We Started Out as Far Away Ones

We started out as far away ones
Chasing after setting suns
Just like any other nonchalant passerbys
Never knowing that we're gonna be by each other's side

Days and months passed while  in TAD
Be it at Loyang or ALH we just dont see
But one fine day I recieved a Twitter direct message
And unspokenly realized that we're both of pretty damaged

Amplified turmoils of the heart were seen
And for everyday we started scrolling at our screen
Daily nothings became each other's somethings
Over two long years without even trying

For 2 muted years we just kept texting
While occasional silences became internally defeaning
Still no physical interaction besides virtual communication
Besides that day when i held the A380 MEC door for you without any hesitation

Then one night came when the current was too strong
We missed each other but saying it would sound too wrong
It was during your night shift while i finished attending a wedding
But like lightning we just needed some immediate grounding

Then somehow at two in the morning
We found ourselves sitting on that bench talking abt our daily nothings
T'was too soon that you had to leave at two forty-five
But during departure it was that one hug that helped us survive

We started out as far away ones
Now looking forward to complete more runs
Travelling, bagpacking, trekking and climbing
Hearing your heart beating while watching and feeling the warm sun rising

listen to what your mother tells you

today, another day, another normal day of arguments and disappointments.
well, the good thing out of this is that now that you (finally) tell me, i now know that u've been tolerating my nonchalant cold msges/ attitudes, the pushing u away and then texting u about daily nothings (yet again and again); so all in all, i'm this girlfriend who is using the boyfriend for emotional support.


true.
oh, so you do know, and u've made known to me.
but am i really in the wrong and the only one at fault?
i'm reallllyyyyy not trying to let either of us shoulder all these 'faults' but do u even know that u've cornered me so, so bad.

you know tbh, before i got into a relationship, i always laugh at girls not being explicit in telling their boyfriends on what they want / whats in their head. i'd always say that's so bimbo, that's so girly and hence, leading their boyfriends into this wild emotional hide-and-seek. but then, its really only now that i clearly see why. clearly.see.why.
i'm so being forced out of my league here.
i've lost myself.

relatively, i mean i dont want to sound narcissistic and feministic, but i do think i'm a tad above average when it comes to dealing with personal emotional nothings. i dont think i've ever really felt emo and whiny for no apparent reason. on days, i do whine, do feel emo / needy and whatever, but at least they do not come w/o a reason.


everyday, i'm just affected by u, when u do or do not do anything.
your well-being became mine.
and along with it there's this wall.
a wall which i presumably built.
for the past few months, some of ur msges have sent daggers straight to my heart. i felt that familiar pain. i cried and then be upset at myself for causing all these. then i feel all alone, not because i dont have anyone to talk to, but u're supposed the no.1 person i turn to when i feel like that.
so now i'm stuck.
i now see why girls cry so easily. because they care too much. they want everything. but no one can help them deal with it.
i want things to be my way, but i also want it to be your way.
whether its whoever that gives in, it just dont seem fine. i'm not myself, and u're probably just into that 'giving-in' mode.


so today i do have to acknowledge one thing- everything could be easier if its out of love.
has it not been?
unconditional love.
something that i've tried tangibly but got scolded at... like surprising you at ur door step with prata in the morng after my night shift just because i thought u'd be happy esp when u're always hungry in the morng.  i know u care and got worried coz its after my night shift and i'm supposedly tired, having to travel all the way from changi to yishun then went back. but perhaps maybe u could be happy first, then scold me later- so at least my objective of making u happy when u first wake can be met.
following then, i realize surprises dont work for us.
idk if its missing the expectations totally or what, but it always end up in arguments or misunderstadings. like even for that first thing u made for me on my birthday, u questioned my happiness so severely - to me at least. how do u want me to show happy?
to blog and post about it? then u'll say that its so pretentious (what a familiar word) coz u always say that happy couples do not need to post about them being happy since its between just the two of us. so when i dont, u go into that self-doubt that u havent tried enough to make me feel happy.
now when i do see happy couples walking together on the street, i cringe and my stomach churns. i can actually feel that physical process.
when i see happy couples posting up happy photos, i dont even dare wish for such a scenario for us.

i had to privatize twitter just to let that part be away from you because do u know that u really judge me for who i am? every thought i had was being condemned. i didn't need that. while i am trying to figure and execute out the mechanical geometry u have for me as a girlfriend, electronically im trying to reprogrammed the system, and this re-booting needs some.... gap. just like those u find in a mother board so that the circuit wont be shorted. and this gap is only where i can, and need to be myself.
i always naively thought that being in a healthy relationships, means to be open and truthful. clearly, tt didnt work out for us because of the way i am being built / programmed.


