Countdown.

今天是2008年的最后一天...
时间过的真快...
Hubby说今天晚上会带我去倒数...
和看烟花...
真让我惊喜又意外...

晚上...
陪妹妹看好衣服...
就到Parkcity Mall等Hubby放工...
边等边看Mall当晚所准备的节目...
OMG...
节目都很烂!
除了舞蹈协会跳的舞...
哈哈...
至于我妹最欣赏的"suffer"舞...
我本人是看没有...都不懂在跳什么...
==...==...==...==...==...==...==...==...==
终于...
12.00AM要到了...
5
4
3
2
1
BANG BANG BANG...
美丽的烟花出现在我们的眼前...
有笑脸的...有圆形的...很多很多...
Hubby就忙着录下这美丽的时刻...

看回Hubby所录的影片...
还是觉得...
现场看的烟花还是比较美丽...
希望明年还能跟Hubby一起倒数及观赏烟花...

新一年的到来,
我希望我的愿望会成真...
事事顺利...得心应手...
祝福Hubby不好的事情都远离他...
在也没有金钱的烦恼...
工作上遇到贵人提拔...
一路上升官发财...
哈哈...
祝福身边的人身体健康...^^

一份他不该收的礼物.

今天,hubby又offday了...
无意中,
我在他的电话里发现一些信息...
不经意的,
我发现VIVI前几天送了一份礼物给他...

此外,
我注意到VIVI和BETTY发的祝福信息,
或普通信息,他都会回复...
每逢什么节日,
他也都会发信息给他们,尤其是VIVI...
他曾经在凌晨12.00AM发圣诞节快乐的信息给VIVI...

当初我们刚在一起的时候,
他都会发类似的信息给我...
现在却是发别人...
我在同样是凌晨的时间发圣诞节的信息给他...
他都没有跟我说圣诞节节快乐...
我看了是如此的辛酸??
他凭什么在那样的时间发那样的信息给VIVI
而不是发给我这个女朋友...?
我很懊恼...
就这样,我一个人躲在角落哭了...
他就顾着打game没有理我...

话说回去,
那份礼物的事...
我问了他...
他说VIVI每个人都有给礼物...
但他已经把礼物退回给VIVI...
因为他说那不是他该收的礼物...
VIVI送了一个巧克力加上一个杯子...
杯子还刻有"I love you"的字眼...
VIVI还神神秘秘的把礼物锁在他的locker里...
Hubby还说,每个人的礼物都一样的...
就他的不一样...

VIVI很早就跟他说买错礼物...
既然知道自己买错礼物,
那为什么还要送出去??
这不就意味着什么吗...?

以女人的直觉,
我觉得VIVI的举动怪怪的....
我怀疑她喜欢hubby...
只是没有有力的证据证明罢了...
但hubby说没有什么的....
他就是不相信我身为女人的直觉...
他说,不会再打电话跟发信息给VIVI了...
希望他说到做到...

其实我有吓到...
他说不再打给VIVI...
是不是说他很常打给她呢...?
唉~
最气人的是,
他说不打给VIVI和发信息的原因....
不是因为怕我担心或顾虑到我的感受...
而是VIVI很少回他信息...
而且...VIVI的电话太小声...
听不到她说话...

真的气死我了...
岂有此理...
那是不是说...
如果VIVI很会回复信息,
他就会跟她msg???
VIVI电话声音大声,
就会很常打给她...?

有时候我真的不知道这个男人心里想的是什么...
甚至他还爱不爱我...
我最讨厌这种暧昧的关系...
安安份份爱一个人很难吗??
为什么我做的到,你却做不到...??
爱情就是如此的不公平...

全心全意的付出,
未必得到100%的回应...
甚至都得不到任何回报...

疲累.

这几天都很忙...
忙上忙下的...
搞的全身都很痛...
整个人好累好累...

收拾家里...
迎接2009年的到来...
旧的东西统统都丢掉...
还能用的当然留下来咯...
人家重感情嘛...

最近很多心事...
但不知道该从何说起...
也不知道要找谁诉说...
就连在部落格里,
我都不想...
甚至不懂该如何用文字描写我当下的心情...

也许会有好一段时间不会update my blog...

临教...记者...书记...

临教...
填了那么多表格...
交了那么多表格...
一点回复都没有...
其实当临教,工资优厚,工作时间短...
可以多点时间陪老公哦...
虽然工资优厚,但三个月才领一次薪水哦...

记者...
是我小学时代的志愿...
听说工资不比临教差...
或许工作时间会比临教长咯...
很多人都不支持我做...
他们说:
*需要整天往外跑...
*日晒雨淋...
*危险...
*最重要的是...我很糊涂...
怕我做不来...
我也是有点怕怕的...
但又想挑战叻...

抱馆的书记...
整天都在Office里...
他们都说女生本来就该做这样的工作...
可是我不喜欢哦...
我的性格天生就是爱往外跑哦...
工资就没临教和记者这样优厚咯...
搞不好就几百而已哦...
唉....

怎么办...
每份工作都有好有坏哦...
到底哪份工作适合我叻..?
有谁可以告诉我呢...?

Wedding dinner.

Just bak from my neighbour's wedding dinner...
Well... Quite a boring dinner...
No any interesting entertainments...
Just eat eat n eat niah...

I met with a cute uncle...
He like to say "dao li"...
But wat he said, reasonable too...
Though he loso a bit,but i agree bout wat he had said...

My mom said the bridegroom very handsome...
I disagree...
My hubby more handsome than him...
The bridegroom a bit same v my hubby...
Hiak hiak...
As slim as a bamboo stick...
The bride very beautiful...
Erm,how bout me when i get marry one day??
Will i look tat beautiful??
Haha...
[think too much]

Saw something i dun like.

