Dear Simon

This is a picture of Simon with his diploma. He said his whole memory verse. Way to go!

I wrote this in Simon's journal this morning.

-Dear Simon-

Something happened yesterday that has never happened before.

You drew a picture for your teacher: Laura Zondervan.

This may not seem like a big deal to you, but to me it is huge. You've been going to school since you were three. You haven't really enjoyed it. You've asked if you can stay home. You loved it when it wasn't your day to go.

This year in kindergarten, you've had to go every day. You've used words like "O.K.", "Not bad", "fine", and "good" when describing your day. Over the past few weeks, you've been more positive about school. Yeah! You've been smiling on your way to school. You've been enjoying Mandarin classes. You are a kid who loves to give to people you love and now. . . your maestra (teacher) has a picture from you. I'm so happy and grateful and excited. I hope it continues.

Love,

Mom

Confidence vs. Insecurities

Howdy!

This is my get-up. . . giddy up. For the past four years I've opened up our Wednesday night church program. I host games to introduce the various leaders of our kids' programs. Three of the years I've dressed up and acted all crazy. It isn't a stretch to think that I'm able to do this--I don't like to pass up an opportunity to dress up. :)

This year was a bit different. See that smile on my face? I wasn't feeling it. I wasn't excited about the games I had planned. I didn't feel like I was going to be effective. I felt that this wasn't going to be fun. This is it! I'm not going to do this again. In fact, the introduction of me sounded something like this. . . We again have Shanda! She has done this the past four years and we've come to expect it. Let's see what she has for us this year. UGH!

It went fine, but I didn't receive much of a response. The crowd was very chatty and didn't seem to really pay attention. One of the games failed pretty bad.

After everyone was in bed, I sat down to check e-mail, facebook and the like. I received a message from a friend. "You were awesome tonight. Thanks for all you are." It made me smile. Thanks. Then, at Bible Study Tuesday morning I received several comments about how much they had enjoyed my performance. One woman even stayed at church just to see it. Really? Seriously?

See, sometimes I'm super confident and sometimes I'm not. I can identify situations where I will always be confident and where I will always be insecure. Then there are the sometimes. . .

Bible Study began this week and next week we'll find out who is in our group. I feel like I'm in middle school: very insecure. Will I like those that I'm with? Will I have a leader who really challenges me? Will the women like me this year? (I'm replacing our very loved large group leader--YIKES and YES!) Will I get stuck with so-and-so? Insecurities.

We love to host folks at our house for supper. Love. It. We have a big shindig here tomorrow night which includes overnight guests from Chicago. Yeah! Sometimes though, I'm so nervous. Food. Conversation. Clean house. Will they have a good time? Did they feel it was worth the trip? Insecurities.

When I drop the kids off at school I see all these great moms, great women. I've gotten to know some, but some. . . they are so sweet and so put together and their kids are so great. Insecurities.

Yup, this girl ain't all put together. I'm sure there isn't a woman who is. So, I'm going to do something about it. Two days ago I received a facebook private message from someone who blessed me. She told me what she liked about me. It came out of the blue and boy. . was my confidence raised. I felt great. God took care of me in a very real way through her. Thanks chica. I'm going to bless others. Us women---we need to take care of each other and raise each other's confidence levels.

I'm going to walk into my party tomorrow night with my pumpkin t-shirt on and a true and confident smile on my face. I'm also going to try and bless all who are there. What will you do today for a wonderful woman in your life?

Chicken Post Script

I cooked up our first chicken for last night's supper. I thought I couldn't go wrong using my trusty crock-pot. I was right. This bird was amazing! I'm not sure what I thought it would taste like, but it was juicy and yummy. I also thought it would be a bit scrawny--these chickens were not kept in small cages so that they would get super fat. Our dinner had tons of meat. I also have my first batch ever (shocker!) of chicken noodle soup in the fridge. Yummy. I must confess though that my mind got the best of me at first. I was a little. . . ahem. . .nervous to take the first bite. I made Gary do it and he said it was good. Once I got it on my plate and out of the kitchen. . . I just enjoyed my supper. Three more birds in the freezer for later. Delicious.

Many thanks to those who commented (on the blog and off)--so glad that my cousin Jana remembers Grandpa Koeman butchering chickens! Sometimes I need to have a memory confirmed to make sure it really happened. :)

It's time to butcher. . . .seriously

Hello friends!

