A new journey

A new journey has begun for us Koemans. Dad is back in Holland. He is attending AA meetings, he is going to church with my mom, he is attending counseling both with my mom and by himself. It is good. It is also a little scary. This is uncharted waters.

I went to an O.A.R. meeting last night with my mom. I continue to be blessed by the people and the therapists there as I learn about addiction. Last night was on trigger and relapse. I find myself being convicted in my own life about such issues. I am working again at getting my weight off from this pregnancy. (You know. . . the one from seven months ago!) The past two weeks have been terrible! I had minor surgery on my toes that left me unable to walk for a few days and then one section became infected. . . I haven't been doing much activity lately. I've also used that and the holidays as a license to eat. Triggers and relapse. Certain songs, smells, people, locations. . . all triggers for us. We can't escape triggers, but we can stay away from relapse.

I'm committed to standing by my dad and helping him with his recovery. He'll have triggers too I'm thinking. He needs to know that I'll be there. When the urge hits, there are people that can help him so that he doesn't crash and burn. Up until last night, I found myself keeping my eyes and ears open to his possible failure. I discovered that I'm planning on him failing. Honestly, I thought that last nights meeting was going to be about how to recognize relapse. I'm on guard, and I think that is normal. I need to do a little tweaking though. Instead of looking for the failure, I was challenged to ask dad this question instead. "How are you actively managing your recovery?" I like that so much better. It allows me the opportunity to celebrate with him. It makes me less of a guardian. It might encourage him to join a group at Evergreen Commons or some other thing. It certainly will allow him to be less defensive. I think I should ask myself the same question about any issue in my life that I'm trying to change. Living a healthier life. Spending more time in the word. Getting more on top of cleaning in my house.

"Shanda, what are you actively doing to manage your recovery?"

enemies

Place: The Sprick swagger wagon.

Time: On the way home from church.

Conversation between Gary, Shanda, Garrison, and Simon

"Mom, what's that?"

"What?"

"That big thing, you know, kinda black and with a big long (hand motions) thing on it?"

"Oh, that's a tank."

"A tank?"

"Yup"

"What is that long thing?"

"A gun"

"A GUN!?!?!"

"Yes."

"Why does that thing need a gun?"

"The tank needs a gun so that it can fight."
"Fight?"

"Yes, fight enemies."

"Who shoots the gun?"
"Well, there are men and women who chose to defend us from our enemies. They get special training and they can shoot the gun. Someday, you can chose to join the army then you can drive a tank. (as an aside to the spouse in the car: I don't think Simon can join the army with his tumor--let's not start on that one though.)

"Where are our enemies?"

"Well. . . they are far away."
"Are they going to shoot us?"

"Nope, we do not have to worry about being hit by our enemies. They are far away."

"Are there enemies in our neighborhood?"

"nope."

"Oh, I know, enemies live in emenyland (spelling correct). If you go to emenyland, then you will find enemies."

"Sure. Let's just plan on using a tank and shooting the gun in emenyland. Who is excited about the Christmas party tonight?"

Christmas Letter

I love receiving Christmas letters. I love it and am NOT bored by it. Even if I know you very very very well, it is still great to relive your year with you. When Gary comes home at 4:31 and enters with the mail, everything else gets ignored while I open all Christmas cards. Don't bother me. :)

I did send Christmas cards (sorry if you didn't get one--I ran out!) but I did not include a Christmas letter. Three years ago I bought beautiful blue snowflake paper for Christmas letters. I bought 400 sheets (on clearance at Menards baby!) so I wouldn't have to buy paper again for a few years. I didn't use them for the past two years. Why? I'm afraid. There, I said it. I'm afraid that folks will think me boring. I know, I know, perhaps my resolution for next year will be caring less about what others think of me. If I were to have written a letter on the beautiful snowflake paper. . . .

What?!? Another year has passed. My oldest son went through two sizes of pants, my youngest son proved he can hop on one foot during the Christmas program, my oldest daughter has decided kissing isn't cool, and my youngest daughter arrived. Here we are through my eyes.

Gary? He is my love. I still marvel that God brought us together. He is handsome, thoughtful, generous with his time and his gifts, and a really good dad. Plus, he is a great husband. I never thought I'd be deserving of such a man. He works hard and faithfully despite some challenging stuff at work (AT&T field tech). He is sporting his fifth hair style of the year. I love that about him. He has still not gotten his nose pierced and for that I'm thankful.

Garrison? My 5 year old boy changed this year. There is a new maturity about him. He is enjoying pre-school again, although he doesn't realize that he is repeating. With his August birthday and some immature social skills, Gary and I decided to have him wait a year for kindergarten. It was a good decision. He is a leader, has an easy smile, loves to give hugs, cries with huge crocodile tears when Frosty melts, learned how to swim without a life jacket and lost his first tooth. I love him.

Simon? Has is really been two years since he joined our family? My four year old is best described with two words: silly and determined. Don't bother telling Simon he is too little to do something, he'll find a way. His attention span is much longer than his older brother's. On the other hand, he is so very goofy! This can be funny or drive me batty! There are several kids in his class that aren't allowed to sit next to Simon. One word, one look, one noise can send him over the edge. Don't change his routine! Flexible is not a word used to describe him. He wanders out of his room every morning looking for a hug. I love him.

Noel? Delightful, stubborn, dramatic, joyful, independent, sassy, musical, tomboy, and princess. It is hard to describe Noel because frankly, she is indescribable. :) She enthralls those who meet her. She is three and vacillates between being a little girl and a teenager. She adores her older brothers and loves their approval. She also loves to get them mad, and she is very good at it. If you watch her, she is either skipping, walking on her toes, or twirling as she moves from place to place. I love spending one on one time with her. She pretends like no other. I love her.

Penny? We gave her the name Penny because she was such a blessing to us. She has lived up to her name! She is so very happy and content. I'm so thankful that God decided to give her to us last. She is very used to all the noise and all the touching that three older siblings offer to her. She has decided to crawl which has made an impact in my life in a negative way. She grunts when she is excited. She kicks when she is excited. She smiles when she is excited. Life is very good for Penny, and for us because she is here. I love her.

Smokey? Our dog is our dog. As he ages he mellows out a bit which is great. I'm not a huge fan of Smokey, but I do love the people that love him.

Me? Well, I love my life. There are many moments when I'm not winning awards for being a good mom. I do love being at home with my kids. I love planning meals and finding deals while grocery shopping. I love the school that my kids attend. I love having four kids. I love our church. I love my Bible Study and the amazing Godly women in my group. I love being married to Gary. I love walking with the Lord every day. Sure, this year has been very eventful. The birth of a baby and the ups and downs that came with my dad added drama. Throw in a trip to the ER with Noel, trips to Branson, questions about Simon's medical condition, the arrival of a new niece, my brother and sister-in-aw announcing their pregnancy, making new friends at church, inheriting a trailer, Gary having sinus surgery. . . it is a wonderfully full life with new surprises every day. God is so amazing isn't He?

Our table is open as big as it can get. We are having our small group over tonight to decorate cookies. I have about 170ish cookies ready to go. Our house will be full of laughter. We did the same thing on Monday night with friends from church. Friday night we'll have our family party to celebrate Christmas. Christmas morning will arrive and we'll open stockings and eat cupcakes for breakfast. Why? It is Jesus' Birthday and we always have cupcakes for breakfast when someone in our family has a birthday. May you have a wonderful time celebrating the birth of Christ.

