24 hour stint

What a terrible-horrible-no good-very bad night.  It was so bad at times that I found myself blogging about it in my head.  :)

I was on duty last night with Simon.  I haven't slept at the hospital since Simon went in.  That doesn't seem quite fair does it?  Nope.  It most certainly isn't fair.  See, I married the one and only most fabulous Gary.  He knows that I have trouble falling asleep initially and when I'm awakened, so he has volunteered to sleep at the hospital every night except for two when his mom did.  (I'm so sorry Mom Petty!  I had no idea how bad it could be and feel terrible that you had to experience it.  You are awesome!)  The beeping alarms.  The "Mommy I have to go potty".  The checking of the vitals.  The changing of the i.v.  The beeping alarms because they weren't set correctly.  The visits by doctors.  The emptying of the urinal.  The flashlights.  The bed. . .oh joy the hard couch that becomes the hard bed.  The movement of my pillow over the edge of the couch because there was no stopper.  Yucky.  Horrible.  Frustrating.  Hard.  How is Simon supposed to get well if he doesn't get sleep?  ARG!

I must admit I started out with a great attitude and a great set-up.  I even brought my electric blanket.  I was not going to be cold.  I brought my own pillow: no excuse there.  I was ready.  I had to admit that my attitude didn't improve as the alarms kept going off and I needed to alert some folks to take care of things. I really wished I had a door lock.  I may have even had. . . ahem. . .impure thoughts using impure language.  Don't worry.  I've confessed.

BUT

Two good things happened last night.
1. Simon pooped.  Seems like such a little thing that we do every day, but he hasn't been doing it every day, not even every other day. . . nor even for over a week.  One of the criteria for him leaving the hospital is being able to poop.  He informed me in the middle of the night that he thought he had done it.  He was right.  I opened up our room door and whisper shouted "Simon pooped!" as I pumped my fist.  It probably would have gone over better had it not been 3:00 a.m.  Still, if there is a reason to celebrate, I'll celebrate.
2. I realized once again that my Gary loves me.  He loves me enough to put up with this night after night knowing that he can handle it better than I can.  Gary tells me every day that he loves me, but things like this just really cement it and show me he means it.  He loves me.  I hear it and I see it.

Today Simon was tired.  Today Simon was able to eat food.  I chose yogurt first and then he insisted on bacon.  Love that boy.  His doctor says we'll be there awhile: his blood work isn't coming down like it should.  It's moving down, but not rapidly.  That means more hospital time.  Today Simon complained less about pain in his belly.  Today Simon walked faster and more upright.  Today Simon complained about walking again.  Today Simon beat me in Mario Kart.  I was tired, but we celebrated eating today and I got to enjoy my boy's smile.  So I guess it wasn't so horrible after all.

tears

I've cried every day for the past couple of weeks.  This probably isn't a surprise to you at all.  First, I'm a crier. Second, Simon.  Third, blessings.  Seriously.  I think that I've been shedding more tears about the care being shown to us than the whole Simon thing.  That might not be exactly right, but it is close.

Sure I cried when I had to tell Simon he was going to have surgery and his eyes filled up and he begged me not to do it.  I cried yesterday when he asked my why surgery was good and I explained that without it he would have died.  I cried when I saw his pain during the insertion of the ng tube. . .when he couldn't get his breath. . .when I told him he'd have another surgery. . .when we were told that there were more abscesses.  On and On.

What has surprised me is the outpouring of care.  I've been crying because every day we have been surprised by folks.  Special gifts.  Very unexpected.  Care packages on our porch.  Visits at the hospital.  We are receiving cards from people we don't know.  Garrison, Noel and Penny are also receiving gifts and cards.  I didn't even begin to think about the cost of gas, but others did.  I couldn't figure out how to get groceries but others did.  Since I love to cook I thought I could keep up: I couldn't and folks have been taking care of that issue.  Offers of taking my kids for days at a time.  Simon has received boredom busters galore and I bless God for that because as he is getting better, boredom can come creeping in.  Someone offered to pick up Garrison and bring him to school.  It may seem little, but I cried because I didn't have to think about it and plan for it--or forget about it!           One person even offered to get some Diet Mountain Dew for me.  Mama Petty flying here (oh there I go again!) and Mama Koeman and her constant babysitting and cleaning my house. . . . We are so humbled by the dollars here for gas and a few there for pizza and some to help with medical costs.  When we didn't even know we needed it, it was provided.

I've cried because I am not worthy of this love, worthy of these gifts.  It has been hard for me to accept.  I just want to buck up buttercup, yet I can't.  We couldn't have done this.  We wouldn't have made it without these people, without their prayers, without their gifts of time and resources.  People threw us life jackets when I thought we didn't need them.  I would have drowned.

