{RE-DESIRE// NICC-IN

Thursday, December 30, 2004

title:{ tired-}

just came back from chalet. like wow am i so zombieddified. ~woo!new word created

This mornin had aches all over especially my legs, oh man had to sleep with legs bent the whole night. last night slept rather early for a chalet, it was supposed to be ton night?hah but at 1+ everyone went konked out. especialy, haha, yea u. ritz. =P

then yiwen another ke lian one, shes forever playin the $10 penalty to everyone for sleeping game. haha. but in the end she slept. And the interestin part was, she and ritz had the exact posture durin sleep. its like so identical. see?lol.And yanwen is continuously a 24/7 teaser to her. tsk =_="" Esp. the time when albert came to visit the chalet.lol.

Played cards with grayson,yanwen,akarad, connie & ji fong. then some went off to bed and onli grayson, jifong & I were left with a horrendously never endin game of cheat. Ok, i realise i hafta use a mask when playin such games. lol. expressions keep showin >.<

anyway above all these this chalet seems to be one of the most fun ones ive ever had i guess. Accordin to the albert philisophy it'll be a happy memory, thats why its sad.lol. explanation? I thnk he meant that since this memory is a happy one it'll become a sad one whenever u think of it cos times aint the same again in any period of time u think abt that event again. hahas, truly, im begginin to feel the same way huh. yeahh. anyway love u people.

eyes are sore now. damn pain. >_<. bye!

8:25 PM;

Tuesday, December 28, 2004

title:{ Lazy to update.so sorry. hahahaa}

Have been rather lazy lately. thats explains my lag in updates.lol

heres a summary anyway:

-Christmas Eve-
Had fun that day, went to vanessa's church. Felt abit bored at the begginning, but it all turned out fine i guess. their play was superb, it was something quite close to our hearts and the message would most probably be to cherish the people around you cos the next moment they might just be gone. it was abt a NS guy goin overseas, and before that he had a birthday party with his friends. His dad presented him a present on that day and much to everyone's surprise, it turned out to be a bible. Then his friends started to make fun of him and all tt, then he flared up. He even ended up quarrellin with his parents, and finally tellin the father that he doesnt care even if he dies and walk off. well its like after a few months maybe he recieved a phonecall. In that phonecall he was sayin how hard his life was bein cos he had to work his ass off while tryin to pay off for his overseas studies.Then , his friend brokened the news that his father just passed away while joggin due to a heart attack if i didnt remember wrongly? He came home alright, apologised to his mum and all that regret stuff came outta his mouth. And the worst thing was, in that bible his father gave him was a cheque his father had wrote to him for his overseas expenses, as it was meant to be an extra special gift, it had meant to be a surprise. haha, that relates to me and how i always quarel with my parents over trivial matters and blame them of not understandin me enough. I realli have been too insensible and insensitive of the number of times they gave way to me, so i guess ill just have to see things with a wider range this time round. Coz im not makin the same damn mistake again.

Anyway met up with akarad,yanwen,connie,jori & bert later on at cine. wanted to watch movie but they were all full house that night. walked to PS, albert brought along his friend bernard later on as well. haha quite a nice guy, springfield sec right. yeah, opp TP, haha. which is cool!
oh yeah and just to mention, a few days after he added me on friendster he was voted the yandao of e month for one of those friendster yandao groups.woohoo. so, congrats , yeah. =)

Spent the rest of the night at Starbucks. countdown? sorta. hah. thats how it ended. and vanessa, thanks for ur popcorn ball present! As well as alison , yy, peiying, chu en,n vanessa for the christmas cards. *did i miss out anybody?

-BBQ NIGHT-
Its the christmas reunion dinner.HAH. or rather bbq . met up with albert, akarad n his bro at fareast in the afternoon, to catch the anime cosplay 2004.lol was supposed to be participating but didnt have time to prepare.2005, i shall be there. =D Went to play lan, met up with jori later. like damn fun, played cs like for quite long, then started dotA. first time playin this game in warcraft so kinda blur,. but bert is a pro. >.< and he wasnt in my team lo.! bully sia. Went to cheryl's place 1/2 late! i bet she was pissed. a series of events happened later on, like the guys not wantin to pay for the chalet. [not our grp wor], and yeah. etc etc.... but we finished the bbq with a LAN experience! WAHAH. played dotA again, bert in my team this time.HAH! trasheddd all of the enemies.yeayyy. - and i thank siew fong for her super hk present with nice kakashi drawin!