Gary, Garrison, Simon and I had the amazing opportunity to go to our friend's farm on Saturday and butcher chickens. Yes, that is what we did. Yes, it was amazing, and fun, and difficult, and tiring, and very very satisfying. The Mulders were wonderful hosts. Not only did they raise the chickens, they also had all the supplies ready to go and even provided lunch for the crew. All we had to bring was a knife and a willingness to learn. Several came and watched children. Several came and just watched. Most of us participated in every aspect of butchering. Both Gary and I were so blessed to learn something new. We loved working with others. I thanked the chickens for giving their lives so that I can feed my family. I remember watching my Grandpa Koeman butcher chickens was I was little. It seemed to be a little chaotic in my little head. This was very peaceful. We all worked together, put all the cleaned chickens together, and then divided them up in the end. It was a wonderful morning. Feel free to look at the pictures that follow but beware: there are dead chickens. If it bugs you, you might want to stop here. I will be talking some about how we killed them and the like. So seriously, I'm fine if you want to pass on this blog post. :) I'll put captions underneath the pictures.

We'll be eating our first bird tomorrow night. I'll let you know how it tastes. Enjoy!

Simon checks out the chickens before we get started. There were about 50.

Gary was the first to go, so we all watched how it went. We put the head of the chicken through a cut off top of a milk carton. This calmed them and kept them from flopping so crazy after they were dead. Then, we slit one of its arteries in the neck. It died very quickly.

Simon was very interested in how everything worked.

After dunking the chicken in hot water, the feathers came off quite easily. Gary is almost done plucking this one.

Then the bird was blow-torched to kill any salmonella and to take care of any random hairs.

Simon kept asking if he could get a chicken skull. He settled for a chicken foot instead.

I'm getting ready to do it for the first time. Notice how I dressed up for the big event. :)

Gary did a great job of teaching me how to gut the bird.

No gloves for this kid--Simon loved seeing all of the intestines and learning about how everything works inside of a chicken's body--and inside of his own.

Look at all of the birds that we've done!

Garrison wasn't as fond of the butchering, but he loved being out on the farm. He took many many MANY pictures of the chickens, cows, hay bales, squash, caterpillars, and trees. Love digital cameras! Love my boys!

Though it wasn't for everyone, I'm blessed to have had this experience. I hope that we are able to do it again sometime. Feel free to ask any questions--I love talking about it.

September 23

Yesterday I was talking with my mom on the phone and she mentioned that tomorrow was September 23. "I have written down that it is Baby Sprick's birthday."

Yes mom, you are right. Today is Baby Sprick's birthday. We talked a bit about how God has blessed me in so many ways. . . ways that I couldn't have imagined at the time. We continued our conversation, said good-bye, and I went about my day. Yet. . . I kept returning to September 23, 2004.

Gary and I decided to wait a few months after we got married before trying to have kids. We got married in June and come August, I asked Gary what he wanted for his birthday. "A baby." was his response. We did indeed get pregnant that month and for his birthday I gave him a "Happy Birthday Daddy" card. We cried and prayed together. A few weeks later we told our families and a few close friends. Ah, the joy of getting pregnant! The fun of announcing the news!

About four days before September 23, I woke up after having a very bad dream. . . although it was not bad during the dream. I dreamt that we had our son, that there was something wrong with him, and that God told me it was going to be o.k. I agreed with the Lord and He took our son. I woke up and began to cry and then woke Gary up. He held me and assured me that everything was going to be o.k.

September 23 I began to bleed and an ultrasound revealed that there was indeed no heartbeat. No heartbeat. We grieved, shared the news with the few folks that knew, and I took a few days off of school. It was awful. It was wonderful to walk through this with my new husband. It was physically painful. It hurt.

Here I am today, seven years later with four amazing kids. Kids that I adore and wouldn't trade. Not one of them would be here if we hadn't miscarried. We got pregnant with Garrison two months after the miscarriage. We decided to adopt in the months following. Child timing would have been different with Noel and Penny. Through it all our faith only deepened and we clung to each other and to God. One of the first worship services we attended following our loss included the song "Blessed be the name".

"You give and take away. You give and take away. Yet my heart will always say LORD BLESSED BE YOUR NAME."