Today i went to parkcity mall with ah lien...
I saw something unbelievable...
HUBBY WAS FETCHING OTHER GAL...
THEY SEEM TALKED HAPPILY IN THE CAR...
I rushed to another roadside in order to block them...
But,i din get them...

I call him ASAP...
Asked him who is tat gal!
He said he went to bank with ppl of the same work...
Yes,he ever told me tat he will send worker to bank...
Cz can claim company...

OMG...
Wat happened to me???
I worry he is going to bank with vivi...
I definitely dun like vivi from starting...
She was showing a bad manner
while i'm asking her bout a book at popular...
After searching,she just went away...
Without telling me whether got that book or not...
For me,we should not treat customers like that...
Dun you think so??

The moment i saw hubby's car got other gal...
I'M HEART-BROKEN...
He ever said:
[The right in-front passenger seat only available for me]
But now,i saw other gal sit on my seat...
I dun like...
I felt the seat was dirty...
I dun wan share my things with others...
WAT'S GOING ON WITH ME???

When hubby bak from work,
i went to his house...
I ask bout the incident...
He also explained bout it...
But i still think too much...
Scare he was lied me...
Well...
I really dunno wat's going on with me...

Why i became like that??
Why i wanna over care bout tat vivi???
WHO IS SHE???

Why?? why her again?

Hubby off again...
I found tat he msg with vivi again...
He msg her said :
[msg me if u wan me fetch u from airport]
She called him also while at Kuching's airport...

My face changed while i read the msg...
I getting down when heard she called him...
I dunno wat else should i impress...
My altitude changed suddenly...
Refuse to eat,drink n talk...

Though i act like this,he still treat me patiently...
Keep asking me wat happened???
Tot i'm sick or stomache...
Feed me eat though i say dun wan eat...
Human's endurance is limited...
Finally he said:
[u wan wat just say,dun act like this...
i tired to see n dun wan see ur face which
look like sick ppl or wanna die face]

I cried alone at toilet...
U know???
Wat u did,hurt me edy...
U knw???
U never knw it!!!
U just knw to say i think too much...
W-H-Y???

Finally i asked whether he wan went airport pick ppl??
He said "NO"... n :
[I wrote the msg like tat doesnt mean i nid to do so]
He wil oni pick them if can claim company...
He asked y i wan to think tat much???
Made myself suffer??

I dunno...
Dun u think tat u caused me think tat much??
YOU ALWAYS MAKE ME UNSECURE!!!

Sorry, Adeline....

Adeline,u angry me,rite???
I'm sorry...
For cant been ur witness...
Tat day i really nid accompany mic's family...
I cant leave them behind...
I wan give good impressions to them...

Though mic treat me nt tat gud,
always hurt me...
But,his family din hurt me...
Hope u understand me...

Why u dun wan reply my msg???
I worry...
Scare to lost u this good friends...
I dun have many friends...
Only u willing to accompany me while i sad...
Be a good listener...

I cant even sleep cz this matter...
Forgive me, adeline...
Can??

Hubby's family come...

Today hubby's family come to btu...
I had to accompany them...
[hubby was working]
I became their tour guide...
Brought them:
visited their relatives's house...
ate at Farley...
went parkcity mall...
went pasar malam...
etc...

Hubby's mom really energetic...
Wanna went here n thr...
I edy tired yet i'm younger than her...
Quite happy to accompany them...
They all friendly...

Talked lotz with szeei...
We quite matching...
Maybe age problem gua...
She really pro in playing xdo...
Interesting to see her play...

Hope they like my service...
Really scare they complain me oh...
='(

Bad LIAR...

Lied again and again...
W-H-Y???
Why u lied me that:
*Ur hp no credits liaw???
*Ur sis help u bought reload card
W-h-y x1000000..........
Is that dun wan msg v me??
Or dun wan i disturb you??
WHO AM I FOR YOU???

U made me confused...
Dunno wat else you lie me...
Dunno how to believe u...
Should i believe u again???
U really din msg v Vivi again???
Arrggh~
U make me headache...

Should i reconsider our long-term relationship???
I hate ppl lie me,especially YOU!!!
Honest is better than lying!
Maybe is i nt enough good...
Should i just let go u???
Break up???
I DUNNO............


p/s: thanks for accompany me whole nite [s***i]
i'm feeling better edy...

Love problem...

Lately too many things happened…
Just no chance for me to tell…
I’m too busy with my exam…
N my internet line got problem…

I ask hubby bout tat gal face to face…
He said tat gal is nt outlet head but cashier…
Her name is vivi…
He said they like to kacau each others niah…
Both of them only staff n no more than that…
“Disturbing” is has a dangerous meaning for me…
Disturbing will led them to the door of love…
But,I choose to believe him…

By the moment,she msg him again…
I asked who msg him…
He said character buyer…
But I din found the msg…
I kept asking…cz I know he lie me…
He delete the msg in front me…!!
i’m not tat stupid…
you know how hurt am i??
I wan break up with him…
I ever told him, honest better than lying…
Why you choose to lie??????
I cant believe you anymore…
We keep argue bout it…
I felt hopeless…cz he felt he no wrong…
He din lie…tats not lie…

You dun like I msg with guys,
Why you still msg with gals??
Dun give me any excuse tat she is admin,
Nid good a bit with her…
So this so that…
I dunno how to protect the our relationship…
I less confident on it …
I dunno wat should I do…
If can, I would like to choose being single…
I dun wan to say more bout it…
You know,
The most I ask,the more u lie…
The more I get hurt…
I feel very very very………….
TIRED…

Bored~

Today is second days of holidays…
Damn boring to stay at home…
Feel like a living corpse…
There is nothing to do…
I hate do housework compare with working n study…
When this sort of life will end???
Please get me a job ASAP…
P-L-E-A-S-E……….

