Hm, why does no one like vectors? I thought it was the funnest topic in math. All topics in math are rated as 1 (where 1 is fecking lousy and 10 is excellent), while I rate vectors as 8. Hem.

Vectors are fun. Shut up. =P

ARGH My stupid room refuses to be packed. I've been cleaning for the whole day and yet it's still messy. SHit.

Who cares if it's because I haven't picked anything off the floor in 2 months ? =P
I was dancing around and picking up stuff and packing papers and doing search-and-find puzzles and chatting online and juggling (It's going to take more than a day...). Oh, and I discovered some cold wax at the back of a shelf, and I started waxing my legs :D. Stupid, really. I tried to wax my big toe too. Really stupid, because after that all the dirt and dust around the room stuck to my feet and legs. And when I tried to pull them off they stuck to my fingers. Gah.

=D I'm downloading dexter's lab, the cartoon. And family guy. I want to download tom and jerry too, but I can't find it... =/

WeeeEEEeeeeeeeeeeeEEeeeeeeeeeee

Shit, I am so punishing myself.

My goodness. It's already the 26th of November.

I Have Been Free For Four Days. Hehe.

Nah, I shan't yell or dance or scream that the A's are over (!!!!!). How... undignified. *scoffs*

Anyway, been enjoying myself greatly. I've been watching tons of disney cartoons and reading and going out and going online to chat. Heh. I love having absolutely nothing to do.

Although, somehow I think I'd enjoy it more once I pack my room... Now I'm actually having to hop around just to get to my bed. What a workout.

I feel like going cycling. One day I shall steal one of the brothers' bicycles and bring food and water and cycle to the beach and have a picnic and maybe read a book =D. Ooh, and I'm taking ballroom dancing lessons. Heh heh.

I do hope everyone's as envious as me as I am of myself. =D *Hugs everyone and everything in sight.*

I feel it shattering always. That which was once whole and intact. Slowly everything decays, bit by bit by bit and there's nothing anyone can do to stop it - it is part of existence. I want to go back to when everything was new and things hadn't started to spoil yet.

Chemistry in 1 hour. Horribly unprepared. Going to cab to school again, as usual.

Anyway. I've forgotten how fun it can be to ignore a person. I'm trying to be as creative with the excuses as possible. =D

Heh. Disregard the post 2 days ago. I have since managed to completely and totally screw up my computer. Here are the things that I will miss:

My King from the sims 2.
Goodbye King Charles. You were the most handsome sim I have ever created, and I do love the way you look in certain angles. Unfortunately all the pictures of you are also gone. I will never forget you ever, no matter how many more sim kings I will create in the future.

My MSN conversations
...Yeah, I love to read them sometimes. Some of them are quite funny, and are entertaining when I get bored....... Actually, these can be saved! If there's anyone out there listening, you can send them to me! =D. That is... if you even bothered to save them. Darn.

Pictures
99 per cent of them were just nonsense anyway. I took most of them with my camera phone when I was bored and lying in bed. But some did look nice. And there were a couple of them from Melbourne, although those were also mostly nonsense and I didn't take much, too.

All the rest can be redownloaded, rescanned and rewritten (-typed?), I suppose. And it's good that I've got a brand new slate to start over with. =D. I'm so going to play with the computer after tomorrow.


(Yeah. I managed to obliterate all 100 GBs worth of stuff. Don't ask how I did it, because it was extremely stupid and I don't want to tell you. XP)

No, it's really not about courage. It's about making myself believe in something which I have concluded to be untrue and irrational.

Is it really losing control if I believed that there's someone who is in charge of my life? I actually think I would have greater control of my own universe. There would be someone I can trust to sort out everything and to prevent bad things from happening.

It's the same thing (worse, I think) not to believe in a god - I am giving up control over to the forces of nature. I am nothing anymore - I do not matter, as I am a tiny and insignificant being, just a collection of atoms working together in the universe. When I die, there is no other life I can go to, everything simply ends. I do not have a second chance in heaven or whatever afterlife to redeem myself, to explain myself my life here, nothing to make it all seem worthwhile. Where is the control in that?

But the most important thing is, I do not believe. Belief is not a switch that I can turn on and off at will. I cannot tell myself, "OK, I want to have an afterlife to go to. I want my existence to have meaning. Therefore, I shall believe (shit I keep typing belive) that God exists and so I shall start praying to him." It doesn't work that way, because I already know that he doesn't. I would need proof, concrete evidence to show me if he does and make me... believe.

People used to believe that Greek mythology was real. Do you?

If I told you that he is, and that the fates control your life by, would you think that you would be relinquishing control by simply accepting it? Could you even accept it, if you know that they aren't real?

Heh. One day, and I've managed to screw up the computer. It's not a very big screw up, at least. Or maybe it is, because it's irritating the hell out of me. Gah.

Gah! Gah! Gah!

It's so unfair! The brother is having O levels and he's busy playing computer games.

I wanna be taking the O levels too... =(

All the little people in my head wanna come out to play.

It's 2am and they're getting restless.

Ican'twaitIcan'twaitIcan'twait!!!

Does anyone seriously know what this will mean for me? Does anyone understand!?!

For the first time ever in my whole life, I'll be truly free from this system. For the first fucking time I'll have a holiday where I'm not obliged at all to do anything, where there's nothing to prepare for at the fucking end. And I can even make it not end, if I wanted to. I have control over my life now.

