he found us a song Ü

and i love it.

9 days...

she's overwhelmed..

.. and not in the good way.
why doesn't anyone truly tell you how awful trying to execute a wedding is? or maybe that's what makes it the best day of your life? the fact that you've gone through months of .. stuff.. and then it gets to be over and you get to relax and just be happy? well fine. but i would have loved a little more warning. gear myself up for it maybe.
hopefully in the next less than 4 weeks i can get everything done. and get invitations out this week. and finish my dress by next week. and get things cut out so people can help. and get a good head start on flowers this wednesday. (sisters.. please remember to come..) and find some flowers for a bouquet. so i can do my bridals as soon as possible.. Because..
I'm Getting Married.
and i have a really hard time realizing that while i can't stop thinking about it, the world doesn't revolve around it and no one else is thinking about it but me. because they have important things going on in their lives too.
thank you for letting me take some time out of your day. and thank you to my dear sisters who have given up a little of their important things to help me.

she loves blogs..

i've been addicted to blogs.. specfically wedding blogs for the past two ish years.. and just in the last 2 hours i've realized that i'm planning a very unusual wedding.
i have two favorite blogs- www.snippetandink.com and apractialwedding.com .. one focuses on the cute details and lovely pictures of a wedding, while rarely talking about how many millions they spent and the other focuses and feelings and the why and budget (while sometimes going just a tad too liberal for me). throughout the last monthish of planning, i've been comparing myself to just about everyone. the cute bride from that post i feel in love with two years ago, that wedding 3 weeks ago that i'd literally vomit if my wedding turned out like, my siblings weddings that i remember, friends who've recently tied the knot.. it goes on. today on my practical blog they took a plunge and talked about budgets, inviting all the wedding graduates to anonymously post and talk about their budgets. i started skimming through and it seemed like everyone was between 12-40K.. i was expecting more around 5-10K with those DIY indie brides.. some of them spent my budget on their dress. a lot of them had their budget all split up so you could tell what went where and i realized something. i am so lucky. with a bit of simplifying and a few reality checks, i can probably manage everything i want to do on my budget. this is in great part to the generosity of a lot of people- nate's aunt and uncle, my loving sister heather amd her amazing talents, her brother and sister in-law, my other loving sister trina and her amazing talents, my other loving sister tammy and her amazing talents, my generous old boss, my sweet friend kyla and her hook-up, .. and thats just the beginning. how am i ever supposed to thank them all?

He Proposed! 8/25/10

i'd always wanted to be surprised.. not that it would really be surprising.. i think you hit a point in relationships where it's either "please press continue, or cancel". but i'd left too many hints, and he'd asked too many questions, and too many people knew.. which made it kinda funny actually. so tuesday night, he asked me on a date for lunch and dinner the next day (suspicious? i think yes). so i had a lazy morning and had only planned on the minimal get ready time because he was picky me up. well.. everyone took all the cars at his house, and his doesn't run well 2X in one day and he'd already taken it to the temple.. so i got ready slowly(cause he said i could take the time to make myself cute.. suspicious again.. because normally he wouldn't care) and drove to his house.. we had a lovely Subway picnic at the tree park, and laid on a blankie and read and napped and just enjoyed outside (other than the bugs.. i spent a lot of time scared of the bugs and bees). headed to his house and watched some tv and such. around dinnerish time, we borrowed dad's car for dinner. we don't take dad's car normally, but nate drove it on our first date.. and if i could have put in the same cd we listened to.. o well Ü. normally heading to dinner, we have very serious "so where do you wanna eat tonight?" talks.. but it never came.. he had it planned.. odd? o yes. he tried to tease me on the way to dinner about pulling into various places for dinner.. and i am o so glad we didn't end up at weinerschnitzel. as soon as we pulled in the parking lot, i knew exactly where we were headed and thought "he's gonna do it tonight.. o why o why did i have to play with my makeup today?". we had a lovely dinner at Texas Roadhouse, no nonsense.. just good food and my hunny. after dinner we headed up to the temple. he opened my door and i suddenly wished i'd brought a jacket, i turn around, and he's pulling my blanket out of the trunk.. he knows me so well :). we walked clear around the temple, because nate never had, and settled on a spot on the north lawn. as we talked we sat facing each other indian style, my legs were resting on his.. which apparently hurt, so he decieded to kneel. we sat there for a while looking at the temple and as he does on a regular basis.. he started teasing me. "you don't really want to marry me do you?".. i've long since stopped answering this question.. so i just smiled politely.. "so, are you one of those girls that needs him to be on one knee?.. do you need to be standing if he's on one knee?.. does there need to be a ring?.. what if he's down on both knees? (brings out ring box) did you want this?" i smiled a little bigger "o sorry.. you don't.. ok.. i'll take it back.." big cheesy grin on him, exasperated sigh from me.. i didn't think he actually had the ring! at some point during dinner i decided it was ok if he didn't propose and maybe he'd drag it out all week.. i could see him doing that. "o, you do?" (opens box) a gorgeous ring sparkles up at me, i smile brightly back and looked up at him "will you marry me?" i did not expect those words to feel so.. so... awesome Ü so i said, ".. say it again".... "..will you marry me?" still felt pretty awesome ".. say it again" he laughed a bit "will you marry me?" i sat there smiling debating whether i could ask him to say it again ".. are you gonna say yes?" nathan doesn't really like talking, and generally when i ask questions i get smiles or hand squeezes.. so.. i just kissed him. "is that yes?" he apparently didn't understand my dialect.. so i kissed him again. "your still not answering me.." so i whispered "yes".. "huh?".. apparently my quiet voice was too quiet..a little louder "Yes"... "what?" .. lol.. brat.. he's just trying to get it 3 times back! "Nathan Eric Streadbeck.. YES!" .. "..did you want to put the ring on?" technicalities! goodness gracious! "i guess" so he put it on me "you not even looking at it.." trying to kiss the man and all he's carin about is details.. sheesh! so i looked at it.. and we took a few pictures with our silly cell phones and left to tell loved ones.. i couldn't stop giggling the whole way home.. kinda fun to not have to dream about it anymore Ü

