does you remember me? i'm that one crazy person, you met that one time, at that one place Ü

i got a blog to update people on my life or whatever right? and now, i don't want to use it because someone might read it. lol yes, yes i am in fact insane.


life has been insane for the last -meh- like 5 months. i started school and i'm not hating myself for it- which is kinda a new experience. i moved! for reals. on august 3rd. and that night i went grocery shopping with one of my very best friends who had just gotten back from his mission exactly a month before. we started talking a lot and he'd come over and visit so i wasn't all alone.. we had what we call our first real date august 18th.. then on there was hardly a day we didn't see each other. i figured things would work themselves out before i had to worry to hard... but i don't think i expected to fall so hard for him. but i wouldn't let go of the missionary... which ended up hurting both him and i. i broke up with him at one point because i couldn't handle it, it lasted all of three days. i missed him too much. it got better and worse during the next few months... he got extremely jealous of nate and me spending time with his family- we compromised, and i kept finding more reasons to love him despite it and we grew closer. he really is an amazing guy. but i started not to care. i started to resent him for pulling me away from "my family". and i stopped trying. which lead to him worrying. and me being annoyed.
i didn't deserve him, but i sure learned a lot from him. and he from me. and in many ways i feel like thats why we were together. to learn from each other. i didn't know how to fix our problem and i stressed about it a lot with the holidays coming up and the missionary coming home soon. it was definitely best that he did it, that he could let go. on friday december 18th, trevor asked if we could back off and just be best friends because it was just too hard on us. if things happen later, wonderful. but watching my roommate and her boyfriend and how happy they were made him want that for me, i tell ya, he's amazing. as we talked about everything that night, what had happened, what would happen, what we learned- there was an amazing peaceful spirit, everything felt so right. that night was such a huge relief. i hate saying that because i think it may have just about killed him- but i had hurt him so much, i hope that hurt is over. i'll always love him.. i always have.. part of me always will.

i feel so.... i dunno. there is a massive weight off my shoulders. i feel like i have my friend back. i feel like i can be excited for nate to come home. i feel like i can go see my "family" again.. i miss them.i'm nervous for tomorrow though.. to talk to nate on the phone.. what we might talk about.. if he still loves me... if the family is mad at me... i'm kinda scared.
but all will be.. ok... right? eek!

and now i'm super tempted to wait for roomie to read this before i post ... gah!

i'm.. an addict

so- yes.. i admit it. proudly in fact. i love weddings. and the idea of plannning one.. and getting ideas for future planning.. i just- i just love it Ü

and since i deal with weddings a lot (working at a reception center, making/altering wedding dresses).. i let myself love them. in fact- for my birthday i tried on wedding dresses ..again. it was too much fun lol. i had two favorites-




i loved the old movie star curvy look




*sigh* so darn cute!

and.. i look better than the model.. Ü



anyways.. i'm random and whatever.. i thought they were fun. Ü

Random Chain letter....

Rule #1:

If you open this you take it.


Rule #2:

You are NOT ALLOWED to explain ANYTHING unless someone messages you and asks.


Rule #3:

Tag 15 people.



Q: Been arrested?

A: nope


Q: Do you like someone?

A: yes


Q: Held a snake?

A: never


Q: Been suspended from school?

A: no


Q: Sang karaoke?

A: yup


Q: Done something you told yourself you wouldn't do?

A: absolutely


Q: Laughed until you started crying?

A: yup- hurts


Q: Caught a snowflake on your tongue?

A: yes


Q: Kissed in the rain?

A: nope


Q: Sang in the shower?

A: kinda


Q: Sat on a roof top?

A: not i can think of


Q: Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?

A: nope


Q: Broken a bone?

A: nope.


Q: Shaved your head?

A: no


Q: Played a prank on someone?

A: kinda, guess you could call it that


Q: Shot a gun?

A: Yes. many times. twas wonderful.


Q: Donated Blood?

A: no, they won't let me.


LAST PERSON.