In Him

shanda

Baby Steps

No, my newest daughter isn't taking baby steps yet. She began to crawl today though. Real, knees and hands crawling. I'm trilled and upset all at the same time.

We are in baby steps with dad. He finishes his treatment this week in Traverse City. He'll be returning to Holland toward the end of this week. He seems to have made some really good strides. He is identifying areas in which he has hurt us. He even apologized specifically to my mom for some of the things that he had done to her. We've never heard any of that, even after the other "detoxes". It is a HUGE part of AA recovery. My heart is thankful. He also realized that he can not just jump into the family. He'll need to sign a sobriety contract and earn our trust back. That will take a lot of time. Perhaps he is beginning to walk the road of sobriety.

For the past month, dad has been in the care of others. He has lots of fellowship, lots of therapy and no opportunity to go off program. It has been a good month for him. The true test will begin soon. He'll be living in a house that he is renting. He'll be living by himself. He'll be responsible to reconnect with his AA sponsor, to go to counseling, to buy his own groceries, to find ways to occupy his time, and to stay off of medication. I'm very wary because I've been here before. Do I think dad can do it? Yes. Do I hope and pray that he does? Yes. Do I think he will? Well. . . one part of me ways he will, yet the guarded part of me, the part that has seen him for the past 15 years, that part of me that doesn't want to open the door of my heart nor my children's hearts again. . . that part has a hard time thinking that he will. I know he can do it. My dad, he is one determined fellow.

We watched slides at our family Christmas party this week-end. I saw my dad camping, hiking, water skiing and having so many fun adventures. We celebrated the dad that always made us go out and "do things" even when we wanted to just stay inside and do nothing. He pushed and pushed and was determined to have fun with his family and to never be handicapped. I really hope that this dad shows up later this week. I'd like to see him again. As always, we covet your continued prayers.

I am a princess

For Bible Study this year, we are doing the Beth Moore series on Esther. For our last gathering this calendar year, we had a banquet. My group decided to dress up as princesses of course. We had so much fun waving to the throngs and admiring our tiarras. I of course pulled my best outfit from my closet: my Grandma Sternberg's dress. It is lovely. I added huge bright pink earrings, tacky necklaces, big hair, and a ton of make-up. You can't see in the picture, but zoom in: it is there.

What is funny about this outfit is that I was pulled aside by a dear older woman in the church. She talked to me three different times last Tuesday morning. Why? She wanted to admonish (lightly) me for not wearing this dress to church on Sunday mornings. She also kept exclaiming about my make-up. Now I am far more comfortable in jeans and a sweatshirt with a pony tail atop my head. I don't really wear make-up. It isn't my style and the one to whom I dress up for doesn't really like it. He finds me more attractive without it. She was horrified! Apparently, I look wretched usually and today I finally looked good. Thanks so much! I enjoyed her declarations and stated that I probably wouldn't be showing up at church like this anytime soon. She did find me on Sunday morning and was a little put off that I hadn't heeded her advice.

On a serious note, I love my Bible Study ladies. It is so great to have a group of people that I can discuss Spiritual issues, joys, and concerns. I know that if I ask for prayer from them, they will be praying throughout the week. I love being a part of their spiritual journey and I gladly welcome them on my walk. I thank God so much that I have found such a great home.

My favorite coach

I went to a basketball game on Friday night. I didn't stay until the end and I can't you many names of the players on the team. I didn't wear team colors. I don't teach any of the students. I left with my boys at halftime. It was after all bedtime for them.

I got teary eyed several times during the game. See, my little brother is the coach. Ah, such pride from this big sister. I had my camera out and got photos of his first steps on the home court as the varsity coach. :) I'm not proud because of how they did or how they played basketball. I'm proud because my brother is more than just basketball. See, his philosophy is that he is coaching these guys to be men of character, men who do what is right before God. Basketball is second. I know from listening to him that there are lots of ways that he does this. Let me tell you instead what I see on the court and read in the paper.

1. When the starting players are announced, they do all the special handshake blah blah with their teammates (standard), they shake the hand of the opposing coach (standard), and then they shake the hands of the officials. What?!? That is so very cool.

2. When someone falls down on the court, Kevin's players are there to lend a hand. It doesn't matter what team they are on, they are always there to lend a hand. Love it!

3. When the paper interviews the coach after a tough loss and focuses on what the players did wrong and how the technical foul changed the momentum of a game. . . . Kevin (my brother) talks about how this great kid apologized to his team after the game and what a stand up kid he is. No blame. No frustration. Grace.

I'm looking forward to more games. I'm also praying that God puts people like Kevin in the lives of my kids. It doesn't matter if it is sports, a job, fine arts. . . whatever they choose to be a part of. . . I want men and women of character to coach them and teach them to be young people of God's character.

Aye!

Hey--there is so much that I want to say. Do you ever have that? Thanks by the way for your thoughts on traditions. We have been enjoying ours and will be adding a new event on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. Later.

Today, I'm sitting on the couch with my feet up. I'm in pain. Mom's are supposed to "work through it" and keep on keeping on. I did that yesterday. I did that until Gary got home and I showed him my bandaged up foot which was blood soaked through new dressings and my second pair of socks. He wasn't happy with me when I told him I probably should be sitting with my feet up. I had minor surgery yesterday and "enjoyed" (awful!) having the sides of both of my big toenails removed. Not. Fun. It was especially "enjoyable" when one side wasn't numb enough and wham bam thank-you mam the digging began. I digress. The doctor and his lovely assistant gave me instructions to sit down with my feet up during the day. I almost laughed out loud. I assured them I would try. I did try and it just wasn't possible.

That changed as soon as Gary became aware of the situation. He sat me down, brought me dinner, gave me a foot rest, took care of the kids, and yelled at me when I began "working" on my way back to the couch following a bathroom break. I deserved it. (He didn't really yell at me, but he was quite insistent that I return to my digs.) He got on my case again this morning. Thanks honey. Though I'm very behind on household things, something else happened this morning. I heard all about Noel's dreams while she was sitting beside me on the couch. I read three books to Garrison. I cuddled with Simon for 10 minutes when he got up. I don't ever do that because I'm so busy in the morning. It was quite nice and a great reminder to me that though things in the house need to get done, sometimes it is o.k. to sit and be with your kids. I need to do that more often. Also, my toes aren't throbbing as much. Imagine that.

It's a full life

Thanks for the comments about traditions. I have 136 cookies baked and only eight more to go. We are having our small group over tomorrow night to decorate. I should have 144 total, but I ate one dough ball when I bought them and another dough ball while I was baking. Come to think of it: each kid had a broken cookie to eat. . . and I overdid one batch. . . and I may have eaten one (or two) of the cookies. So, we'll just say we have over 100 cookies for tomorrow night. Bring on the frosting!

I know, I know. You are shocked that I didn't bake them from scratch. This is especially shocking since the decorated cookies with my mamas recipe is among my favorite cookies EVER! I love them. Folks: I just don't have the opportunity this year to make, roll, cut, and bake them all. I turned to my friend "Gordan" and he gave me pre-cut sugar cookies. Forgive me this year please.

I haven't gotten groceries yet this week. We are enjoying interesting combinations of food. It is a little entertaining and frankly kind of fun. I'm reminded of how blessed I am that I can go for long periods of time without going to the grocery store and we still have more than enough. We are in no way hurting. Thanks God.