I've blogged about this before. I don't think about it most days, yet today is a day where I've shed numerous tears. Gary and I have hugged a little longer and gotten weepy together. It is good for us to revisit and still hurt. It is good for us to remember how God took care of us. It is good for us to talk about our son who is in heaven. Though I'm not eager to go anytime soon, I'll be looking forward to meeting him someday. I'll introduce you. . . maybe I'll even blog about it. :)

We are losers

About 7 weeks ago, I posted about losing weight, about how I wanted to get back to where I want to be, where I'll be comfortable in my own skin. I believe I shared how I was going to be a part of a weight loss contest. Several of you posted support and I know that many of you offered support from behind your laptop. :)

Well, the results are in. Gary decided to join me in this venture and together we followed old school Weight Watchers. I love this program and feel so very good when I do it. We didn't go to meetings, but we did record our points and encourage each other. It was great to meal plan and know that Gary would be on board. Gary lost 19 pounds and I lost 11 pounds! In our contest, we were the first and second place winners! Plus, out of the six week contest, Gary and I won three of the weeks. . . meaning we lost the most out of the group for that week. Together, we brought home. . . . $360.00! Wow! We have giggled several times this past week.

When we initially invested the $30.00 a piece, I thought that winning the contest would be fun. I also knew that making a financial investment would be such good motivation. Even if we hadn't won, the thirty bucks was totally worth 11 pounds. Our group began again this past Monday and I'm in for another six weeks. If I could lose another 11 pounds I think I'd be close to where I want to be. Wouldn't that be amazing! Of course, it is hard at times. I made apple brownies (WOW!) last night and ate a nibble here and a bar there. I had to write it down and account for it. I did put them in the freezer this morning so I wouldn't snack on them. :)

So, six weeks from now, perhaps I'll have another glowing post. . . not from winning, but from the glow on this chicas face as I look better and feel better than I have in a long time.

It's a trampoline!

Yup, we purchased a trampoline. Gary got an amazing deal (no surprise there). We set it up on Wednesday and have been enjoying it Every. Single. Day. In fact, the kids are jumping on it right now and it is raining outside. I love love love it. I'm so thankful that we have it. I'm so thankful that our kids make up games and play together and get exercise. It is fabulous. Even the net, which I thought I wouldn't like, it great and has saved many a fall. Even Penny begs "up, up, up" and loves to run and fall on it.

Here is the rub. . . the last time I jumped on our family trampoline was. . . I don't even know. I grew up with a trampoline and we spent hours on it. Perhaps that is why I have been hoping for one of my own. I have great memories of jumping and can only recall two accidents. I could do flips, jump high, play tag. . . oh I was good. I wasn't as good as my sister Tricia (she could do a back-flip), but I was good. I'm still jumping and running outside to jump with the kids. I love playing with them. BUT there is a problem I'm having that didn't exist in my youth. I've birthed three children since I was last on a trampoline and my ahem. . bladder seems to be faulty when I jump, especially when I try to do flips. I'm taking precautions when I jump, but I have had to change an article of clothing on more than one occasion. What is up with that? What has happened to this 38 year old body? Why am I wetting my pants? I mean, if I was sneezing and jumping I could understand. . . . :) I'm not incontinent on a regular basis. I try to be a respectable member of my community. Should I own up to my age? Should I cheer from the side and take lots of pictures? Should I keep quiet? You know the answer.

I WILL keep jumping. I WILL keep taking precautions and changing my unders if need be. I WILL laugh and giggle and fall down with my kids. I'm proud baby--proud mama of four kids with the battle scars and weak bladder to prove it. :)

What the internet has done

The internet has done a lot of great things in my life. Love the communication, love the recipes, love the blogging,love the shopping, lots of love love love.

Last night though, I was not happy with what the internet has given to me. I shed lots of tears and prayed prayed prayed. See, a couple of year ago I stumbled upon the blog of a woman who lives in Washington. I love her blog and love her perspective. She makes me laugh. She makes me think. She is a believer and I love following her. Though I have never met her, though I don't believe I ever will while on this earth, I still like her. I don't know if we'd be friends or not.

Her son. . . her beautiful son. . . her seventh grade son. . . her oldest child. . . .was killed in an accident. From what I can gather from the comments on her blog, he was caught in a fast moving stream and drowned. Drowned. Here I was, little ole Shanda in Michigan, crying for a the loss of a mama that I can't even call a friend.