In my devotions last week, Beth Moore talked about Job and how God boasted in His servant.  She wondered if God was boasting in us?  "Do we go through trials so that God can boast about us?" she asked.  The answer is yes.  I believe with ALL OF MY HEART that God is smiling and clapping and boasting to all the angels about the community that has surrounded us.  He is so very proud of the way you have handled your sweet selves. [Supper just came to my door by the way.  Wow!]  I am changed.  I am changed as a mama because of this.  I am changed as a friend because of this.  I am changed as a daughter and as a sister because of this.  I will always look at people differently because of this.  I will respond differently than I ever have before because of this.

It wasn't Simon's hospital stay that overwhelmed me.  It wasn't setback after setback.  It wasn't the putting together of the child care puzzle.  It was God working through you.  Tears.

If only Simon could fart more.

I'm feeling disconnected from the hospital scene as I wasn't there at all today.  The first time that has happened since we began our journey.  Here is what I know.

1. Simon is off of liquids again.  This was very hard for him to accept (me too!).  His belly is distended again and the docs were concerned about the blockage still being there.  They did not. . . I repeat did not insert another ng tube.  Instead they. . .
2. Took an x-ray.  It looks like this boy is full of gas and the cure is walking.  Gary is quite the pushy father and they have been making laps in hopes of farting.  I found myself praying for farting today--not exactly what I envisioned for my time with God.
3. Simon was able to skype with his class this afternoon.  What a huge gift!  He was able to be a part of story time.  It brought tears to my eyes and I wasn't even there.
4. Simon bent over 8 times to pick things up off of the floor.  This may seem small, but for us it is great!  He hasn't bent over for more than two weeks now.  Yeah!  Small steps.
5. They have begun giving him nutrition in his pic line.  Though I don't like it that he can't eat by mouth, I'm thankful he can begin to get nutrition.  They also pulled out his iv line.  Yeah!  One tube down, four more to go.

I'll be at the hospital all day tomorrow.  I'm eager to be with my guy again, although I did enjoy my home day with the other kids.  Garrison dressed up as David for storybook character dress up day.  He was so proud.  Noel held a hissing cockroach and loved it.  Penny climbed a ladder.  That girl is wearing me out and she is only 22 months old!  Gary even managed to take his lunch at home so I got a few moments with him as well. Hopefully tomorrow will hold lots of farting and then liquid intake.  :)  Until then. . .

Good/Bad/Funny

8:10 p.m.  I've been here at the hospital since 8:00 a.m.  I'm glad.  I missed my boy yesterday and I won't see him at all tomorrow, so this has been a good day in that regard.

So, I have good news, bad news, and something funny.  What would you like to hear first?  Funny?  Sure. . . I arrive in our huge t-ruck (we call it the tee-ruck) and got out all the stuff: suppers for Gary, lunches for us both, clothes, mail, and two 12 packs of pop.  As I'm waiting for the elevator I drop one of the 12-packs and it breaks sending cans of diet cherry pepsi rolling all over.  I laughed, stick my rear in the air and round em' up.  Comical I thought.  So, maybe it isn't so funny.

On to the good news: Simon enjoyed some sips of slushy as well as chicken broth and jello tonight.  Yup, you read that right.  He was able to drink!  Not only that but his ng tube was pulled out.  I video taped it.  After being so sad/whiny/frustrated/upset (Simon not me) all morning long. . . it was so great to jump and celebrate and shout (I did it all!) in our room.  What is that?  You'd like more good news?  Sure.  His surgery to re-position drain tube number 3 went well.  Stuff came out.  Gross, but good news.  Want more?  Renita is our nurse.  Good stuff.

Bad news: Sadly, there is stuff to report here.  This morning we received news that we might be able to be discharged when the drainage tubes are done because there would probably be an oral antibiotic that would cover the infections he has.  There was also talk that one or may even two of his drainage tubes might come out during the surgery.  Seriously?!?  So, not only did the two tubes stay in (Boo).  Not only was it discovered that there is no oral antibiotic that will treat him so he needs to stay on iv antibiotics for two weeks (Booer).  That puts us leaving on April 5 (The Booest!).  Oh have I cried tears about that one.  April 5--one week from Thursday.  I know we will make it, but my heart doesn't know that.  My heart doesn't know how we will take care of him and our other kids at the same time.  My heart doesn't get how a child can be in the hospital for two weeks and 3 days for a ruptured appendix.  Because of this antibiotic news they gave him a pic line during the surgery.  It is a tube that goes in through his upper arm and threads its way down towards his heart.  His veins were too little in his right side (ideal) so it in his left.  Another tube.  A reminder that when we go home he'll have this still in him.

So I read him a story, sang and prayed with him, and tucked him in.  My sweet Simon.  My heart is full of all kinds of stuff.  I'll chose to dwell tonight on the amazing.  Amazing immediate family who do whatever we suggest.  Amazing friends who are helping us.  Amazing church family bringing meals and cards.  Amazing school friends.  Amazing surprise gifts that bring us to tears. . . many anonymous gifts.  People love on Simon and love on us.  I look forward to being able to return the blessings over and over again in the future.  Boy God has to be smiling about this community.  Thank you.

Some thoughts

Hi.