Finish STPM liaw...

Today is last day for exam STPM…
I feel confused…
Happy,
Cz finish exam…
Finally holidays…
Sad,
Cz graduate = jobless…
Need find job actively…
[job difficult to find]
I pray my result will not too bad…
Pass all the subjects…
Qualify to get in university…
May God bless me…

Poor friend...

Today I receive a call from my best friend…
[I cant tell who is she,unless get permission from her]
She cried…
She keep crying…
I feel worry bout her…
She tell me that she quarrel with her boyfriend…
Cz of small kidding…
He leave her alone at the shop n go…
I accompany her…we go to beach…
1st time I see she cried sadly…
She really love him very very much…
As how I love my hubby before…
Hope they ok soon…
Dear friend,dun worry…
Dun cry too…I will also by your side…

Lotz of accidentally...

Hubby off again~
He bring me go eat satay...
Fulfilled his promise...

Today i accidentally found that......
a girl keep msg him...
[hubby's head outlet]
Those msg include:
# i finish work lo... now shopping...
# i reach sibu lo...
# mms wat she eat...
While hubby go down stairs eat,
I read the new receive msg secretly...
[he know]

From d msg,i accidentally found that...
Hubby n her ever went eat satay together...
I dun even know bout it...
[if dun wan let me knw,
plz hide it nicely]

Cos of sth...
Hubby suddenly told that...
he got bring that gal eat satay together with popular workers...
Just for socialize... Easy to appoint his work position...
I din say anything...
Just wan him put name on each contact hp number...
He say can be head outlet sure old than him...
So,impossible that gal like him...
[who knw?? Rite???]
Plus that gal get hubby num from notice board...
Will u suddenly wan get someone guy's number??
[I will,if i like him]

I cant understand wat the main purpose
she msg hubby...
If related with office job,i got nth to say...
Normally,will u msg other guys like that??
For me,i wont...unless i like him...

MICHAEL HEE...
No more second times you betray me...
If you did it, sorry to say....
Sayonara...
Hope you wont be a betrayal again...
I believe you as how you believe me...
So i din ask u many bout it...

STPM of Sejarah 2 & ekonomi 1

Yesterday i'm having two exam...
Sejarah 2,i feel is ok for me...
At least i able to ans 3 ques...
Just 1 ques only do half...
[nt enough time]

Ekonomi 1...
I damn nt enough time to finish it...
I waste many times on objective...
Esei pjg 2 ques just do half...
[i dunno how to do also]
Soalan kuantitatif...haiz~
Too rush for me to finish...
I think gt wrong gua...
WTF~

Why angels dun wan to share luck with me??
Why i always bad luck,especially when exam??
I facing with many problems when exam...
I keep lausai n vomit again...
Whole nite din sleep...
Felt sleepy when exam...
Felt wanna l&v too...
Tired also having 2 exam in a day...
Shit~!!!
Wat wrong with me??
&@#4@&*#$

Anyway,i can feel tat my STPM edy HANCUR!
Cant get in U anymore...
Cz i'm nt qualified...
Am i??
If nt,try explain...
WHY I KEEP FACING PROBLEM
WHILE EXAM......??????
I hope get in U......
Tats true...
PLZ GIF ME SOME LUCK!!!

STPM of Pengajian Perniagaan 1

Today, i'm having my exam again...
I set my target for PP1 is 60% and above...
Cz i study all the topics n sub-topics
tat teacher mention which are important...

My face changed after read the ques...
Soalan wajib for ques 2... [25m]
I dun even know how to ans it...
How come??
The ques is terrible...
I try found the ans inside textbook..
OMG~ the ans oni a little...

Wat to do???
Exam pass already...
Actually not only i cant ans the ques...
Most of my classmates also cant...
Even our Miss Pro PP1 [SIEW PING]
Now, just hope i can pass the PP1...

New hair-style

My new hair style...

Suitable ??

Hope so...

Dunno why i feel this pic, i look a bit leng...

Wakakaka~

A bit dun wan face ler...

^^

Stress @_@

Lotz of things played in my mind...
Either love n my STPM...
I'm stress ok...
I smile doesn't mean i happy...
I just dun wan u ppl worry me...
I dunno wat happened to me...

Shit~
Damn headache now...
Hope STPM pass ASAP...
I nid time to think bout our problem...
Huh~
Help me...
Give me a hand,please~

Unhappy...

Hubby off again...
A bit lazy went out...
[gt reason]


Angry him...
Cz he scold me yet i'm just kidding n bla...
I said nid pay me $ for use my home address...
I bla him bout forget my address...
Din talk with him whole noon...

He touch,kiss,hug me while i sleep...
[cz after i wake up,my anger will get lost]
I prepared something special...
He din noticed...
I angry again...
[ he dunno]
Haiz~


He promise bring me go eat ABC...
Feel happy oh...
He changed his mind...
Wanna eat satay...
Changed again...
Finally,we din go anywhere...
Bak home...


I felt unhappy n disappointed...
He promised me many times..
Broke promise again n again...
Haiz...

STPM of Sejarah 1

Today is the second days of my STPM...
For me,the history paper is damn difficult...
Maybe is i din do preparation well...
Maybe i din study in a correct ways...
I dunno...
When i received tat exam paper,
i get shock...
I cant answer even 1 question...
[all my classmates same too]
Wat we spot,no ones come out...
Wat to do???
I still nid to answer it...
Answer it with my history's knoweledge...
Wat i can said is "i edy tried my best"

The day before exam, i sick...
Fever... til very serious...
I feel headache n sleepy...
Damn uncomfortable!!!
Why i still nid study???
You know how suffer am i???
Study history and cried none stop...
Even my mom worry til wanna cry...
Keep massage my body...
Give me medicine eat...
Cz she scared i will failed my paper...
Anyway,i edy tried my best...
Hope will pass my history paper...