Kids to school, helping at school, getting a mole removed, Gary working some pretty long days, church on Wednesday night, decorating the tree, getting our kids hand prints up, discovering Oobi, babysitting for a friend, dressing like a princess (yes, I will blog about it when I get the pictures on the computer--see the Gary working long days comment), week-end guests, discovering Pandora. . . it has been a full few days. Simon is busy asking me who put the fire in the Christmas lights. He would also like you to know that he wants to go to his friend Spencer's house because Spencer has bad guys at his house that they can fight together. Noble? Yeah, let's go with that.

Dad drove himself to Traverse City yesterday for more treatment. He was discharged from Holland Hospital and is now in another program. Could this be the time that he is sincere? Could this be the time of his traveling down the road of recovery? Perhaps. Perhaps not. I'd like to say I'm ready for anything, yet God has a way of constantly surprising me. We'll keep you posted as we journey.

It has been great, this past week of my amazing life. Noel is obsessed with Kleenex. Garrison won't stop picking his fingernails and they bleed every day. Penny doesn't like applesauce. Who doesn't like applesauce? Simon is saving the world from bad guys. It is indeed a wonderful life.

Traditions

I love traditions. I love remembering them, participating in them, and creating new ones. Sometimes I think I go overboard---shhh---don't tell Gary that I actually admitted it. :)

This morning at Bible Study (a post for tomorrow!) several people shared traditions that happen in their house in regards to Christmas. I loved it. Loved. It. Delicious eggs dishes, a Christmas quilt that is passed on, favorite games. . . it was so much fun.

Of course, in my own family we have traditions. Gary's family does a sock (stocking) on Christmas morning. It must always include crayons and a coloring book. My family, well my family has TRADITIONS. Clues to discover a present, doing something outside, a big meal involving beef, pajamas for the kids, sharing prayer requests as a family for the coming year, getting fruit snacks from off of the tree, dad writing a Christmas blessing for each of us, some sort of surprise game, a 10 hour celebration, and it used to include jell-o in a cloud.

Our kids are at a great age for beginning some traditions. Gary and I are trying some things. . . thinking about what we'd like to pass on to them. There are too many things I'd like to do, so we must narrow it down. The kids always do their hand prints at Christmas. We do the Christmas stockings. We always take a drive and listen to Christmas music and look at the lights. We deviated this year from getting our usual "kind" of Christmas tree and instead went with a Frasier Fir. A welcome change I think. The kids will be remembering more and more about Christmas and what we do in our house. Do you have any favorites? I'd love to hear.

Here's hoping

Yup, I still have hope. I think God intended it that way. I don't think that I could ever lose all hope. I love the guy! I love love love him. How could I not keep hoping that my dad will get well enough to come home and be a functioning member our our family?

It makes it easier when you have a visit with him like my mom and I did last night. His eyes were clear. There was no anger in his voice. He even listened to us and asked us questions--and the questions weren't manipulative in nature! He laughed and we laughed with him.

I know, I know. I know that he could be different today. I know that everything that he said to us yesterday could have been a lie. He is after all an addict. He does seem to be more together. He is identifying that HE needs to work to get better. HE needs to make some decisions regarding his life. Usually, all we hear is him blaming others for his troubles. It seems like the work he is doing at Holland Hospital right now has been helpful. His time there is limited though. He has to choose a new place to live. The hospital is working with him to find a place that will continue to help him. It is totally his decision as this is his recovery. Will you join us in praying that he'll make a good decision regarding his future care? My mom and I ended our time with dad by praying together while holding hands. It is the first time I've held his hand and I liked it. I hope that we get to pray together again soon.

Especially in this holiday season I need to think and hope that maybe next year we'll be celebrating Christmas as a whole family.

On a side note, mom and I left with a spring in our step. We looked at each other and laughed in the elevator at what we had just experienced together. We blessed God! As we stepped out of the elevator we were confronted by someone who had heard of our situation. This person was critical of our family, judged us, and wanted us to "be on the same page". I think they wanted us to be on their page. Though it shook us a bit, I did find myself laughing about it. God was working in dad's life and so we needed to be attacked. Do you ever have that? You are walking with God so the evil one needs to throw some weight around. I was thankful that we were worthy of such an attack. It didn't stop me from replaying the scene over and over in my head. I'm so thankful for friends who support us and trust that all the professional and spiritual help we are getting is right. I'm so thankful for friends who may not have a clue about what is happening, yet they continue to pray for us. I'm thankful for people who want to judge, yet refrain from doing so because they realize that they don't "know everything". I'm living it and I still don't know everything. :) Thanks for being a positive part of our journey.

The first snow

I think the first snowfall of the year is amazing--and quite funny. Amazing because my God decided to give it to us. He could have chosen so many other ways, way less boring and beautiful, to water the earth. But instead, He gave us not only snow, but many different kinds of snow. I just love Him and I clapped for Him today. I know He'll give me an encore.

The first snowfall is funny as well. First, Garrison was my first one up with me this morning. I noticed the snow and turned all of the lights out in the house. I called him over to me by the sliders and turned on the outside Christmas lights. I will forever remember his face. Pure awe with a side of joy. He was so excited he almost couldn't speak (crazy for my Garrison!). We talked about snow, about when he could go outside, about what he wanted for breakfast. We moved on with the morning and I turned the lights back on so I could indulge my son and get him some food. While I was in the kitchen I heard a shriek from the living room. Garrison began shouting to me (not a good idea in a house with four sleeping people in it!) that there was snow in the front of the house too! Isn't this amazing!?! Yes, I laughed. It is so cool how there is snow in the front and the back of the house.

The other thing I find funny about the first snowfall is that it seems people can't talk about anything else! There were millions (well maybe 20) posts on facebook about snow. People at school, comments on the radio. . . it amuses (which should be spelled with a "z" by the way) me that we suddenly have to announce the obvious to each other. I've smiled many times today.

So friends in West Michigan, enjoy the first snow. It certainly is beautiful. . . although not as beautiful as the precious baby sleeping in my arms right now--yup, I'm multi-talented. Now ya know.

traveling

We just got back from traveling. We left on Monday morning and returned on Saturday night. We love going to see Grandpa Larry, Grandma Karen (Gary's folks), and Grandma Arlene (Gary's grandma).

We break up our journey from Zeeland to Branson into two days. We stayed at a hotel in St. Louis and enjoyed time with my best friend Karen and her fabulous family. The coolest part of the hotel was. . . everything! Pool, room, dinner, breakfast, pop. . . .what a great place! After visiting the zoo in the morning, we mosey on through the Ozarks to see Grandpa Larry and Grandma Karen!!!

The kids were so great and we enjoy lots of eating out, two days at Silver Dollar City, Kung Fu, dancing to the music on the jukebox, sleeping in the Coca-Cola bedroom, playing with the cool toys in Grandma Karen's closet, amazing views, and being tucked into bed by doting Grandparents (just the kids, although they may have tucked in Gary and me if we had asked).

The trip back was done all in one day. All. In. One. Day. We did remarkably well. I did learn some things on the ride back. I'd like to share, after all, it is my blog. :)

1. A lunch stop will take at least forty-five minutes no matter what you do to try and speed things up.

2. When you need a play place, you will not find one.

3. Kids who can normally ride for an hour in the car without a dvd player can not go for more than ten minutes before asking for a video.

