{RE-DESIRE// NICC-IN

Saturday, April 30, 2005

title:{ Lost in the shadows}

It seemed that i got over some stuff .then it just reverts back again..in an even bigger blow. what is this? What kind of life is this? WTF

Do you ever feel tired.

When everyone around you seems to non stop commenting about you

When you dont know when someone close to your heart might say something that hurts freakin lot to you

Do you feel sad.

When people around you just start to change

Some think they're too good for you now and treat you differently

When some starts to act differently about you

When words and feelings from the past seemed to just transform into a mere illusion

When all this boils down to you. yet you know theres nothing you can do

Do you ever feel fustrated.

When you strive for something. but no matter how you try you never succeed?

When others simply go past you

Simply effortlessly outshine you

And the next moment they might criticise you for your incompetent ability?

Then before you know it they laugh at you

And the next thing you know you are the centre of amusement..

Do you ever feel Like there'll sure to be a silver lining

Strivin hard for it. Believing in it. Reaching out for it.Changing your views towards it

When everything never fails to fail you.

Struggling to break the pyscological barrier

Yet only softening it from time to time again. When it simply hardens easily with time

Do you feel like time doesnt allow anything

When you struggle with your life. Wanting to gain more experience.knowledge.skills

But everywhere you go you see every other person being already better in standard than you are.That not even one part of your abilities are competant towards anyone

Do you ever feel...

Like your never gonna be good enough.

You'll never reach that standard

You'll never be able to give what others are able to give...

Do you feel like you're trapped

Tryin to escape from this cruel reality

Where everyone takes you more or less for granted

Staying at home hidin from the world.but the next moment you're forced out again

Where every reality cycles around you.never stopping.. never ending.always looping

Feeling lonely?

Theres no one there. Theres no one you can really truly turn to.

Wear a mask?

Of course its easy.Hide your emotions.hide you out. slam the door shut.No one can feel what you're feeling inside anyway. its only you...in the dark shadows.

This is my life... this is what I have to go through this 16 years..this is how it is. Im torn. Im broken up . Im barely there. With such barriers..whats confidence? Whats pride? Where do you find such mild shit....

Welcome to my life.

12:38 AM;

Saturday, April 23, 2005

title:{ }

sigh. ive lost all meanin of life.. it bears no future.it bears no hope. living is like dying..dying makes one live. cant stand this world.. cant stand no one.. this is my life..dirt..

juz being lonely. exactly like this blog..__________

___[x]no one sees me under my mask=-->No_one<=--..._____-

11:53 PM;

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

title:{ }

Living is death,,

death is living...

Beautiful is dirty-

dirty is beautiful.//

Good is bad,*

bad is good..___________[x]

[a] d a p t e [d] fr[o]m Inuyasha . . .

8:40 PM;

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

title:{ Shining Evening!}

Tired tired tiredd!!! Today was forced to go dohby gaud by Da cheryl n virgo jie n xiao cheryl-_- .so im officially broke now..as in. b.r.o.k.e! Not a single cent.. my wallet is empty. So im not goin out until next month then.thats final! Except for classes la.

Anyway. This evening was beautiful. Saw the sun shining ..like it was sparkling in the sky. the trees were just right to add to the environment's image..the sky was like nice and clear. Its also coolin at that period.. its damn nice la. its so far the first time i experience this.beautiful.

Ok.. im gonna turn in like now. my body's breakin down.cant take it anymore....! urghh. tired..shagged. xD

Shining dayy rox!-

10:46 PM;

Friday, April 15, 2005

title:{ Counting. . .}

Counting the days. thinking through the mist of this thing called life..I really wonder. When would I recieve valuable enlightenment? Sigh.its just that humans are weak..they fall trap into so many aspects like jealousy,love,hate,greed, no mere human has ever got true control over these demons . I too, have no barier againt them.

Went to sports day BHSS today. erm well.. its nice . haha seriously its nice to be back in this group of people called teachers & students.where everything is shielded off.Its like ive entered a barier which once covered over me. feels nice to be back eh? Anyway, back to topic.! The cheers this year is like superb la.i thnk? I seem to like all of em.. none was crappy. Oh yeah..and ritz emerald cheer outfit damn nice! Like so style manz.With the green tie on.lolz. and yun loong got the blow away style hairdo..also quite nice la. fits the outfit..seems wild. =| Then sapphire cheer group was lead my fi.. modern dance step.so like her.hahs. nice

Then topaz..nice le. the guys seemed to have used last yr's yellow suite again.lolz. And graysons moves..lol. really seem to be more and more like his bro le.. his medals also. pro la! xD

After the event , walked with akarad and the others outta the stadium.but it took daamnn long la.-_- cos stop stopstop.talk talk talk.then find each other..then here comes another fren then stop tok tok tok. then contiues..lol.