what makes a marriage work

"What makes a marriage work is the ability to keep four levels of intimacy at a healthy state: emotional intimacy (able to share what we feel and how we feel about the other), intellectual intimacy (able to share our thoughts and opinions), spiritual intimacy (able to share our values and spiritual journey), and physical intimacy (able to share our body and physical affection). Intimacy has less to do with “agreeing” and always seeing eye to eye and more to do with being able to share our experience, values, thoughts, feelings and ideas when we know we don’t agree or see eye to eye. And knowing that you will be received with respect and a listening ear even when the differences separate you. Safety and trust are important foundations for this to be the case. Honesty affects trust and reaction affects safety."

stole this from a blog.. just wanted to keep it somewhere since its one my mind a lot.

She never realized..

.. well maybe not never.. but i'm always amazed when i feel our heavenly fathers love for us. i'm 20 years old and i recieved my patriachial blessing yesterday. when i first decided i wanted it, i wanted names and dates and my life spelled out, nice goals to look forward to, all organized and laid out for me. i knew that wasn't what it was.. but it's what i wanted. silly silly manda. what i got was better in a way. i got great advice from the patriach, that we grow and learn through faith and to lean on that faith whenever i needed to. the blessing itself.. was peace. i felt my heavenly fathers love for me and it was overwhelming and wonderful.

what ever life holds- it'll all work out.

one of my greatest fears is that i'll be alone through this life. i'm never alone. i never have to be. because- I am loved.

we went to the temple

...the sri sri krishna hindu temple that is..
(that is across the street from a kingdom hall JW place- hilarious- i think so)

We made it to the festival of colors this year! i expected the 4 o'clock one not to be too crowded.. but holy cow! there were people everywhere. it was insane. and insanely awesome. i love throwing stuff at strangers to make them dirty and knowing they can't get mad at you for it, and may actually thank you for it.



in the picture is scotty(in white) and audie(in brown), me(in green) and nate(in black)



^ the whole lots of people still there as we were leaving



twinners!



nate and i.. i love the contrast of teeth .. lol

he's a nerd

i don't mind star wars. infact- i quite like star wars. but.. did you know there are books? like lots of them. and games that explain the movies? apparently they're even george lucas approved games. and there is a site for star wars thats like wikipedia for star wars? and it has details you would never think you'd need to know. and official sites where you can buy official costumes? did you know that a super cool official jedi cape could be $150 bucks?
these are all things you could learn too if you hung around the awesome nerds that i do.

