{RE-DESIRE// NICC-IN

Friday, August 25, 2006

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ive got a irkesome
blog which doesnt auto-update.
HAIYO
TSK
TSK
TSK.

9:40 AM;

Saturday, August 05, 2006

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today is one fucked up saturday.

was practically bored at home.
went to berts place for a swim.

ok after that was where all the shit started!
was on my way to the INTSC main comm bbq..
before I arrived at pasir ris MRT, the bloodee
phone battery went FLAT! WTF?

SO-NOT-THE-RIGHT-TIME alright.
I DIDNT HAVE HALF AN IDEA WHERE THE BBQ WAS HELD AT.

I couldnt contact anyone, coz i practically couldnt
remember any of my friend's hp numbers. Im bad at memory
alright.I was just, stunned.

-ran around white sands and surroundin areas looking for phones
-pondered about what to do
-tried to acquire a phonecard at least for a start
-called up ryll, get lex/josh's number wishing that they would
have some of the intsc ppl's numbers
-only managed to get lex's no.
-called him, after a zillion times i got through
-he gave me dawnie's number
-called the no. ,no one picked up
-called ryll again to check if shes got joshie's no.
-to no avail
-got back to lex cos i forgot dawn's no [hey, my memory cant
store more than 1 number alright]
-no avail
-finally got thru, he cut the line cos he was playin game
and wanted to call me later-which was obviously IMPOSSIBLE
-wow. stuck at pasir ris.
-got fed up
-called ryl for akarads no. and went back down to town zzz

yeah. Ive no fate with the bbq alright. sigh. sorry guys.
I know it was meant to be a bondin session for us.
I know ive not really bonded myself with you guys yet.
for that I wonder when it might happen besides this time.
This might go on for about a year,
I wonder when would I start to click huh.
Perhaps Ive drifted far too much from u guys last year.
Also, perhaps ive changed myself.

that i'd admit. im no longer that patient nic whose ok with
most things. situations like these in the past, i wouldve
actually looked at it as an adventure rather than gettin
fed up. O_o. i might even try till e very end where i get
to my destination finally, even though it might have been too
late.yeah, thats one change in me, i guess.

I didnt even have the mood to go to edmund's bbq at east coast.
sorry too. zz. the thought of not havin a workin phone around
crossed out all options in mind for me.

was hoping the guys would be catchin tokyo drift when i reached cine,
but it was cancelled as well.and karad's cousin wants to go clubbin again.
haha. thats like so wow,energetic la. power pack. cuz theyve just went
there ytd, till 6am? theyre so high.haha

went to esplanade for awhile to meet meiqi grayson and those mihara kids.
and im back to berts place for my bag.
was hella fedup inside actually. I didnt like what happened to me today.
A tinge of sadness enveloped in enraged fumes. yeah. i felt i was going to burst.
Im just tired of all these things.
sometimes I feel so alone.
Its like ive lost something.
for that, I realise Ive lost a large portion of my confidence.
I no longer harbour those feelings of hatred within me
like how it was 2-3 years ago.
This time its more of sadness twisted with disapointment built inside.
Where theres no outlet of venting it. All I could do is let myself tear from within.
This is a totally different state of how i was 2 years ago.
for this is the me present in front of you guys this year.
im close to the meaning of a hollow.
my doors are swiftly closing up.I feel it everyday of my life.
this insane level of sadness crushing on me.
as though my voice is dithered as I try to speak of it.
guess what Ive truly lost now.

10:59 AM;