-Countdown Chalet 2004-
lol for one thing im supposed to be there now but i sneaked home.lOL. nah, its to restock clothes cos i didnt bring enough. Its so far quite fun la the chalet, its at east coast this time. paart of it was to celebrate connie's bday, and boy did she get some super WOW presents . =X keke, anyway, theres a ps2 n ps there also.lol. fun . but i didnt play. even had DDR.lol. got to know ritz better this time, why? Cos of the game n instrument that rocks forever! Percussion freaks and drums! Speakin the name of it makes me wanna rush to bugis or ps to playy it again.lolx. just took out my 2 sets of drumsticks just now.. man its not been touched by me for so long.shall take up drummin n organ lessons at yamaha soon.. been wantin to, but duno howta find.=\ depend on ritz fully now.lol. my music career man..

Oh yeah, ths time we guys got hold of the bed! yeah. but then, i still ended up with aches all over. n feelin so shagged now...tired.cudnt sleep well .lol. and i pity tt yiwen, whole night nv sleep.haha, bet she'll become a zombie today when i go back eh. lol. okok better go style hair and back to the chalet.

+++++SO much for a summary huh. Essay writin more like it.lolx+++++

1:46 PM;

Sunday, December 19, 2004

title:{ -Revolution-}

stayed home the entire day. Not as boring as i think it was. Found this super cool update of RPG Maker today, its called RPG Maker XP. whoa. and this time theres more layers for map making and the battle system is changed too.haha, not such a happy thing for me, cos id prefer the sideview battle system rather than pictures shakin while doin an attack-_-" thats like, LAME

Anyway Enterbrain onli released a trial version this time round, with super limitations. suxx! i cant make a gamedisk, onli can make 10maps, a small array size of no. of charas n monsters.like urghhhh! cant do shit with it. so heh, ill just stick to RPG maker 2003. Singapore's just too outdated to have such a awesome release to be sold here la huh. thats what sucks abt this place.

Lately ever since prom night ended it seems as though everbody's changing. drastically, some change till i dont even recognise them. Its like the feeling of havin lost my friends through the years cos now who's standin in front of me isnt who i knew last yr, or even years ago. sigh, but that is, a painful process in life. Such stuff always come and go, nothing stays forever. but thats what makes life an interesting road. but the load lightens alot when you learn to cherish every thing and events you come across while runnin along the road of life. Of course, that way it makes life a worthwhile experience. Im already begginin to understand what bert meant abt how happy things will turn into sad memories eventually while sad memories stays still. phew..

-life-

hAH!

12:24 AM;

Friday, December 17, 2004

title:{ -wound-deep-}

woke up earlier than usual today. gotta go pray for grandpa today, heard that his soul would be returnin today, hahas. so far no sign? maybe dream lo.. hope to see the strong n healthy him should i meet him in a dream.

anyway, went for a job interview immediately after my mum found this ad on recruits for poh kim vcd. haha, just only yesterday i saw the commercials on the buy 1 get 1 free vcd offer.lolx. cs me. called sf, went down to ps but there was no more form to fill in. walked to centerpoint's branch in the end. troublesome.doubt ill get in? hahas, my hair. -_- . And its so unsightly...they asked for prelim results. Amaths...an ugly E8.lol. watever..

Went to visit Pei for a short while after that since she was onli workin in the next buildin. Hmm, she kept givin us "that look" erh. lol. nvm. hahas and i guess sf n her are broodin over the joseph thing. whereas albert is feelin guilty over the joseph thing. mann.. things like this do happen dont they? casual questions become insensitive remarks unknowingly and the next moment everything turns upside down. haha, shall not stick my nose into this. forget it, im just no good at such matters.haha..may make things worst =X

then walked to cine to grab a bite. lol at this time i guess xin li, benny ,quanyou n vanessa were in the area?haha..cant picture it still. gotta go out with em sometime to experience it.lol.

