vanilla twilight.

March 30, 2010

..truth or lies?
12:14 PM

Yes, that's what everyone hopes to hear from people they care, right? Well, that's the problem. Do I have to believe that I will be okay? What if I don't? What do I do then? Seriously, my self-esteem level is going way crazy. Sometimes I feel good, and then in just a split second I feel so damn moody. Why oh why?

Just a few days ago, I finally went to get my medical report, in which all are just numbers. So hard to understand. Just am glad that for now, I do not have thyroid. So why the symptoms? I know my body ain't doing great, it's so weak yet strong? I can't comprehend. It's cool that my off day falls on Sunday, but it's like so damn far away! I'm like super worn out, what's more with my terrible cough and occasional flu which comes and go.

And poor nenek, I have no idea what to say to her when I visited her the other day. My granny has gotten the stroke. And what do I ask? If she is okay? What can she answer? In the end, I chose to keep quiet because on her part, it'll be super difficult to even speak. I know she is happy that we are all there for her. My mum tires herself out everyday by cooking at home, taking care of kiki and the kittens, and then rush to nenek's place to cook and take care of nenek. I pity her, and that's why in my world, no one is as strong as my mum.

Anyway not to forget, doing roster is such a huge headache! On my part, I need to ensure there are enough staff to cover each day. If not, I'll get an earful. Then there are those trainees who come and go. Those people who are still in the habit of informing last minute that they can't come for work. And imagine every day hearing people complain about their shifts and working hours. GOD! Can't you just simply leave me alone! And can you believe that I was actually accused of being selfish, caring that there are enough people to work and do not even care if my staff are sick? That is SUPER INSULTING cos I care! I seriously do not know how much nicer I should be! If what I am now is not nice enough, then what is? The past?

On top of that, I seriously find it difficult to handle guilt, when I get those same people to work extra hours or long hours. You think I like doing that? To be honest, I seriously am grateful to those who came for work, or help out to work more. You guys know who you are..

Haha, that is Manje/Raisin. She is so cute right? She is right there next to me as I pen this entry. I would say she is "technology savvy" because she loves watching the TV and just a few minutes ago, she watched me play Pet Society. Lol.

My four kittens.. I appreciate their existence in my life. They gave me so much warmth and I do know for a fact that I have them to love me unconditionally! :)

Anyway, another issue I want to touch on is rejected love. It's hard enough to reject someone once, it's even harder to reject the person twice or thrice. Once, never give up. Now, hates me to the core. Fine, it's okay, I'd rather be hated. That guy needs to learn and grow up.

Labels: family, feelings, friends, work

March 19, 2010

for farna..
11:55 PM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR FARNA! <3

Labels: friends

March 15, 2010

this too shall pass
11:31 AM

Labels: music

for sya..
12:46 AM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SYAHIDAH! :D

Labels: friends

March 14, 2010

vodafone
11:55 PM

Managed to rush to M1 just in time before they closed! Many many thanks to charlie :)
Just waiting for after midnight to be able to use my newest mobile broadband!

Labels: feelings

long forgotten
11:26 PM

Cantik sungguh si rama-rama,
Lebih cantik di pagi hari,
Usah diungkit cerita lama,
Kelak merana diri sendiri.

Labels: others

March 13, 2010

have you seen me lose it yet?
11:23 AM

I'm running low on patience.
The trainees seriously better not make me lose it.

Labels: feelings, work

March 6, 2010

been a while..
2:06 PM

I swear the past two days had been tiring. Alice is doing really well, as expected. So why isn't my mood up yet? Probably because I was so tired especially after climbing up to Hang Out Hotel during induction. Speaking of induction, it went pretty well! I came alone yet made so many friends. People there are so friendly, helpful, entertaining, sharing and fun! As much to my surprise, it was all our first day meeting each other but we already bonded like a family. Sadly though, we can hardly meet since we are all of different outlets and facilities. To much surprise, I managed to learn a lot from them because they are willing to share and teach. Unlike those who insisted not to spoon feed me, wanting me to learn as much on my own, when in actual fact I'm totally new to the environment and I don't even know what I am supposed to spoon feed myself. I meant NEW things are meant to be taught, not "spoon feed". It's not like these information are readily available in books or the internet. It's P&C, isn't it.

Back to the main case, I am tired. But I seriously had fun with those at work! Haha. Everyone knows why :) I sincerely thanked those who helped out because it was super busy. May your kind deeds be repaid in heaven.

Boo to those who did not spare a thought for us. I'm speechless, won't say won't say. For those who are sick, please rest and get well soon :)

---------------------------------------------------------------

FINALLY, today is my OFF DAY! YES! Had been such a LONG week. Took time to hang out with kiki & the four kittens. Miss being at home so much! Sighs..

And can you believe it, akunye off day hancur in just a split second pagi-pagi buta? Orang baru nak happy dapat off, baru je masak bagi kiki makan and then dapat mesej. Ingatkan sape kan, I rushed to see la. Alamak bapak tiri, macam sial, regret pegi check cepat-cepat haha. Oh well, won't say what it's all about! Tapi putus harapan nak bahagia hari ni. Cis!

Labels: family, feelings, friends, work

March 5, 2010

for nani..
11:39 PM

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NANI! :)

Labels: friends

March 4, 2010

brand new start
2:35 AM

It has been ages since I've blogged. This time, I shall start to keep it updated!
A brand new start, a brand new beginning!