maybe i.am.girl, and u really havent tired enough.
i know u dont like me saying about the past, but for 1 whole calender yr, we have not celebrated a single thing. CNY, valentines day, bdays, dates and finally our 1-wereallymadeit-year anniversary, we didn't celebrate. not because we were busy (we could have celebrate it on another day), but i do rmbr clearly its cause we're always in this state of arguement, then cold war, then not knowing if texting or communicating would be the solution; or rather, communication was never really the solution.
i know u're not a birthday person nor am i a celebration-of-occassions kinda person. but somehow with u, i just want to. i used to say, i dont understand couples who celebrate monthesary, or like go out on special dates coz its just like any other day (just that on such days, everything else is expensive); but with you, historical dates and milestones have become impt to me. tbh, i wanted to surprise u on ur birthday, plan something memorable on out 1st year. but all those mental plannings dissipated because of that constant fear. i dun exactly know how to explain that type of subtle yet immense fear, but it was big enough to stop me from executing the plans. i found myself having to tactically plan out a fail-safe-no-surprise-nothing's-impt way of trying to handover the little gifts i made for you because i realize that i didn't know what to do with them when they're staring at me in my room. its haunting. i mean from all the materialistic things i meticulously got for you (because i'm still a cheepo aunty) with the money i had to part with, like the shirt, jacket, earphones, bottle or anything..... u never really liked or use them. well, sorry to be expecting u to be using them, my bad.

ok well this yr, we did went out on my bday. after ur morng shift, before my trng, and then a movie after that. i was happy coz i could spend a day with a date that i can own (since it was to a date that born with it) with u. but then, u weren't really happy, u're tired (which i should be more understanding) and we eventually argued over icantrmbr what on the next day.


i know u hate me for blogging this out. but havent i been shutting up for the past few yrs abt my feelings. its time i really do what i need to do because i dont want to corner myself to a point beyond redemption. i've lost myself. alrdy. i do not want to physically lose it.
tbh, i can really feel my heart in this wolverine mode now, self healing as i type every word out.
i hope u never see this nor anyone to see this, but yes u can say its a lie since its public.
but if this was private, i dont think it'll serve its purpose. and its not that i want to talk openly about it.
there you go. girl mode right there. doing it and saying that i'm not doing it.

i really shouldnt let u be the epitome of my emotional well-being / work rate.
like today, i guess i got so affected at work that i left a tool in the ac. thank God for a good team with a culture that understands the seriousness about FODs, the tool was retrieved back of course.
but i really felt like shit. i dont think its good to explictly explain the details of situation here just paint a better scale of how shit i feel, but just know that the feeling is so damn shit. i thought of telling u, but again, i'm just gg get said upon; its my fault anyway.
i should always rmbr what every mother would say about "do not let relationships affect ur work". and its not just one time. (dont worry, not about the ac) but often i do cut myself, trip myself over and all just because my mind lapsed into a single momentary thought of u- thought not always pleasant. hence i always try to work hard. to work even harder so i can focused on my job coz after all, it is a requirement that i am professional at work. it's a non-nego statement.



so its really really tough.
in the midst of trying balance the big umbrealla of work and sch,
i have to stand firm on all these rolling glass marbles of emotional shit, work politics, self-esteem issues, and you.
i hope they dont break nor will i slip and on all at once.
but haven't i been trying hard?
maybe i'm really not cut out for this.
i'm not meant to be in this place in the first place coz ultimately, its not a place for women and 'society is open to gender equality'.




perhaps at the end of the day, i'm still this vulnerable girl.
i seek attention. i seek your attention.
i do things just to get ur attention.
i say or dont say things to get your attention
i do stupid meaningless things.
i just seek attention. just ur damn attention.
all i ever wanted was someone to love me for who i am.
it doesn't have to be unconditionally, but just someone to ask me if i'm ok and be obvious in trying to figure me out since i'm alrdy giving up. i mean if u are going to give up on me, then dont even try in the first place. its like if you wanna kill me, just do it fast with 1 trigger; dont push the dragger in slowly then pulling it out carefully because u care. its really more damage than good.

i dont need a tissue from you, but i want ur shirt to wipe my tears off.
i dont need physical monetary gifts, but i materialistically want something from you.
i dont need to win in any arguments, but i want u to fight for us, with me.
i dont need a shoulder to lie on on tough days, but i still humanly need a shelter when the storm is coming in.

