遺憾

我唯一的遺憾是沒有資格去照顧你了。 你一直說你不需要被照顧，可是你永遠都是我最疼，最想寵壞的人。

我一直都很好奇，如果我們繼續走下去，會不會是我們從前計劃的未來？

有時候會覺得有點不甘願 。。。已經三年了。。。 我撐了三年，等了這麽久， 爲什麽不繼續忍下去？

可是你早就不愛我了，我一個人堅持下去都沒用。你不需要擔心，我沒事，我並沒有愛上你，因爲有一直都愛著你。我已經接受事實了。你不愛我，我們分手了。就這麽簡單。

再一次見到你，我還是不明白爲什麽三年前我會愛上你， 哈哈！最好笑的是，偶爾聽到有些歌， 還是會情不自禁的哭。 

其實我那天不是故意哭出來的 。。。我根本不想在你面前哭，因爲我知道你很討厭看到人家哭。在這裡想說聲對不起。可是我哭，或傷心，都不需要你擔心或同情， 因爲已經不管你的事了。

在那12天裏面，我能做的，都幫你做到完，雖然你不喜歡，可是我還是很想幫你做那些東西。看到你做工和讀書，回到傢都累了，那會想要去洗碗和打掃傢呢 。。

嗯，我知道我說了都沒用，可是不要抽這麽多煙，好嗎？要好好地照顧自己 。。。我沒有資格去照顧你了，不要做那些會傷害自己的身體的事　。。。　雖已經不管我的事了。。。還是會傷心的　。。。

Looks like you've already moved on onto someone new. It's time for me to delete you off my life. You don't exist anymore in my world, I don't even have your number anymore, haha! But thanks for everything. I'm not going to make an appearance in your world anymore, so good luck. Although that good luck is not sincere, Haha!

Beeyatch!

Just a little warning, I'm gonna fuckin' rant on this post.

I don't care if everyone of you thinks I'm wrong, or if you think I'm just being a bitch. Think whatever you want. I'm fuckin' pissed and annoyed. I need to let it all out before I go out of control. There's two fuckin things that I'm majorly pissed about.

First off, I had to go on this road trip with this two persons. They wanted to go to Phillip Island, and honestly I don't give a shit about it, cause the only thing to see in Phillip Island are penguins, and they don't wanna see the penguins cause if they want to they'll have to wait till sunset, which is about 7pm Melbourne time.

They didn't really bother with the planning at all, before they came to Melbourne I've already told them we have to plan and make use of every single day that we're here, and they're like "Oh, okay." I told them that we had to rent a car, and ask them to go ask about it, cause it ain't my problem. I'm not the one that wants to go to Phillip Island or anywhere else. I just wanna go to places around the city and maybe reachable by traveling on a tram or trains. Guess what? It took them 3 fucking days to go ask about the car rental information and the shop is just located super near to the place where they are staying.

So I was like whatever, and finally I had to take them there to ask about the car rental stuff. Get it all done, and fast forward to today. We had collected our car, and was planning to head to Phillip Island. My iPhone's GPS refused to work, so we had to depend on the maps they got from the car rental shop. I'm the driver, so obviously I can't drive and look at the map at the same time. So I had to depend on the passenger sitting beside me. Who has the brain of a bird, in my opinion. He can't read the fuckin map to save his own life. He took us back to the same place we started. Yes, we're going round in circle. I got so fuckin frustrated I nearly blew up right there and then, and then he said "If you can't calm down, them maybe we shouldn't go together". Wow, that's fuckin ballsy of him to say that to me. I nearly wanted to just walk out, but I calmed myself down and took the map from him. I just had to drive straight down the road. I don't know why is it so hard for him to read a fuckin map.

I found my way and just proceed to start the journey. In the map the guy from the car rental shop highlighted the road that we had to take (in order to avoid the tolls), we just need to follow them. It was alright for about 10 minutes and then the two bird brain humans in the car asked me to make a left turn coz they saw a sign that says "M1" the highway we're suppose to take. I was like ... in the map it clearly says to go straight. Since they said make a left turn, I did. I don't know where we're heading, neither does the guy who gave me this stupid instruction. Turns out it did take us to M1 highway, and we went pass a couple of tolls along the way. Nice job, bird brain.