STPM of Pengajian Am2

Today is my first day of STPM...
My first paper is pengajian am2...
Thanks God~ ^^
I able finish do all the questions...
Touch oh... First time can finish this paper...
My graph correct too oh...
[ carta pai bertingkat]

Last night,i cant sleep well...
Maybe too nervous gua...
Dunno la...
Finally i get sick oh...
Having exam with sick body...
[Cough, flu, throat pain, bla3]
Nearly do my paper til fainted...
PLZ, all dieases stay away from me...
Let me having my exam with healthy body...

Tomolo is paper for sejarah 1...
[tamadun Islam & tamadun dunia]
No matter how i dun like it,i nid to study it...
Jia you jia you... ^^
Try to love it,so that the knowledge wont run away from me...

Baby's heart beating...

See wat is this??

baby oh~

Wow,i felt so touch while heard the baby's heart beating...

Nearly cry oh... Dunno why oh...

Although we wait for long hours at clinic,

its valuable...

Your mummy really worry bout you oh...

Luckily after checking,you are fine...

After back home,

i count when will the baby come to the world...

Hehe~

Maybe same month with me oh..

P/s: dun angry ya...i take it myself... ^^

bad mood...

Sien ~
Is tat i'm a perfectionist??
Why just small things u cant done it?
Msg me, tell me:
You eat edy...
You sleep edy...
You go work edy...
You bak home edy...
Is tat difficult??
Dun give me excuses tat u forget or very3 busy...
When free just msg me mar...
Or you really busy til cant touch ur hp??
Even no a second can rest a while??
I dun believe!!!
Leave it alone...
Guys all like that de...
I HATE GUYS!!!

Count down of STPM

STPM is getting nearest and nearest ...
I feel worry and scare...
I scare :
fail my pengajian am...
not enough time draw my graph...
dunno wat the ques asking for...
misunderstanding the ques...
cant get A for my history2...
cant write fast...
cant get in u...
this and that...
OMG~
Wat happened to me??
I feel like many things not yet well-prepared...
Even teacher msg me tell me to relax,
i feel stress too...
Who can help me??

unlucky day...

Haiz~
Hubby and I already din meet for 5 days...
Even seldom msg too...
Both of us very busy...

Anyway...
Hubby off yesterday oh... ^^
So we went out together... [happy ]
Finally can accompany me liaw~
But, yesterday really a bad day...
When we go out, already rain cats and dogs...
When i wan bak home,rainning heavily again...
Zzz~
Mom called.
Ask me to buy this and that...
[disturbing hor?]
No matter i wan or dun wan...
I need to buy...

The funny thing i did...
I get in wrong car after i bought things.
OMG!!!
Damn paiseh~
Many unknown passers-by laugh at me...
I dunno wan to show wat reaction...
Just stand under the rain like stupid...
Noob la~

miserable day!

Early in the morning,i rushed to toilet...
Keep vomiting... Make my throat very pain ler...
Nothing is vomit out but just yellow liquid...
I keep "lausai" too...
Apu~ i'm feeling suffer the misery of "L+V"...
Go to toilet none stop...
Really dunno wat caused me like that...

I went to school too...
I keep repeat the same thing in school...
Til my *** hole is pain...
Haiz~

I gastrik at nite too...
Haiyo,why i that out of luck de??
Pitty~
Feel wan go toilet again~
Zzz~

Count down of STPM [16 days]

STPM is getting nearest n nearest...
While i still unable focus on study...
I cant remain myself concerntrate 100%...

While i study history,i worry for pengajian am...
while i study economic,i worry for my pengajian perniagaan...
Aduh~
Wat happened to me??

Please always remember wat cikgu Liew c.c said...
Please always imagine the consequency of fail stpm...
If i success in stpm, mean i will going to have life like heaven...
[high salary, able buy car, this n tat]
If i fail in stpm, mean i will going to have life like hell...
[low salary,cant buy this n that]

p/s : remember stpm is easy...with the preparation u had done...
Gambateh ^^

Changed??

We quarrel ...
Just small matter...
[lazy to mention]
But....

I realised something...
No matter is his wrong or not,
He wont no reply me...
He will keep msg me...
He will call me...

He changed... [dunno good or not lo]
Before he wont act like tat...
Is tat cause i help him a lotz,
so he treat me tat good??
Make me a bit nt use it...

Stop criticizing!!!

Why you all like to critic my hubby??
Please stop it...
Dont judge the book by it's cover...
You keep on complaining bout it,
make me so stress...
make me tired...
You make me wanna run away from you...
Come on,nobody is perfect...

I know hubby is poor...
He wont forever no money...
Just, now is his critical time...
Everythings will pass soon...

He treat me well... More than you treat me...
Please,money is not everythings...
Although we nid money to buy everythings...
[but not include relationship]

I also dun like talk rude towards you...
Just i cant stand for you...
I hate ur loud voice, bli bla-ing...
Talk nicely...
Comunicate nicely...
Everythings would be going better...

Birthday celebration

Yesterday is Ong Hui's birthday...
She celebrate her birthday at "hai xiang" restaurant...
Siew Ping and i chose her present til 45 minutes...
She force to kiss with her boyfriend mouth with mouth...
They looks so sweet...
Her boyfriend treat her well...

I did many stupid things last nite...
Damn funny...
I ate till my rice "fly" to other body...
Ate my cake til dunno why the cream stick on my feet...
Many else lo...
Haiz.... Damn paiseh~

Anyway,i enjoy myself tat nite...
All of her friends so friendly...
Happy birthday, birthday gal~

*Hope my hubby will help me celebrate my birthday like tat oh...^^

I'm sick...

