I'm back by popular demand. It's also about time for my annual post. So, to announce the rebirth of this blog (this year, anyway), I begin with a funeral.

Today is the funeral of Helen Andelin. Here's the link to her obituary.

I'm not quite sure what to say about her. How about this: Helen Andelin formed the popular base for every American-pro-stay-at-home-wife-self-help-book since the 1960s. Seriously. She's pretty big stuff when it comes to gender politics and ethics in America in the last fifty years.

In the ethics course I taught at Utah Valley University, I used to cover selections from her book Fascinating Womanhood just before I covered selections from Simone de Beauvoir's book Second Sex. Students would typically be so enraged at Andelin that introducing de Beauvoir (a fairly radical icon of the feminist movement) seemed an almost welcome transition. I should also mention that Andelin was Mormon and had a lot of ties to Utah (as her obit mentions). One of the first semesters I used Andelin's book, I had the fortune of having one of Andelin's granddaughters as a student in my class. As a gift near the end of the semester, this student had her grandmother autograph a copy of Fascinating Womanhood for me. The inscription, in Andelin's elegant cursive script, addresses me by name and then reads, "May the Light of Truth burn forever in your heart." It was honestly a very sweet and sincere gesture. Agree or disagree with Andelin, nobody can question her sincerity.

However, lest I be misunderstood in this post, I disagree with much of what Andelin writes in terms of gender relationships. I greatly disagree with her. Andelin was part of a larger cultural effort in America to reclaim what she saw as timeless family values. The problem, of course, is that her values are not timeless (nor were they ever especially timely). Andelin was part of a post-WWII American resurgence (insurgence?) of the Cult of Domesticity. Think of the rise of Donna Reed and the Cleavers and such. One of the best music essays about this conceit is the song Somewhere That's Green from Little Shop of Horrors. Certainly most of Andelin's female Mormon pioneer ancestors (who initially settled Utah, worked the fields, owned land, and ran businesses) would have found Andelin's gender ethics odd and out of synch with the needs of their frontier life. Certainly many Utah Mormon women eventually embraced a gender ethic similar to Andelin's, but it was only extensive after the Utah Territory (and later State) was influenced more by main-stream American culture (which only strengthens my conviction that many, if not most, of the dysfunctions in American Mormon culture come from the mingling of American popular Christianity with Mormon theology [I hasten to add that the dysfunctions in our culture tend to self-correct the more that members of Church actually apply the principles they hear in General Conference]).

But, enough has been written about Andelin in other places. And I don't want to demonize her on the day of her funeral. I will say this: today marks the passing of a giant. Everyone can agree with that even if they disagree on what kind of giant she was (Titan? Leviathan? Kraken?). I close this anniversary blog post with some excerpts from Andelin's book. Warning: what follows is not intended for men to read, and I honestly don't want women reading it seriously either. Cheers.

"Since the cornerstone of woman's happiness with her man is to be loved, the essential aim of this book is to teach those principles which she must apply in arousing man's deepest feelings. Love is not reserved for the young, the single, nor the beautiful. It is reserved for those who arouse it in man. If man does not love with heart and soul, it is entirely the woman's fault."

"I am going to try to create this ideal in your mind, the ideal woman, from a man's point of view. You cannot work for a goal if you do not know what that goal is. You must have an image, or a mental picture of the woman you ought to be – the kind a man wants."

"The most pleasant sensation a real man can experience is his consciousness of the power to give his manly care and protection. Rob him of this sensation of superior strength and ability and you rob him of his manliness."

"What happens when the average red-blooded man comes in contact with an obviously able intellectual and competent woman manifestly independent of any help a mere man can give and capable of meeting him or defeating him upon his own ground? He simply doesn't feel like a man any longer. In the presence of such strength and ability in a mere woman, he feels like a futile, ineffectual imitation of a man; it is the most uncomfortable and humiliating sensation a man can experience; so that the woman who arouses it becomes repugnant to him."

"How Do We Acquire Feminine Dependency? . . . Prove your dependency by the following methods: (A) Stop doing the more difficult masculine tasks and duties. (B) Retain some of the lesser ones to begin with to prove your dependency."