4. Even if they say they don't have to go potty at the gas station, they must go potty at the gas station.

5. You can fit five nuggets and three M&M's into your snack bowl. That is dinner. Let's keep going!

6. If you say "no video for the next twenty minutes", someone will fall asleep.

7. If Penny cries a lot, she probably has a dirty pants. Stop soon or we'll all be sorry.

8. After 10 hours on the road, the driver and the front seat passenger think even the stupidest things are funny.

9. Hot Tamales (the candy) are a must for any road trip over five hours.

10. If you are allergic to beans, don't order the Pintos and cheese and then eat them all.

11. Where did all that trash come from?

Pictures (hopefully) sometime this week.

Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving! I'm sitting in a very comfy chair in Branson while my kids watch Little Bear and we wait for the rest of the household to wake up. Grandpa Larry and Grandma Karen (Gary's folks) as well as Grandma Arlene (Gary's grandma) not only sleep in a bit more, but they are also on Central time. :)

Over the past few days, I've been thankful for many things. Wonderful grandparents, a safe and fun road trip, seeing my best friend, eating out, Silver Dollar City, seeing my kids have a great time in a pool. . . and the list could go on and on. I can't even being to express how thankful I am for my husband and kids. I bless God that He chose to bring Gary and I together and that I have four kids! It was only eight years ago I thought I would never get married or have children. I was content to serve God in His Kingdom through teaching--something I loved doing and certainly miss at times. Yes, I am indeed thankful for the life I am living. Church, couple friend, a great school for my kids, some good mentors in my life, and my electric blanket also join my list of things I'm thankful for this year.

Yet, in this time of Thanksgiving, there is a rather large cloud with a severe warning attached to it that is a very real part of my life. Dad. The past two weeks have seen more drama attached to them since this whole thing began. It is hard for me to find things to be thankful for in this situation. When I last posted, dad was living at Lakeside Vista in Holland. He had insisted while at Holland Hospital that he needed to live in a place where his laundry would be washed and his meals cooked for him. Not only was he very unhappy at Lakeside Vista, he became angry about it. He lashed out at my mom on numerous occasions when she would come to visit. He lashed out at his counselor. He lashed out at other visitors. He has gotten so angry and so unstable that my mom is no longer allowed to visit dad alone. We are very afraid for her safety. He also decided to get medication (from the evil doctor who knows about his addition, yet refuses to do anything about it! grrr). . . the same medication that has harmed him so, that he is very addicted to, that he claimed over and over again he "was not on". Lies and lies with a side of lies.

He became so very unstable that he showed up at my mom's house and demanded to be let in. Mom called the police and with their, my Uncle Larry and Pastor Scripp's (the pastor at Graafschap) help, dad was brought to Holland Hospital. He has been readmitted to the psych floor. Where he will go next is totally in dad's hands. He doesn't want to go anywhere where he will be humbled. Friends, we all need to be humbled.

When I went to visit my dad last week, I brought him school pictures of the boys. We talked about them a bit and I asked dad if he wanted to see them again. He did. I then asked him to get busy living. Work to get yourself better. Work hard to discover truths about yourself. He just looked at me. His meal was delivered to his room and I asked dad why he didn't eat with the other residents. His response? "I don't eat with those people?"

Why did he get kicked out of transitional living in Petosky? "I don't belong with those people." Why won't he go live at the Holland City Mission? "I'm not one of those people." See, dad will say that he is an addict, but I don't think he really believes it. He doesn't acknowledge that he can't do it alone, that it is hard work to live in recovery, that he shouldn't have any available cash with which to purchase drugs, that he works hard and spends lots of time thinking of ways to try and manipulate the people in his life. . .he is very good at talking the talk. I continue to pray that God will humble him. Of course, I need to ask God to humble the parts of me that are arrogant and prideful as well.

Our future is so very uncertain again. Let me share one story with you as I close out this very long entry. :) There is a recovery meeting for family members of addicts through OAR (Ottagan Addictions Recovery http://www.oar-inc.org/index.html) that meets on Tuesday nights. Gary and I take turns going with my mom who goes every week. Each week we examine another topic related to addiction. It has been good. The analogy went something like this. As a family, we see the addict dying, almost as if they are drowning. They started with just dabbling in the water, dabbling in their addiction. We think that they will come out someday, that they will stop getting too far out. Soon however, it becomes apparent that they are in too deep. They may not even acknowledge it. We may even realize that they are beginning to drown. When they are drowning, we want to go and rescue them, and many of us have tried this. The problem with jumping into the water is that they will pull us under, they will harm us and we will end up dying with them. Instead, we stand on the shore and throw as many things out to them as we can. Sadly, they often refuse to grasp whatever help we offer to them. We cry and shout and beg and plead for our addict to get help---we do everything that we can do, yet unless our addict accepts help, we grieve as we watch them drown.

It grieves us as we watch dad drown. . . drown in his addiction, his pride, his lies, his arrogance, his manipulation. . .it is so very hard. I keep telling him that I love him and asking him to get the help that he needs, but unless he decides that he is sick. . . .

Thanks for your prayers.

My daughter

Noel is standing by me, asking many many questions and making many statements. Here are three quotes in order.

"Mom, are you getting happy now?" She then proceeds to take my face in her hands and give me a very gentle kiss.

I turn back to the computer to try and get a recipe that I need for a chocolate bake-off.

"Mom, your pony tails make you look like a girl." Thanks Noel I say as I'm laughing.

"Mom, you have something in your teeth. Why did you save something in your teeth mama?"

I'm laughing very loudly now and logging on to the blog so I can remember the moment. There are times when my kids drive me crazy, and then there are moments like these when I don't want them to grow up. Love it!

happy quote

Garrison: "Mom, maybe this could be the day that God helps me get my tooth out?"

God offers encouragement

I subscribe to a daily text e-mail. I must admit that I often just delete it. Today, God gave me this encouragement. I just love Him.

Psalm 128
1 Kings 11:1-25; John 15:18-16:4

The Lord lifts up those who are bowed down. Psalm 146:8

There appeared a woman... She was bent over and was quite unable to
stand up straight. When Jesus saw her, he called her over and said,
'Woman, you are set free from your ailment.' When he laid his hands on
her, immediately she stood up straight and began praising God. Luke
13:11-13

God of glory and honor, restore unto us this day our ailing hearts,
minds, and bodies. Revive us so that we may not only give thanks for our
wholeness, but also offer ourselves to serve you with gladness and
glorify your name. Amen.

Weights

Do you ever feel like you are carrying a ton of weights? I do. Right now.

Yesterday at Bible Study, Beth Moore (love her and she is not annoying to me) talked about finding your destiny. Sometimes this happens when you feel like you are carrying so much already. Makes me wonder if God is trying to get my attention. DUH!

Folks, I'm carrying and juggling and laughing and crying and stressing and forgetting. . . lots of action here. I e-mailed friends recently and asked them to please pray for me. I received great responses: I will, I'm praying my guts out, a phone message, and even a real hug. It can be hard to say, "I'm not doing well and I need your help." To the folks that I asked, I say thanks. Those who read this may know of one or even several situations that I'm in or preparing for. Will you add me and my family to your list? Do you ever feel like something is "going down"? Yup. You can pray about that too.

Has it really been two years?

Two years ago today, I woke up and looked over to see a beautiful little Chinese boy. I'd met him the day before and on this day, I was going to declare to an official that I wanted to keep him.

Gary and I dressed up, put together some gift bags for the officials, and headed to the Civil Affairs Office. We put it in red ink that we didn't find fault with this child and we wanted to be his parents.