i do feel alone, and out in the open, tirelessly trying to fend myself against the weather coz ultimately, i dont have what it takes to brave the storm and patiently wait it out.
i feel even more alone now when i've got you.
u're now officially a reminder of why i never wanted to be in a relationship 10 over yrs ago.
i gave myself chance, but i blew it since i'm not ready to be that someone you want me to be.


i'm tired.
aren't you?


let's get to the basics, coz when ur  a kid, ure mum would always say "study first, relationship can come later"; though mother poon has never ever said that to me even when i was a kid. she always wanted me to have someone.

but i guess till this day, the man i ever need now is my dad. even if he's old, non-mobile, heavily dependent on people around (if i ever made it through that incident), i think i'll need him more than he needs me.
perhaps with his love, i would be putting so much pressure on myself and on you.
you dont deserve all this.

i'm still a girl i guess

U've really had a long day at work,
Maybe to be more accurate - a tough shift cycle..
U've been trying ur best, But just because its a fact that u're a girl and u're physically weak, and that one factor has labelled you to be a useless tech, sometimes you just need a to hear some kind words and at this point, maybe a lie would be better. So thinking that emotionally vomiting all my words to your closest friend would help, i lamented the woes of being in this company, being in my department, being a girl (which is not something i can change), and being me.

"Ok your department is best, only your department know how to do the right thing."

Gee,thanks bruh.

And as if being a girl is not traumatizing enough,

"Dont be so childish. At this age how can u say such things, u know its not gg to help,"
when i lamented that sometimes i really wish that i was a boy and didnt have to deal with all these unnecessary struggles. Yup, definitely saying all that didnt help - at all.

I wished i could just go home and sleep it off.
My tear bank is all dried up, which is not entirely a bad thing.
I mean dont u think its ironic?
I guess i was expected to toughen up abit more - to you. Get in the grind and may all these trivial matters be not of any issues. But on the other hand, in fact, its (many more) other days that u wished i was more girly.

You want me to wear nicer clothes, i.e more girly cut stuff. U hate and almost detest my fav baggy shirt and pants. But when i do try to satisfy u by wearing nicer clothes, u dont like it tt i zao geng.
U dont like how i talk, sit, walk, sneeze, fart and all.

U.just.dont.like.me.

Cant u see it?
So why, bruh.
Why. 

U know, i think the only merit that i have is being magnanimous. Though u technically still have me right now, i do urge u to go out and and date. Im not being petty or like sarcastic. But by allowing u to explore, it brings out 2 conclusion for u : either u'll appreciate me more, or find someone else that suits your needs and better. so why not? its a win-win situation no?

what's right and what's wrong?

i think in this century, there's really no right or wrong, but just blatant justifications.

say, you bought ur friend a gift because you think he'll look nice in it.
u spend hours thinking if he would like it because you dont even want to buy ur own fav things.
u spend time trying to find reasons to justify the money that's going to be spent.
u wonder if its worth it.
u wonder if your luggage space has space to fit it
nothing matters as long as there's a chance he can be happy right
if it makes him happy, eveything's worth it, shouldn it?

so now, here's the thing.
are these expectations?

when things come out from the heart, every detail is worth the effort
no reasons no expectations
but there's this pitfall
because on the contrary, you want him to be happy.
so that's an expectation.

feeling victorious after spending 60% of the cash in your wallet on the gift u got for someone special,
u give him the gift,
thinking that its from the heart.
no expectation.
but just, i want you to be happy.

"did you buy me this because u like it or u'd think that i'd like it?"

suddenly the building smashes to the ground.
you didn't expect that, neither you were expecting anything
that's what u've been thinking,
but the buildings came crashing down.

so where did the buildings come from?
how did they even exist in the first place.
it was abrupt.
simple, defenseless, meaningless

but it still came crashing.


after much explanation- to why you wanted to get something nice for the person who meant everything to you, u still had to seek that validation of
do you like it?
-"yea i do."


so after 1 year, that piece of fabric is left hanging in my room,
"because he likes it"
u cant really find fault in that because you shouldn't
and really, what were you expecting?


for him to be happy?
is that really simple?
yup it is. it sure is.

Honest is not necessarily the best policy

Within a span of one week, I managed to communicate with some people from the management because of some admin issues at work. I am totally reminded of why I'd never want to go back to that level of work because of the kind of people and the working environment that I'd have to deal with. Though currently is more physically challenging, at least the people I'm working with are more real and down to earth.