I. You hung out with?

A: Streadbecks


II. You texted?

A: Jason


III. You were in a car with?

A: Streadbecks


IV. Person you went to shop with?

A: Streadbecks


V. You talked on the phone?

A: Heather Moore


VI. Made you laugh?

A: Rachel


VII. You hugged?

A: Rachel


ANSWER TRUTHFULLY...


I. Sun or moon?

A: MOON


II. Winter or Fall?

A: Fall. (period.)


III. Left or Right?

A: right


IV. Sunny or rainy?

A: rain


V. Where do you live?

A: With my generous sister


VI. Club or pub?

A: nada, no use for it


VII. Are there 1 or 2 people who you can always trust and rely on?

A: yes


VIII. Do you want to get married?

A: psht.. why would one wanna do that.. with the pretty dresses and the food and the pictures.. nope.. never.. *cough*


IX. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?

A: I twirl it and hope to keep a clean shirt


X. What time is it?

A: 3:18 pm


XI. Are you afraid of commitment?

A: yes.


XII. What is your greatest hope/wish?

A: That one day i figure out what i'm doing and do it fabulously


XIII. Do you cook?

A: poorly, yes.


XIV. Current mood?

A: Vegetative state


IN THE LAST 48 HOURS HAVE YOU...


I. Kissed someone?

A: nope- well.. rachel.


II. Sang?

A: yeah, to myself.


III. Listened to music?

A: always


IV. Danced Crazy?

A: nope


V. Cried?

A: felt like it


VI. Liked someone you can't have?

A: yup. patience. its a killer.


Your FIRSTS .....


Q. Who was your first prom date?

A: nic downs


Q. Who was your first roommate?

A: no idea, some sibling.. gonna guess at tammy


Q. What was your first alcoholic beverage?

A: n/a


Q. What was your first job?

A: foam thingies on the hangers yo. i rocked that job.


Q. What was your first car?

A: 1990 acura legend- i'm sorry that i've trashed it dad


Q. When did you go to your first funeral and viewing?

A: 4 or 5, gramma jinny


Q. Who was your first grade teacher?

A: Mrs. Christiansen. Awesome class.


Q. Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane?

A: still waitin.


Q. Who is your best friend?

A: audra. the end. Ü


Q. Where was your first sleepover?

A: tough question- don't know the answer.


Q. What's the first thing you did when you got up this morning?

A: asked for more time


Q. What was the first concert you went to?

A: jon schmidt.. or counting crows


Q. What was the last concert you went to?

A: goo goo dolls i think


Q. First tattoo or piercing?

A: Ears.


Q. First celebrity crush?

A: my sisters would probably know better than i would.. i don't remember.


Q. Current celebrity crush?

A: mm.. probably couldn't narrow it down to even a list form if i wanted to.


Q. First crush?

A: austin lunt, until he moved to lindon- which i thought meant london and i was sure i'd never see him again and i was totally broken up. and low and behold i end up at his school senior year.. lol he couldn't even look at me, but i was friends with his girlfriend and i think he was embarrassed


Q. Current crush?

A: Elder Nathan Eric Streadbeck.. i think he's kinda cute ;)

Picture Tag

1. Go to My Documents/Pictures
2. Go to your fifth folder
3. Go to your fifth picture
4. Blog about it
5. Tag five people




so.. i think i may have cheated by picking this one.. i have folders within folders and for some reason the folders change order when your uploading than when you go through my documents.. i don't understand computers!! bah!!!

*deep breath* *sigh* o well.. lol.

um.. this was taken sometime in the summer or fall of 2007. see the pretty long hair thats long gone? see heather's cute prego cheeks that she loves so much? *sigh*.. twas so long ago. from this picture, i totally don't understand why people always think me and heather are sisters.. i just.. don't see it ;)

since i feel like a cheater.. i'll blog the other possibilities too..



this is at 10:30 pm, on February 9th 2007- i had just gotten home from the post office, and heather and i had been talking about cutting our hair and she up and decided that that's what we were doing!! so i got my hair all washed and wet and~ we chopped off manda's hair!!



this was a scan, i was trying to figure out what i wanted to make for halloween- this was the dress for my fairy godmother option- i ended up going with cinderella instead.

there! *phew* i no longer feel like a cheater. :)
have a lovely day!

