{RE-DESIRE// NICC-IN

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

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ahh. third day of the new year. the next day is a school day. Sianzation!

wanted to meet up at 11am at newton this morning. but bleah. 10am , msged albert that i was still struggling in bed. 10.30am, albert msged me that he was still struggling in bed also, how. lol. in the end, guess ritz was the earliest there, followed by bert. i arrived there next. saw mrs po when i was alighting from the MRT. wished her happy new year.lols

then pei pei ,sandy and adels arrived. so dots. it was already 11.30am.hahahah. then JJ last, he took taxi? lolz. shouldve waited for him. then can taxi there too. =P

went to akarad house. took wrong bus, went to novena there then bus back to newton mrt. so retarded. i know. LOL!! So-Lame. Whatever. xD

re-styled my hair at karad's place.Oh Yeah! 3 sided mirror! also had a super WIERD macs lunch. we all felt the mood was wierd. lols. duno hw to describe it.

JJ was like straight chiong dotA. then AS the whole way. crap here n there, took a few pics bahh. then headed off to my place after some PS2 games xD. after that was JJ's house, which had his sis frenx comin in also. one SUPER DU LAN FACE. need to be slapped good sia, younger than us and wana act lianz. TWIT. PUI

next was pei's. we juz went there for fun la, no one was home anyway. except her lil bro. went ps after that, get some stuff. then headed for novena.

Was greeted by yuang loong , marvin and quite alot of others. ahha, the duno what group of bhs? Long time no see them sia, but they all looked the same. LOL. ok TO==. oh ya, jori came back too. another MIA for long time guy. urghh. ok ba, he looks the same, same for grayson=X. jori's outta love. ahhh. i cant stand it, why so many people,at the particular time?

went to pei's workplace for dinner. ex ex ex! but nicee.=) heheh.

sch again tmr. sian but i gotta do it. skipping alot of wants like trainin dota and all for now. i reali wana do well for ides, though my site layout aint that great, hope i can salvage it. i hate the Cs. i hate them to the core...

and to albert. chikarishitte!

10:26 AM;

Monday, January 30, 2006

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sometimes we just gotta know how to treasure our lives .

sometimes there are ups while alot of times there are downs.

hold on to your thoughts, cos it aint over for your life. look further and try to notice,

the greenery on the other side of hell.

all you have to do..

is walk.

9:57 AM;

Sunday, January 29, 2006

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woo. first day of new year. i must say, visiting is hella tiring.

anyway, nice seeing my relatives again. i find that ive opened up more to them. so much more, which is good?

went to PS after 8pm. played GF! like in ages , not touched it. then EZ2DJ, followed by 1 round of drummania. yup, then its time to rush off to shaw plaza for the movie 'I not stupid2' with sandee,pei,akarad, bert, junjie,ritz, pei's bro, peiwen and er, some unknown peeps but they seemed to dissapear after the movie ? =X anyway Damn sorry to make em al wait for me!

the show was nice le. damn touching. many a things i could relate, though not that strong cos it dealt with a couple of issues regardin parental neglections and stuff. where they're too busy with work and making money, they think they're caring for their child by providin em with meals and a roof. but half the time, thats not what a child needs, theres no care, no concern, they dont even have time to care about whats happenin around yyou, what you need from em. Its juz work , work and work. and when u do something wrong, they wont give you a chance and JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS. yepp. so i admit, i did cry at one of the part, especially the blog part. such issues however were of the past la, ive resolved quite a number of issues with my parents already, though we dont stand on the same line of frequency, i feel theres a mutual agreement and standard of understanding there already. for that im thankful.

It makes me think, IF i had children next time, would i unknowingly turn into THAT kinda parent too? Cos i promise myself, if i were to become a dad, ill be a good and caring one. a friend to them rather. id like to keep my lame-ness when communicating with em. and not let work stress affect family life. its hard i know, yet, i need to try.

ok, went boon keng macs. only left with akarad, pei, dee ,ritz and jj. hahah. after eatin at macs, it was already 1am? went to the playground opposite my house. this is the 2nd time, yesterday night we were there with marcus till 2am. this time, we stayed till 2 as well, ritz had to go off. family conflict . hmm. after sendin most of em of, im left with pei and jj, so we walked, and we saw another playground. sat there at the rubber bridge, talked the morning awayyy. i liked that feeling, its like chalet like that. talked of old times, talk of people, talk about what has happened to alot of things, friends losing themselves, friendships broken due to many issues. anything la,everythin under the...stars.hahahs.

left at 4am. woot.

now im here blogging. shall worship my bed soon.
ciao

12:28 PM;

Friday, January 27, 2006

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just came home not long ago.
whew its been one hectic tiring week!

so far java killed, come cmsy,fndb.

left with ides. and jap . yeah

ok, let me disgrace myself and display my fuckingly low results to everyone now.

here are my marks for my tests so far:

CMSY lab quiz: 10/20
Jap culture online quiz: 12/20
Comm. skills : 15/20
CMaths test yet to know...

yes. thats my scores. for that i vow that i suck and deserve it for this sem.

my java assignment was not implemented that well, bein stuck at stupid mistakes for a long time.

