she's dumping it out

some people find throwing things away exhilarating and freeing (namely my sister heather- she practically gets high off it).. and my storage room project has been awesome.. but today i'm finding it draining. emptying home bottled food so carefully prepared by my mother just reminds me of how little time i had with her and how many things she didn't get to teach me. i try to remind myself that i have loving friends and family who'd be willing to teach me and then i tear it back down with the knowledge that it'll never be the same. the same food, the same recipe, the same time with her.

sorry to be a whiner. i just needed an outlet.

take care of your mommys.. you'll never understand how much they did for you until they're gone. you'll wish so hard that you could have helped them more. loved them longer. talked to them sweeter. you'll wish you could ask them how they did it all. and for my mom, how in the world she did it all alone.
please hold her a second longer and tell her you love her just one more time.
you'll wish you had.

she's.. well she is. how bout that. Ü

so as many of you know.. mornings are not my friend. neither are spiders. but i've been seeing lots of both lately. (thankfully not at the same time!! ew!)

i've been trying to cleaning up my basement- specifically my storage room ( so that husband and i have places to put food other than the tiny cupboard i've been using). my storage room has two entrances and in the skinny hall way of the one i've found about a billion mason jars that need to be put in better boxes for storage. but only after they've been rinsed and washed and sanitized from the nasty creatures that thought they looked cozy and then died inside, of course. my mother in-law had a genius idea to put the cleaned jars into cannery boxes (who'da thunk ya know?) the kind that fit 6 10 lb cans? they are perfect!.. well as close as i could wish for at this point. they fit 15 regular jars and about 20 of the smaller. and because i'm me.. they all have to get organized into their boxes.. thus.. regular size Ball brand jars can only go in a box with regular size Ball brand jars and regular size Kerr brand jars can only go with regular size Kerr brand jars.. you get my drift? .. the ones that are random and don't have buddies they look drive me nuts though. so.. so far i have 4 Kerr boxes and 4 Ball boxes full and taped up, and about 5 other boxes each filled with a specific type of jar waiting for more buddies and 2 miscellaneous boxes.. and i'm just getting started!!

and this is all made possible by waking up and getting dressed in the morning.. which is usually such a hassle.. but when the reward is getting to go walking And see my good friend daunell And get to talk to her for about an hour.. it's pretty easy. it's so incredibly hard not to be happy around her, but when one does have a problem, daunell always has a few words of sweet wisdom. so she and i chat and walk around the pg rec track and her 2 boys follow or lead or rest or run around us. it's the best. today she somehow got me to get up extra early.. i don't know how long it's been since i've seen six o'clock. it's reeally early. she took me to the temple today and we did some sealings. it was lovely and peaceful. i love how smiley everyone is at the temple. we sat and talked for awhile inside and she told me some of her insights and i commented and attempted to sound intelligent.

probably the best and funniest moment of the day, as i was in the dressing room putting some things away i looked in the mirror at my temple dress, people have frequently told me that it's beautiful and that it looks beautiful on me. especially the day i bought it- and i'm still positive that my mother picked it out and said 'o i know it's probably not what you were thinking, but just try it.' as i looked in the mirror, i had the urge to text my mother and tell her thank you for picking such a beautiful dress. it didn't dawn on me for a second how ridiculous that was and then i just had to smile. she knows i love it.

he found us a song Ü

and i love it.

9 days...

she's overwhelmed..

.. and not in the good way.
why doesn't anyone truly tell you how awful trying to execute a wedding is? or maybe that's what makes it the best day of your life? the fact that you've gone through months of .. stuff.. and then it gets to be over and you get to relax and just be happy? well fine. but i would have loved a little more warning. gear myself up for it maybe.
hopefully in the next less than 4 weeks i can get everything done. and get invitations out this week. and finish my dress by next week. and get things cut out so people can help. and get a good head start on flowers this wednesday. (sisters.. please remember to come..) and find some flowers for a bouquet. so i can do my bridals as soon as possible.. Because..
I'm Getting Married.
and i have a really hard time realizing that while i can't stop thinking about it, the world doesn't revolve around it and no one else is thinking about it but me. because they have important things going on in their lives too.
thank you for letting me take some time out of your day. and thank you to my dear sisters who have given up a little of their important things to help me.

she loves blogs..

i've been addicted to blogs.. specfically wedding blogs for the past two ish years.. and just in the last 2 hours i've realized that i'm planning a very unusual wedding.
i have two favorite blogs- www.snippetandink.com and apractialwedding.com .. one focuses on the cute details and lovely pictures of a wedding, while rarely talking about how many millions they spent and the other focuses and feelings and the why and budget (while sometimes going just a tad too liberal for me). throughout the last monthish of planning, i've been comparing myself to just about everyone. the cute bride from that post i feel in love with two years ago, that wedding 3 weeks ago that i'd literally vomit if my wedding turned out like, my siblings weddings that i remember, friends who've recently tied the knot.. it goes on. today on my practical blog they took a plunge and talked about budgets, inviting all the wedding graduates to anonymously post and talk about their budgets. i started skimming through and it seemed like everyone was between 12-40K.. i was expecting more around 5-10K with those DIY indie brides.. some of them spent my budget on their dress. a lot of them had their budget all split up so you could tell what went where and i realized something. i am so lucky. with a bit of simplifying and a few reality checks, i can probably manage everything i want to do on my budget. this is in great part to the generosity of a lot of people- nate's aunt and uncle, my loving sister heather amd her amazing talents, her brother and sister in-law, my other loving sister trina and her amazing talents, my other loving sister tammy and her amazing talents, my generous old boss, my sweet friend kyla and her hook-up, .. and thats just the beginning. how am i ever supposed to thank them all?