They planned to go PS after that.which I didnt follow.. urm.i HAD special reasonss.hehe. but im not gonna say it here. Anyway went home to wash up and came out again. Went to parklane to find em.. hm akarad has already gone DotA-ing. the rest well Pool-ing. I didnt realli feel like playin.. I can stand my reluctance to do so many stuff now though.haha but its becomin a part of me!! damn. So i just like went to play drummania at the arcade. its not always that i get the chance to train when im at parklane and im alone. So yeah.. found out i could play endless cruising extreme with pedal. its some kind of a miracle la..my skills seems to improve. but how?ive no idea. =| so my next song i wish to pass would be gently the rain sings for me! That song..hai.I like the song but cant seem to play it..sad right. anyway bLEahh!! Stop tokin abt DM!!!

Ok, then i went back to pS. I thnk i was plannin to meet the DM gang bah if im not wrong. but they werent there! lol.all at cck today-_-. onli desond cheekeen n trace.oh man! anyway bfore going down to x-zone i went up to star factory .lol.im like drenched la..my shirt cudnt absorb water! Then sf called .talked awhile then she decided come meet me.lolz. at least got some1 p me .=X Went to B2 to sign up for her broadband,then went for lunch. hahas we ate that fish noodles.kinda nice ! Talked abit .. then the topic went on into complexity of a person. sorta named out a few of our frenx..hmm. then i asked her what about me. She replied that i too,was a complicated person. hmm. but she said another sentence which sorta stumbled me.she said last time when she first knew me i used to dislike alot of things , but lookin at me now i seem to be alot better . haha actually i dun fully get what she meant. but i was wondering..what kind of a person was I in the past?a person hu disliked alot of things..hmm. reeally dont know. ..I dont realli fully understand myself as of yet.

Ooo.seems like ive typed an essay without noticing. O_o. pro ba. XD anyway, tmr goin for Jon's church jamin performance! yayyy.. cant wait. but nobody's going with me.haii got try to mix around with his frenz ba. haha .. but no harm.

.....im.juz.feeling.really.lonely.these.days......=(

ive got to get something else into my life...

11:35 PM;

Monday, April 11, 2005

title:{ Dont miss a beat}

Woke up at 12 today. haha im feelin tired all round nowadays. the more i stay home the more i feel like an old man!

Anyway was supposed to help my mum clean the toilets today! wahlao.. but i thnk the idea was kicked away.waha cos no time. =] went PS with her.. payed my drum fees. The receptionist just told me from next month onwards the fees deadline would be 7th of every month. like wth? Minus 7 days le.. walao. they so kiasu for what-_- fees so ex class so slow still so little freedom for payment. BLEH.

Then went to the hotel opposite parklane for lunch. met akarad ryy n kianhong. going to play LAN dotA i guess? Haha 99% my guess should be right.. right?? XD

Their hairs became so gold now. while mine now so blACK! Lols. nah anyway im still choosin a colour to highlight for poly. any suggestions? blue.green.[purple?].OrAnge.Red? Ash... haha i wan greeen! but orange n red also not bad =
Anyway. went to parklane for awhile after lunch. played 2 times drummania.. finally passed my summertime cruising. and i found out i could play "You cant do it if you try" extreme. haha . its counted as double accomplishment for a noobie like me k! XD keke.erm.

Now im back home. Slackin like an old man again. OLD MAN. getit? LOLz. maybe ill do a mini RPG game to pass time before poly starts. its an old mans world```.lol. i promise myself. ill do up a story that really touches the hearts n soul this time. Ganbatte ne! Anyway. i passed my jap test.. though not that good. but passed.hahahs. 89/100 for written, 90/100 for oral. total % is 89.5%. ok ba. im not an academic person remember???! =)

6:00 PM;

Saturday, April 09, 2005

title:{ Jap Exam}

Today. jap exam day. felt realli nervous about it.. haha hope i dont get those kind of pass but low grades. but maybe cant help it im not a academic person-_- . I wonke up at arnd 1pm today! walao. so tired lo.. yesterday tok to iris n the da cheryl. /swt sia.-_-

Then its like durin oral the teacher asked me: "shingapooru wa samui desuka?" [translation:Is singapore hot?] & in my panic is replied while smiling : "Hai samui des" [translation: Ya its cold-_-] like ARHHH!!!! HOW STUPID!!!!!!! urghhh. i juz blanked out wor. onli for tt ques la. of coz.lolz.

Then went PS..x-zone. erm onli desmond n kelvin there. quite little people for a saturday.=\ but i thnk later would be crowded again by the DM gang la huh?

