, and the highlight - prata man! Haha, gave the prata miss, cos i had chocolate fondue with my parents at andersen before going for qing gong yan, but the way others eat it must be really yummy, given that we can choose egg/cheese/mushroom/onion..

After dinner, we had like a video presentation that was prepared by szuan. Rah, seeing those pics did really bring out memories, at least i felt like crying for some moments. Then was like thinking about the past 1.5 yrs. There will be like no more:
Gossiping among dyb ppl during dazu,
Listening to shengbin crapped,
Laughing at wan chien for her accident-prone nature,
Laugh when andrea starts poking kang or weixin,
Seeing that pro eddie and xuanping talking seriously about music stuff,
Laugh at liu hao's eyebrow for being so eunuch-ish or his 3 rumoured affairs,
Having eunice waking me up whenever i fall asleep, or scaring eunice when i attempt to poke her, or lending eunice my arm to provide warmth for her hands,
Seeing xiaowei's teeth chatter when it is too cold,
Crapping with the exco or feeling sad over the syf people elimination,
Chasing people for money, esp chris seah (not that i really like it)
Learning pipa from stella or chuanhan,
Discussing co stuff with sutyee, esp during syf period,
Rolling my eyes whenever i have to get wei lao to sign after every prac,
Passing receipts and getting loads of money from ms tan,
Competing with 852 gang to see 154 or 852 comes first,
Gossiping with dorea and kang on the bus,
etc etc etc.

Bleah, guess that even though i'm not that attached to hcco this organisation itself, but the ppl there are really great. They were the reason why i still stay in hcco i guess, and why i quit strings at the first place. Although there were times that i feel gek over hcco, or start comparing hcco and dhsco, i will be missing the times i had with these people. Perhaps that's why all of us were like scrambling to take lots of photos with one another, like the funny act cool photos of exco, and the bo-liao photos that i took with dyb.

Anyway, sth very gek happened, i wrote letters for some ppl, but left them in the car and went for qing gong yan, and the best thing is, my dad threw them all away -_-".

Guess this is really the end of the journey, for the j1s juniors, hope that you will bond together as a batch and continue to keep hcco's reputation, and for my fellow j2s batchmates, must have more 'sudden co gatherings' at the class benches and let's all jiayou for the upcoming disgusting prelims and As!!! =)

Haha, wasn't really thinking of blogging, but after reading sutyee's recent posts (which are quite a lot), suddenly i had those kind of 'you gan er fa' feeling. Her posts suddenly reminded me that there's only like about 3 more months to A's, and even a shorter time to prelims. And, it also reminded me of the times i had with 06S76 and hcco, esp after the post on the recent class chalet, and also the very little time that i've left with them, esp for hcco, since it is actually a few more days. I can't believe that my jc life is coming to an end. Kind of expected these two years to be really fast and perhaps just a small little phase in my life, but didn't expect it to be THAT fast, and memorable at the same time. Perhaps the friendships forged may not be as deep as those that i had from secondary school, but they aren't that forgettable or meaningless too. At least these new friends aren't just going to be only some passer-bys.

Towards hcco, perhaps people may criticise for whatever i m going to say, but i have to admit that i've no form of attachment towards it, simply cos i haven't really enjoyed performing as a hcco member. Even the syf hasn't etched a deep impression in me as much as the previous syf two years ago. However, i can't really deny that i will start to miss co ppl after the coming showcase has ended, like my section mates and those ppl who goes home from the opp. bus stop, esp the 852 gang. Haha, won't forget how we always compete to see whose bus comes first.

Anyway, was thinking about my past 1.5 years in hcco, after seeing sutyee's statement that yest prac could show how much one loves hcco. Didn't go for yest prac myself, cos i didn't think that it is worthwhile since ppl will most likely be slacking. So even if i go and give my full concentration, there wouldn't be many ppl who will be doing the same thing. Remembered last year during hcco interaction, zhengyou once mentioned that those who ponned are one of the reasons why other ppl also ponned. So maybe people will say that i am contributing to the reasons why people are skipping yest prac. Oh well, but somehow i just feel like ever since i passed down, my commitment and responsibility to hcco just ended like that. So even if i feel guilty towards the juniors, i really can't convince myself that sat prac will be a worthwhile thing. Perhaps this is a form of irresponsibility..

Remembered myself getting irritated with ppl criticising dhsco or stereotyping it, but i didn't really voice it out cos i believed that everyone's entitled to their own opinions. I always held the belief that most people are more attached to their secondary school cos, and definitely are proud to be part of that co once. I remembered that i myself have been guilty of this, when my section mates and i criticised another school's co during their concert a few years ago. Even if people have criticised dhsco or any of its teachers, I still wished that they at least have some respect towards them. True, they may not be perfect, but they are still the people who made what I am now, and gave me the skills that I have now. Even those who criticise dhsco have people that they are grateful for and respect greatly too. How would they feel like if people start criticising those that they respect or hold dear to? Somehow, this made me more sensitive towards others, cos i've learnt how it feels like to be a victim of criticism, just like those whom i've criticised back in dhs.

Anyway, was busy watching live earth concerts for the past two days, wasn't that nice, nearly wanted to puke for rihanna's performances, cos her performances is really not up to standard, and she is starting to become more alike with beyonce. Was really impressed with madonna, crowded house and genesis' performances. And bon jovi is the best! Haha, going to download more of their music, and no doubt's too! =)

Looking forward to harry potter's new movie and the 7th book! ^^

BLOCKS IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!....YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hahaha, it's quite hell for me, cramming all my studying within 5 days before blocks and surviving all the long nights mugging with wl sms-ing me and complaining abt how screwed we are for blocks. At least it's over for the time being, and i can go and play crazily before throwing myself back into the books.

went back to dunman yesterday, quite pathetic, seeing the number of seniors who went back, and the meeting ended surprising early. Oh well, don't have much comments abt the next comm, since i dun really know the juniors..

went for piano festival concert just a while ago, by this super duper zai ukraine pianist called valentina lisitsa. Her tone is like superb, and her control totally shows in the endings of all her slow songs. The best part is that she is so lyrical and technical at the same time, and she is totally so much better than the russian pianist that i heard during last year piano festival. But too bad her chopin encore pieces wasn't really up to standard..

anyway, looking fwd to tmr's class chalet!! Mahjong and cycling!!!!=)