I'm feeling unwell for few days...
Flu, cough, fever, difficult to breath...
And also heart-sick...
[there something happened between my gang with me]

Wanna STPM liaw......
There still many things happened make me unable focus on my study...
I dunno wat happened with u all...
I just only can took it as challenge...
[ 意志坚定,才能不为环境左右,
目标远大,才能担负度众事业 ]

May God bless me...
Let me pass my STPM...
Let me get in univercity...
Let wat i learned,come out at exam...
I'm not noob kia as you people think...

Nearly car accident...

Just now bring my sis go out to buy her contact lenses...
While i driving,there got a stupid adult who no law...
He drove his car in de middle of road...
Even sometimes drove fast ,somestimes drove slow...
Nearly knock down my car...
WTF...
I "hon" him...
U know wat he do??
He slow down his car...
And show me his "jari tengah"...
Yet is his fault...
Such a crazy man...
Zzzzzzz......
If dunno how to drive, plz dun drive on the road...

I dun wan go to school,can I???

What is going on???
My gang changed into different altitude... [ i think so]
I talked with them,they just ans it...
No more than that...

One of them...
I found that the ans that she wrote on her paper was wrong...
So, i corrected her mistake...
You know wat she ans me???
" Just one mistake,why you wan bising-bising there?"
I told her nicely,wat i get from her finally??
This make me anger...
Why she wan scold me??
This hurt my heart...

One of them again...
Seldom talk to me...
Go toilet, go canteen buy food......
Wont ask me wan go or not...
Just go herself with the one above...
Leave me alone...

If i do sth make you ppl dun happy,
Plz just tell...
Dun act like this...
I hate it...
Cz influence my mood...
OK???

Getting better

Yesterday damn down...
Big cried... Shouted...
Cut my hand...
Cant even cool myself down...
Even called hubby,he dun even wan to hiew me...
Hang up my phone...
He hate my negative thinking...
Lolz...
I hate myself too...
Easily influence by others...

I'm feel happy n thankful...
At least still got you concern me, adeline...

Anyway i'm getting better today...
But, disgusting language come out from ur mouth again...
[ no matter how hard you tried,you wont be better than your brother...
bla bla bla bla and so on]
Hurt me once again...
Haih~

I really worry what you said will come true...
You give me lotz of stress...
W-H-Y???

I'm down.......

I hate you all...
Why there is no ones by my side when i'm down??
Can anyone gives me support n encouragement??
Who else willing listening to me talking craps??
Please, i just need a...
Listener...
Supporter...
No much than that...

Only loneliness has always been a friend of mine...
No ones know what is thinking in my deep deep heart...
Always i cried lonely at the corner...
No ones know bout it...
It is meaningless for me to continue my life...
I feel like ending my life...
Can i??



I'm not needed for this world...
Nobody like me ,care me, love me...
[ hubby,family,friends]
I'm just transparent for you all

I really getting more sick already...
I'm incurable...
Just let me end up my life......
That would be the better way for me...
to release my stress...

WHY?!

This week, i'm not in mood...
Why you want to treat me as kid??
Why cant i get the freedom??
I wanna 20 years old liaw...
Please...set me free...
Dun call me n scold me each time i went out...
Make me loss of face...
I just went out play computer games...
With my hubby...

What i done,you all denied...
Even i study from midnite til morning...
You scolded...
Said me lazy... Only know sleep niah...
WHY???
You hate me izzit??
Then why u give birth to me??
I din ask you give birth to me!
I HATE YOU, you know??

I back home at 10pm...
You locked me outside the gate...
Did you ever think of my feeling outside de gate??
Helpless.... Loneliness...
Dun you scare sth will happened to me??
Or you wan me run away from house??
Just say!!!!!!

Can on9 liaw...

Finally,my computer can on9 already...
Lately,dunno why my computer unable on9...
Yet the internet connection is stable n connected...
The computer is really sot sot de...
Hope this problem dun repeat again...

Hubby bak Miri... ='(

Hubby bak miri le...
Cz he just come for interview job lo...
Haiz...
Only meet hubby twice niah...
Also for few hours niah...
My mom nt allow me go out with hubby too...
She keep scold him why dun want work
but bak btu...useless...
disturb me study lo...
Bla bla bla...
I hate her say like tat...
She knw nothing but keep complain!!

Hubby come btu!! =)

Yeah~ Hubby come btu visit me...
Also for searching temporary job...
When i saw hubby, my heart feel sweet sweet oh...
Long times din meet each others lo... [4 months]
Feeling so warm when hug hug my hubby...
Muaksss~ I love him very very much...

I accompany him to interview two jobs...
The salary which offers by the company really low ler...
Only rm1000... [yet hubby gt exp]

Today i feel happy...
Feel excited too...
Like the moment 1st dating with hubby...
Paiseh~ ^^

Breakage necklace

The necklace is....
Valentines' day's present...
1st present that i received from hubby...
BREAK into two parts...
The necklace is represent to a love of lasting significance... [endless love]
Shit!!!
Why would this happened??
I like the necklace very very much...
I wear it for 3 years!!!
WHY??

Breakage necklace...
What does this case mean???
Relationship between my hubby n me will end soon??
I dun wan this kind of silly things happened!
Though you asked me not to think too much...
BUT......Superstition thinking makes me think much...
I'm heartsick now!!!
Why i damn noob break the necklace??
FUCKING NOOB!!!

Although you said buy new de...
I think you angry me, right??
Hubby,i'm so sorry...
Din protect ur gift nicely...
I'M SORRY!

Argument

Disgusting language came out from your mouth... [unthinkable]
Heart-broken...
Eyes fill with tears...

You are unsatisfactorily of me...
You blame...
@ i keep avoid from engagement.
@ i dun wan change my handphone number.
@i always go out with my friends.
@i never listen to what you said.