My cmsy project, i couldnt help much cos i had no knowledge of computer stuff at all.

FNDB project i was one of the slowest in creation of tables and stuff. real dammit.

blame me for not attendin lectures regulary.

blame urself nic. what did u try to promise urself at the start of this sem?
u deserve it . think about what u want in life, dont slack it away , thinking of explicit and stupid excuses for your every actions. Not listenin in jap lectures ? what for you go. attendence? why waste ur time. morning lectures cant make it? i say you dont have that descipline yet, who do you think will suffer in the long run? and even if you manage to make it on time for mornin lectures, u dont realli listen. talk in lectures la? enjoy ur time, then miss everything. papers all fly, esp tutorials. now they're nowhere to be found. bullshit i tell u nic. BULLSHIT. you are bullshit.

I guess you need some time out.

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anyway, saw gina today. so feminine, at fareast. people can change so much.lol.
watched fearless. quite nice, its true, the most danerous opponent in ur life is u. therefore, counter youself before you want to conqueor. before you lose something

anyway, Spotlight rox.

and, HAPPY BIRTHDAY PINK NIC! tanjoubi ni omedetto !

*ps: I just feel such a break free from a cell. yeah. i feel free man. real free

9:28 AM;

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

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cant believe i completed my whole java assignment today. well its like 4am now la. completed it at around 3.20am. hahaa

Managed to handle all exceptions, so my application as far as i know it, doesnt crash! xD The integer data input has also been handled by the try catch with NumberDatatypeException so its ok now ^^.

Implemented the 2 bonus codes too. well, its half thanks to marcus who told me how he plans his java projects. step by step.

hm. but still, i aint got no interest in IT. really tired of it. its just so dry.. java and everything. I dont feel any life from it. boring...

wanna change course.. wanna change my school..

ja. jap test tmr. fndb,oopg considered done. left with cmsy and ides. woot

12:02 PM;

Monday, January 23, 2006

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damn tired!! took a break from java and did this blogskin. well, i merely edited the pic la. lazy to program a whole new skin at this time >_<. im beggining to really like the goth. nice.

lex is in hospital right now. fever of over 40degrees? realli hope he's alright man. its realli not the time to fall yet. we still have oopg to kill! remember? then theres cmsy.. ides.. jap. kill all these projects!jia you bro

recently these thoughts keep clouding my mind. did i actually choose the correct course? I really cant picture myself as a 3d game programmer. I dont see that . Partly what I feel is that ive lost all interest in IT. I hate java. Instead, im more inspired by design subjects. though its hectic i wont hide, i really enjoy them. today i went to lvl 8 of the library juz to look at some design books. its damn nice and i find myself stuck at that section. juz gotta learn more. Well, at least, designing beats sitting in front of a COM tryin to figure out what went wrong in JAVA!. its damn sick and sianz. cant be bothered. I dont want a java life? and an IT life.

I sorta feel like transferring over to design school. I think im much more interested in what goes on there. heard that george and ian from my course are also thinkin of transferring there. hmm, should I?

Sigh. Ive really lost all interest in IT!! Or perhaps its that ive changed. maybe this is the same thing that happened to my perspection of dm and gf. Ive got no idea. ={

design school rox!
really.

10:32 AM;

Wednesday, January 11, 2006

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now at ITAS canteen.

raining now. yet it feels kinda peaceful.

war seems to be over. many scars. strings broken.

but it seems everything have settled down .

im missing everything way before this. way before poly started.

to albert:
if u dont mind im also your close friend. not MARIA la.you ah no neh. yah.. i do not have many, i think i just have a few close friends. yet at times,supporting yourself by psyco-ing yourself, you become a happier person. =)

-ahnoneh.tataco.haha. im missing otc even=P-

7:22 PM;

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

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hais. its 3am now. still not sleeping. juz made this skin from the way im feeling now.

ive hurt a friend unknowingly. ive destroyed the trust that was there for so long. and yet, that friend is not blaming me for everything.

its like ive got a thousand words to say. 1000 feelings to express, but i cant. when i try to go at it, i become silent. when i try to express some things , nothing comes out.

the things ive said. unknowingly, without passing through that THIN brain of mine. im regretting it all now. Ive never actually meant it , not anywhere near harsh at all. it was simply what i called, comments. sigh, didnt have any pinpoint . just that i thought insensitivity was the only problem at times, the rest, i didnt really take full notice.

i wonder when was it we became so close all of a sudden. sec sch, we were just hi bye ba. right? Perhaps it was after prom night, the way i kept persuading you to go and that ill be your partner so it'll be fine. gee. that night didnt even need any partners. but it was really fun. really. then its like just going out , more and more, with akarad,jori, and ryan was it? Ok i really am missing those times. at least, I wasnt who I am now. i detest my current self after all these, im beggining to see so much of the ugly me. has poly done this to me? Or am I juz growing up.