.. i think i'll be making lots of jedi costumes this year..

he's got great aim

i hate balls, i can't play with them. they never do what i want them to, and even if i aim, its usually pretty pointless. i allowed myself to be taken mini golfing. was pretty sure i'd loose and it would be a hateful experience. i never expected to be wrong. .. i had fun. hopefully my fun isn't totally due to the fact that i was winning nate by the first hole, and he never caught up... but i'll admit, it was a perk. and i think he really was trying.. but even if he did let me win, i'll take it. all 15 points of it.

he's got a great shoulder

i cry at lots of things. in the last two years, tears have started to come almost with out warning and definitely without permission. recently, i was terribly mad at myself and sitting in the car with nate and started to tear up and wouldn't look at him because of such stupidity. after about 15+ minutes of not looking at your man- they assume they've done something terrible. which.. well i'm glad he could tell i was upset.. but i really hope i didn't make him think too hard. we got out of the car, and he held me and i cried. and that sweet patient man didn't make me talk or explain myself, i just got to cry on his perfect height shoulder, and get his coat all gross and wet, and when i went i couldn't stand the thought of how gross i was getting his coat ay longer i went to grab a tissue, and when i came back, there he stood ready for round two. ..but this time he asked me to try to be happy.. Ü

i love that man.

hmm de dum...

well.. he's been home almost 6 weeks now... and he's almost pure distraction. i thought for sure i'd be rational, get home on time every night, wait for him to call, get my homework done diligently, go to class consistantly.. sadly that's kinda far from reality. any spare moments are spent with him, anytime i feel like i can stay later i do, classes are harder and harder to get to and homework harder and harder to focus on.. in fact i'm supposed to be focusing on some right now.. ha! funny i know.

the new beginning..

thoughts.. on the random side concerning the last couple days and weeks...

.. he can't be coming home, isn't it too soon?
.. of course he's coming home.. thats why drama turns up- thank you drama.
last sunday without that man.. at church with the family.. can't hardly believe he'll be the missionary in the front..
monday- last email! what the? what do you say? ... can't wait to meet that man..... i wonder if he'll still like me...
.. stupid art teacher.. sure fine.. banish me to the back of the class room for going ahead.. i didn't want to sit next to cousin anyways.. i'll just sit here and not think about someone coming home..
tuesday- homework? why? is it really that important? cause thinking and worrying and wondering what's to come.. sounds much more interesting... i'll just head to class when i.. ok fine i'll go before i end up late... dang it. haha.. teacher changed the assignment anyways and made homework irrelevant.. thank you lazy bones.
muahhaha! i rule the sewing room! ye poor little ones that know not what ye do! mine is an evil laugh!! bahahaa!! *sigh*.. ya i'll help you figure out your sample thingy.... thank you in fact for occupying my mind... so i don't flip out because of the short ness of time.. teacher man thinks i make a great TA.. rock on!
.. driving home.. and choking out laughs and tears.. he's headed home and i can't hardly bear it.. i'd rather head to the airport than home.. at least that seems closer to him..
...sleep dang you.. sleep... please.... ugh..
wednesday.. seriously ok with waking up at 7! :) and for a not so morning person like me.. thats pretty big.
no last minute changes to the oufit i've been thinking about for weeks.. thank heavens.. or that could have taken forever. and will anyone realize that i'm wearing the same sweater to the airport as i did to the mtc? nope. i'm just a silly girl.
helping dad put up balloons.. only let one go... but.. those 2 dozen balloons had a pretty high price... flat hair :( pook.
driving to the airport with nervous butterflies.. so glad i didn't drive... riding was hard enough... wish i wasn't so quiet.. now everyone can tell i'm totally nervous.. and tease me for it..
butterflies, butterflies... breathe... breathe..
tall... blonde... ridiculously handsome man with a name tag coming this way.. *gasp*... thank heaven for the welcome home sign barrier to stop me from charging.. if i can even remember how my legs work..
stick your hand out.. he's still a missionary.. dang it.. o crap.. i don't think he liked that...
of course i'm sitting next to the man i can't touch.. tee he.. his leg touched mine..
*trying really really hard not the stare*
where the crap do i stand! do i keep my distance? do i stand next to him? maybe i shouldn't have come.. glad i did.. but maybe it'd have been better... but oi.. it's so nice to just see him...
he hasn't changed lol.. i ask him for a straw and he blows the wrapper at me.. "uh, elder, you put your mouth on my straw..." .. "so?" meh.. i guess we never did care about that..
i like how he looks at me... :) it's different.. but i like it..
stop at the grandparents, listen to stories he never told us about in letters or phone calls... not that they're bad.. he just never said.
sitting in he stake presidents office, waiting for him to be released and listening to the stake president talk to him.. read these 2 talks, read the BOM full circle in the next 2 months, keep your study habits, keep looking for that future spouse.. ( psht.. i wonder if he'd still be staying that if they hadn't introduced me as their daughter)... report to the high council, give your talk/ report to your ward about your mission.. elder, can i see your papers.. your released! .... and manda still can't figure out how to use her limbs or she'd be tackling you... course maybe not in the stake presidents office... but kelsey said to hug you.. and thats good enough for me. hard to let go...
but now i can stand next to him and not feel weird.. he sits next to me... he sits next to me... *eek!*