I was up in the middle of the night again with two of the ducks.  Gary was up every hour with Simon so Simon could pee.  We are thankful for that.  Simon continues to make small improvements.  We haven't received the results of the ct scan yet, but I'm thinking that is good news.  He still isn't allowed to eat which is a source of great frustration for him.  He is walking more and is quite the sight with all of his drainage bags clipped on his shorts and pushing his tower with his iv line.  The nurses cheer for him which is fun.  Every day: good things.   God is saying "yes" to so many of the prayers being offered on behalf of Simon.  I know He answers every prayer and I'm so thankful that we aren't hearing "no" very often.

Now, back to me.  :)
So, Garrison is at my bedside around 2:00 after having experienced a bad dream: something about spiders.  I rubbed his back and asked what I could do for him.  "Pray for me please mom".  Of course my son.  I wrapped my sleepy arms around him and prayed for this precious child.  When Penny was fussing about an hour later I lay in bed just begging God to pat her back and put her back to sleep.  He said "no".  So I got up and rocked with her awhile.  Rocking awhile gives me time to think and pray. . . so does the 45 minutes after the rocking because once I am up---I.  AM.  UP.  I did pray for Simon during these times, but I also prayed more fervently for my other ducks.

They are off.  I don't blame them.  Things are different in the house and as much as Gary and I are trying to keep things "normal" they aren't.  Babysitters, trips to Grand Rapids, missing people at our table, going out to eat a couple of times, mom/dad spending more time on the phone and computer, Grandma Karen visiting, mom on the verge of tears all last week, only one parent home. . . . lots of changes.  Garrison has woken me up 3 times in the past week.  Garrison and Noel are fighting a ton!  I asked them if they were fighting with each other because Simon was missing from the house.  Garrison told me that if Simon were here, he would fight with him too.  Probably true.

So on this blog post, I'm asking for more prayer.  I know, I know. . . I've been very needy on the prayer side of things.  But would you pray for my other kids too?  The kids who are getting shuffled.  The kids who don't have a brother at home.  The kids who are living in a single parent home.  The kids who are tired.  The kids who want to play with all the gifts their brother has received.  The kids who I just adore.  I can explain it to them, but they are feeling the effects. . . and it is going to get worse.  At some point (please!) Simon will be coming home.  He won't be ready to be who they remember.  He'll need more of my attention.  He'll get home health care.  He'll have drain tubes coming out of his belly that Penny will want to climb.  (It's true: she tried this morning!)  It will be different again.

I'm declaring (with a whisper) that we are on the road to recovery.  Thanks for reading and praying and giving us comments, cards, calls, gifts, service, and for touching Gary so much at church he had a hard time leaving.  It is wonderful.

Saturday is looking good!

I think this girl loves her daddy.

One of the first smiles we've seen!  What a welcome sight for this mama.

Look at those swollen cheeks!  Did he just get his wisdom teeth out?

One huge perk: playing Wii at the hospital!

Our view

Painting in bed--only at the hospital!

Photos

Look at that swollen belly!

Showing off his chipmunk cheeks (Don't tell him that: he was happy!)

Love his sleeping position

Walking is hard work: and he is none too happy about it!

Yeah!  A family visit!

The first drainage tube.  You can also see he now has a outie belly button instead of an innie.

One of the first days in: he HATED having that board on his arm.  He also dislikes the gown.  He hasn't had it back on since he was brought to his room.  I don't blame him.

Thanks again for the prayers.  He is in x-ray right now to check on some things.  Hopefully we'll have good news when we get up there in about a hour.

God bless Gary's mom for taking the night shift.

Really?

So I'm updating things here and on facebook.  I'm not sure how best to communicate, but this is what I've got, so I'll use it.  I'll be brief as Gary just got home and we are going to sit together (shocker!), eat supper, and think about the next week.  We'll probably cry and laugh a little too.  :)

So--Simon had an up and down day (as did I!).  It seems that his new antibiotics are treating him well.  As the day progressed there seemed to be less belly pain.  We bless God for that.

BUT. . . because his belly is still so very swollen and because his intestines were dilated, Dr. Robertson (love him!) believes that there is a blockage in his intestine.  SO, we put Simon in a wagon and wheeled him to a treatment room where he received an ng tube.  It is inserted through your nose and down to your stomach.  Upon his return to his bed, the tube is attached to a vacuum which will pull out all the stuff in his cute intestines and stomach.  The hope is that the blockage will self correct otherwise we will be returning to surgery.

Let me just say that the insertion of this tube was not pleasant for Simon.  It was probably his worst experience yet and he had to be sedated afterwards because he just couldn't calm down.  I don't blame him.  There are currently five tubes entering his body.  Five.  Plus he is attached to various other machines depending on the hour.

Thanks for praying.  Thanks for reading.  Thanks for being a part of my family.  I'm going to see if I can get reacquainted with a man named Gary.

What a day.

Hi
It has been a day and I'm exhausted.  I needed to quickly blog before falling into bed though, both to get everything off of my mind and to create a record.  I want to remember the difficulties, the set-backs, and the blessings.