Engagement,
I am too young to engage...
I cant feel my importance in your heart...
so, i dun wan agree the engagement impulsively...
I cant feel a feeling of safeness from you...
cz, you dun have a stable job & an income...
I need a dreamlike & unforgetable engagement & wedding dinner...
All of this make me undecideable...
You know???
[Maybe is my own problem, you should know]
You never propose marriage formally too...
At least give me a romantic proposal... [ once in my life]
Flowers, ring, kneel down (show sincerity), and so on...

I do listen to what you say...
I know you worry about me,especially when i go out...
Dun you think i should have some of my freedom?
Believe me,i can protect myself...
I wont do something wrong back of you...

Disgusting language already leave a scar in our heart...
What is said cannot be unsaid...
Are we suitable to each others??
Should we arm in arm to face our future??
We should think of this matter before we decide our engagement...
Regretable engagement shouldn't allowed...

True friends???

What you had giving up for friends, wont appreciate by them...
When you need help, there are many excuses for them...
They all forget you ever give them a hands...

They will just think of you
when they need you...
when they are boring...
In front of them, maybe you just a clown...
Make fun for them...
Entertain them...
They tot of you are idiot...
[ Maybe. The answer is with them]

Always they neglected you...
Your appearance maybe is transparent...
Even you are sit beside with them...

Loneliness would been my loyal friend...
No matter how i tried hard, i cant get in u people gang...
True friends??? Yes or no??
I duno...
Maybe our tone not same...

Why you give me that kind of love?? WHY??

What kind of love do I had?
Since we together 3 years,I thought of you love me more…
Pure illusion! False perception!
No matter how, I have to accept the fact that I love you more than you love me…
I willing to giv up of everythings just because of you….
I ever sacrifice lots of things in order to fulfill whatever you want or wish.
[I think you know what I mean]
Getting your love isn’t worth the sacrifice of my principles?
Worth! Valuable! Because I LOVE YOU!

Do you love me?? How deep you love me??
What kind of love you can give me??
Until you said those kind of words??
[ I miss you everydays.
Just, I unable call and msg you
each time I think of you.
EXPENSIVE, you know? ]
You know what are you talking about??
From sg call to msia is more cheapper than miri call to btu??
20sen per msg from sg to msia is more cheapper than 1sen per msg in msia area??
What you said HURT me lots!!

But, I just accept what you said.
My tears dropped like stream. [ Do you ever know?? ]
I consoled myself with the thought that you haven’t get any job at miri.
You don’t have any income. [ Other reasons else]
As your girlfriend, I should understand your situation.

On the other hands,I already do preparation that we wont meet for years.
I wont ask for any reasons or excuses.
I understand you.
No matter i want or not, I forced to do so, that’s UNDERSTAND YOU!
No choices for me.
Nothing I can do either more than that.
Is that valuable for me??
I duno.
As long as you happy.
Because I love you.

Honestly, you really love me??
Or we oledi no love at all??
Our relationship continue by wat??
Love??
Or we just use to it oledi??
because of 3 years relationship??
Who can tell me??

Pra-STPM finish liaw *happy*

Pra-STPM finish liaw...
I can sleep as many hours as i wan...
I can throw my books by side for a while...
I can feel that i'm FREE!
Beside that, i feel nervous too...
My real STPM will coming soon...
The exam which decides my future...
Wow... It sounds interesting n challenging...

Though i will having one week of holidays,
i still nid to study n do revision...
Meaningless holidays... Haiz...
Wat to do? Study is the job of students...

Anyway,i will choose one day
Visit my malay classmates' houses...
Together with my geng~
Hehe... ^^
Disappointed...
Hubby unable accompany me...
SOB SOB ='(

Arrgh! Bad mood!

Arrgh! Damn bad mood!
I'm start complaning this and that
from early in the morning til nite...
Never stop it...
Bla bla like an old woman...
Even my mom cant stand for me too...
Am i crazy???
Maybe....
STRESS...
Maybe...
Aunty is coming...

hubby is back M'sia!

Hubby is back M'sia...
When i knew it,i felt very happy...
I miss him so so so so much...
But i cant even meet with him...
He is stay at Miri...
--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--
Since he is back, we keep argue...
Duno why... I feel that,
Though now our distance is close
But i feel tat it is far than
msia n sg...
WHY???
--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--
I feel tat he is different with "he" at sg...
While he was at sg,he will find me...
Many times per day even
international call is expensive
per minutes...
Now,we are in msia area...
He seldom find me...
SELDOM...
How come???
--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--
Can anyone tell me??
Or he only remember me while
he is lonely at sg??
Haiz~ Really headache...
If like tat, i hope he stay at sg...
At least he will remember me...
--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--
No matter where is he,
there is no benefits for me...
No matter where is he,
we still far apart...
No matter where is he,
i still alone n lonely...
No matter where is he,
he know nothing bout me...
No matter where is he,
i know nothing bout him...
No matter where is he,
i nid to face my life too...
Haiz...
--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--...--
Maybe both of us dun understand
what is thinking in each mind...
Maybe this is de consequency of
LESS COMMUNICATION !!!!!

Pra-STPM *gambateh*

Just finish chating with my hubby through msn...
Tomolo is my first day of Pra-STPM...
This time i nid struggle hard to pass my PA2...
PA is the most important subject...
I scare with my history too...
Since i got low marks for it in my August exam...51%
I must not repeat the same mistake again...
I will be more careful to read the question...
Plus i even challenge my classmate,Bonny
who get higher mark in history=>86% ...
Haiz... Now a bit regret to challenge him...
Jia you jia you jia you...