Today, Simon can't remember the Chinese songs that he used to sing to us. He doesn't remember living in the orphanage. He doesn't remember who his friends were, that he got to ride in a huge jet, or how to use chopsticks. He does remember who his Grandma Karen and Grandpa Larry are. He remembers his colors in Spanish, that I said we could make cookies together, that his brother wronged him, and that Fall Family Festival happens every year. He remembers Bible Stories from church. He remembers that I love him. . . then again I tell him that every day.

When we set out on our adoption journey, I never pictured my boy. Now, I can't picture my life without him. I love him and love what he gives to our family. He has an incredible smile and a caring spirit. He loves routine. He loves to take care of others and will defend his position with great stubbornness. He can run very fast. He is focused and can do so many great things because of his determination. He can also get frustrated when he can't create what he has set out to do.

I can't believe it has been two years since I made a commitment to take care of Yang Heng Yi. Simon Yiyi Arthur Sprick has changed our lives and I'm better for it. He is worth getting to know.

Keep on laughing

So. . . Gary was sick yesterday. I anticipated that someone would go down after me. He stayed home and spent a day on "king bed island" just as I had done the day before.

I got up with the girls rather early this morning (5:00--thank you daylight savings blah blah!). We did the whole morning routine thing. Gary stayed home again. . . he still wasn't 10-4. I asked if he would stay with Penny while I took the boys to school and then got groceries with Noel. We were out of milk and orange juice. And carrots. I had it in my head that I needed to make soup today. You know how that goes.

As we enter Meijer (A.K.A. Thrifty Acres), Noel looks and me and says, "Mama. . . Mama. . . my tummy." Then she stopped talking and began vomiting. I of course tried to catch it. What great mama wouldn't try to catch vomit in her hands. It makes perfect sense of course. :) I hugged my crying child and tried to get her to calm down just a bit. She instead decided that announcing that she had just vomited was a much better choice. I'm sure the folks entering the store appreciated hearing the news before they actually saw us in the puddle of said vomit. Thankfully, I was right by the cart wipes, so I grabbed a ton of wipes and began cleaning up. A neighbor who was at the customer service desk brought over some toilet paper to help clean up Noel. A checker brought two plastic bags so put the trash in. I cleaned up the floor and my daughter as best as I could, grabbed my purse and my grocery bags, and left the store. Had you been there, you would have heard her telling every person that we met that she had just "frowed up" (spelling correct) and that now she had "the flu".

I got her home and tucked into her own island on the couch with Sid the Science Kid. I changed my clothes and returned to Meijer without any children (wow!) and went in the other door. I managed to run into several (5) people that I knew. I thanked God that I could be at Meijer and have friends to meet. That wasn't always the case. It was nice.

I managed to scan all of my groceries and near the end of the order I greeted my wonderful friend Rebecca who pulled up behind me. We chit chatted and I scanned my coupons. I'm saving money baby! The problem is this: I don't have any money to spend. I had my purse, my phone, my grocery list, and my coupons. I didn't have a wallet. I laughed and laughed. What a day it had already been. Thankfully, today's angel was Rebecca who paid for my groceries and graciously allowed me to pay her later.

Now the kids are all sleeping and I'm relaxing. I'm still laughing. It is quiet, but I'm still laughing.

My island

I'm on an island today. A king size island.

I woke up about 5:00 this morning, lay for awhile and realized that all was not well. I whispered to my dear husband that I thought I was sick. I don't have time to be sick. Simon was the estrella (the star) today and I was supposed to go with him, provide the snack, and celebrate all things Simon and Spanish. I was supposed to make chili for supper. I was supposed to enjoy the outdoors on this amazing day. I was supposed to shower and get out of my pajamas. Twas not to be.

I was up for a couple of hours to coordinate the breakfast/get ready for school thing and then I was off to my island. You'd think a busy mama might enjoy a day in bed. You'd think it would be fun to just lay. Nope. It isn't fun when you feel so crummy.

Gary volunteered in school. My mom took care of the girls this morning. Shanda: she lay low.

Gary has been checking in on me. I've called him a couple of times on his cell phone for help. I also called him to come and give me a pep talk. I'm feeling a little better this evening. I'm keeping down some crackers and gatorade. I haven't had caffeine all day which I'm sure is the reason for this crazy headache. I'm bored and I miss my kids. I just want to cuddle them and kiss them. My poor Penny. I'm sure she is very confused as to why her mama isn't kissing her so many times today.

For all the times when I just wish I could have a break: I'll remember this day. I wouldn't trade all the craziness and drama and noise and joy and stickers and messes and meals and laundry for being sick.

Truth

I've been thinking about truth today. Why? Dad drama. Dad is hearing truth. He is believing truth. We are also listening to truth, believing it. Then, why the drama? Dad's truth is different than our truth. Huh?!?

He is choosing to listen to people who tell him what he wants to hear. He finds people who don't know his story, who see an old gentleman who is missing a leg, whose family has abandoned him (this of course is not the truth!) and who think that dad is perfectly charming (that is the truth!). :) These folks tell dad that he is doing the right thing. They tell dad that he is going to be fine. They tell him that medication will help him feel better. Dad doesn't want to talk with me, my brother, my mom, our counselors, many of his friends, his AA sponsor, many members of his family. . . according to dad, they don't tell him the truth.

Or course, I believe that I am speaking the truth. Why do I think that I am the right one and that dad is not? I first begin in the Word. I go to Christian advisers. I listen to experts on addiction. I drink up advice and encouragement from those who have "been in the same boat". So it seems, we are an an impasse and one of us is going to have to give in. Let me tell ya, it would be so much easier to give in! I'm learning that addicts are so very smart and man, can they wear you out!!! He spends so much time finding ways to "wear us down". It would be easier to say "fine" and be done with it. Dad often acts like my four year old who keeps on asking in an effort to wear me down, which sometimes happens I might add. BLECK! The more difficult path instead is to stand in the truth: despite dad's manipulating. Despite the condemnation of those around us. Despite the roller coaster ride that is our life (especially my mom's!) Despite the losses of sleep, time, and so much money. I keep repeating that truth will rise. God's truth always rises to the top. I must stay in the truth, stay in the light, and stay the course.

So, why stay in the drama? Because I LOVE MY DAD. If I didn't still love him and still care about him and still want him to get better, then I'd be done with him. I'd tell my mom every day that she needed to kick him to the curb. I'd take his picture off of my wall. I'd stop talking about Gramps with my kids. I'd stop praying about it. Sometimes doing the right thing is doing the hard thing. We love dad, so we are going to do the "right" thing, even if it is so much more difficult. Hopefully the scales will fall from his eyes and he'll see someday.

Also----here is another tough part. Have I ever disregarded a friend because they didn't tell me what I wanted to hear? Have I chosen friends wisely and am I willing to listen to truth from them? God has given me an amazing helpmate. Am I letting him help me? Am I asking him to share difficult truths? If I'm asking Dad to grow and work to get better, I'd better be willing to do the same.

favorites

Noel: Mom, my princesses are sick today.

Me: Really? That is too bad. What is the matter?

Noel: They have germs and drank too much soda.

Simon: Mom, why does Seth every time call me "dude"?

Mom: Well, often we call our good friends dude. It's o.k.

Simon: I'm not dude, I'm Simon.

Mom: True. . .

Simon: Mom, if he call me dude, then that start with the letter "d" and I start with the letter "s". I can't be dude.

Garrison: Mom, I think this is a healthy candy. (Almond Joy)

Mom: Why do you say that?