Simon had a rough night on Wednesday.  A fever indicated something wasn't right.  He was also put on oxygen as his readings were rather low.  Gary got very little sleep.  There were x-rays and another ct scan this morning.  The doctors discovered two more abscesses.  I was able to be with Simon before and after this surgery.  I'm thankful I was able to spend the whole afternoon and most of the evening with him.  I like him.

He is currently still in pain.  He now has three drainage tubes coming out of his belly.  He is still on oxygen.  He is on new antibiotics.  He was able to walk around a bit tonight--our nurse even made a scavenger hunt for him with a prize at the end.  Fun!  We had a few visitors as well.  Pastor Dominic prayed scripture over us and I was greatly encouraged.

I look like a wreck.  I've been crying on and off all day long--there I go again--and my eyes are puffy, dry, and they hurt.  I have that crying headache--you know what I'm talking about.  We have several possible plans for tomorrow and we'll see which one we go with as far as being with Simon/taking care of kids/who is at the hospital/etc  It depends on the kind of night that he has.  We are so thankful that Gary's mom flew in to help.  We just talked last night about how amazing she is at "hospital stuff".  She heard that and made the trip.  She is sleeping here tonight (Gary is at the hospital as Simon is too fragile for us to be away from him) but will be at the hospital full time starting tomorrow.  Gary will finally get a full nights rest in his bed!  They aren't giving us any idea about leaving--one or two weeks perhaps.  It all depends.  I believe the next 24 hours are critical!  We need no more abscesses.  We need the antibiotics to work.  We need him to be able to eat and drink.  Let's go Simon!

Two things: one funny and one absolutely amazing.  Funny first.  It makes me smile every time Garrison prays for Simon.  He never says "take care of Simon" or "help Simon get better".  Instead he asks that God take care of Simon while he is at "Helen DeVos Children's Hospital", or "take care of us as we go to see Simon at Helen DeVos Children's Hospital."  It makes me laugh.

Amazing: when Gary called this morning to tell me about the rough night I was very shaken.  I hurt for my son and I have to admit I was a little upset with God--I even said it out loud.  "Why didn't you wake me up?  Simon was in trouble and I could have prayed for him."  I turned my prayer attention to praying for Simon rather than being upset.  When my mom arrived at our house tonight to help with bedtime and assist with some house stuff so I could return to the hospital, she told me that after she received my phone call that Simon was going back to surgery, she called one of her prayer partners.  (Wow!  Long sentence Shanda!)  Millie is 86 and once of the fiercest prayer warriors!  Millie assured mom she would be praying for Simon and then shared that she had been awakened in the night with a pressing need to pray for Simon.  She had stayed up for an hour praying for him.  Wow!  God is amazing!  He knew I needed sleep for the day ahead and instead woke up one of His earthly saints to do the work.  I am humbled.  When mom shared with Millie what had happened she remarked that it just made her love God more that He would chose to use her.  What a testimony.

I need to sleep.  When you read this it will probably be Friday.  Hopefully Simon's belly won't be so distended, he'll enjoy a bite of breakfast, and won't be on oxygen.  I'll let you know when I can.  Thanks for praying.

Updates

Wow!  We are overwhelmed by the prayers, the messages, offers of help, and the gazillion facebook messages.  You are good people.

Simon is being cared for 24/7 by one Gary Sprick.  I couldn't dream of a better care giver.  I'm there when I can be, but we are also mindful to give our other three ducks a parent as well.  I'll be home this afternoon and evening.  I value all the offers of help, but I'm at a loss as to what to say.  I'm not sure what we need.  I'm not sure how long Simon will be in the hospital.

I'm finally home this afternoon and sitting by the computer in an effort to respond.  Please know that I read all the messages, I cry over them, I rejoice about them. . . I'm trying to get on top of it.  I'm feeling good though and full of praise. I even remembered to trade a tooth for a dollar coin last night under Garrison's pillow.  Whew!

God has been blessing us.  Here is just a sample of some of the ways God has shown us His hand.  Simon didn't die.  (This was seriously a very real thought for both Gary and I--which we never admitted to each other until yesterday.)  This pain was not related to his tumor.  Our sister-in-law works at DeVos and was working both Monday and Tuesday.  She provided such needed support, encouragement, and advice.  Only one of the abscesses needed to have a drain put in it.  My mom was able to babysit both Monday and Tuesday so I could be at the hospital.  Friends have babysat to fill in the gaps--without complaining one bit.  (I dislike asking for help.)  By Tuesday morning there were two meals in the fridge at church.  Our doctor was working on the day we needed him.

See!?!  Great stuff.  Blessing stuff.  Simon is doing better today.  He has a daddy who makes him get out of bed and walk around.  Meany!  He still has lots of pain and is very bothered by the smell of his drainage tube.  :)  There doesn't seem to be a position that feels better than another.  He is eating a bit and trying to drink. . . well his dad is making him drink as much as possible!  He is enjoying the movies and ipad time.  Do you know there are some very angry birds out there?  We continue to pray for him and for relief from his belly pain.  It has been over a week since this kid had a normal feeling day.  I can't even imagine having near constant pain in my abdomen.  Yuck!