-Manda ♥

o.. the happy tears Ü

i don't know whats wrong with me.. maybe its the going to therapy thing.. i dunno.. but i cry quite freely and at the silliest of things.. heard of people that cry at commercials? yup. thats me. i cried at a picture book in church this last sunday- it was about a little boy growing up and learning about going on a mission, and telling his mommy he would miss her.. and *sigh* i still wanna tear up. i just kept thinking about when i'm a mom and with my boys, and hopefully they'll love me that much, and then about nate and how proud i am of him and then how awful i feel for his mom cause i don't feel like he pays her as much attention as he pays me. my point- i cry at lots of things.
so monday- i checked the mail at my mom's house- i've been trying to check it a lot lately because i'd asked nate to send my mail there because i'd be moving there. i was shocked to actually find two letters! (well, question cards- i'd sent him a package with pre-addressed envelopes and cards with questions on them- his job was to fill out a few cards and send it to me so that i would actually get something from him.) which i was totally and completely blissed out with. but looking through the mail i found a notice that there was a package waiting at the post office. the notice said it was a large envelope and i was so excited because at the very least it would have pictures in it. well, in an attempt to get to the post office early i woke up with heather and exercised and was off for the post office of pg! my favorite mail person greeted me and went to find my envelope- but came back with a box!! i was shocked and scared to ask that maybe he had the wrong thing- but it said nate's name and the barcode matched and so he handed me my box and i rushed to my car and preceeded to rip open the box with my keys. packages are sweet- don't get me wrong- but they feel kinda like a waste of money- and i would really rather just have letters. but my package had letters:) and when i finally saw the stack of them i was in tears- lame i know. but after not receiving a paper letter since early november- i feel pretty entitled to tears. they were happy tears Ü. so i sat and looked through what he'd sent me.. and well.. i'm pretty darn happy. and the cards are pretty darn cute. and i'm pretty darn sure that i love that man. i can't wait for mother's day. i only hope that i don't cry then too...

a tale of true love

this novel was texted to me by my very good friend kyla (a couple week ago when i was having a craptastic day). and since she made it up herself i haven't had the heart to erase the texts. so why not blog them! lol.

once upon a time there was a cow named... tom. yes tom. tom was no ordinary cow you see. he didn't moo. he cockadoodledoed!
so tom felt very left out. he wasn't happy because he was different. the cows in the pasture all made fun of him... and didn't let him play cow games.
then one foggy christmas eve...
*intermission* (to respond to texts)
ope! shhh show's back on...
so the cow. named tom. on a foggy christmas eve he looked around... and there was a beautiful...
... fish!!!
this was the most beautiful fish he had ever seen. with gilles so blue, scales flashing, bringing out her beautiful orange eyes... and he knew immediately...
it was love.
he quarted the fish- haha get it? quarted like a quart of milk haha- and the fish soon fell in love with tom too. but there was one obstacle.
water.
of course tom didn't mind that they were an odd couple... or the distance between them... there was nothing like a kiss with glass between...
oh yes so close and yet so far. dang bowl. anywho, they decided something must be done. they couldn't go on like this! but what to do?!
so tom went to his friend.. peter cottontail. "peter" he said, "what am i to do?!" but peter wouldn't listen. he kept talking to his kids.
his millions of kids! tom got so frustrated. so he went to his friend sham. but sham was too busy frolicking up and down and tossing clovers! "sham!" he
yelled. "what the crap?! stop frolicking like a flower girl!" but sham just kept yelling "luck o de irish matey! luck o de irish matey!" tom had had it.
"some friends! see if y'all get an invite! or christmas presents!"
tom was very sad. what was he to do? he loved henrietta- the fish- and would do anything for her... but what?!
"i got it!" he suddenly yelled. he went to see his friend ness.
Loch ness.
henrietta was crying in her bowl when tom came up...
since fish always cry and you can totally tell...
and when she saw tom she gasped!
tom rolled to her in a giant hampster like ball- full of water!
henrietta jumped for joy! in a way only a fish can and jumped into the bowl with tom. and shared their first kiss...
*CENSORED!*
SICK!
and then she wondered how he could do it! but then she looked...
tom had on an oxygen mask! and the oxygen tank was hanging outside on the edge of the bowl!
and tom and henrietta rolled off into the sunset... happily ever after...
THE END!