Garrison: It is crunchy inside, so that mean's that it is healthy! It is a walnut and that is crunchy, and this is crunchy, so it is mom, it is healthy! Plus, it is made of chocolate, and chocolate is very healthy.

Simon: No is isn't, chocolate isn't healthy right mom?

Mom: Depends on when you eat it.

Mystery

I'm looking for about 18 pudding cups. I know. It seems like it would be easy to find 18 pudding cups, but they are missing. Butterscotch, Chocolate, and Banana Cream.

A few weeks back, Simon had hand/foot/mouth blah blah and could only eat pudding and jell-o for a few days. I stocked up on pudding cups. Though he wasn't thrilled with the sores in his mouth, he did enjoy eating pudding and blue jell-o while his brother had to suffer with broccoli, snipe, cow liver, and grasshoppers. O.K., not exactly true, but he did enjoy eating a pudding when the others had to eat real food. The puddin' eatin' came to a halt when he began to ask for cereal and then would follow it up by asking for pudding--"My mouth still hurts." Yeah right--if you can eat cereal, you don't need to eat pudding at every meal.

I put the pudding in a secret place, known only to me, so that I could bring it out for special occasions. Now, the place has become so secret that I can't find it. I've looked in all the usual spots and in all my secret spots. No. Pudding. I think they are hanging out with my favorite sunglasses. They are missing as well.

A message from the kids

(tomorrow)

Food Network

I love watching cooking shows. Lately, Noel has enjoyed watching with me. I didn't think she was really understanding it. . . until today.

While the boys were at school, the girls ran an errand to Hobby Lobby (love it!) and then came home. It was snack time for my daughters, so while I fed Penny on the couch, Noel grabbed a yogurt and sat at the table. Before she could eat, she wanted to know what flavor it was. I couldn't see from where I was sitting, so she came over. Strawberry Banana Blast She returned to the table and I returned to feeding Penny.

I realized that she was saying something, so looked up and paid attention. Noel would take a bite of yogurt, put down her spoon, and then throw her head back and spread her arms out.

"Yummy. That certainly is good. Very tasty." Then, she'd take another bite and repeat her routine. After a few spoonfulls, she added more to her routine.

"Tasty, but it needs a pinch of salt. Perhaps a little more pepper. This bite needs some banana. I'll add some, but not too much. How about some rice. That will make it delicious."

When she caught me looking at her, she stopped of course.

Traditions

Yesterday, I was able to celebrate a very long-standing tradition, one which I can't remember ever "not doing". We made doughnuts.

When I was growing up, my folks worked hard to do fun things with us. We knew that on the first cancelled school day of the year (generally a snow day), we got to make doughnuts. My dad would dig out the frier (used once a year!) and mom would get out the ingredients. We'd don aprons and get covered in flour. We loved loved loved making doughnuts. It was so special because mom and dad needed our help, we only got to do it once a year, and it was just so tasty! Often, neighborhood kids would come over to the Koemans to participate. It was awesome! I was even home from Florida one year and there was a snow day. We made doughnuts! You don't have to be a kid to enjoy a doughnut.

Gary and I have decided to continue on with the tradition. First, I asked for the Betty Crocker Cook-book years ago. I needed to have the same recipe as my mom. :) Next, I had to have some kids. Then, my kids needed to go to school. Yesterday, school was cancelled because we were under a tornado watch. We broke out the ingredients, heated up the oil, and went to town. Noel even cracked the egg for us. Everyone rolled, everyone got flour on them, everyone tried the batter, everyone cut out the doughnuts, and everyone ate. Well, not everyone. Penny slept through the whole thing. Good thing too. I didn't want to be the one to tell her that she wasn't allowed to have any. . . yet.

Beware: lots of pictures ahead!

Welcome!

Here are a bunch of our pictures from the fall: my favorite season. We celebrate here at the Sprick house.

I apologize because these are in reverse order. Maybe starting at the bottom and working your way back up? :) I'll put the caption for each picture underneath it.

Nothing like exercising outside!

This is what happens on the way home from the zoo.

Up close to the chimpanzee

Noel shows us what sound a bear makes. Motions included of course.

Princess Noel and Princess Lydia



She is fascinated with the leaves. A girl after my own heart.

Garrison asked if he could wear a tie to church. Handsome I think.

What can I say--We love and like each other.

Fall Family Festival: what great pumpkin carvers!



Garrison adores his Aunt Tricia.

Noel and Lydia being goofy. (Noel wore her ladybug dress.)



Cousins Bryce and Simon sharing the bench and a laugh.

Is Penny upset that Kody got a cool headband or that mommy made daddy wear that shirt?

Thanks Danielle! Garrison, Noel, and now Penny have worn this shirt with pride.

Vacuuming in a tutu. It works.

My boys the paleontologists. The have found so many bones under the deck.

Three mamas, three babies.

Noel, Emily, Simon and Garrison love this hike.

They made backpacks our of bungee cords. Noel had to hook hers in her underwear.

Picnic on the beach.

Typical. :)

Simon waves during the Pumpkin Parade.


Garrison feels the Zeel!




The kids enjoy the firetruck parade.

I'd smile like that too if I just learned to roll over.

Something is fishy

I've been trying to be more disciplined about taking my vitamins. This past week, I've pulled out the fish oil caplets and have been taking one every day. Why?
1. I hear that fish oil is very good for you. Omega 3, 6, 212. . . you know.
2. I don't like to eat fish. (I love to catch them, but alas. . . I've tried and tried different kinds cooked different ways. Nope.)

My problem with my fish oil caplets is that it makes me burp up a little (don't even pretend you don't know what I'm talking about!) and then it tastes like fish in the back of my throat. I don't like it! So, what it better? Doing what it good for you or enduring hours a bad taste and general dislike.

Maybe I'll try taking them right before bed. Won't Gary be happy in the morning when I greet him with a kiss. :)

Is this thing on?

"Hey boys--you can wear short sleeved shirts and shorts today. It will be the last warm day of the year, so wear your favorites."

These were my instructions to my sweet sons. This is what happened.

I sat down to eat my breakfast (cold of course) and Garrison arrived ready to cut out the pictures from the paper that I was done with. He had on a long sleeved shirt and long pants.

"Garrison, I asked you to wear shorts and a short sleeved shirt." "Oh brother." As an aside--this has become a favorite phrase of Garrisons. He uses it often and sometimes even correctly! I'm not sure where he picked it up, but it doesn't bother me. He doesn't appreciate it though when I laugh at how he is using it. Often, he'll respond with an "Oh brother" because I'm laughing which will cause me to laugh even harder. He stomped off to his room to change. He arrived back minutes later and began rummaging through the newspaper.

"Garrison, you still have on a long sleeved shirt and put on a new pair of long pants. Would you please go back to your room and put on shorts and a short sleeved shirt." I said this all while laughing.

Three "oh brothers" later. . . he returned in appropriate wear. :)

I had just returned to my reading and eating when Simon appeared in the hallway in just his underwear. He was holding his favorite shirt and his favorite shorts. Both were regulation for the day. This is what he said to me in a close-to-being-whiny-voice.

"Mom, you said that I had to wear shorts and a shirt and not wear pants and a long shirt! I want to wear these." I started to laugh, looked at him, and said "yes". "But mom. . . " "Think Simon, think about what you just said to me." "Oh". And he was off to put on the clothes that he so desperately wanted to wear.