I'll leave you with this.  Simon is on the 9th floor of the hospital.  It is for non-contagious surgical kids and for oncology kids.  I've been humbled to see parents wheeling their bald 1 1/2 year old around in a wagon.  I smile at the bald 15 year old who is doing laps with his iv pole.  I hear parents laughing and talking with the nursing staff because they know each other so well.  I see the teenager sitting in his bed alone on the computer.  I paused in the lounge where volunteers have made hats and special hair bows for these cancer patients.  This could be us in a heartbeat.  We could have had the hospital become our second home.  It isn't.  Simon doesn't have cancer.  We don't have to leave him there alone.  We will be coming home.  Bless God.

So blessed

Simon is having surgery today.  The title to this post doesn't seem quite right does it?  Yet I woke up this morning praising God.  I praise Him that I live in a time where there is medical help.  I praise Him that I was able to take my Penny to the ER last night after getting back from the hospital with Simon so that she could get medicine for her ear infection and for croup.  I praise Him because I reached out on facebook after receiving the surgery news looking for prayer and encouragement and I got it!  It was amazing to sit with Simon and show him how many folks are praying for him.  I praise Him because no one woke me up in the middle of the night last night.  I praise Him because yesterday I needed help with childcare and I received help--even more help than I needed.  What a community of believers!  Yes I am tired.  Yes my eyes are all puffy from crying.  Yes my house is a wreck and our family is going to be a little off for the next week.  BUT I AM BLESSED.  God is taking care of us.

We don't know when Simon's surgery will be today.  We aren't sure yet what they are going to do--his tumor complicates things a bit.  His appendix ruptured which created an additional abscess in his abdomen.  His body is pretty beat up and they aren't sure that they want to fully open him up and remove everything.  It probably ruptured late last week.  (Poor guy!!!)  Either they will surgically put in drain tubes to remove the infection and we'll return in a few weeks to actually take out the appendix, or they might choose to go in and get everything today.  They are leaning towards the first option.  Either way he is going to be o.k. and his tumor is not the cause of the problem!!  This mama was getting so very scared.  Whew!  Bless God!

Gary and I sat on either side of Simon's bed and looked at each other.  Simon was beginning to have more pain (morphine on the way please) and we both cried.  We cried because there were two parents on either side of him.  The last time he was in a hospital for surgery he was in China.  He was one.  There may have been an assigned grown-up to him, but not a parent.  He was essentially alone.  Now we were able to kiss him, explain what was going on, play angry birds, and encourage him to drink kool-aid so the doctors could get a great picture of his tummy.  This is my boy!  I get to sit by him.  He is not alone and neither am I.

My son is going to be safe today and is going to begin to feel better today.  My daughter's ear isn't throbbing anymore.  My husband spent last night at the hospital and I'll get to join him later.  My community threw its arms around me in ways I couldn't imagine.  And I have a beautiful bouquet of flowers that Gary brought home just for me.  Orange. Mmmmm

So as I sit by the computer this morning with tears streaming down my face I am indeed blessed.

MIA

I've been out of it for a few days.  When someone in your house is sick, it takes a toll on a mama. . . it takes a toll on this mama.
Simon is still sick.  He has been sick since Tuesday.  He has almost constant belly pain and can't stand up straight.  We are at a loss.  I don't like being at a loss when it comes to my kids.  I know our Father has him.  I just need to pray for wisdom and discernment and then do what I think is best.  I'm thankful for two sisters who are nurses.  I'm thankful that I can snuggle with him. I'm thankful for doctors.  I'm not thankful that I can do nothing to take away his pain.

So our family is in a holding pattern.  Asking friends to pick up Garrison for school.  Cancelling dinner plans with friends.  Going with only one parent for outings and activities.  Getting up in the middle of the night.  It is just hard.  Hard.

So, I've been living my real life, but not really.  Foggy.  Strange.  Similar.  Different.

It also means that I  haven't been blogging.  Have you noticed?  I have.  I've missed my regular afternoons where I do housework, exercise, read blogs, and blog myself.  I haven't had that for days.

So want to hear my latest problem (besides sick Simon)?  I have two pairs of shorts.  This was not a problem last week.  It wasn't hot.  This week: things be hot.  Now, I have have two pairs of shorts that fit me.  I don't want to buy more.  I want to lose more weight before I buy more shorts.  See?  Problem.  Not a huge problem, but please enjoy seeing me in my khaki shorts or lime green shorts.  Often.  Just thought I'd give you a heads up.  :)

Simon #2

Thanks so much for your prayers--and thanks for the prayers you would have offered had you seen the previous post before this one.  :)  We have a YEAH!  and a boo.

