starts with a happy ending.

sometimes i just feel so helpless..
i don't know why but it's a nasty feeling..
i wish i can control things how i want it but yet it loses meaning in itself entirely if i did..

every christmas we think of how to celebrate..the new way..
i wish we had our very own traditional christmas celebration..
every year during the season, i used to grow up with christmas trees with presents underneath, christmas home decors, christmas dinners with the whole honey glazed turkey ham, red wine, log cake, christmas carols playing everywhere..
whatever happened..
in future, i want my new family to have that culture, that love that we must share every year..
i promise i will..


will you promise me too?

whatever happened to us?

i just know it's been way too long..
and it has been tiring at its peak..
so many episodes flashing through my mind everytime i think about it..
it's like a thousand pages of a thick, old fiction book..
i could see it vividly in my mind, flipping through the pages..



but it no longer sparks anything in me anymore..
i think i'm done..

i believe in God.
i believe in those who loves me for who i am.
i believe in happiness.
i believe in happy endings.
i believe in true love.
i believe love is the greatest strength.
i believe that everything happens for a reason.
i believe in no regrets, only lessons.
i believe in myself.

i know i have to keep believing... as this is the faith in my heart that makes me who i am today, and no one is able to take that away from me.

people often wonder and ask me how do i stay so cheerful and happy?

because i believe...

i'm down with fever/cold/body aches/etc.

:(

its been a long time since someone "nursed" me when i'm "bed-ridden"

sigh.....ineedahug.