"(A) Eliminating the Man's Work. I refer to any masculine responsibility -such as mowing the lawn, painting, carrying heavy boxes, carpentry, earning a portion of the living, making major decisions, handling the money problems and worries, making a long distance trip alone, braving the dark, facing the creditors, and repairing the furnace. . . . 'But,' you again might say, 'If I do not do them and he does not what will happen? Someone must do these things.' But must they? Must the lawn be mowed and the kitchen painted and the battles won at the expense of feminine charm? Woman must learn to turn her back completely to these tasks unless through widowhood it becomes a pressing emergency. Nor should you become critical of your husband if he fails to perform his masculine duties. They are his to do or neglect as he wishes. If this failure on his part is difficult for you to accept, eliminate your critical attitude by saying to yourself, 'Have I performed my tasks well today? Was I dressed and well groomed before breakfast? Did I serve my husband well prepared meals on time today ? Is my house clean and orderly? Have I been patient with my children? And am I loving and understanding of my husband?' After you have answered these questions then ask, 'Do I have the right to feel resentful because he neglects his duties?'"

"(B) Be inefficient in masculine tasks. Deliberately retain some of the lesser masculine duties and do them inefficiently to prove your dependency. If it is the furnace that needs fixing replace some of the parts backwards or fail to get it running at all. If you paint -miss some parts and if you install a towel rack - fail to attach it level. If you must make decisions, be fluttering and indecisive. Don't feel deceitful about doing this. Women are supposed to be inferior in the masculine duties. If you are not it is because you have taken on unnatural capability. I will illustrate how this can be done by the following examples:"

"A girl who had been doing the manly chores took her first step towards proving her helplessness by the following: She attached a paper cup dispenser on the wall upside down. When her husband came home he said, 'Say, this isn't on right! Why did you mount it upside down?' Then she said, 'Oh, how do you tell which is right side up?' He immediately took out the screw driver and mounted it right. Another woman built a wooden planter box but she failed to saw the boards straight. When her husband saw it he was amused. Was he ashamed of her inferior work? No! He was delighted, for it made him feel superior."

"Remember that by nature you are not capable."

"What is meant by the Biblical Statement, 'Except ye become as a little child'? Doesn't it imply that little children have qualities which are precious, which we would do well to copy ? Child-like-ness is one of the most charming qualities in the entire philosophy of Fascinating Womanhood. There is no other quality which will do more to emphasize the human side of you. Therefore it is extremely fascinating to men. Child-like-ness is an extreme girlishness. It is a quality of sauciness, spunk, innocence, trustfulness and tenderness all mixed into one. It is a changefulness of emotion, from joyfulness to innocent anger. It is the charming qualities of a little girl."

"What are the emotions which we communicate to our husbands? They are anger, hurt, disappointment, sympathy, tenderness and joy. If you want to be fascinating and solve many of your daily marriage problems, you will learn this child-like art of communication. What is child-like anger? It is the charming and showy anger, spunk, or sauciness of a little girl. There is no better school for learning child-like anger than watching the antics of little children, especially little girls who have been spoiled by too much loving. They are so trusting, so sincere, so innocent and yet so piquant and outspoken that they are often teased into anger. They are too innocent to feel hate, jealousy, resentment, and the uglier emotions. When such a child is teased she doesn't respond with some hideous sarcasm. Instead she stamps her foot and shakes her curls and pouts. She gets adorably angry at herself because her efforts to respond are impotent. Finally she switches off and threatens never to speak to you again, then glances back at you over her shoulder to see if you thought she really meant it, only to stamp her foot in impatience when she sees that you are not the least bit fooled."

"The last quality of child-likeness which I would like to teach you is that of appearance. I mean by this especially your clothes and to some extent your grooming. You certainly need not have child-like appearance all of the time, but some of it adds a dash and variety to your appearance that is refreshing. . . . Young girls always keep up with the hair styles of the present day. . . . To achieve the most girlish appearance in dress, visit a shop for little girls and study their clothes. . . . If you think it a bit ridiculous for grown women to wear these things, try them in your own home and let your husband be the judge. He might not like them to be worn in. public, but he will love them at home and for informal occasions."

"Remember, if you are to be loved and treated like a woman, you must make him feel like a man."