So, we are home and I got a little sleep--5 hours.  Much better than I was anticipating based on our events at Zeeland Community Hospital.  Sometime after I wrote and kept Simon drinking his "special lemonade", the doctor came in and suggested a quick x-ray.  See Simon's blood work came in great and the doc thought it'd be good to do an x-ray rather than the cat scan.  The results came in.

Simon is certainly full of something!  Poop.  Crap.  Turds.  Shit.  A load.  Dung.  (see the title of the post)

Whew!  I'm a bit embarrassed about taking my kid to the emergency room, but we were all wrong.  The nurses and doctor all thought it was his appendix.  We all did.  He pooped in the afternoon (is this too much information?) and had a fever and still had pain. . . so we went in.  So in the end, I stop myself.  Besides being embarrassed and thinking about the bill that will come here in about three weeks. . . I'm so grateful.  Grateful that it wasn't his tumor or his appendix.  That would have meant a trip to Devos Children's Hospital.  More traveling.  More time in the hospital.  Upending our family for awhile.  Any surgery is risky for our guy.  Any surgery for your kid isn't great.  He is fine.  He is sleeping.  He is charming. . . even at 1:30 in the morning.

So thanks.  We are tired this morning and happy.  And Simon is sleeping. . . and will hopefully spend some time on the toilet today.

No sleep for mamas

I'm sitting in the emergency room. Simon is comfy in his bed with warmed blankets and morphine and a stuffed animal that he chose from the treasure box. I am in a chair and very tired-- and concerned about my little boy. Lots of pain. In his belly. And a fever. Blood drawn. Special dye ingested. You know. 12:13 a.m. I'll post again when we know more, although most of you won't see it until we have answers. Pray it is not related to the tumor. Please. Pray that it isn't anything big and we are a bit embarrassed to have come to the hospital--you know--constipation, gas, food poisoning from his mama's cooking. . . Something not big. And I'd like for the remote to work. We can't change channels, change the volume or even turn it off. Good times.

Jeans

I was lovingly chastised this morning at Bible Study.  There is a woman. . . in her 80's. . . and she is stylish.  Hair done every week.  Stellar outfits.  Proper.  Doesn't miss events at church.  A bit crabby. . . o.k. she is a lot crabby.  (I have such a heart for the seasoned saints, I think I always have.  I learn from them and love chatting with them.  I so much enjoy having them in my Bible Study group as they add tons of knowledge and encouragement to this young(ish) mama.)  So she is very concerned with my well-being.  I am often pulled aside by my elderly friend for some comments.  "My children were not potty. . . excuse me. . . toilet trained as young as hers.  I do look better in a dress.  It is about time I begin to wear more make-up--I look so much better with it!  And she certainly did it all with four children under five."

Today she talked with me about my attire.  I wore a skirt to Bible Study last week: something I rarely do as I own one skirt.  I don't feel comfortable in it.  I'm a jeans and sweatshirt kind of girl.  I'm trying to do some things differently though.  I'm about to embark on a clothes buying streak and I'd like to look the best that I can.  I want to feel good and look hot--I'm in love with this guy and I'd like to look a bit. . . ahem. . .sexy for him.  :)  Anyway, this morning I was in jeans and a sweater and she expressed her displeasure.  I had worn jeans to church on Sunday and this was a big no-no.  It is not right for me to dress like that.  She decided to chat about this in front of a group of ladies all sitting at a table.  I smiled and moved on.  She did like it that I had lipstick on though so at least I scored a few points in the good column.

Now, I'm not really bothered by this.  I do like to dress up for church which often includes wearing my best jeans.  Sometimes my church choices are limited because few things fit.  When I was little we wore a dress every Sunday.  I remember shopping for one fall/winter dress and then again for a spring/summer dress.  Every Sunday.  Same dress.  Thou shalt not wear pants.  I attend a church now where all kinds of clothing is accepted.  I'm thankful for that.  You are welcome to come to our church in a dress or in jeans.  You can wear a sweatshirt.  You can wear heals.  Just be dressed.  Several girls have radical hair colors, there are many nose rings, and even some three piece suits.  One family even has mohawks on occasion!  (That would be us!)  Frankly, I like that.  Come as you are and let God meet you there.  He loves you.  He cares for you.  As a family, we do wear different clothes for church.  My kids have their "Sunday clothes".  They are clean.  They don't have holes.  Why do I do this?  I want to feel a little different for church.  I want all of us to say "Hey God, are you important enough to wear our special clothes."  Some folks wear a dress every Sunday.  Some folks wear a hat every Sunday.  I respect that.  If you worship God best with a dress on--AMEN!  Worship God the best that you can.  Yeah!

So, this blog post is about Sunday attire?  Nope.  Being confronted about stuff like clothes?  Nope.  I know there are many opinions and I believe there isn't the same answer for every person and every church.  Folks, cultures, cities. . . so many differences.  Here then is the best part--the point that I'd like to make (finally right?!?).