There is tradgedy all around us. The news. . . heck the internet is chock full of information about terrible things happening to wonderful people. There are so many people and situations that I'm praying about. For some reason, this has hit me very hard. I've been struggling to accept the death sentence that my friend Ellen was given last week. After three rounds of chemo. . . things don't look good. She is younger than me, two kids. . . I just weep before God and beg for Him to heal her. Maybe these things are hitting my heart because I don't want them to happen to me. I don't want to die anytime soon. I don't want to lose any one of my kids. Drowning scares me.

I'm so glad that God is my comfort. I'm so glad that He weeps with me. I'm so glad that He knows all and sees all and can do big things, or chose to do big things that I don't agree with. I trust Him completely. Completely. Yes I do. So. . . if you see me with a little tear in my eye. . . or if I see you with one. . . let's promise to pray for each other and for our families. Oh, and I gave each kid an extra hug last night. Anna wishes she could Jack once more. I'm sure that Ellen is holding her kids a little longer every day. I have the opportunity again today with my kids and I'll take it.

Blogging

I've been thinking about blogging and why I blog. See, the stats for this blog have been dropping. Now, this really shouldn't be an issue as I don't blog to make money. I don't blog to raise money. I don't blog to make friends, yet. . . I began to feel unpopular. How silly Shanda! I struggle, at some times more than others, with what others think of me. Perhaps this is an issue for you as well.

So I've been thinking about why I blog and perhaps why readership is waning. I began blogging when we went to China to get our dear Simon. I continued as folks wanted to know about Simon's adjustment and medical treatment as well as our adjustment as a whole family. I found that I was able to reconnect with some far-away friends (Karen, Traci, and Lori to name a few) through the blog and it helped our relationship. I liked that.

Then things went KA-BOOM in my family. We were sent reeling into the arms of the Lord with my dad's addiction. Rumors and rumors of rumors were rampant! This blog became a place where folks would find information about what was happening in my family. It also became a place that I could use to process information. I grew a lot in the past two years. I made myself very vulnerable at times on this blog. I asked for many prayers. I told silly stories.

Drama with my dad has calmed way down. I continue to do crazy things as a mom and I continue to try to be the best wife and mom I can be. So, I think I'll keep blogging. I like it. I like processing and I really like having a written record of stuff that is happening in my family. Someday, I'll pony up the money and have it printed. Blogs may become obsolete in the future, but my kids will have a record. . . through my eyes. I like that. When new updates happen with dad (my folks are dating just so you know) I'll fill you in. When we go for our first broken bone, you'll find it here. We won't be announcing another pregnancy just for the record. :) For those who still read, thanks for coming along. For those who have gone to new places, thanks for traveling with me for awhile.

A-typical

I know, I know. I'm crazing posting. :)

Sometimes we do just great around here in regards to time. I am generally early and like my family to be generally early. The boys were a little late for school and here is why.

12:15 "Alright everyone. . . get your shoes on. Time to bring Garrison and Simon to school." You should know I can get to school is about 4 or 5 minutes. Class begins at 12:30. Plenty of time.

This are the events that followed.

1. Noel asked if she could go without shoes. Yes, you are not even getting out of the car.

2. Garrison ran out and remembered his shoes and his backpack. Yes!

3. Simon puts on his shoes that broke yesterday.

4. Simon laughs and shows me his broken shoe. I ask him to change them and then ask if he remembered his new water bottle. (He asked for one yesterday as his head has been getting a little sweaty at school. Love it!)

5. Simon asks if he can put more water into the water bottle. Sure.

6. I scoop up Penny and discover a dirty diaper. Good thing I gave myself a little extra time. Off to change her pants.

7. Noel comes in crying. Garrison hit her with his backpack which had that HUGE water bottle in it and knocked her out of the car.

8. Garrison follows her in the house apologizing and asking if she is alright.

9. I check on Noel's condition. She is fine.

10. I put on Penny's diaper.

11. I grab Penny and we have a little chat with Garrison.

12. I pull Simon's water bottle out of his backpack because he put it in open. We have a little lesson on open and closed. Water bottles go into backpacks when they are closed.