Its been long since I've posted anything here. many reasons. But what triggered today's post was the fact that it just came out in Singapore Business times that the company "is pressured to pull down labour costs down". In the span of these few years in my company, i'm just trying to be really tolerant, hopeful and understanding, just so I can continue to focus on my work and job because such policies should not really affect me anyway since i'm just a technician. 

There's really really many, too many issues that i'd want to emotionally vomit everything out, but I dont think I'd want or should, since after all since this is still a public space and I'm still an employee of the company. really. i do love my company and there are many people in the company that share the same sentiments as me because of the past glorious days. Glorious days  - i'm referring to days beyond 1990s; not that i was there then, but i can feel it from the really senior colleagues. To be honest, how can the company sustain itself through such existing policies, i believe, is because of the strong brand equity and presence in the market - but built upon the efforts of good men in the past glorious days.

its 2017 now btw, and soon in a few months, we see 2018, T4 and soon enough, T5.

so today, there's a walk-in interview for the trainee lae programme. saw many ntu nus hopefuls in their best shirt and pants, thinking that being a fresh grad promises you a bright future ahead. true that, but its also dependent on where you're working at right? 

so to cut all the long details short, basically within 1 min, i was told "you dont even qualify for the interview." no, i'm not angst or anything, coz fair enough, i am already in the company and it does seem that i'm challenging the system. so her advice was to "go speak to your supervisors". well i tried before (and many times) so i know it doesn't work. but fair enough, she was kind to at least say that. so to just reiterate what she said, in my casual self, i said "so u mean i must like go pull strings and all?". she was taken aback and probably felt offended because clearly, i'm in no position to make such a statement. but she was polite and maintained well enough to verbally tell me, "you cannot say such things," But you do know that your body language do tell me that I have no right to say such things and all. ok, take it that i'm miss-sensitive.

that's kind of what's life is about isnt it?

people just refuse to accept that things are indeed like this.

so to just smother the self-intensified actions of things, people try to rephrase with kinder/ proper words. but seriously, lets get real, isn't it all the same.

ok, maybe i sound too aggressive and pessimistic, but to take a step back and re-think, yup, it is still the same.

another example is regarding my MC. 

i took 2 days of MC from the clinic just downstairs my house. i was running a 40.2 deg fever, suspected of having dengue fever and had no means to go to the nearest company-approved clinic. i did think of taking a taxi and all, but i was really in no shape to travel out alone, let alone go and find out which clinic is company-approved or not (i dont think this is available online). the other option is to really just dial 995 for an ambulance, but i dont think a fever should constitute enough to be called an emergency to use (though paid) public resources like that. so anyway, because of that, my MC wasn't approved.

minus-ing all the admin details, i managed to talk to the management guy who disapproved my appeal. so in the conversation, i said "so you mean even when i'm super sick, i die die have to like find out which clinic is company-approved or not, before i go and see one?"

his looked up to me in the eye and said this, "you must know what position you are in. you're here to make an appeal and not expect that your appeal will be approved".

ok, i was surprised, upset and instantly reminded that I am in the midst of this level of management talk, where people have to package their words properly so as to sound politically correct.

dont get me wrong, i'm not against this whole company-approved clinic policy. but there was really no need to put me down despite the gap in the hierarchy. though i'm just a technician, i am still a living human who would just go straight to the nearest clinic when i'm ill. period.

but the good thing about it is that clearly, he was doing his job. he went on to say that, "you cannot say such things. what i am saying is that if you are too sick, u can always call up the A&E. there is so many company-approved clinics around and there is no reason that you dont go to them."

ok. fair enough. saying that, clearly, he supports my statement of "die die must go see company-approved clinic," so then again, y put me down?

but anyway for the record, i have never taken a single MC in 3 years of my employment, that almost means that i have never take a single MC since day one of employment; which also means that on paper, it may seem that i have no knowledge of this company-approved clinic, so with his kindness left in his heart after such an almost intense conversation, he approved my appeal, giving the benefit of doubt to me. he did commented that he was impressed by my MC record which i think that as a HR personnel, he shouldn't be saying that coz its not something that one should be proud of, but instead be subjectively concerned.