After I had moved on and was getting a cold Diet Coke another seasoned saint named Ruth approached me.  She had been at the table while I was being chastised.  She came and put her hand on my arm and apologized.  She looked me in the eye and said that I was fine and beautiful.  She told me that this other woman shouldn't have said what she said.  She wanted to make sure that I was o.k.  Do you know what else she did?  She didn't gossip.  She didn't belittle.  She didn't put down either myself or my "don't-wear-jeans-to-church" friend.  She handled herself with grace and poise.  I'd like to be like Ruth.  I'd like to encourage some folks on the sly.  I'd like to not make a big deal.  I'd like to tell another woman that she is beautiful with or without lipstick.  I'd like to make sure folks are o.k. when something might have made them feel uncomfortable.  Thanks Ruth.  Thanks for doing Kingdom Work with a smile and a touch on the arm.  You certainly gave me some mercy and I'll make sure to do the same for others.

The trials of a 4 year old

Noel and I are sitting at the table and she is crying.  She is very very sad.  Garrison thought that Noel had laughed at him, so he said he is going to tell all of his animals not to like her.  Wow. . . that is harsh.  No wonder Noel is so very very sad!

She is begging me to tell Garrison to change his mind.  I'm assuring her that I'll talk with the animals and let them know that she is a wonderful girl and that the animals should give her a chance.

I've thought many times over the past few days about blogging--sadly it didn't happen.  I don't like to typically wait this long between posts.  I'll catch you up--perhaps this afternoon.  Right now I need to go.  Egg timer whet off, Penny is eating dog food (there are worse things) and when the laptop is open--suddenly I'm a celebrity.  :)  Plus, I have some animals that I need to converse with.

Hey! My name is in the Bible!

I met a man named Juan on Sunday.  Actually, I didn't meet him at all.  He made himself known to the entire congregation.  We went to Chicago for an overnight with our oldest three this week-end.  It was good to be away, enjoy daddy, see friends, sleep in a hotel, visit the aquarium, get together with some relatives and eat great pizza.  Back to church.

Our friend Antionne is the minister of music at River City Community Church.  It is set in a typical urban neighborhood.  Street parking.  A wandering cat or two.  Houses stacked just a few feet from each other. Meager grass.  Litter.  There is something I love about the whole feel of it.  It was during the worship time that Juan came in.  We sat in the front row and I could hear the commotion behind us.  I cast a quick glance and saw him: unkempt hair and a very very full gray beard.  Walker.  Bomber jacket.  He wasn't shy about announcing his arrival or talking with the person he sat beside.  I thought that Juan probably had some degree of mental illness.  I was glad he was there.  I continued to sing and love on my God and my kids.  Worship is a family affair for me.  We prayed together and then called all the kids forward so we could pray for them.  My kids were sent off to various children's worship services and then Pastor Daniel got up to preach.  I really enjoy hearing him and believe he is Spirit led.

He explained the sermon series and then asked us to open our Bibles to Mark 3.  He also put it up on the power point.  The text was in English and in Spanish.  Wow I thought.  This is great.  I like seeing the text in another language.  Cool.  At the end of the reading, which included some of the names of the disciples, we were asked to sit back down and it was then we heard from Juan.  "Hey, my name is in the Bible!  Did you see that?!?  My name is in the Bible!"  Pastor Daniel smiled from the pulpit and asked "What is your name brother?"  "Juan, my name is Juan.  See that?  You are gonna talk about me!"

Pastor Daniel's focus was not on Juan or on John for that matter.  His fabulous sermon was about discipleship. In the middle of the sermon Juan got sick of it.  He announced that since the pastor wasn't talking about him, it was time for him to go home.  It was quite the distraction.  Pastor Daniel handled it beautifully--acknowledging him but not allowing him to take over the service.  Other elders and servants quietly helped Juan get where he needed to go.  Sadly, he missed out on communion.  During lunch I asked our friends if Juan has been coming a lot.  He had been there a few times.

I don't think Juan will show up in my church.  Not him specifically, but someone like him.  We aren't in a neighborhood where there are many Juans.  Then again, perhaps I'm not looking.  I find myself thinking about Juan a lot.  How would I react if he showed up in my church?  Would I welcome him?  Look at him with disgust?  Would I ask him to sit with me?  Is my church so welcoming that Juan would have a desire to come in?  I think diversity takes many different forms and at River City Community Church, all are welcome.  Are they welcome at Holland Heights Church?  Really?  Are they welcome in Shanda Sprick's life?  Really? Seriously????

Juan's name isn't the only name found in the Bible.  My name is there too.  God has adopted ME as His daughter.  I can shout for joy and proudly exclaim "Hey, look at that!  My name is in the Bible!"  I pray that God gives me eyes to see those who need mercy from me because God has already shown them mercy.

I'm entering the stadium

Every child is tucked into bed and most are sleeping.  Gary just called and is enjoying all that the Denver airport has to offer.  Soon we'll be reunited.  Soon.  Hours.