13. Noel and Garrison are back in the car and I put Penny in her car seat.

14. Simon enters the garage and leaves the door open.

15. Simon enters the car and is still wearing broken shoes. He is sent back in.

16. We all wait for Simon.

17. Simon comes back to the car and begins to cry because he is getting all wet.

18. Mom check's Simon's backpack and discovers that though the water bottle is closed, he didn't screw the top on. Half the water is sitting in the bottom of the backpack.

19. I get out of the car and empty out the backpack in the driveway. Simon remains in the standing position in the car.

20. Get in your seat big guy. Not a big deal. It will dry. We'll practice putting on the top when you get home.

21. We leave the driveway and have 2 minutes to get to school. Whew.

When you have the time. . .

Hi

I was invited to take a look at this blog post from some adoption friends. It is long, but good. It gives great food for thought about adoption. . . but it also offers great food for thought about death, moving, parenting, struggles. . . how to turn to our Lord and be the hands of God for others.

Feel free to check it out and then enjoy some time praying with God and listening to Him.

http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2011/09/06/after-the-airport

My brother Kevin

I'm so blessed by my family--my siblings. I love them, love spending time with them and value their advice. There ain't any other group of people that can get me to laugh more than them.

This morning I received an e-mail from my brother Kevin. I adore Kevin. I love it that our paths crossed many years ago when we lived in Chicago together. I missed all of his high school years as I was in Miami, so it was great to be teaching just minutes away from his college. I went to his basketball games and invited him over for lunches. I may have even made him cookies on occasion. I was with him when he signed his first teaching contract: at Chicago Christian! We taught together for three years and were even able to team teach a class. What a gift! His e-mail is AWESOME! I asked if I could re-print it and he said "yes". But first, a few pictures of Kevin, just to introduce you.

Here is the e-mail:

For the 2nd time in my teaching career I have sent a student to the emergency room...
The first was in my rookie year at CCHS when a game of egg toss turned into a girl getting splattered in the face and having to be rushed to the er because she was allergic and her face was swelling like a pumpkin.
Today:
I took my 10th graders out to the nature trail behind the high school for an activity about robert frost. You know the poem "The Road Not Taken" things were going so very well. I brought them to a beautiful spot where two roads diverge in a yellow wood. I had them look into deep into the paths and decide quietly which path they would choose to take. We chatted and 9 said the right while 16 choose the left. We chatted about why...reasons like "that one was sunnier" "That one had more grass" "that one leads to a creek, i think" It was going so well. So i choose the path to the right and we walked together for 50 feet or so until we got to the next crossroad.
It was then that I asked a student which way would you like us to go? She chose the left and we were off again. When we came to the next fork in the path peer pressure began in the group (excellent). I asked a young girl which way and the group started pushing her "go left..it's faster" "no right, we could stay out here all class period" She chose the left and off we went again. By the next intersection a great question arose. "Mr. Koeman, where are we trying to get to?" I did not answer. he he he
After 4 crossings we were out in a field behind the middle school and came to another intersection. This time one way was the path and the other was through the woods. I asked a sweet girl in my class which way she would like us to go. She gave a beautiful answer. "Mr. Koeman, let's be trailblazers and go off the path! After all, it is only 50 feet or so back to the path; I can see it" I being a risk taker (thanks dad) agreed and off we went through the woods.
It was so neat. Some were running. Some were walking. Some were climbing. But they had broken the line for the first time and were scattered through the woods. Then it happened.
As I got to the path, I heard the screams. Girls screams. Loud screams. As I turned around I saw.................the bees!
HUNDREDS of bees. One of the girls stepped on a dead log and into an enormous bee hive. Kids were running at me and I was swatting bees away with a passion. I yelled out to my now panicky class, "RUN" they took off while i attended the poor girl who stepped in the hive. She has at least 15 bees on her ankle. I do not like bees.
Once we were semi- clean we ran. I only was bitten twice (thankfully). As we emerged onto the turf field, some kids were still swatting a lone bee or two. Then we could not help but laugh. All of us, on the field laughing and counting how many times we each got stung. The record was 7 by a very tall boy (go figure)
We came back into the room and tried to debrief the situation. I tried doing the teacher thing by connecting the off the path moment with dangerous places in life and how they are fun but often have hidden traps (clever, I know). Finally, with about 10 minutes left in the class period, as they were writing about the experience one boy comes up to me and says, "Mr. Koeman, I think I need to go to the office." I looked at him. I almost cried. He had been stung in the neck and it was beginning to swell badly. So was his arm. So was his hip. So was his shoulder.
We got to the office and called his mother. She came. She got him. They went to the Emergency Room. He got steroids. He now carries an epi-pin. I called him 15 minutes ago and he is fine.
Well there it is. Starting my 10th year and still have not learned a thing about teaching.
Love you all --by the way...it is parent night tonight. My 6th hour sophomore parents will be coming to my room around 8 pm. I think I might take them for a walk...

