{RE-DESIRE// NICC-IN

Thursday, August 09, 2007

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tmr's the last day of SIP.
woo. its been a whole 4 months and it felt so fast.

its a happy thing nonetheless, but im gonna miss evohubbers for sure.
cant seem to sleep. thats why im here.HAHA

im gonna miss these guys.
my super immature yet super humorous boss jeffery.
the ever so patient and wonderful supervisor gloria.
chee chiu who can be a real caring supervisor at times.

yongshuang whos always crackin me up in office with her ways of coverin up boo boos
jessie with a whole secret stash of food/packet drinks which i'll nv forget.
alvin with his super nonchalent but funny remarks
amius with his random talks about life and things like that which i really enjoy.

the 2 interns who were with me but already left,
derek whos like my CLASSMATE so nvm la can skip =X *lol exdr la*
shirley whos always my saviour when it comes to designing help.-come tissue girl & marigold peel fresh supporter*

and yeah the 2 newest guys that came.
terence, one real nice friendly guy whom i can just really talk to whenever im bored at IT dept xD
shengfeng (*wind blows*), a cool guy whos rather inspirational , dancer cum NUS-activist guy whos real fun to crap with as well.

yep. thanks for the 4months, of stress, laughters, group lunches, extremely priced food competitions at fong seng, and the experience/exposure i got.

It'll always stay with me. =))

and yay to tp: IM COMIN BAACKK!! WOO.
TP OEI!
TP WILL WIN THE WAR x100000000223322309809580943

last four months. will cherish whatevers left.(=

10:32 AM;

Saturday, August 04, 2007

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cui.

everything about me is . chui.

sigh.

its the same with/without me anywhere anyway.

Ive never really succeeded in anything. I hate it when I finally only turn to my blog to
pour it all out but I just wana get the load off my chest.Its the same everywhere
whether I exist or not. That feeling really is hitting on me. Its freakin painful
to feel invisible. well, not needed.somehow it feels like im just so useless, at everything.
It has nv ever occured to myself that Ive succeeded in any position. I was never a good
gl. 2 freakin years but no change in efficiency bah.just a title. oh gl. wow. happy?zzz.
At least i dont feel ive changed to become a better gl. I dont have the ability to entertain, dont have to power to lead. I think I donteven know what im doing right. in the first place, I dont even know how to approach people.i dont really have thoughts of my own to voice out. insignificant and useless in such a role. maybe i wouldnt even join FO again for my last yr.
sometimes i just feel..heck it la.crap with my aspires of becoming someone like my ex gls from
argon who brought their freshies into tp with such a high note. that kinda experience.
i cant give.heck it ok nick,youre not them.becoming a subempire head in foc i wonder why
i was even chosen.perhaps its just like a hes nt doing much yet so lets make him do something more kinda thing.im just not, cut out alright. In main comm, I never really felt there. designing stuff? thats what everybody says, intsc needs ur designs n stuff.perhaps its more of just tt
im the person so enthu abt doing the designs n stuff, so everyone feels tt i shud do it. not that
im doing a good job.just that since its done up lets use it kinda ting..?I nv felt my designing was
nice ba. its amatuerish. thats what my supervisor said as well. and i really agree. take another 10 years to improve ba nic.good luck to you useless.ive nv been a real good maincomm. did i ever run away from my duties? not tt i remember..well, but speed of execution. cui.yes, cui. for tbc, i wasnt even reali in the organiser role. im just a wanderer in the camp.wondering what i could do. even andy told me before, what r u this useless main comm doing?how shud i have answered to that? erm, i am doing my stuff? but proving it is always more crucial. even at open house. what was i doing. no one ever notices. now i try to remember, i cant even remember.insignificant things ba. maybe i was just walking arnd being useless. oltc fa for hipbra. did i do a good job? well no. I cant even motivate them at pulau ubin to move faster. to have more initiative. i cant even talk well and connect to them in camp. isit my fault for em not being able to go for the other route? yes. all people know to do after that was perhaps, questioning me like: "where u go? call for u so long know?" since the walkie was outta range. my hp was uncallable as well.sorry man.for coming back so late n stuff. i tried i guess. cui. maybe with cui FAs, the group becomes more bonded ba. hipbra was one of e most bonded groups.guess im lucky. but im just. freaking chui. week0 LT head. no i didnt do much of a good job either. the LT probably felt so bored. maybe some hated me? Maybe i tried too hard. i tried. too hard. but sorry i am called the chui. i tried almost all things . ive nv been a lt head before. but sorry i wasnt tat kinda crappy person people can watch and enjoy. all i could do was tell em stories.here n there. was it boring? anyone can answer tt to me? till now i reali wonder what went wrong. i just feel like sucha failure.as an LT head, no one came for the week0 outing either. i couldnt hype them up, 2nd day half e LT was gone as well right. im sorry im producing the opposite effect compared to my gls. i guess im just a real lousy failure, whos being called chui all the time.i dont think i see many inds joining subcomm as well right? Why did I spoil their experience when they came in tp. im just not cut out for anything la. i guess i was a failure at drums too.but that was so long ago. failure with my friends.i used to always feel invisible. failure at designing. i just get chui-er and chui-er. failure at dance. i cudnt even get thru a simple rouine for auditions. any routine or moves i try to do seems just chui. I only succeed at making dance steps chui. I destroy practically everyone's dance steps. like shermain's dance step for week0 cheer leading. i executed it in the most chui manner. im really sorry. fr vibes, certain steps i do just seems wrong.it looks wrong.sorry too. i somehow just hate to see the way i dance. i guess at this point. some people who bothers reading this would be laughing at it all, as if its a joke. about chui-ness, about failures, about steps? Yeah. I know its a fucking joke. somehow i just have to live a life as a joke. its just a joke .its not that easy as you think it is.

i just feel that its the same with or without me anywhere.im sorry.
the same in ophix.dragos.
beenox.intsc maincomm.g9.c116g.udx...

sigh.

11:18 AM;