loner

when you have many friends,
but you have none.


when on one day, u can be so busy while others are free,
and on another, when everyone's busy but you're free.


so melancholic me nowadaysmonths.


hahas. sorry, i dont wish to blog about the you again today.


i always tell myself, dont compare. you can always aim higher, just dont compare
God always answers ur prayers in 'yes', 'in good time' or 'I've got something better for you.
hahas. whacking all the motivational phrases ah. haha.


ya. and some ppl can just dont need to sacrifice but still achieve or get what they want.
i can add a the 'f**king' word to it, but whatever. it doesn't make a difference



really, sometimes, we dont really know what's best for us. even after we stumble and fall, the world just seems to engulf ourselves. we lose our identity and then we complain that we lose our identitiy.
social medias have really taken on a whole new specturm. gone were they days that blogs prevailed as sources for gossips. now u've got ur fb, twitter and even instagram to even cross-refer and piece all the information together.



it's gg to be march alrdy. so much for welcoming the new year.
how do we live our life?




sometimes i really just wanna give up my life and go save the ppl in refugee camp or something. i would really want to be a medical officer yea. but because we're all tied up in this monetary materialistic system, its so hard to breakaway from it and not affect ur immediate family members.
i do wish i'm rich at times. coz i want to just not work and go do this kind of things.



though i've set my mind on doing a specialist diploma at ATTC for one year commencing in June (which is full force towards my end goal..), I can get damn inspired by the advertisements of Singapore defence systems, and start to waver my imaginary path abit. of course, my dream / what-i-want-to-be-when-i-grow-up is to be a fireman. with that being devastating unsuccessful, leaving me to cry about my dream for 3 days 3 nights, i did explore other alternatives. medical officer, parademic, certis cisco officer, c3 airforce officer, wso fighter, and the list goes on.

and yes, this is when i get ): that i'm physically vertically challenged. you know with just 15 cm more, i can do many many more things. ):
i mean i have my own (: merits. but if it is really hindering me from doing what i really want to do, i get sad. HAHAS. whatever.


last night, mother poon was randomly telling me what are my options if she dies and our home really do get enbloc. i can't really absorb what she was saying coz i was eating dinner and we're faithfully watching our wkday hk drama shows on 856 simultaneously. but i heard her one line of "next time when u grow up and left you alone all by urself, consider selling the house and maybe u can move in to ur sis (alrdy happily married with her special ops husband) house and stay with them".
what a flawed sentence. a BIG NO WAY am i gg to live with my sis and her husband. wth. no way i'm giving up the Poon's place in bedok. its THE Poons home ok. and lastly, i think deep down in her heart, she kinda got a feeling that i'm not gg to get married and living all alone by myself. HAHAHS. what a loner/ didn't know mother poon had such deep beliefs in my marriage life.






on a random note, u know we all see the 大耳隆 in dramas. they're actually real. even the most unexpected person and be caught inbetween. kena conned into gambling and eventually boomz, before you know it, your whole family is in deeep shit. that's when families make or break. no la, not happening to the Poons in case u're letting ur thoughts go wild by now.




ppl always complain no time, no money.
seriously. everything's relative and about management.
its probably about knowing what to do, and actually persuing it when its worthwhile.










for me now, its the Aerospact vs Healthcare industry.

thank you blog for being my friend.
(like i.e, not mysteriously gg into some password reset thing and so on..)

scared what?

i think in life, we are scared of many things. no matter how brave and experienced one may be, certainly, there are things that make us quiver.



what inspired me to write this post is probably last wed's trng.


before the season started, the intensity of the trngs increased. we would build mad relationships with with red/blue sandbags and the 22m line. and after all the drills and just as we thought tt trng would finally end, we would hear "on the line, ladies.."
hahas.
it was like the return of Fitness II. but the shagged-out-max kind.


so after a few wks of it, we're kinda used to it, knowing that trngs won't come to an easy end, literally. hahas. totally embracing it. but really, i think most of us were really giving our best because that's what we want for the club and for ourselves.

but.

just this wk... HAHAHS.
after all the drills and normal drill debrief towards the end of trng, our coach paused awhile. and just when we're all expecting another "on the line" feat while waiting for her instructions, filling the field with an eerie silence with our breaths being held in, we heard "juan, take the stretch".