hola el stupido!

so.. call me stupid. i stayed up til 4 last night reading my very own journal. which.. well.. i kinda suck at journaling.. so my little less than 1/2 inch notebook covers from part of 05 clear til june 07 when i apparently stopped writing in journals because i never found another good one. mind you- i have plenty of journals. i went through a phase where i practically collected them, and they sit there.. neatly.. never used.. in boxes. i guess i'm prejudice against them.. they're the bound book kind, and i can't stand writing on the back of the page.. it's just awkward. so i don't write in it at all.. because writing on only one side of the paper seems like such a waste! yes. yes i am crazy. i should just suck it up and use them.
anyways.. i've decided i'm really very pathetic at journaling. there are basically two spurts through which i journaled- mostly because i thought- o posterity! they will want to know how their father and i met! ya.. i'm lame. thus i have my crush for ryan earl documented in ink and gooey gross high school girl-ness. and my every thought about the tall and handsome bryce gardner who had stolen my heart with his gentle manners, rugged good looks, and deep bass voice (who is now married with a baby boy- awkward- i don't wanna get old anymore). nothing about the wonderful man who i blogged about last. which is probably because i had a horrible attitude toward that relationship and was sure nothing important would ever come from it- because he was just good buddy nate. ok ok.. i guess i did have some things about him in my journal.. but not more than than little tiny things about him that we did in the time between the breakup and the mission.. and then last june i apparently saw the mistake and tried to remedy it with a couple pages of little updates. pathetic! i don't think i'll read that journal again.. it was disgustingly gooey- i didn't know i was so completely ridiculous when it came to men. i should have guessed though. poor flirty manda. somebody please find that girl a brain. and a new journal.

romeo.. o romeo.. wherefore art thou?

everyone remembers having to read romeo and juliet in school right? the passionate week long relationship between two teens that has had people swooning for centuries. sometimes don't ya wish every guy had just a lil bit of romeo in him? the sweet phrases~ the risking everything~ the commitment (once he found the girl)~ the sense of duty~ i dunno, romeo-ish stuff?
last night i got to help nate's little brother proof read his letter for english. he was supposed to be writing a love letter to his dearest juliet with similes and metaphors and hyperboles and blah blah blah- english stuff in it. well the smarty pants decided to use some movie lines- which i decided was plagerism and came up with new lines (his second paragraph was basically the letter william writes for jocelyn in "a knights tale"). anyways.. poor kid shouldn't have asked for my help. i had waaaay too much fun with it. lol, and his poor 14 year old mind had the hardest time when i changed the word 'life' to 'lips'.. he was dying inside i'm sure, cause his read read "agony". i don't think i left more than one sentence unchanged and it was dripping with gooey sweety ness (most of the sweetness he'd put down already, i just made them sound better and sweeter- "you are my flower, my chocolate, my love- please never forget that i love you" lol what a cheese!- but that was his good line). he was completely embarrassed by it, especially after the whole family barged in to read it and laughed every other sentence (because of the the clever sweetness). *sigh* i love that i get to torture younger siblings that aren't mine. thus- i made sure to send a copy to nate so that he can torture him as well:)

anyways, helping with that got me thinking about my "romeo". i've felt rather deprived and unloved and blue because he hadn't sent me a physical/paper letter since october(which means i got it in november.. but october sounds longer and i'm obviously looking for sympathy ;)). he has emailed me- even though he's not supposed to. which i brought up a couple weeks ago- trying to be brave and obedient. and darn it all! he decided followed it! o well .. through obedience we are blessed. hopefully it means i get real letters.. but in the mean time.. he sent me pictures this week! and i now feel bad for being a grump lol.