I'm glad that I like to talk--I seem to often do it just for myself. :)

Greater understanding

What happened to Wednesday? Well, I hoped to post last week about Jim Terpstra's talk at our church. Instead, I got caught up in my life which included hand/foot/mouth disease. Ugh!

Jim gave an analogy at the beginning of his talk that was the best that I've ever heard. I'm going to TRY and re-tell it. I'll tell it in first person, as he did.

I went into work one morning. I opened up the office and then went into the warehouse to get that ready. I noticed that there was a bird up in the eaves trying to get out. I went and opened up the big warehouse door. Light flooded the warehouse, yet the bird continued banging against the corners and running into the eaves. I tried to shoo the bird out, to show him the big open door that awaited him, yet my efforts were futile. There is one window at the top of the building and he went and perched there, looking out the window. Perhaps he was looking out, wishing that he could play with his friends, enjoy eating great treats, and fly so very high. After gazing out for awhile, he continued to fly about high at the top of the building. Now, there is another element that I must share with you. We work with and cut mirrors and if there is an imperfection on the mirror, we use a razor blade to fix it. Our ceiling is covered with dry wall. When we were done with a razor blade, we would throw it up in an effort to get it lodged in the ceiling. Sometimes we had to scramble out of the way as a razor blade would come falling down. Over the years, hundreds of razor blades had found their way to being stuck in the drywall. I watched as the bird continued to fly about searching and searching for a way out. As it grew more and more tired, it wasn't able to avoid the beams and eventually the razor blades. As it flew into the razor blades I saw feathers drifting down to the floor and could see blood on the bird. Yet, there was nothing that I could do. The bird was determined to do it his way. Finally, the bird was so exhausted and bleeding. It fluttered to the floor. It was then that I could go over to it and show it the way out. Friends, the door is God's grace. I was so addicted and so convinced that I could do it on my own. I finally had to reach the bottom, battered and bruised before I could look up and see God's grace.

Sadly, my dad hasn't hit the bottom. Currently, he is in an assisted living facility. He doesn't want to be alone and wants people to cook for him and do his laundry. He doesn't want to work. He doesn't want to admit that he can't do it on his own. He doesn't want to meet with Jim Terpstra or our counselor Tom Kragt. They would be able to see through him deception. He doesn't want to see the big warehouse door just beckoning him to come outside, to enjoy all that God has to offer. It will be hard to see him fly into the razor blades, but he needs to hit the bottom, he needs to admit he is powerless, he needs to say he will do anything to get well. We'll keep praying.

Birthday

It's my birthday today.

38 years ago I was born to some pretty amazing parents.

30 years ago I had my first (and only) school friends birthday party.

29 years ago I was given my best birthday present: pierced ears!

22 years ago I was licensed to drive. The tank was mine! (my favorite car ever)

15 years ago I celebrated my first birthday away from my family.

13 years ago I was given over 100 balloons by my sweet middle school students.

8 years ago I was delivered a single balloon 30 times during the school day. The last one came in the hands of my sweet nephew Bryce. My siblings traveled from Michigan to Chicago to surprise me.

7 years ago I went to a Stryper concert with my new boyfriend Gary.

Today: My husband gave me a funny card this morning. We ate orange mini-cupcakes for breakfast. I packed a lunch. I changed a blown-out diaper. I put kids in time out. I gave lots of hugs and kisses. I kept looking at the clock hoping for nap time to arrive. I got together with a friend and my kids behavior was less than stellar. I didn't get a chance to shower. I didn't get a chance to sleep in. I won't get a chance to go out for dinner.

Although I love those past birthday memories, I wouldn't trade being in this family for any one in my past.

Gotta go--Noel is whining that she wants someone to sleep with her. Time to take away a Meg (one of her two "Meg" stuffed animals).

Seeing Christ

So. . . here we are again. My dad is in the hospital. He's in the psych ward and getting fantastic care. We are blessed. Is he at the bottom? Nope. Is he still trying to control us? Yup. Is hope lost? Nope. No way. Nada. Have you met my God? Hope is never lost with my God.

Sunday morning was a special day at our church. Jim Terpstra gave his testimony. This is not a special preacher or teacher, but a regular told his story. He is a recovering drug addict. His story is very similar to my dad's story. Jim and his wife Kathy have been talking to and encouraging my mom as well as us kids over the past couple of months. We hadn't met yet and I was so excited to meet him in person and to hear his story.

Last week, it was announced that he would be speaking at church. In my crazy head I didn't put all of the puzzle pieces together. . . I had to help downstairs for children's worship. While sitting on my couch Saturday night, I realized that I'd be missing his talk. This didn't leave me much time to find a replacement. It did however open up a huge hole that my big God could fill! :)

I posted my need on facebook and received a couple of responses from friends who knew how important it was for me to hear what Jim had to say. The problem is that I wanted them to hear as well. These are friends that have been walking very closely with us. I wasn't sure what to do. . . well I did cry and often. The whole day became very emotional.

I got to church and shared with a friend that I didn't know what I was going to do. Then, she was off. I didn't know it, but she was off finding a replacement for me.

Now---let me pause. I'm so glad to be a part of the Christian community. I love it when people share with me, encourage me, and let me know that they are praying for me. It is a whole nother level when folks DO something. When Christians put their actions out in the open, when they live out their faith. . . then when I'm at the receiving end. . . . It is like God is giving me a huge hug. I got hugged on Sunday. . . twice.

Hug #1: Darlene volunteered to take my place. She knew that I needed to be in church. She also had NEVER done children's worship. She didn't even know where to go. She was dressed up and wasn't ready for 3, 4, and 5 year olds. She did it anyway. I want to be Darlene. Not actually her, but like her. She stepped way out of her comfort zone. I broke down in church at the selfless act of this woman.

Hug #2: At the end of his testimony, Jim returned to his seat (I'll be sharing more about Jim's story. . . tomorrow perhaps?). He stayed for just a moment as we began to sing "Amazing Grace". It was a perfect response to a story of redemption from prescription medication. As the song began, he left his seat and made his way to my mom. I was standing right next to her and watched him come. He didn't say a word, but he stood with her and held her hand through the entire song. He. Stood. With. Her. I couldn't sing, but could only weep. Friends--to have someone stand with you, to let you know they believe in you, to support you, to show that they know a small piece of what you are experiencing. . . it was one of the more powerful moments in my life.

Christ was very present and very real to us this Sunday. I'm so amazed at how God's works in my life. I pray that I'll have the opportunity to stand with others in the future.

Angels

I believe in angels. Yup, sure do.

One appeared to me in the form of a friend named Amanda. There I was, doing the grocery shopping thang at Meijer with my girls (boys were in school---I'm not neglectful in that way!). Noel wanted to carry her snack with her.

***As an aside in regards to the snack*** I heard from my friend Julia at church awhile ago that she brought along a snack when she went grocery shopping with her young kids. When they purchased a particular item (in our case: milk), then it was time for the snack. This my friends is a brilliant idea. First-the kids have a goal. Second--it keeps them occupied for the rest of the shopping trip because they are eating their snack. Third---I don't end up breaking open a box of crackers. Finally----it has been used as leverage. For example: "you need to stop touching the clocks or you are going to lose your snack." or "If you try to pick out the dead fish from the tank again you are going to lose your snack."