What's done is done. So I just continue driving and following the stupid instructions. We didn't even made it to Phillip Island. We went to Mt. Dandenong instead. We actually got lost again on the way to Mt. Dandenong, but luckily I manage to fix my iPhone and the GPS finally works. I'm so fuckin happy coz I don't need to listen to instructions from the bird brain beside me.

Frankly I don't even wanna go for this road trip, I don't like to drive, and I had to drive whole afternoon. I was so pissed off in the process. It was just a fuckin bad day.

Second incident that pissed me off. It happened last night, but I've talked to that person about it, so I've sort of calm down. Someone told me that she'll bring me for dinner last night. It was the first dinner together ever since I arrived here in Melbourne on Tuesday. So I was like alright, okay, whatever. Met up with that person in the city and then she drove me to the restaurant. The person's sister and boyfriend tagged along, but it was alright, cause I knew them. What I didn't know what, the person's best friend came as well, and brought the "new" boyfriend. Before you guys think "What's wrong with the best friend bringing the new boyfriend along??". Well, every fucking thing is wrong.

First off, I don't really know the best friend but I have nothing against her. The best part was the best friend turned the dinner into a "Hey this is my new boyfriend" party. If you guys remember, that person just said that "I'm gonna go have dinner with you". I didn't fuckin' expect that it would turn out that way. The best friend was all "so you guys didn't expect it was him right? I mean, you know? people were like asking me stuff and all". Uh ... I don't give a flying fuck alright?! This is MY FUCKIN DINNER AND IT AIN'T YOUR THIS IS MY NEW BF PARTY ..|.. That wasn't even the worst part.


The worst part was, I was the outcast throughout the dinner. They were happily chit chatting away.

 

This was the initial seating. But the sis decided she wants to sit beside her boyfriend. Ended up there's two empty space on the tables. The problem is the best friend and the "guest" had to sit together and the two empty space are apart from each other. 

 

So the sis asked me to sit beside her, and ended up I was the outcast throughout the dinner with no one to talk to.Oh, did I mention I had to sit opposite some stranger a.k.a. the best friend's "new" bf? Yea, thank you. I had to take out my iPhone and text my friends. Thank god for iPhone, Whatsapp and my awesome friends. I was left with 27% of batteries when I was at the restaurant. Thank god it lasted throughout the dinner, and I don't fuckin care if they think I'm rude for texting while having dinner. I don't want to sit there and smile like an idiot. Seriously, I really wanted to walk out at that very moment, coz I really felt like crying right there and then but I don't wanna make a scene. The moment I sat inside her car, my iPhone died. So thank you baby iPhone for sticking up for me throughout the dinner, you're the best.

I did cry in the end. Inside her car. Mostly cause of the stupid emo songs that's playing from her playlist. Ended up we had an argument -.- I didn't even know we're capable arguing with each other even after breaking up. Super funny. Anyway. she drove me home, and she went out again with the lame reason of "I need to go out buy something". 

I came back home, I put down my bag, took my iPod out, and house keys, and proceed to walk out ... alone, in the dark. I was listening to some stupid chinese songs as well, while walking aimlessly and ended up crying my eyeballs out. At one point, I had sit at the bus stop till I stopped crying. Then I proceed to walk down the street and decided I wanted to eat Strawberries -.- weird right? Luckily Coles is still open. I went in and got myself some strawberry and walked home after that. 

I don't even know what I cried for -.- but I did feel better after crying my eyeballs out, haha! 

Yea I know this is a long ass post, if you manage to read to this point then congratulation! HAHA! You guys are awesome!! :P

Just ... don't

I'm finally in Melbourne. I've looked forward to this trip since ... I don't even remember when. I took an 8 hours flight with a new friend of mine, from Kuala Lumpur to Melbourne and reached at 2am (Melbourne time) wth! It was such a pain the the arse, the Penang to KL flight was delayed by an hour, and same goes to Emirates flight as well. I knew I shouldn't have bought flight tickets from Emirates. I'd rather pay another 400 bucks and reach Melbourne at a decent hour instead of like 2am.

Once I landed, everything seemed to go wrong. At the immigration, I had to go to the "Quarantine" area just cause I declare that I brought along medicine. Well hello??!! I just brought Paracetamol you bugger!

Anyways, after that episode, my friend and I went and bought tickets for SkyBus, and had to wait for about 30 minutes before the gawd damn bus arrives. I felt bad enough that the flight was delayed, luggage collection was a pain in the arse, and then the immigration was just fucked up, now I had to wait 30 mins in the cold for a bus?? Not that I mind, but my ex had to fetch me from the City, and it is 3am by the time I reached the City.