i talked to my (person i talk to about feelings) and she brought up an amazing point- as i've been grumpy about not getting my christmas package and i was trying to give him and the mail service the benefit of the doubt~ it's been long enough that i've given up hope.. but! he's obviously done his part by sending the package.. its out of his hands- and i shouldn't angry with him, if i must be angry with someone- be angry at the mail service Ü. or the punk who may have taken my package. and be grateful that he was thoughtful enough to put a package together. which is true.. i should be grateful:) and i am! cause he's amazing. and sweet. and makes me laugh. and handsome. and fulfilling his responsibilities. and ya. love him. missioaries are amazing. thank you to all my brothers who have been such wonderful examples of what a good man is. Ü

Puerto Madryn, Argentina- Elder Nathan Streadbeck and Elder Benjamin Niznik

"i don't consider myself in the 'loss' section. i consider myself in the 'put in storage to wait while it matures/ferments and becomes even better while bringing souls to christ' section. kind of like a bottle of wine. like wine, i am hoping to become better with age, be addicting and still make you wobbly at the knees when i get back. :)" february 11, 2009

lol, i think he's been hangin 'round too many drunks..

My reasons for my Ranting and Raving...

ok ok.. i realize my last post was a little ridiculous. i did have reasons for ranting, i promise!

i have to talk to a lot of people about what they want in their clothing and/or how were adjusting it for them- and sometimes i just want to disregard what they want and do it my own way. you don't need that neckline to be right on the edge of your garments- give yourself a little lee-way and let's bring it up maybe a 1/2 of an inch? 1/4? something? and its distressing to me because i am soooo looking forward to wearing garments- heather teases me all the time "would you just get garments already?!" i love wearing an extra tank top, or biker shorts just make sure i'm covered on all bases. and i look around me and see people trying so hard to get around them. cause- maybe jus a little tuck won't hurt.. right? gah! and i guess what really sent me over the edge was the story of a bride, about to leave the temple and completely upset with the temple staff because they wouldn't let her leave the temple in her STRAPLESS gown. hello?! and then, her mother(who was with her in the temple, so obviously temple worthy) was also just as upset as her daughter. i just don't understand how anyone could find that ok.
and then.. i'm under a bit of stress because i'm supposed to make up a table presentation for our stake women's conference coming up on the 14th. the theme is prepareness and my tables theme is supposed to be preparedness in modesty. i picked it because i'm very familiar with the topic of modesty and then i realized that i wasn't speaking with girls, i presenting a table to lds women of faith- and i realized that i don't have any idea how to talk to these women whom i'm not even close to being in the same point of life. if i wanted i could probably set up a whole night trying to discuss modesty and its importance but i have no clue how to present it to these women on a tiny table. i talked to the stake and asked what points they wanted me to hit, and i guess they were concerned with cleavage, length of skirts, and tight-ness of clothing ( because if someone can tell the texture of your bra through your shirt- it's too tight and they're lookin way too close.) and overall respect for garments. i'm at a loss as to how to present this. complete loss. if you have any suggestions or ideas could you please get a hold of me?

I want a Badge.