I hope that my kids have the chance to be in Mr. Koeman's class. I hope they take a walk and I kinda even hope they get stung by bees. They'll be better for it.

Labor Day

How did you celebrate Labor Day? Round these parts, we have various activities including a Big Truck Parade. It is short. It is loud. It has really big trucks that little kids gaze upon. It is not hard to find a spot. It is fabulous.

This year was especially fabulous. A cameraman from the local news decided to set up camp right next to us and ahem. . . interviewed yours truly. I know, I'm famous. You can also catch a few peeks at my kids, Gary, my brother Ryan and sister-in-law Kate, and my niece Dakota.

We also enjoyed a hike in the afternoon with our friends the Petersons. It was a laid back kind of day. We thought about getting all kinds of projects done. . . but the weather was great, we were all together. . . we enjoyed it.

Hope you enjoy this!

http://www.wzzm13.com/video/default.aspx?bctid=1144537809001&odyssey=mod|newswell|text|FRONTPAGE|featured

Sex-Ed

This week my first sex-ed conversation occurred with one of my children: Simon. All the other kids were sleeping, so it was just the two of us chatting. Although I use quotes, it may not be exact as I've retold the story numerous times. If I've already told you, feel free to come back some other time for a post that might interest you.

"Mom? It's kinda funny. It's kinda funny how you have to be married to have a baby and people who aren't married don't have a baby. I know that married people kiss and hold hands and stuff. Is that how married people get a baby? How does that happen mom?"

"Well Simon, when you are married you can sleep together in the same bed. When you sleep together you show each other that you love each other and then you can have a baby. Before you get married, you don't really sleep in the same bed together."

"Ohhhhhh, so married people sleep together and that is how they get a baby. And if you aren't married you don't sleep in the same bed."
"Yup. I hope that someday you'll find God's best for you and you'll get married to a wonderful woman and you can have kids too. I'd like to be a grand----"

"Mom (interrupted as I was talking too much!) know what else is funny? If I was snowboarding and then I went down a straight part, then a curve, then a straight part, then a curve, and then a straight part. . . I could do a flip at the end. Isn't that funny mom?"

"You got that right."

I posted an abridged version of this on my facebook page and it was interesting to read the comments. Some think Simon is ready for the parts speech. One suggested I let him loose in the public library and he'll read about it all on his own.

Frankly, I don't think he was looking for parts, not yet. He'll be my first to ask about it though. I think I did a bang up job if I do say so myself.

What's happening in Kindergarten?

Three days. I've learned very little from my boys about what happens in the daily workings of kindergarten. I've no doubt that things are happening--they've spent nine hours this week in their class. The only things I've heard are that they didn't finish their snack, they love recess (their first time with such an activity), and they got popsicles.

Today was a bit different on the way home. I heard two stories. Garrison first.

"Mom, did you know what we can read? You can read differently by looking at the pictures. I did it. I was able to read the story without reading the words. Did you know we could do that mom? We can read a book. It is just different." "Really Garrison. That is great! Did you enjoy doing that?" "Yup." Simon chipped in that he had been able to do that as well. Garrison was especially excited.

Simon:

"Mom, do you know what we did today? We played tackle boys verses girls." "What?!?" (I was confused--was this a class activity or was this on the playground? It was on the playground.) "Yup, we had teams and then we would try to get them. . . the girls. . . and then then we would tackle them and then they would try and get us. We tried to block them and they would block us from going down the slide. Then if we got them we would tackle them. Next time we need Garrison on our team. Garrison, will you be on our team?" "Simon, you tackled girls?" "Yes." "Were you careful and gentle with the girls?" "Yes, and if they said they quit then I didn't tackle them."

Ah, the many lives of a kindergarten kid.