Upon reachin orchard mrt, Suet called.=X she was waitin for me at Ps arcade as usual. then ryy called on the 2nd line, told me he was at somerset goin to ps as well.lol. ps... wat a frequent hangout spot eh. anyway we all met up later, jori & connie, karad &yanwen, ryy. sorry dude, haha all alone like i pang sehd u.=X sorry la. realised there was a group seperation in interest lol. yu er n suet wanted to playy while the rest of the group just stood outside.hmm,? dilemma.

anyway the day ended with only ryan & me, suet & yu er. After abt 1/2 an hr we're like headin home. so ryan looks like one of the duno what dancers and i resemble wilber huh. urgh. but thats trouble i say! =_=" nooo wayyy.

Had to send suet off so we dropped off at farrer park. hmm, she asked me a question which worried me. she asked me between yu er n siew fong who would i choose as friend. i chose siew fong. it kinda annoyed her? or maybe it was just me. but im worried , i really dun see why she shud hate a friend who doesnt have much of a grudge existin between em. she did say she'd put everything behind her... but it seems that the effect of what she said a few days ago was wearin off. its like as though she didnt say it before anymore..

i just hope she learns to accept my friends just like how i learned to accept her friends. of course she's one of the most important people in my life, 6yrs of friendship & 4 yrs of "kinship"? sigh.i realli dont know how girls are thinkin these days. Some indulge in relationships, half the time throwin off their once precious friends. some start to like the same guy all at the same time and start to treat each other like arch enemies. some hold a two sided face towards each other, try actin like close sisters when they are together, and next they are bad-mouthing each other behind each other's backs. WTF IS WRONG ! WTFF IS GOIN ON TO THIS WORLD?

Its just.Siiick. no offence to any girls but thats whats realli happenin these days isnt it? Betrayal,hate,loss in trust. nothing is new anymore.THIS FREAKIN WORLD IS DOOMED ! YOU HEAR ME? got no energy to meddle with such stuff anymore. just how corrupted will this world continue to become eh? Im not aimin anyone in particular of course, just speakin in general.

what i feel is, the people around you are not to be taken for granted. One day they might be here the very next moment they might just dissapear. You might not even get to see them again and regretting would be the stupidest thing a person could do. People these days should really learn the art of cherishing, think im talkin crap? Well think again. dont feel like elaboratin further. just feels really tired..

12:59 AM;

Saturday, December 11, 2004

title:{ Goodbye Grandpa..}

a series of events kinda happened in this week eh.. tired.

chalet: ton every night. work almost every day. come back in the night.hahas.. tiring . but .. it was kinda enjoyable la. got to noe the canoeist n dance juniors better.. they're.. interesting? yep. the beautiful bhss feel . wakaka. for 2 consecutive nights we started to chat n share ghost stories with bert as the main host.lol. and bert can SPLIT! cooolll.. so peeps. if u wan entertainment, bert is the best! LOL. but of course, a hirin fee will be included in the package. =)

then the last day of the chalet i recieved a call from dad.. he sounded kinda vexed up. like very impatient.. wanted me back home asap perhaps? so i took the NEL . But like when i reached home dad n mum told me that grandpa was emited to the hospital. couldnt wake up in the mornin? yeah... i was worried no doubt. but anyway, my family proceeded with the holiday plans to KL la...cos my aunt told them she would handle things here.hmm.

night came, i slept like 4 , 5 hrs? lol. pretty tired these days. then i suddenly recieved a phone call from dad from KL, he told me grandpa's condition has worsened and they were on their way back now. so i was supposed to meet up with my grandma at her place to wait for my uncle's car to arrive. sighh, she was crying. realli devastatin. Her words hit me too..like she said, gramps doted the most on my bro n me. then she proceeded abt how he nv fails to fetch me to school even on a rainy day durin kindergarden. and my schl was like in...jurong? [i think]. felt a huge surge of emotion throughout my body..my mind was obviously too clouded to think . and there i sat, oblivious of whats happenin arnd me . it was cool though.. sf had offered to accompany me thru the night. all those encouragin words helped me out yea.. thanxx

The sight awaiting me was terryfying.. when i reached the hospital, grandpa was like on a bed. he was sleepin... one of my aunt told me the hospital staff had given him a sleepin pill so that he doesnt feel the sufferin that much. but from the way he was breathin and how shaggered he looked now.i knew he was somehow still in great pain...sigh, but what could i possibly do? his hands were cold. so so cold..his breathing seemed as though it needed a certain amt of energy just to take in enough air. i could stop myself from feelin hurt seein him like this, yeah, and many times i almost let it out, then opened my eyes and tried to stop the tears from flowin again. I mean, who wudnt feel this way when u see someone who's always been by your side all this time and suddenly u find him restin on a bed, sufferin like shit?