so anyway, in both cases, i have probably used the wrong choice of words. so i guess i came out harsh, rude and disrespectful. I know i always have this problem of expressing myself because i really dont like rephrasing thoughts just so to meet people expectations. i'm not expecting anyone to like me either, but i really hope that people can stop deluding themselves by rephrasing the choice or words even though the outcome is still pretty much the same. hence though i can deal with the workload at the management level, i really cannot deal with people, let alone trying to please customers which technically, is the fundamental job responsibility of any employee of the company who is dealing with money-paying customers. 

but really, back at the labour cost issue. 

the company hires almost only degree holders, except diploma holders for the trainee technician jobs. having said that, you have people with years of experience either in or out of the company, with all their attained licensing papers, but they still dont qualify for an interview for the type-course to be  trainee engineer. and the best part, you know you are looking for such people - people with experience and the licensing qualifications. but because of your HR policies, not only your cost have to be kept at that level (because of the market rate of paying degree holders) you have closed so many doors to many hopefuls who may be the top student of their polytechnic cohort or, have excellent hands-on skills. 

and i dont get it. executives are seen to be 'up there', 'management' and all those things as compared to engineers. many engineers want to be executives, because its a more.. 'management-level' kind of job. tbh, i just feel that this industry is so.. primitive. really, an engineer should be proud of themselves coz they have that authority to license an aircraft to be fit for flight. an executive can't do that feat. i just think that executives and engineers cannot be compared horizontally. people need to start realizing that its really 2 separation line of job functions altogether. if i wanna compare it head on, i'd say executives are like technicians, while engineers are like between senior execs or assistant managers, and probably the AFMs are like the managers, if you really wanna compare it horizontally like that. no one should treat technicians as the lowest lifeform in the company nor think that people in civilian clothing deserves more respect than the people in uniforms, be it blue or white collar literally.

there's really so much to say out in my head and i wish i have the time to organize and write down all my train of thoughts that's been in my head for all these 3 years. i do love my job, and i do love my company. i dont expect everyone to be positive-happy working people nor kindness to exist in this demanding world. But generally, i think people can afford to be more honest and practical. i'm not saying to be more accepting to standards, but people should be embracing challenges and change to adapt to demands. policies do not always work though they may have the legit initial intentions. but if they are not congruent to this moving market especially when vigorous companies are taking so many competitive measures to keep cost low whilst managing to have a healthy, happy and driven work force, this is just a time bomb. no company should ride on past glories and branding, expecting that these intangibles can help you sail through tough times. if people can spend more time to understand the root problem by listening and be more sensitive to the people, the working environment can really be a positive one that transcends to potential financial returns.

The North Face Challenge 2017

Gunung Ledang (Mt Ophir)

it's been so long since i've blogged! but anyways, here's a day trip i did last saturday, 10th June.

Gunung Ledang, more commonly known as Mt Ophir, 1,276m (4,186ft) high. located further in JB, about a 2.5hr drive from sg checkpoint.

hello 2017, by 2016

whoas. hello indeed.
2016.
1 word: October.

hahas. i felt that life began in October. i mean the whole year round was really about work and study, until i won this photo competition held by ICAO and IAWA in which i was able to go Montreal, all expenses paid. life was really about work and study, if u look at the sidebar on the right, under my archives, they do tell u how many posts for the year... with 2016, not even making 10 (compared to 582 in 2005?! wts. ahahhahs). hahas. i mean i have a few drafts of my runs and races, but really didn't have time to publish them. i mean, now there's also more convenient ways of slowing down my thoughts and social vomit it out on instagram, twitter and facebook, all via mobile.

i did this collage for instagram. wanted to personalize my own #bestofnine, but i realized, i could only rmbr best of 6. so, to document and sum it up, the highlights for 2017 (in chrono order..), would probably evaluate them later if i dont fall asleep. i mean, i've just ended my night shift and waiting to go trng:

1) started sch. had a GPA of 4.1. but failed one module in my 2nd sem. so GPA has dropped tremendously

2) started Class 3 driving license. but stopped after Airshow coz really couldn't find time to pick it up from there.

3) Singapore Airshow. finally part of it as a tech and not some hi-i'm-friendly business shit.

4) CHINA. this has got to be the highlight with vegchai, aka my twin. it was epic and most fulfilling looking at how we optimized our unplan planned schedule. - did we just do it?!

5) a year of Spartan races, 4 to be exact (coz i managed to go Spartan Bintan FOC, and during exam period) and i got my first Trifecta! totally enjoyed KL (Sprint and Beast back to back) races though the terrain was unforgiving.

6) MONTREAL!! thank you ICAO and IAWA for giving this opportunity. it's really a morale booster.