Soon we talked more comfortably ba. then its a series of events together. the most memorable would be the bbq at cheryll's place. akarad ,bert, ryy , and pudid together. it was fun. ur marshmellow was the nicest ive tried. i swear. its the first time ive tasted such a nice warm marshmellow. the sphegetti u made was also nice. even though there wasnt enough water added. again, it was the first speghetti [and also, the last] ive tasted, made by a friend. you're quite talented at cooking. really. of course, the present, ill nv forget that kakashi pic + a kof character pic u gave me in a golden sweetwrapper box ? ya. again, its the FIRST. i really dont know how to put it, but i cherished these memories more than anything, subconsciously. coz once in a while, when i open that "sweetwrapper". i would remember those times..

then working. the many times u,me, karads went to find jobs. hectic, but fun. u were already subconciously , unknowingly, a close friend of mine by that time. u kinda guessed what was on my mind most of the time. not that close, but its a almost hit kinda thing. maybe im predictable? but i guess u do understand me. i guess you're someone who's good at analysing people.

visiting you at work before/after my jap classes were never boring. it was fun making fun of u at times also. and the kl times, the backdoor returnin in.hahas.and interesting hearing those retarded stories of retarded customers.

ive always thought you're a very strong person by nature. but ive not learnt that a person may have the other side ba. ive never actually thought of it that way.. perhaps im juz too imature at times. seeing things. i feel i have yet alot more to learn.im just way too lousy at analysing. perhaps its my view of people, too little, too limited. im really sorry for that. i didnt mean to tell u things so straight forward at times.

i guess its time that makes things complicated. its around after we're in poly, things seems to go wierd. i mean, we're still close friends. maybe theres something wrong with me instead. corruption? perhaps im changing ever since i entered poly. drummania, perhaps, did some kinda effect on me as well. my thinking could have changed. but im tryin to salvage it all now. after analysing, perhaps its that hate i have in me, for me. i dont think i have the ability to express it out , but yes, it affects me, the way I think, the things i do. the way i react. guess that you know. and that unknowingly links myself to sasuke. but you talked to me. shared things with me, that sorta decreased my hate in me. when i was damn down, i believed u were really there. just that, perhaps it was too long that i was down and u was sorta got nothing more to do. but really, thanks for being there when i need someone. at that very time, my pessimistic thoughts WERE slowly changing to better thoughts. because of you. because of cheryll. well there were ppl like joseph,tat, alot more. ..

knowing you did change my life. for the better. I feel like a better person ba. from sec sch, i didnt voice out that much. all that hate, just kept down inside. this time, as a reply to you, i would, realli voice out anything at all. clear up all that rubbish.

I just hope that trust i broke can be built back once more.
sorries mean nothing. i know.

I just hope times could be moulded back to last chrismas kinda atmosphere.
where everything was peaceful[relatively.yes it was]
where everything was pure.

lets stick to the time heals all wounds shall we?..

I hate being myself now. i feel so corrupted. all this time, i thought of myself as quite a nice friend. quite an ok person. yet. i finally realise how ugly i was. why didnt i notice earlier...

i just wana make things right again.
to loh siew fong. I really DO CHERISH you. and that i mean it.
it could sound like a lie. a scam. or whatever you call it. but i do mean it.
if you would.believe in me.

ill change the person i am inside gruadually. sigh...

those thoughts are to be cleared.. those hatred, dissappeared.
i will try. i promise.

10:58 AM;

Friday, January 06, 2006

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yo guys. back from Dr Wiliam Tan's grand TP event. circling the sports track 24hrs! I really pei fu TP for being so damn happening. haha. its like, theres LIFE.