Traces popped up also..wearin bhss t-shirt opposite side =_="

haha k la. i wish this period of time ends asap.. i might not be able to take it any longer. something inside me feels damn stressed up and uneasy..the worst part is that i noe somethings not right but i just cant figure out what it is.. it seems that im paranoid over many things. much to the extend of feeling numb all inside...the onli elixer i can look towards for would be poly..sigh. hmm. and sn .i duno what i shud do.. she seems completely outta the study mood.i cant do anythin .

fuck.

3:53 AM;

Friday, April 08, 2005

title:{ Last day of mugginn!!}

tmr is my elementary 1 jap major examm! Finally.the day has come. I hope the next day i call inoue , i would be recievin good news that i passed WELL.! pray pray pray!

Went to do the hair today..super unruly. and the hairstylist intro-ed the DIA to me.. to tone my hair coloour down. so now its all black!! Omg. n it sucks ba. -_-

Duno how to style le..hai i miss my hair last time! like cant get it back le.super sad sia. oh ya and btw cheryl juz cut a punky hairstyle lolzz. ok i thnk it didnt go as she wanted but so happened that the hairstylist chose for her the hairstlye.LOL! Sooo coool wor haha

then after that she went for lunch with abraham. erm i went to dohby gaud x-zone again lo. cos i had to pei da cheryl.=| sn n knneth n desmond n alot of others all there le.lolz. its sad cos i juz realised my drum skills deteoriated. haii what the. -_- sighh

At dinner time met christopher with another inovian girl while walkin towards the drink shop. chatted awhile.hahah he sure seems interested getin a pic of cheryl's new look.lolz. perhaps i go crash ijc next week or smthn. since i have BLACK hair now ;_; And Cindy got into Acjc .. nice uni ehh.walao.lol but heard she's not very happy there.haha.. but im sure she'll adapt soon. wonder when i'll be seein her again?lolz.

Haiz and recently i see more and more complications in many people. its like a freaked up thing bah.. its either scary or wth.but thats again..LIFE!! urgh
Sometimes id prefer to return to the secondary life. everything seems so much simpler. Now i get the true meanin of what they mean by sec school students are shielded from many things from the outside world. haha lookin at my fellow balestierians still in e schl i somehow adore them alot. sigh.

shall go sleep now.. my mind is in a whirll.

12:29 AM;

Thursday, April 07, 2005

title:{ Funkyy Sonicc Worldd}

Blog time! Again! Yes lah. lets update! I shall try my best to update everyweek at least once from now on!

Oh yeah. how do you guys like my new layout? I love it!! XD Funky sonic world simply roxx...both drum n guitar.waha but im still not good at it. BUT! so whart? Wakaka

It seems lately ive been losing touch with lots of friends eh.. karadz.ryy ryy. jori? Albert even.. hm. Siew fong alright still.. cos she sms once in a while. she's going RP on 15th of April.haha.. good luck. Im supposed to send u an sms to console u right? LOLz. i will de.

Heard karadz have been stayin home all day or goin out with yanwen. tsktsktsk. then jori.. hmm.. though he lives damn near me . He like xia luo bu ming lidat.lolz. ryyryy is sianzing at home right? Albert is enjoyin his bliss period after his huge chunk of project is finished i supposed. Nv see all of em for a looong time le X|

Have been at the arcade for past few weeks. It almost feels like my 2nd home le.-_- lolz. But im having fun la. It seems that im havin an obvious jump from drummania to guitarfreaks recently. Most likely because i feel my drum really cannot make it sehh. maybe practise another few months.lol. but my drum passion will always be there! But for now. guitarfreaks roox. haha.but i still love drum =| hard to understand?lolz

Recently more n more fishhyyyy things coming up.lolz. like nicholas and sn now very good le.. so he's kanna being shot more. also about he n cheryl. =| now theres some1 he likes ma? haha. then sn and kenneth.hohoho. sn xI hUan kenneth mahh. =X oops.

Anyway its like DM-ers love to shoot about each other.dotz. sometimes can be damn funny.but on the other hand, it might be irritatin if ur continuously being shot.lolz

Poly is starting soon! TP TP here i come! wahah. damn excited.. wonder if i shud buy a laptop? RP is havin sales at a lower price.wahah. but then my dad says every poly will have this sale thingy. good lo.. TP better have it-_-

Then ill upload my DTX into my laptop, then play drummania on my com everyday! hahahahaa. so cool bah. Drive everyone in my course maaaddd. =D

Its already april! 23rd may will be the day.. heh. and ill be goin for that orientation camp. too bad chee keen not a OGL this yr..hai hai. Would Albert be helping? O_o. lols. k la . and Its already March.. but Sn doesnt seem to roughly start on any subs yet. id better try to do somthin or ill blame myself for the rest of my life shud she fail her Os again-_-. sigh...

ok then. lifesupdatefinished!

11:38 PM;