HAHS. OMG. hahas. there was like a pause first, before we all broke out in happy laughter. hahas.
seriously. it was dammnn funny. i think u must be in it to understand the whole thing. hahas. priceless man that moment.
a very textbook classic example of a 'huge sigh of relief' man.


(:


now we're in-season trng.. so the intensity of trng remains unchanged. but still, it feels that there's a lack of time to recover. but, suck it up man. ahhas
but no doubt, i'm sure the team has become stronger and evidently fitter.
so i'm glad that effort did pay off. hahas




scared what?



hahas. last night's trng, wing wasn't gg through with us some defence policy.
she did 2 examples; one a good defence line and the other, a bad one. hahas
she portrayed the feelings out loud of an attacker.

with a good defence line, she said "are you scared? i'm damn scared because there's so many numbers out there".
but with an ill-defence line, she said "I. AM. NOT. AFRAID". wha i tell you. it would have been awesome if i could video it down. it was said with so much gusto and just so believeable.

and she went on explaining the points of a good defence line and all. all with so much sincerity and all out to help us to understand the policy, allowing it to sink in deep. lawyer 就是 lawyer. hahas. someone should just write a book on her.





ytd, while doing the ladders/hurdles, i landed on my right ankle AGAIN. omg. 3rd or 4th time i tell you. tmd. ALWAYS like 2 wks before STL start, something like that will happen. but THANK GOD, i dont think its a bad sprain. a minor one. coz i'm still able to walk w/o limping and all though its quite swollen.
but i think it really took a toll on my performance.








so now, rugby's in, and my whole secret dancing part of my life's not.
haven't been in class for about 3 months alrdy. ):
i can feel my quads growing larger and each time it does, it at the expense of a higer develope. (a french term for the elevation/extension of the leg).

i think rugby and ballet's like a trade off.
you can't be physically equipped for both.

u need powerful quads to burst, sprint and break the line but on the other hand, you need elongated inner thigh muscles that can go on and on and on.
u need strong shoulders to take your man down, but u also need lean long grace arms.

hahas.

but in both, u need that stamina and burst. u need to train.



oh wells.


gtg. bye. ahhas. what an abrupt end.

the wkend

JB over the wkend!
won RSC 21-0
stayed at Thistle hotel again. and paintball the next day!

my aching thighs.

"Finally a day when my bag don't have a pair of trng shorts. "



let's start from last sun.


Sun: Sg Zoo Run + swimming.
mon: touch trng (not spare from fitness)
tue: fun touch
wed: THE wednesday Blacks' trng
thurs: SAQ at ccab
fri: omg. yes ah! no need to bring an extra pair of shorts in my bag.


and at this rate, i'm running out of SB to wear.



and honestly, i did think of gymming today before meeting my friends for dinner since i've not had a proper session this wk. but last night, by whole body felt like as if i've just swam across the pacific ocean; to an extent that i can't even slip way into my slumber even at 3am.
so ok. i should rest and recover.


but really.


on a a good note, knowing that i've lost my fitness during that 1 month hiatus, i know that i've gotta train hard to get it back, and even try and catch up with the team's.


like what belle said casually during trng ytd "pain is weakness leaving the body".


so on wed's mad cardio trng + all that extended love-hate relationship with the tackle pad, it felt good when i gave it my all. and i can see that evident improvement in my breathing and all those shit.
but yes. nothing's ever completed right.


not sure if its a good thing or not that i've sit out for this season.
but nonetheless i'm glad to be part of THE training sessions.
it kinda unlocked some mystery doors in my heart wrt to rugby which is starting to reignite the love for the beautiful game that i've once had and got diluted along the way.




photo taken by Eric Lim. he's got a great set on his fb.



and i thank God for all these.
tt one month away from rugby and all that sacrifices which allowed me to return close to Him again should not be in vain.




and of course, what would a sportspoon post be w/o an emo ending note about you again. HAHAHS.
u're not a fb/twitter or any social network person. so trying to find out how u're doing in ur life would turn me into an FBI agent. i wonder how u're doing in ur life now. ord arldy? sch starting? and more importantly, how's your walk with God?
been praying for you. hoping to see u return to Him. hoping to see u serving in church again and inspiring the lives of the younger ones. and also, secretly hopeing to hear ur voice again when u're singing on roster. hahas. i still rmbr that u can play the drums. not a fantastic one, but with that little lazy amount of practice, i thought that u're phenomal alrdy. ahhas. hey, i'm not being 爱屋及乌 here, but its the truth! hahas.