I was being genuinely sorry and felt bad that my ex had to fetch me at 3am in the morning and she had to work the next day. I apologised and thank her, and then I got scolded for doing that. I don't even know why. Seriously. Maybe I should just ignore all my manners when it comes to communicating with my ex. I wasn't even being sarcastic when I apologise or thank her. damn.

Anyways, whatever.

Since I can't rant on Facebook, might as well rant here. I was accused of accusing my ex on Facebook. How awesome, haha! Apparently every status that I posted up on my Facebook are linked to my ex?? Excuse me? Er no, probably about 3 or 4 statuses that I updated for the past 2 months had something to do with my ex.

I'm sorry if people had to ask you the moment I wrote something crazy on my Facebook status. Let them ask, why bother? If you still think that I'm accusing you then good for you. I'm just stating the facts. I don't randomly say things without proof. I saw what I saw. If you want to be angry about it then go ahead, I'm not going to stop you. That is your rights.

Honestly I'm really happy to be back in Melbourne. I really love this place a lot. It feels like home to me, but every single time ... you know what? Forget about it. I'm done ranting about this. It gets repetitive over time. You will always be you.

I'm done being everybody's second choice. Screw you. You walked away, it's your lost. If you really love me you would have done everything in your power to get me back. No one ever really love me, not you, not anybody else.

Anybody who read my blog, please don't go disturb my ex the moment I update some status that you assume is about her. Just don't. My life is already shitty, and I don't need another human scolding me or treating me like a piece of shit. I don't deserve all these treatment. So spare me the tears.

Woah! Long ass post, haha!

Yes, I'm back for now ... I said "for now" cause I'm gonna be flying off to Melbourne in about 4 days time, so I might not be able to update as often till the end of the month.

As you guys know, I've been using Twitter, and frankly, I'm not a big fan of this micro-blogging site. I can't express myself in 140 words. I just can't.

Lots of crazy stuff happened over the past couple of months. I haven't even write a proper post on my birthday, gawd -.- Let me just summarise it all (not that I'm any good with summarising stories, I always ended up blabbering away like an old grandma, so be warned) ... Come to think of it, you guys know the story ... I'll just throw in a couple of pictures and call it a day, haha!

WARNING: I've just realised "a couple of pictures" meant like 100 pictures, so there are TONS of pictures below ... take a DEEEEPPPP breath before scrolling down :D

Harvest Inn Cafe :)

The environment's not bad, but it can be a lil too noisy and crowded. 

Vic, as usual, inseparable with his iPhone. He was my chauffeur for the day. Took me for birthday lunch, drove me to class and back home. Now that's what I called a royal treatment :P Thank you, I really appreciate it :)

Watermelon and Carrot Juice.

Don't ask me what is it, I don't remember a thing -.- it was too long ago.

On my birthday eve, with my dear Ching.

My awesome special guest!! Mr. Daniel :D

My birthday cake, haha! A tiramisu, which is something that I don't usually like, but people tend to buy that for me -.- nevertheless Hui did a great job cause this Tiramisu cake is delicious :D

Me and Hui, I promise I'm not drunk, Haha!

Group picture!! :DDDDD

Me and William ^^

Me and Chee Wing.

Me and Vic.

Ching and Hui, hijacking my Facebook -.-

Thanks, babe! Love youuuuuuu~~

4th August 2011 @ Little Cottage.

Best part of my birthday is always receiving red packets or ang pao from my ex's mum. (Nearly wrote baby -.- fml) It's not about the money that comes in it, but the message that's written on the red packet. Everytime I receive an ang pao from her mum, there's always a message written on it, which makes it really special, and I kept each and everyone that I got for the past 3 years :)

Miss C.

Err, something something that I ordered. -.- Oh no wait! That's what she ordered, not me -.- wth

Haha! Made her do all the dirty work XD

In return ....

She took me to Penang National Park -___- Okay la, it wasn't that bad, its just that it's kinda hot .. and there's a bunch of monkeys waiting to attack me -.-

Aww~ cupcakes ... Thanks for the cupcakes ... the best part is you got the correct flavour!!! 