During all the previous "holidays" I didn't enjoy my time at all, there was always a nagging voice somewhere inside my head (darn my head is so big that I can't find it:) telling me to go study or complete homework or read a note. And whenever I feel forced to do something I simply don't do it at all. I can't even force myself to wake up in the morning, I have to look for ways to make it feel like it isn't forced. Blah.

SO anyway. I will finally be FREE after the 22nd. I'll be partially free after this Friday, of course, but who cares about being partial? I'm seriously considering fucking everything and just taking off. I want to travel the world. Who gives a damn about getting a job and gaining experience? If I don't enjoy my time now I never will. And I'm also considering fucking university and just staying at home all day doing stuff. Perhaps even fuck society and withdraw completely.

Heh. The dark side's come out. Be afraid...

Sorry Ash, but I don't agree with what you said.

It was not easier to stop believing in the existence of an anthropomorphic god, which I had believed in all my life. And I don't think you require more courage to have faith - I'm an atheist not because I don't dare to believe in god, but because I can't. For me it would be like believing in fairy unicorns just because everyone else is, since I have come to the conclusion that God cannot exist, with all the evidence present in the world.

Gah. All I'm saying is that it's not about courage.

Whee. I love it when I make little mistakes that aren't stupid. Now I have an extra day to study for human geography and chemistry MCQ. The downside is that I won't be (partially) free until Friday, instead of Thursday.

Isn't it funny that the total number of posts I made these 2 months are more than the total posts for the other months since 2005?

It's so funny like HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA funny.

I like boiling potatoes. Don't you think it's fun to boil potatoes.

Sometimes I seriously wonder if I'll know when I turn mad. I live in my head so much that I'm sometimes surprised that what's going on inside isn't real. I wonder when I'll finally stop being able to tell the difference...

My Ultimate Christmas Wishlist:

This
This
and This

Just the first one will do, thanks. I'm not that demanding, after all...

I think I've abstained from television for too long. I don't find dramas all that nice or entertaining anymore. Been watching heroes these past few days, and I didn't think it was all that great, or entertaining. It's just something for me to do when I'm bored and want to get away from studying (uhh... ok, I can't get away from studying, because I didn't study in the first place, but I think you get me). Plus it's highly scientifically inaccurate. Meh. Perhaps if they tried to explained how the damn powers came to be I might enjoy it a bit more, but now it seems all like hogwash. =/.

I don't understand why all these dramas are so popular anyway, especially those about relationships. They just go on and on and on forever, with love triangles all over the place and relationships getting tangled up worse than the huge mass of yarn lying somewhere on the floor of my room. There's never a resolution, and the people never seem to learn from their mistakes. Ok, I have no idea where I got that from, since I don't think I've ever kept up with any dramas, but I did follow rather similar stories in books. And of course, they're all so predictable.

I'd much rather play 5000 games of spider solitaire anyday. =D

Shit. I shouldn't have talked so much about llamas. Now I want one. =/

Heh. I wouldn't mind a yak, or a llama, actually. I'd like to get married in one of those countries where they give animals during marriage. Then instead of saying, "I got a diamond ring from my husband when we got married! =D" I can say, "I received two llamas and a yak!"

=D

Something near me stinks. It must be one of the 5 plates and one mug next to my laptop.

Ugh.

I saw a camel race on TV mobile just now. Now I want a camel. And another thing to add on the to do list: Go camel racing.

They were bopping from side to side!! =D

I want to go to the zoo and get a pet bonobo.

Things to do after 22 November 2007

Fencing
Horseback riding
Read all the books that have accumulated in my room
Ballroom dancing (hehe)
Go to the Phillipines
Get stranded on some uninhabited island in the middle of nowhere
Scuba diving
Write
Pack my room and throw away all the useless papers that have accumulated in just 2 years
Get hamsters
Kill the dog
Kill the cat
Cut my hair
Find a way to skip prom
Get a dress in case I can't skip prom
End up skipping prom after getting a dress
Let my nails grow out (they always get bitten to death during exams)
Paint the dog's nails
Drag someone to go running with me (only once, mind)
Go cycling
Buy lots and lots of books.

I had such great fun throwing out all my chinese papers after the chinese A's. It was only one subject, and there were very little papers, but oh, I felt so much satisfaction.

Just think how much pleasure I would get from throwing all these away:

I CAN'T WAIT!!!!

I still can't find my phone!!!!

AAAAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

Not that I really need it. I'm just bored and I want to play around with the camera.

Yay, I finally got rid of that ghastly template. Now there's no tagboard either, so no one can tell that this blog belongs to me. Because they won't know who I am.

From another blog:
Hello. I have summer classes on every Mon, Tues, Wed, Thurs and Sat for two months. How fun is that?

I swear, when she comes back I'm so going to bitchslap her back to Australia. And back again.

Meh. I lost my phone again. For the 3rd time in a month. And this time I can't even hear it vibrating. It's still turned on, I can get a connection from the house phone, but I think it's too deeply buried under rubbish...

=(

It's all a conspiracy! They are trying to make us retire at a later age by making it harder to retire in peace! Why do you think the cost of retirement is rising now? Why are so many people worried about not having enough money after retiring to see them through the rest of their lives? They made it that way, of course, them and the insurance companies. So that people will continue working until they're crumblies at age 80, so that they can further contribute to the economy instead of being useless and adding to the problem of an ageing population.

Now it all makes sense. It's all their doing.



...i hate math.