*Poor hubby*

Today i receive msg from dear hubby...
Poor hubby... He is unhappy ...
I duno how to help him...
I dun even can stay by his side while he is upset...
Lao gong, i'm very very sorry... ='(
I ask him back to Bintulu,but he refuse to do so...
Am i wrong for letting you work at singapore?
I really duno... haiz~~
Anyway,gambateh lao gong...
Muakssss~~

message from hubby

Yesterday hubby sent me a msg that he had sent to his ex...
Those are the content:
[I'm not as good as you think,so dun find me again.
I dun wan to lie you. Stay your life well,you will find
a better guy in your future. Thanks for let me knew
that i grow up. Actually i got fiancee oledi. I cant n
unable to own you two at same times. I'm sorry]

Adeline n Jaclyn said that he wont betray me....
So I nid not be worry...
Seems that my friends all support him.. ^^

After hubby went to Singapore,he really changed a lotz..
He learned to care my feeling...
He learned to be honest...
Thanks cz you really care for me...

So i believe him,though we far apart...
As how he believe me...
Hope our love will last forever...
[FOREVER LOVE]

[new guy vs me vs hubby]

I had been chase by a guy lately...
I ever told the guy tat i got a boyfriend...
Why he still wan to treat me well...
yet i treat him CRUEL since i know he fell in love to me...
I keep ignore him...
I know he is good...
But, i CANT n WONT accept him...
I really feel sorry about him...
He is not suitable for me.
No one can seperate hubby n me!
3 years of relationship...

Sometimes my hubby will make me unhappy,
I will feel down...
Sad......
Cry......
I'm sure...
Not only me...
My hubby too...
Each couple sure got arguments, rite?
That's the way we communicate...
Even though we far apart,
we still love each others very much...
I wont betray him...

And please dun critic my hubby is betrayal...
The case already pass...
I already forgive him...
He promise wont do it again...
I believe him ...
Coz, I love him ...

ex-girlfriend wan back to him,wat should i do?

Last few days,hubby called me...
He said there is something to tell me...
" My ex-girlfriend found me...she hope we can be together again..."
I felt wanna cry after i listen this news...
Why this could happened?
He said he treat me as his wife,
He should tell me about it...
He dun hope to hide anythings from me...
I'm glad he think so...
But,i not tat generous...
I care tat his ex keep calling him...
That's my hubby,i dun wan share with others...
Although i told him tat i dun worry...
He dun even know my worry in my deep deep heart...
I dun wan he comunicate with his ex...
I dun like his ex find him...
Before is she dump him de,why now wan to come back?
He say he love me very much,ask me dun think too much...
I kinda of think too much and sensitive...
I dun hope this relationship let me feel stress...
Otherwise i will give up...
My hubby said i stupid...
Anyway, i dun hope my hubby betray me...
NO!
I'm so scare...wat should i do while facing this prob?
Anyone can teach me??

[missing]

I just finish prepare my sushi which as breakfast for my tomolo journey...
Duno why...I felt wanna cry while preparing my sushi...
I am missing someone... Tat's is you... My hubby...
I recalled back the moment I first time prepare sushi for you...
I hope you are by my side now...
We prepare sushi together,eat together...
Unfortunately,we cant...
Wish you will back to my side as soon as possible...
I miss you so so so so.......... much...
Until my tears roll down from my cheek...
Tats true!

[Disappointment]

I get back my exam pappers...
Disappointingly,i get bad result...
I speechless...duno wat to say...
I try my best to study,but why i still failed?
Oh shit! Really shit! Damn shit!
I cant failed PA anymore...
Otherwise,i will completely spoiled my future...
Because of careless,i failed to get A- for my history 2...
I wont allow this kind of mistake happen again!
I need to prove that i'm not stupid...
I CAN! I CAN!
Do i really can?
Trial-exam is coming soon...
No matter how difficult is it,i will try my best to challenge it!
NO MORE FAILED FOR PENGAJIAN AM!

*Story about me n Hasim*

14/08/2008 我的朋友...走了...
永远的离开了我们...
刚刚才在不久前在 parkcity mall 巧遇...
却在前两天收到...你去世的消息...
你知道我是多么的难过...多么的不舍得你离开吗...?
虽然我不知道为什么每次你在msn遇到我都没理我...
也许我长得不够亮眼吧...
看着你的fs差点让我掉泪...
我很希望可以看到你...但往往越想看到,却越难看到...
我们的相遇是发生在今年的新年...
我跟国华去kfc吃东西...遇到了你跟tommy...
你很有君子风度的跟我打招呼...
第一次看到你还有点怕你呢...
后来就不了了之...所以对你的印象也还好...
第二次相遇是在我跟我的男朋友在做传销的时候...
tommy,恩慧,家莲,我,我男朋友和你...就在summer tea喝茶...
本来是认不出你是谁了...
但我还是大胆的问你是否在哪里见过...
原来是在kfc...
怕你一个人闷,所以就一直陪你聊天...
聊着聊着觉得你这个人还不错...
如果没有男朋友的话...我一定叫朋友帮忙拉线的... =)
后来就拿了你的fs & msn ....
有一次...我跟我男朋友发生了一些事...
你就在msn陪我...安慰我... (虽然安慰方式有点烂...) =p
过后...最近的相遇就在上个星期了...
也是最后一次的相遇了...
很高兴认识你这个朋友...
虽然我们的相处时间不长...
你的离开还是让我非常非常非常的难过...
无时无刻都想起你...
你的离开让我觉得人生真的很短...
我会好好珍惜我的一切...做我想做的事情...
在天堂另一端的你,好好的安息吧...
上帝和天使们会陪伴着你...
保佑全天下的人...
我们永远都爱你...想你....Hasim...




#The End#

好消息...

好消息哦!
原来..........
是电话不见才联络不到你...
虽然价值一千多的电话不见...
很心痛...(里面都是我们的照片&回忆叻) ='(
但庆幸人没事就好...
甜蜜的回忆是会永存在我们的脑海里的... =)
muakssssssssss..........
加油!