I don't remember what I wished for though -.-

She's been telling me all day that she's bringing me to "Chai Diam Ma" for dinner, so I was like "Huh?? You sure or not?? You know what Chai Diam Ma meant in Hokkien??" Well I had to ask lah, cause Hokkien is not her first dialect, haha! Turns out, she wasn't kidding -.- The only difference is, the "Chai Diam Ma" she's talking about is not a grocery shop, but a rather cool restaurant. 

The cute food and drinks menu.

Lovely interior :)

:) 

2011 seemed to be an amazing, and yet a pathetic year for me. I learnt a lot over the past 9 months than I did for the past 9 years. Breaking up with my ex made me realise that I shouldn't rely on someone so much and that I can actually be independent again after all these years. It was a destructive relationship, I'm not saying that my ex is a bad person, she's the friendliest and nicest person when you finally get to know her, maybe we're just not made for each other.

I can truthfully say that I have no regrets, cause I did my best and I gave her my all. 3 years and endless arguments and fights over the same issues. I gave in and changed myself into someone I'm not, all in the name of love. No matter what I did, I'll never be perfect enough for her ... but hey, at least I tried :)

I walked out of that relationship, and met this person, who accompanied me through the worst days of my life. I'm thankful to have that someone being there for me, but at the same time, that person was there for me cause he was asked to approach me by someone else.

Honestly, I totally know what I got myself into. Nevertheless, I still appreciate the fact that the person made me venture outside my comfort zone, became a lil' more sociable, and more open to things that I don't usually do, like drinking or clubbing. In a way, he was sort of like a devil in disguise, haha!

I've met all sorts of guys imaginable, but he's the first one that I can't handle. Probably cause he's on the same level as me. I've finally met my match, not that it's a good news, haha! By any means, take that as a compliment ;)

Friends played a huge role in my life this year. I've come to realise that all of them do care for me though some of them don't talk to me much. I don't know what I'll do without them. I'm glad that Chern and Chee Keng got back together and I'm really happy that Hui found his other half. I became quick friends with his girlfriend :) She's such an adorable girl and although I've only seen her like 3 times ... she cares for me like an old friend. I'm really happy for Hui ^^

Just last night, I went to Overtime for a drinking session with all my high school friends and had a really awesome time. I know Overtime is not a place you'd expect to be sitting down and talking to your friends cause it can be crazy noisy in there, but I did just that. I had a one-on-one talking session with almost all of them. Some of them told me bout their problems, some gave me advise, some are just being caring, like my god bro :) He was always the one saying stuff like "You're so pretty" and giving me a wink right after saying that, but somehow when he said it to me last night, I could feel that he is sincere. He was like "Maple, you've become more and more beautiful, and you need to believe that you can find someone that loves you the way you deserves to be love". I felt happy not because he said that I'm beautiful, but the fact that he said those words out of concern for me. You don't read my blog, but thank you for being an amazing brother.

Okay, I guess that's all from me :) It's been a long looooooooong post, and it's already 1.29am. I gotta get some rest. I'm gonna watch "Friends with Benefits" before dozing off :P

So much to do, So little time.

I logged in into blogspot and suddenly ....

I don't remember what I wanna blog about anymore =.= crap ...

Anyhoo, let me just randomly type something as I'm really REALLY super duper stress out at the moment, so here goes nothing ....

I can't wait for the presentation of this project to be over. I really can't take the stress anymore.

I can't wait to go for spa and massage.

I can't wait to go out and PARTAYYY!!

I can't wait for the Aussie trip with my high school buddy ... can't wait to be home ... (I still consider Aussie as my second home, other than Gurney Plaza and Queensbay Mall :P)

Might visit my classmate that lives in Bangkok after that, and if my dad still wanna go China, I'd accompany him before starting my work at DELL.

Oh, and I can't wait to get back into gym -.- I don't really like working out, but it does make me happier and less of a negative and emotional person. To top it off, it makes me healthy, I guess that's more than enough of a reason to hit the gym :P

Final year project is driving me nuts lately, I can't remember shit lately due to being so worried bout my project ... my memory kept failing me, I need to ask people to remind me stuff ... and as you guys could probably notice, half of what I type on this blog post probably doesn't make sense. Maybe it's just me ... my mind's probably playing tricks on me.

Need a shoulder to cry on

Lack of sleep. Stress. Can't sleep well. Woke up every morning and feel like crying.

This is even worse than having a broken heart.

I just want to get this over with.