Two simple words. They are quite beautiful and have become ever so popular in the jewelry and tattoo industries. Why? Because sometimes breathing is the only thing we have left to do. Sometimes the stress, anxiety, sadness, fear takes everything else away from us. Sometimes we have to remember to notice the air that we breathe because the autonomous function is all that we feel can help us through.
The words of some of my favorite musicians sing through my head as I work through my biggest boughts of anxiety. Ingrid michaelson serenades me with the words I sometimes feel she took right from my heart, "all that I know is I'm breathing. All we can do is keep breathing." Plumb passionately puts voice to my thoughts and helps me through my moments of sorrow, "How many times have you heard me cry out, 'God please take this?' How many times have you given me strength to just keep breathing?" These words and moments help me cope with some of the hardest parts of my life, and the act of breathing- the ever so simple drawing in of a breath and slowly exhaling it is powerful. It calms. It heals. It helps to just breathe.
But these two beautiful and simple words hold such a different meaning to me now. They comfort as much as they hurt. Why? Because I now know and understand that for some it's not so simple. For some breathing is the hardest part of life.
For one in particular, for MY one, just breathing hurts. It's difficult. It will be the eventual reason for the passing from this world to the next.
Just breathe.
If only it were that simple.
If only it didn't cause pain.
If only he could.
I would give every breath I had to make just one of his easier, but life isn't fair that way. It doesn't work that way. I can live my days without a second thought about if the next time I inhale it will feel like a knife in my chest. I can cry and take a deep calming breath to try to find comfort. I can struggle through the hard times with a voice singing in my head a truth he can't share "all we can do is keep breathing. Now."
So while the words 'just breathe' still hold a beautiful and strong sentiment for me, their weight is now so much more. Take a breath in and be thankful. Unless you know and love someone who struggles the way he does, you can never fully understand just how lucky we are.
*May is Cystic fibrosis awareness month. I'm aware every moment of my life. I don't need a month, but I do need a place and space to let all that I hold out. This is that space.