ok. looking forward to a rugby wkend in JB!

ambulance

while making that 2nd last turn home tonight, i saw an ambulance at the void deck.

and all of a sudden, i felt a huge wave of grief.
all of a sudden, it felt like a scene back in 2004, when my dad last left our home for the hospital in that same looking ambulance.

it was weird. coz it was all too sudden.
likka damn sad kinda thing.



i really miss my dad.
dammit.
its like we can never ever have a full family dinner or photo. there will always be that empty seat in perfect 4 table setting.
i really dont like it. and there's really nothing i can do abt it.




and tonight, i'm missing you, yet again.
what's new right.


idk y, but i've been on an emo streak.
i can't stand my girly thoughts. totally no strongholds.
ugh.


i'm honestly beginning to think that missing u is just a habit of my heart.
i just need to let go of that habit. we've not spoken properly in 5 yrs now, and i dont see what's worth hanging on to.
come on marian. come on God. i believe everything in ur time.. but this. this is too long alrdy ya.




i'm at a point where i dont complain abt life being unfair.


take it all in. look ahead.

Safari Zoo Run

hahhas. not bad. so long nv run long distance. its always the 1st km that's the hardest. once u're into in, u can go on and on. ahhas
and i'm so proud of myself that i still have not consumed isotonic drink since nov. hahas. power ah.
took alot of photos. first time running with a camera in my hand. hahas. and the phone in my pocket.



lovin the medal. so cute. should make it as keychain!


not bad la. didn't feel as shagged as previous yrs. my stamina has improved! (: must be all the recent fitness showing off. (:


after that. came home and nua abit and.. i went to swim! hahahas. shiok.
haven't swam in probably a yr alrdy! felt goodish man. if only my work place got pool, i sure go swim.
not that i like swimming, but i'd like a different kind of tiredness. ahhas.



hahas. RBS 6 Nations on now.
this is France's stand-off. Francois Trinh-Duc.
not a big fan of France. but this is disney's prince charming material ok! hahahaas

feeling likka emo now, but gd job girls!

feeling rather emo lately.
and what's irritating me is that i really dunno why.


it shouldn't be like this.
i'd rather feel alone when i dun have friends than feeling so when i have many
u've really been running through my head again lately. that's probably why. i really dont like you.
enough man. sheeesh.


):




on a good note, BLACKS WON bedok kings today YOW. 15-3.
not being a bias bitch, but we really deserved it.
we've got like at least 50% of the team having this season as their first.
and the amount of fitness, suicides and 'ladies, on the line pls" we hear (for killer fitness) from our self-coached, wing, is just paying everything off.



to really curse and swear at each whistle blown but eventually getting rewarded with sucha win is probably priceless.


we've really come a loonggg 4-5 months of disciplined trng. of course, the fight has just began only.
we've still got so much work to do. but i believe we're in good hands.


as Dean mentioned before "Wing's likka machine". i can't agree more.
she's like the coach, the one who does EVERYTHING. like planning sessions, planning camps/trngs, dilligently recording every single session down, making little books for us here and there, emails, right till managing our jerseys, equippment, fitness.. EVERYTHING LA. siaow one. yea, not forgetting, she's also a player; who is holding a full-time job ok.
really, in my life, though i've met so many ppl, by far, she's the ONE person that i'm really in awed. her level of discipline + heart together is probably... BOOMZ. i can't find a better word to describe. i think she should just go be some chij secondary sch hod of PE and discipline. with all that heart, she is gg to touch many lives ok.


i think the for the guys side, they need someone like her to create wonders. i mean like, they're so talented with all the yrs of rugby since pri sch. in good hands, i'm sure they can raise the standards of local rugby. i mean local rugby as in Singaporeans playing rugby and not expats ya.






was looking at her today.
so strong mentally and physically and with the "overcoming all obstacles with positivity" written all over her. ahhas.
and had alot of thoughts in my head.
can't amplify them out loud here but i hope that someday, there will be one sincere person who will give her that much appreciation for what she has done man. i really dun want the fire in such ppl to die out like that because of whatever the reason.
what an inspiration. ahhas.











well done Blacks Ladies!