你到底在哪里...?

只是短短的几天,你就不见了...?
为什么...?
那天拜日不是还可以找到你吗...?
我说我不开心,你还打电话给我...不是吗...?
怎么了...?到底怎么了...?
我很担心你,你懂不懂...?
为什么电话打不通...?为什么msg send不过...?
为什么电话那头会说"the starhub number is nt is service? nt available...?
为什么啊...?
是你发生了什么事吗...?
我的内心不停的胡乱猜测...
1. 电话没电吗...?
2. 电话被偷吗...?
3. 工作发生意外吗...?
4. 被打抢吗...?
5. 还是你想分手...? 你有新的女朋友了...
我想得头好痛! 一直打给你不停的打给你...
你答应我不会让我不到你的....
你明知道我找不到你就会哭的...
为什么还..........
祈求上天保佑你一切平安........!!!

为什么...??!!

今天是你离开我的两个星期...
也是我MUET成绩出的日子...
昨晚我告诉你,但你却没有回复我...
今天我放学回家也没有收到你任何一封的信息...
是不关心吗..? 忙碌吗..? 我不知道...
我只知道...我难过...
我....失败了...我还是Band 3...
我...输你了...
我很失望...尤其是全世界都在期待你拿Band 5...
看到3...我很想大哭...很想有你的安慰...
但你却无法当我的支柱...
为什么平时考试我都可以考的很好??
真正的考试却....
为什么...?
为什么我的努力都是白费的...??
为什么在我最需要你的时候,你总是不在我身边...?

崩溃的鱼儿...懦弱的女孩...

今天我彻底的崩溃...眼泪狂流...
躲在厕所淋着冷水...眼泪随着冷水流下...
就好像一只在水中流着泪的一条鱼儿...
大声的在我的内心呐喊: "我要的只是你简单的关心...责任感...爱护疼爱..."
今早,你让我完全没有心情上课...整个人感觉失去灵魂一样...
我决定离开你的世界...你给不到我快乐,但你没有权剥夺我的幸福...
为什么...你在我决定放手时又对我这么好...?
对我时好时坏...我接受不了...求你别这样自私,好吗...?
昨天,我跟你说话...一个问题问你三到五次,你都没有回答...
感觉你很不尊重我...践踏着我的尊严...
伤透了我的心...但我还是好好的与你沟通...因为我对你的爱浇灭了我对你的生气...
很遗憾,沟通后你并没有良好的改善... ='(
这两天我们所发生的事...让我本来选择你的意念开始动摇...
这时候我突然想要很认真的考虑你跟我的梦想之间的考量...
因为如果你还是这样让我伤心难过...我觉得这份感情我得考虑考虑...
我怕选择了爱情...分分钟会让我未来一无所有...
但梦想就不同了...有工作有钱...还怕找不到男人吗...?还怕自己养不起自己吗...?
这种想法都是在我生气你时...你对我不好时才会出现...
做男人的,不该让女人流泪...
有时真的搞不清楚你是不是真的爱我...
甚至觉得你需要我的时候才会想到我...
那天你说去弄店的事情...我打电话给你...
听你的声音怪怪的..周围又这样安静...
让我觉得你很像在做什么对不起我的事情...
haiz...我感觉到自己走这段感情走的很痛苦..辛苦...难过...
跟之前我们刚刚谈恋爱时不一样...很甜蜜哦...幸福... @_@
自己被你捧在手心的感觉很棒哦... =)
今天你答应我你觉得你会做到我刚才说的15项我想要从你身上的到的感觉...
我决定在相信你一次...
因为...我已经足泥深陷...
爱你到无法自拔了...
希望你不会让我失望...
我是个容易受伤的女人...爱你的心是很脆弱的...
我需要我的完美情人来保护这颗脆弱的心...
否则...我真的会选择把我的心门给关上...把你拒于门外...
没收本来属于你,我心门的钥匙...
一切都为了保护我自己...
我不想在受到伤害...

我到底要怎样啊...!!!

病了那么多天...情况不但没有好转...
反而引发更多的病...喉咙痛,发烧,咳嗽...
每当你在我的身边...我都很少生病的...
有时想想...会不会这次的生病只是心病呢...?
分隔两地的我们...你告诉我,"不要这样常讲电话,对耳朵不好...而且你很快会闲的..."
你有没有想过...离开的人的心态跟被丢下的人的心态是大不相同的...!
你,来去自由潇洒...我,苦苦等待...
每天我起身后要做的事情除了等你,还是等你...
等你看好戏,打好maple,起身,吃东西...
你知道吗...?等你的日子就好像渡日如年...
你爽爽发一封信息给我,就消失的无影无踪...带给我的只是空欢喜一场...
你知道有时候我是多么的讨厌你吗...?
有时候多么想潇洒的跟你说拜拜走人...
很遗憾,三年的感情...毕竟我付出多年跟许多的情份...
你知道吗...?我真的真的很想念你...很需要你的关心...
我感到好矛盾...我要的是关心还是你的人或者只是习惯性的依赖了你...?
我很讨厌你...更讨厌这样的自己...
没有人会在意我的一切包括你在内...
你连最重要的18/06/2008的日子都忘记了...
还被你气到心脏痛...难以呼吸...
一个人苦苦守在msn跟手机旁...等你回应你会为了18/06/2008...为我准备了什么惊喜或礼物...
结果一切都是我太天真了...你,没有看我的信息...
没有人在乎我的...
没有人理会我的...
没有人当我是宝贝了...
我们错过了99天相识的日子...
所以我很珍惜我们相识的999天的日子...
我每天都很期待18/06/2008的到来...
如果可以...好希望我们从来都不曾相识过...
至少...现在的我不会因为你这样难过...不开心...