So, Noel is carrying her snack and skipping along, as she rarely walks. She almost runs into a cart as she is distracted by all the Halloween candy. The snack bag breaks open and her snack, minus one gummy bear, three Cheerios, and a Craisen scatter all over the floor. So, I have a daughter crying (wailing is more like it), snack mix all over the floor, and a woman who things she hit my kid with her cart. After assuring the woman that she did not in any way hit Noel, I turn my attention to the messes: Noel and snack mix littering the floor.

Amanda flies in. She must have as she is the angel in the story. She does three amazing things for us. First, she offers to watch Penny so that I can console Noel. We step aside into the clothing racks and have a heart to heart. Second, Amanda gives Noel a dollar. A whole dollar! She suggests that Noel, with her mommy's help (see--she is an angel to add this to the equation) pick out a new snack while we shop. Finally, she sends me on my way and announces that she is going to find someone to clean up this mess.

I'm on my way. Noel picks out some bulk cookies which she shares with her brothers without my even suggesting it. The mess is cleaned up when I return to the front of the store with a cart loaded with food. It was a good trip.

I don't see Amanda again. I hope God gives me the opportunity to play angel someday. For now. . . thanks to God for sending my dear friend Amanda at exactly the right time.

Cool Car

In our van today, Garrison made this comment.

"Mom, I want a different car."

"Why?"

"I don't like this car. It isn't cool."

"What kind of car would be cool?"

"If we put silver stickers on this car, then it would be cool. Then I would like it."

It made me laugh. I'm not sure that my adorable husband would like to have silver stickers all over our mini-van.

Part of me thinks that Garrison's comment is very kid-like. . . and it is. It is easy for me to dismiss it, to laugh, to blog about it. I realized that I often think the very same thing. Oh, I'm not up for putting stickers on the car. . . but I do often think about getting another car. I have NO reason to get another car. Our mini-van is perfect for our family. It holds all of us. It is reliable. It travels well. One of the doors is automatic. I really like it. I do find myself looking at other vehicles, dreaming about the options that I don't have. . . . If I were really honest, I'd say that about my house, my clothes, my dishes, my deck, my carpet. . . .

Overall I'm very content, but little things can "sneak in". Little thoughts that make me ungrateful perhaps. Last night I went to see Reparando with my friend Nancy. It showed some of the history of Guatemala as well as the hope of Jesus that is being lived in the slums. When I see those images I think--I have so very much! Thank you Lord for putting me in this place. I'm going to work harder to push those "if only. . . " thoughts out of my head. Maybe I'll need to buy some silver stickers as a reminder. :)

invitation

I'd like to invite you to church this Sunday. In particular, I'd like to invite you to Holland Heights Church this Sunday. Although every Sunday is special at HHCRC, this Sunday there is something very unique happening.

Jim Terpstra is coming to speak. He is a recovering addict--to prescription medication. He has experienced so much of what dad has experienced (and is experiencing). The difference is that he has come out on the other side. Every day is difficult, but every day is sober. His marriage is back in tact--with lots and lots of work. His feet are firmly planted on the solid rock of our Lord.

He has been such an encouragement to our family, in particular to my mom. He and his wife Kathy have spoken on numerous occasions to her and have given her wonderful advice and lots of hope. I haven't had the chance to talk with him, so I'm especially eager to hear, to learn, and to thank him.

If you'd like to learn more about addiction (something I think God's people need to do desperately!) then feel free to come. Our service is at 10:00. There is even great coffee (so I'm told--I don't drink coffee--sad I know. . . perhaps another post on another day!) and cookies after the service.

Feel free to leave a comment if you have any questions. Maybe I'll see you there.

Silliness

"Once upon a time there was a baby and he put corn on his head. The End."

"Once upon a time there was a pumpkin and the pumpkin ate a marker and he said there is a baby in my mouth."

"These cranberries need to go to time out." 5x

"poopy head" (I'm still struggling with the whole potty talk thing. . . what is allowed and when if ever?)

"Banana boat" 112x

"Eat my meatballs. Simon. . . where is Simon? Simon--eat my meatballs! Daddy---eat my meatballs."

My kids are in a silly stage. I say silly stage because I am just hoping so very much that this is just a STAGE. Please let it be! They say silly things. . . they laugh at each other. . . they do it every time they are in the car, at the table, around each other at all! They outdo each other. They laugh. They giggle. In fact, as I'm writing this, Garrison walked up to me and said, "Get this baby out of my mouth!" and then laughed and laughed. You laughed didn't you? Didn't you think it was funny? Oh. . . Simon is at the table and just repeated it. Garrison did too. It is one big echo in here.

Inevitably, one of three things happen. 1. They continue and ramp it up in volume. 2. They fight about someone who didn't do it right, who interrupted, or who did both. 3. I get fed up with it.

There are times when I can see the humor. I can laugh (very silently!) at how they are trying out new words and combinations. [Part of me wants to just start typing their conversation right now. . . silly I tell you!] Other times. . . I want to pull my hair out.

I am confident that I never did such things. . . certainly not with my sister Tricia . . . in the back of the station wagon (may he rest in peace) . . . on the way home from church. Amen.

Cornbread vs. Saltines

When I moved to Miami, I rented out a room from the one and only Janet Rose. She was the school secretary. For my rent, I received a room with a bed, dresser, and closet. . . parking in the driveway. . . dinner almost every night. . . and one of my dearest friends (Janet!).

Janet is a southern girl and I enjoyed some foods for the first time: succotash, grits, and chili with homemade cornbread. She'd heat up a cast iron skillet in the oven, throw way too much butter in it, and then put the batter in the pan. It would sizzle something fierce. Back in the oven and then. . . . It was so yummy and we enjoyed it with more butter or dunked in the chili. Karen (my best friend and roommate) and I continued the tradition of cornbread with chili in the years that followed.

Today I wish I could make cornbread every time I make chili. I used to do it more, but "losing weight" events have led me to cease this delicious combination over the past few years. I still make chili about every other week during the winter, but we have saltines. I like them. . . but not the same.

Then. . . TODAY! Gary went to Aldi on an errand for me and came home with cornbread crackers. They taste like cornbread. They crunch like crackers. They are low calorie. Guess what will be on our menu next week?

Where has my mind gone?

"Hey honey. What's up?"
"Hi Gary. I think our car got towed."

Shanda takes her sons to the Pumpkin Parade. She certainly feels the zeel.
Shanda parks the van on "Wall and Lincoln". She carefully paralell parks. Yes.
Shanda walks with her sons to their float and loads them up.
Shanda finds a spot with her cousin (thanks Becky!) and enjoys watching the parade.
Shanda cheers for her sons, takes pictures, and greets some friends on the other side of the street.
Shanda picks up her sons and returns to her spot to finish watching the parade.
Shanda makes sure all their belonging are picked up at the end of the parade.
Shanda leads her sons back to their parking spot.
Her car is gone.

She calls Gary.
Friends pull up and invite her and her children to load up. (3 adults and 6 children!)
They drive around and find her car.
She parked on "Park and Lincoln."

The perfect picture

While in Branson last spring Grandpa Larry bought all the kids Bass Pro Shop shirts. That was the easy part. Trying to get a great picture of the kids. . . . a little more difficult. Enjoy!

Penny is a little sad.

Noel and Penny are a little sad. Garrison wanted you to see the top of his head.


Noel--snap out of it. Thanks Simon!

"Maybe if I touch Penny's head I'll feel better?"

Lots of squishy love for Penny.

Perhaps a new pose will help. Nope.

The boys are still bending over. What is that about?

At least Penny isn't crying now.

Ah. . . Sprick love!