When i see TP i see LIFE,
when i see TP i feel FINEE.
When I see TP I go wild,
cos TP TP is damn STYLE ah!

which poly do u find so high in spirits with so many people about the whole school at a time like 4am huh? HAHAHHAHAHA . YOU CANT BEAT THAT.

anyway, was event official with sandee for the stick counting and recording for the admin part. quite fun la, seeing different ppl coming to donate their SWEAT onto our desk. nice lo . thrilling xD

took the shift most close to HUMAN. 8.30om-12.30am, 9.30am-2.30pm. whahaha

the rest of the time was spent slackin in TPSU lounge.

anyway. self reflection time:--------------------------------------------------
I feel that im so anti-social when Im tired. either that or when im tired, i look unapproachable? so i tend to become very anti-social la. damn sad. but cant help it, my face!!! SO TURN OFF =X so i realise I still dont mix well with ppl. AS AS AS AS AS AS. or theres this inferiority complex psycological barrier once again. have i kicked it out or does it STILL exist.I realise i dont talk much O_o

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ok end of reflection time.

had supper with yisheng,flann, and sandy. very crap la. esp yisheng. TELL u what he ordered. 2 MILO WITH EGGS!! WHAHAHAHAHAH

joke of the night
=x

sandy was centre of kana jack. but also centre of attraction! happy ba. XIO JIE xD

when we came back i was very shag le. DTX awhile on my laptop. i still cant S that blood and thunder, some songs damn hard la. wonder when i can.

eyes closing le. actualli dead from inside
lol

I wonder how Ah Guang keep himself awake. ==, never sleep still can be so FOC[full of crap] =X

new abbreviation created!

okok, anyway he's like amchio, then serious tone, wana take com away from sandy, lol. the whole scene : DRAMATIC, DOTS. but I LIIIKE . xD damn funny

sleptt for 2hrs

duty another 5 hrs..

home..

Queensway with akarad n bert lolz

queensway sucks, no more mass of stores for nice clothes.

went dbg in the end to find the drummania gang . cos was too late to go back tp in time..

finally im back home. my GUitar seemed to improve. but not THAT good la, alright only.

when i relax i can perform well.

how how how. learn the art of relaxation nick. in everythin you do.

oh ya, btw, supposed to blog smthn abt a memory of traces during prelims period. abt her slippers breakin,then throw away in public, then walk BARE FOOTED back home. if got time shall go source my history for this post. lol damn funny. xD . hope i did blog it down last time.HAHAHAHA

-Nick loves you all.-

8:11 AM;

Monday, January 02, 2006

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i got a gaara shirt yesterday! so im gonna wear it tomorrow!.

I realise ive been pushing my projects all aside. this week im really gotta get onto it. chiong ah!

I cant wait for open house! I cant wait for FOC either! dread tutorials , dread lectures, dread exams!! xD

next sem is im goin into 3d gaming le. so im going to be seperated from josh and lex. i wonder if its gonna be a case of proximity. but thats just alright. poly aint some secondary school thing. =
so yeah. name me something new i should go into ?

urm, today went out at 4+. supposed to movie with akarad and gang at ps. but the seats were full. went down to B1, passed this shop. damn nice clothes, and discounted. today was the last day of promotion, so, hahas. CHIONG AH. me and sf went on to chiong for the clothes while akarad,albert,shernwei,keiths and jj went on to parklane to dotA first. bought myself jeans,shirt,long sleeve t. WOO.

Arrived at parklane, while waiting for em to finish up their first game, me and sf went to drumm at the arcade first. seriously, my skills are deproving sooo much man. but i seem to be a happier guy.deep down i feel happier. really! guess i finally open my eyes to things. i feel a thousand and one things i wana do . drummania aint totally what i can excel in bah. perhaps theres the latter. im not giving up DM or GF, thats not what i meant. Im just giving it a different kind of piority. yeap.

I might not be the best, but I LOVE DM! I love the movies , love the songs. love the graphics. everything.

GF also la. i still remembered how i started it, felt like it was easy, but till now i think im the lousiest in the whole DM group. hahahs.

anyway, dotA was quite fun today la. but sf tot i not ok.lol. but i am. went to see pei pei at her workplace after that. her reaction, as usual. was the *GASP*then retarded acting xD

urghh. feel like trainin my dotA moreee.. i too lan. feel like playin pool today =S wonder why. and clubbing is fun!! and hope ritz faster pass albert the ps2 ggxx. hohohoho. then i shall go alberts place to plaayyy. the BOONZ house. xD

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apart from tt ra ra spirit. ok erm, seems like somethings happening these days. when 2 friends dont know how to communicate. ill try to blog something about it, hope u guys will think about it. a bond made isnt something u can CUT. hiding the bond doesnt mean it is broken. humans feel. humans are one of the most sensitive things. of course there are certain times, we confide in different different people about different kinds of things, and of course, there are certain times we unconciously forget those dear to US. BUT.friends are always around you. OK ? YES? once a bond is formed, it never really breaks la. it can be hidden but never broken. dont regret about things which happened, think of it as a lifelong experience. think of life as YOUR OWN movie. make up your own scenes and FIRE! LIGHTS CAMERA ACTION!

I know you can. trust yeah.
dun keep things to yourself anymore. say it out loud. show how irksome u feel, give whatever a shot ba. dont depend on technology to communicate, a face to face solves everything, or msn, ur 2nd resort la. conflicts. they WILL stay until u kick it.

CHIA YOU xD

6:55 AM;