i want a badge.
i want a badge that says that i am a part of the 'Modesty Police'.
i wanna be able to go up to some one and have the right to say, you shouldn't be wearing that.
gah! it bugs me so bad!
my favorite line from conference is that we are a peculiar people. we are MEANT TO STAND OUT! not slide into the worldly fashions all around us! i realize its hard to shop for modest clothing- believe me i do understand. but, we need to be sure that what we're wearing is appropriate. for one thing- a short dress and leggings- not appropriate! especially at church! don't you dare wear it to church! i don't care if your dress is almost to your knees, or to your knees, we know what look your trying to achieve, and i for one don't appreciate it. the length of your dress should be to your knees, and if you have garments it should be to the bottom of your knees. i realize this is almost impossible to find but i beg you to try or not buy! shorts should be the same, long! shirts should have sleeves that actually cover your upper arm. clothing shouldn't be tight to the extreme, but a comfortable fit. necklines should be modest! cleavage shouldn't really be an option. please realize that it is your responsibility to dress in a modest fashion. if you know your on the edge, please realize that thoughts you inspire in others could be placed on your head in the last day. modesty in our appearance affects our thoughts and actions and the thoughts and actions of those around us.
sister tanner said this the the may ensign of 2008 "Jacob taught that the Lord delights 'in the chastity of women' (Jacob 2:28). I delight in the chastity and purity of all women and men. How it must grieve the Lord to see virtue violated and modesty mocked on every side in this wicked world. The Lord has provided for His children great joy through intimate, loving relationships, as my grandchildren were learning. I delight in the clarity of the proclamation to the world on the family which warns that 'individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God.' "
one of my favorite primary songs lately ( i say lately because it wasn't there when i was in primary) is the song "if the savior stood beside me". the first verse says:
If the Savior stood beside me, would I do the things I do?
Would I think of His commandments and try harder to be true?
Would I follow His example? Would I live more righteously,
If I could see the Savior standing nigh, watching over me?

if the savior stood beside you, would you feel comfortable in what your wearing? do you think it would matter to him that you've done what he's asked you to do?

little refresher on what the for the strength of youth pamphlet says:
Dress and Appearance
Servants of God have always counseled his children to dress modestly to show respect for him and for themselves. Because the way you dress sends messages about yourself to others and often influences the way you and others act, you should dress in such a way as to bring out the best in yourself and those around you. However, if you wear an immodest bathing suit because it's "the style," it sends a message that you are using your body to get attention and approval, and that modesty is not important.

Immodest clothing includes short shorts, tight pants, and other revealing attire. Young women should refrain from wearing off-the-shoulder, low-cut, or revealing clothes. Young men should similarly maintain modesty in their dress. All should avoid tight fitting or revealing clothes and extremes in clothing and appearance.

As Latter-day Saint youth, you can also show respect for the Lord and yourselves by dressing appropriately for Church meetings and activities, whether on Sunday or during the week. If you are not sure what's appropriate, ask for guidelines from your parents, advisers, and bishop.

(my own tid bit)Please dress your self with respect, respect for yourself, God and those around you.

i realize i'm not perfect and i don't have much room to be talking on this subject, but its something i feel very strongly about. please, please try. if you need my help making some article of clothing modest, i'd be happy to try.

verse 4:

He is always near me, though I do not see Him there
And because He loves me dearly, I am in His watchful care
So I'll be the kind of person that I know I'd like to be
If I could see the Savior standing nigh, watching over me.

i can't believe i started a blog!

i guess i should have a purpose for said blog, yes? which will probably be something of, informing those i love on my life, and the far off life of prince charming.

i think i'll explain my blog name-
this weekend was stake conference, for my singles ward's stake and my home stake, and since my home stake was doing it at the alpine tabernacle i decided i just could not pass up the opportunity! i delight in sitting on a balcony whenever possible:) so i sat and listened through my second meeting that day and really was having a hard time concentrating (not due to my joy of sitting on the balcony, i promise). anywho, a sister that stood up caught my attention as she spoke about eternal families. during her talk, she was talking about how she was delighted that she had turned into a good mom, just not good at cleaning said house in the motherly way. one day as she was scrubbing floors and washing dishes she decided she felt like cinderella (i slightly disagree- i think cinderella is joyful in her cleaning duties Ü) and then she realized! she was a princess! mind you, she was in Deep disguise, but she was infact a princess- daughter of a king. this thought was brought up as i brain stormed ideas for my blog name, many of them involving cinderella or her glass slipper, as they have been a central focus for me for the past year and a half (working in cinderella's closet will do that to a mouse Ü)- and it just seemed right. hope you think so as well. and as many of us princesses and princes are searching for a someone, and i happen to be waiting for a prince to come home from his quest, i figured the tag line was appropriate.

( i love this! i get to ramble! o how lovely.. Ü)

i shall write more at a later date but, cinderella has work to do!