Many emotions rushed through me sia... but i was already numb. all i wanted to was to stand there and watch him.
Unfortunately i was forced to return home cos i was catchin a cold?..must be the past few nights of tonnin. i got some rest until abt 5am my aunt called, tellin me that grandpa was going soon. i wasnt that shocked or anything, perhaps id expected it comin..i just rushed out to get myself a taxi to SGH. half-asleeped, i brisked thru the hospital door and into ward 12. this time, grandpa had an oxygen mask fitted onto his mouth.sigh, he looked realli run down. sometimes i realli wonder, is life realli such a thin and fragile existance? or isit a thick n elastic form of existance which is mistaken to be fragile just because a person still dies in the end? almost all my relatives were there now, grandpa's 5 daughters. 2 relatives whom we recently patched up with. and my uncle's wife with her 2 daughters? both daughters were realli young but when the elder daughter caught hold of how grandpa looked, she cried almost instantly. children these days seem to understand things faster i guess..

6.50am . grandpa left us. i just stood there, unknowing of how to react. my aunts were crowdin around him, cryin and tellin him in teochew to wait..my grandma was sobbin furiously by now. it was indeed one painful experience ill never forget, bt i somehow felt grandpa watchin us as all these events were happenin. perhaps on the ceilin? hope he was happy ..i mean, almost everyone was there to send him off. all his children [except that fkin uncle hu was in KL like nobody's business], his grandchildren.

sigh, so he's gone now. an important part of me.. found this photo of him and me on his birthday .. like 10 yrs ago? cherish those moments and ill never forget him. 9 days wud pass soon , perhaps ill meet him for one last time before he goes off... id like to tell him that he's one of the best grandpa in the world. =) and nothing will destroy the memories i had with him.

sometimes i somehow blame myself, for i once threw away his cigarette box when i was arnd 5-6yrs old. he was like laffn away as if i was foolin arnd..hmm, actually wanted to convey the msg to him to stop smokin then.. but well, perhaps if i was bolder then, he wouldnt be in this state now? anyway, rest in peace. grandpa.

-peaceout-

8:45 PM;

Friday, December 03, 2004

title:{ }

update againn_____` haha. another long day, quite short actually. todays yet another job interview day_ guess wats the company name? actually ive forgotten as well. lazy to check =P

whee. went to the interview wif sf, junguang and chee ee. chee ee was late siaa..lol. but we got to the interview in time. jOan.. our interviewer. aha.. the whole thing went quite well la .. i put a 10 / 10 for my powerpoint skills. omg. shudnt have been so bhb! aiya but better go recap n master it now! ive got up till mid december.lols. arrogance could be a key in gettin a job?

then went to the airport to send some ppl off. traces had already gone off, sigh, but will see her again. so its ok.hahas, heard she today mn ? so yeah, sent kevin off anyways. He was wearin the birthday present shirt we got him eh..wakaka =X anyway he had this Woman.which he claimed is his. [more like the other way round] ______ cos he wass simply too young to board the plane alone. yep.kid. x=

went sakae sushi later. starrvin >_< my treat. yeah, then its off to the mrt again! broke ppl..no taxii. haha. and we met an indo couple hu was goin to bugis . and wee were soo helpful to help em reach their desitination.hahah. anyway, saw a group of hagard lookn girls...oh man. and cheryl noticed it first. they were lookin at me? freakked out.they look so like those kinda sec1 or 2 boys.. ok. dowanna say muchhhh..

went to parklane again. haha ya, the usual LAN gang, karadz,and ryy. jori had trainin today. dragg came along too this time. oh man and boy does he nv fail to remind me of pool.loLx. played a couple of rounds of CS, then proceeded to warcraft. haha, dear yenshuin was also there la, with kumar and another guy, playin some soccer game. and so that area of irc was..rowdyyy. Anyway.yahooo.. beastmaster! Im makin it my potential character.LOL. it just rocks.

lol. now gonna conference with sf n karad. dowanna type le =p

ciao-

1:49 AM;