7) you. :) somehow we pulled through.

8) finally biked up Thailand via Gerik Highway, but it was just to Betong, Yala; right at the border of thailand where if u'd travel to Kedah in Msia, its further. hahas. had my first overseas crash also. (i'll try to back date and do up a post. how can i not document this trip right)

9) i was interviewed and apparently i went viral on social media and picked up a few more interviews, and also apparently caused a mayhem in the mgmt level as well as for myself.

---

yea... so, looking back at some of the goals i've set for myself for 2016 which can be found here

1 - wasn't as an efficient tech as how i'd like to be towards yr end, given all the other commitments, politics, and ppl who seemed to have their work goal being focused in getting out of my team / dept/ comfort zone or whatever you call it. wherever i went, whatever i did, could become a platform for something big of an issue. even when i tried to stay low and do nothing depsite compelling mental efforts to work better.

2 - study hard was easy, minus airshow, minus conflicting work schedules in which time offs became an issue. so in the end, it was tough. external factors aside, i really love studying, but the ambiguity was probably too much for me to handle in 2nd sem where all the dates clashed. i needed more time.

3 - time management. i dont really know how to evaluate this coz i've sacrificed alot but it didnt seemed enough. perhaps i could have more discipline and drive to do better. i've never been complacent, but towards being fearful of tackling the unknown. i was pushed to give up dancing and most of rugby and bowling trngs. and there came u towards the later part of the year.

4 - climbing was fine until again yr end. i thought i could climb more in dec, but was busy editing photos. and when i finally had the time, my knee wasn't well.

5 - my faith. i havent been listening. but this yr, i've learnt to depend and trust in Him alot more. and perhaps for this, i've also taken certain things for granted. i've chosen certain go ahead with decisions knowing that it may be unpleasing to Him, but i'm praying. some days it seems fine, some days it feels off. i really dont want it to be all abt me feeling good or bad, i just want to learn to be still, more of Him, less of I.

6 - i've given alot of time to ppl despite the known time constraints. i've been editing photos whole yr around. some for money, some just for goodwill. i've also given up alot just attend the rare meet ups with the respective grp of friends. i'm thankful for my team guys and the friendship that i can trust on though the notion of work-friends seem to be shaky.

7 - you. the past 2 yrs was about u, on and off. somehow, the crazy oct 2016 allowed myself to let go of me letting go and be brave about my feelings. this is somehow very foreign to me as i have never been so deeply involved with my feelings, till i'm able to even cast my principles aside. k, much to say about this, mayb next post!

8 - unfortunately, i did not bring mother poon overseas. pretty disappointing on my part. we tried, but i had conflicting ideas and schds with my sis and hence, she brought her to aussie this yr while i went to work. ugh.

9 - no investments. but well, at least my base is building well. wasn't easy with the sch fees. will probably look further in 2018 for this.


10 - as a person, i guess i've been consistent. probably gave too much that ppl have been taking my 'services' for granted. sometimes i'm ok. but when the  time pressure builds up at the expense of my own commitments, i do feel the grunt. the good thing is i dont expect anything, but perhaps, i just hope people around will learnt to be appreciative and give back to society when they can. i have definitely learnt to be more patient as with my crazy work study combo, i do taste the load of what ppl around me might be going through though it may not be the exact same case.



---

ok. so here's it.. goals for 2017.
given the crazy Oct and not having a +1 in my life, i think i need to re-asses the way i construct my goals. lets keep it realisitc.


1) School and work management. this alone is a huge shit. i do want to do well- excellent in one, and avg in the other, respectively. not to much to ask i guess.
2) Class 3 license. PDL have expired and i heard FTT can too. so yea. pls, get on with it.
3) God.
4) family
5) not sure about this but.. B1 papers? maybe not complete. but at least start somewhr.
6) Class 2 perhaps? not really a goal, but if there's time, why not.
7) climb more. maintain my fitness level. i dont even dare aim to be as fit as i was about 4 yrs ago.
8) you? could have been higher up in the goal list. but we'll leave it as here for now.
9) ok. pack my room. and the stuff that's all over the house.

that's about it.
dont think its too much to ask for a year right.
noted that i didn't even place a tier for my beloved friends.



actually this is the 2nd time i'm blogging the 2nd part out. previosly i blogged but the post didn't get saved. so yea. may sound about more dull since i'm not really feeling v good today. but heh, cheers to 2017. may it always be a better yr ahead.