This has been quite the marathon for Shanda Lynn.  Three weeks of praying, talking, processing, supporting, crying, rejoicing, wondering, and marveling at the hand of my Father.  God has been so good to us and as I lay in bed last night, my mind went up.  I began to name the times this week that I have seen the hand of God in my life.  There are many.  It is awesome to look back and see. . . actually see God putting puzzle pieces the right way.  It happened to Gary in CA, and it happened to me here at home.

Now that the puzzle is put together a little more it looks better, but there were times this week when things were just a mess!  I'm sure that Penny is responsible for most of the pieces being scattered.  :)  O.K., she is just responsible for a few.  I've scattered a few myself.  Right now though. . . even though the dishwasher is broken and it is one of my favorite appliances. . . things still look good.

This has been a heavy thinking week for me.  Do you have weeks like that?  All the factors were in place: Gary gone for most of the week, dealing with the death of an in-law, trying to figure out how to support your husband, ending a rather rigid diet, sleep deprivation, being alone at night, preparing for a mini-vacation, seeing friends go through some rough spots--it all lead to a heavy thinking week.  That in a way has been good.  I've processed some stuff.  I've made some decisions.  I've broken down.  I've accepted help.  I've forgiven.  I've been forgiven by my kids.  I've thought about sprinkling ashes.  I've thought about a funeral service that was attended by less than 10 people.  I've thought about dividing up assets.  I've thought about my kids and who they are going to be.  I've thought that Penny needs to be older so that she can understand consequences in a much more concrete way.

I titled this post "I'm entering the stadium".  I feel like I've run a bit of a marathon and am heading in ready to finish, ready to get my medal, ready to move on to the next thing.  I'm tired and glad that it is behind me.  Glad that I can start new again tomorrow.  Glad that Gary and the three oldest ducks will join me for an overnight in Chicago.  That is where we are going to celebrate.  We'll swim.  We'll worship with friends.  We'll look at penguins and beluga whales.  I'll be a little sad that they are in captivity.  I'll still marvel.

What kind of race are you in?  How will you celebrate when you complete it?  I wonder what will be next for me.  Another marathon?  A sprint?  Some hurdles?  (please no!)  Frankly I'd like to be part of a relay.  I'd like to hand off to someone else and then cheer a lot.   Enjoy your week!

Good-Attitude-Shanda

I woke up this morning with all the intentions of being a good. . . even a great mom.  Great attitude.  Great attitude.  Great attitude--in that order.   Here we go!

Garrison had purchased easter eggs from the dollar store with his tooth money and asked if he could have an egg hunt.  Good-attitude-Shanda said "yes. . . what a great idea!"  Good-attitude-Shanda made hard boiled eggs from Simon's breakfast because he asked for them.  Good-attitude-Shanda smiled when she asked the kids to be quiet because Noel was still sleeping (thank goodness!).  Good-attitude-Shanda made homemade lemon pudding and didn't get upset at all when Noel promptly declared that she didn't like it.  Good-attitude-Shanda smiled when she didn't get a shower this morning and proudly put on a pink hat.  Sadly, Good-attitude-Shanda died a horrific death to crabby-ass-Shanda.  C.A.S. (crabby-ass-Shanda) yelled loudly.  C.A.S. got angry at little people for little things.  C.A.S. tried to use the bathroom without being bothered.  C.A.S. tried to sit down and eat breakfast.  Yeah. . .not so good.  Don't worry, Good-attitude-Shanda will kick butt promptly. . . after a little time-out.

Being up for two hours with a child who will not stay in her bed and who climbs into bed with her sister repeatedly and cries, shouts, and hollers and then laughs in your face is fuel for C.A.S.   This mama tried everything she had in her bag of tricks.  Then her bag was empty.  Not one idea left.  Do you know what I finally did?  I left her.  I shut her door and left her.  Feel free to get out of bed.  Feel free to climb on Noel's bed (I moved Noel to the floor of the boys' room.)  Feel free to play and play with the toys.  I will not make you stay in your bed.  I will not take toys away from you.  I will not stop you from climbing on top of your dresser.  I laid in bed and prayed to my Father asking Him to wake me up if my child was in danger.  I found her this morning laying on the floor in front of the door.

Good-attitude-Shanda drove to Ditto (second hand store) this morning with a huge box of clothes.  Yesterday morning I cleaned through my closet and took out everything that I don't wear or that is too big.  As I boxed it up this morning I struggled with giving it away.  What if I gain weight again?  What if I lose the memories associated with these clothes?  What if I somehow need them?  I could still wear them big, especially shirts--they cost a lot of money and the thought of spending money on clothes doesn't excite me.  I really like that black sweater.  I really like this sweatshirt. . . . I actually thought about this blog and the encouragement I've received.  I thought about getting rid of stuff in my life--500 things remember?  So, the clothes are gone.  It didn't make sense to load everyone up for a very short trip.  It needed to be done so that I didn't change my mind.  Plus, it was good for all of us to be buckled in and listening to music and looking for red cars.  Garrison kept track.  It was especially good for C.A.S.--I think she got lost on the way.