He Proposed! 8/25/10

i'd always wanted to be surprised.. not that it would really be surprising.. i think you hit a point in relationships where it's either "please press continue, or cancel". but i'd left too many hints, and he'd asked too many questions, and too many people knew.. which made it kinda funny actually. so tuesday night, he asked me on a date for lunch and dinner the next day (suspicious? i think yes). so i had a lazy morning and had only planned on the minimal get ready time because he was picky me up. well.. everyone took all the cars at his house, and his doesn't run well 2X in one day and he'd already taken it to the temple.. so i got ready slowly(cause he said i could take the time to make myself cute.. suspicious again.. because normally he wouldn't care) and drove to his house.. we had a lovely Subway picnic at the tree park, and laid on a blankie and read and napped and just enjoyed outside (other than the bugs.. i spent a lot of time scared of the bugs and bees). headed to his house and watched some tv and such. around dinnerish time, we borrowed dad's car for dinner. we don't take dad's car normally, but nate drove it on our first date.. and if i could have put in the same cd we listened to.. o well Ü. normally heading to dinner, we have very serious "so where do you wanna eat tonight?" talks.. but it never came.. he had it planned.. odd? o yes. he tried to tease me on the way to dinner about pulling into various places for dinner.. and i am o so glad we didn't end up at weinerschnitzel. as soon as we pulled in the parking lot, i knew exactly where we were headed and thought "he's gonna do it tonight.. o why o why did i have to play with my makeup today?". we had a lovely dinner at Texas Roadhouse, no nonsense.. just good food and my hunny. after dinner we headed up to the temple. he opened my door and i suddenly wished i'd brought a jacket, i turn around, and he's pulling my blanket out of the trunk.. he knows me so well :). we walked clear around the temple, because nate never had, and settled on a spot on the north lawn. as we talked we sat facing each other indian style, my legs were resting on his.. which apparently hurt, so he decieded to kneel. we sat there for a while looking at the temple and as he does on a regular basis.. he started teasing me. "you don't really want to marry me do you?".. i've long since stopped answering this question.. so i just smiled politely.. "so, are you one of those girls that needs him to be on one knee?.. do you need to be standing if he's on one knee?.. does there need to be a ring?.. what if he's down on both knees? (brings out ring box) did you want this?" i smiled a little bigger "o sorry.. you don't.. ok.. i'll take it back.." big cheesy grin on him, exasperated sigh from me.. i didn't think he actually had the ring! at some point during dinner i decided it was ok if he didn't propose and maybe he'd drag it out all week.. i could see him doing that. "o, you do?" (opens box) a gorgeous ring sparkles up at me, i smile brightly back and looked up at him "will you marry me?" i did not expect those words to feel so.. so... awesome Ü so i said, ".. say it again".... "..will you marry me?" still felt pretty awesome ".. say it again" he laughed a bit "will you marry me?" i sat there smiling debating whether i could ask him to say it again ".. are you gonna say yes?" nathan doesn't really like talking, and generally when i ask questions i get smiles or hand squeezes.. so.. i just kissed him. "is that yes?" he apparently didn't understand my dialect.. so i kissed him again. "your still not answering me.." so i whispered "yes".. "huh?".. apparently my quiet voice was too quiet..a little louder "Yes"... "what?" .. lol.. brat.. he's just trying to get it 3 times back! "Nathan Eric Streadbeck.. YES!" .. "..did you want to put the ring on?" technicalities! goodness gracious! "i guess" so he put it on me "you not even looking at it.." trying to kiss the man and all he's carin about is details.. sheesh! so i looked at it.. and we took a few pictures with our silly cell phones and left to tell loved ones.. i couldn't stop giggling the whole way home.. kinda fun to not have to dream about it anymore Ü

what makes a marriage work

"What makes a marriage work is the ability to keep four levels of intimacy at a healthy state: emotional intimacy (able to share what we feel and how we feel about the other), intellectual intimacy (able to share our thoughts and opinions), spiritual intimacy (able to share our values and spiritual journey), and physical intimacy (able to share our body and physical affection). Intimacy has less to do with “agreeing” and always seeing eye to eye and more to do with being able to share our experience, values, thoughts, feelings and ideas when we know we don’t agree or see eye to eye. And knowing that you will be received with respect and a listening ear even when the differences separate you. Safety and trust are important foundations for this to be the case. Honesty affects trust and reaction affects safety."

stole this from a blog.. just wanted to keep it somewhere since its one my mind a lot.