i am battling this huge ass ulcer i have for the second time. PIAK A WHOLE LUMP of salt on it again. and boy boy boy. I started tearing. :( the pain is making me have morbid thoughts like tearing my mouth off my face.

i swear to eat properly and not bite my lips anymore.

watched singapore idol just now for pure entertainment. and i realise that cool guys that can sing are quite attractive. but singing aside, i suddenly realise the importance of physical appearance.

i am not being superficial but watching a good looking person on tv sustains my interest... at least to a certain extent. (*this is human nature)

this was what happened:

1) good looking + sexy voice = i will watch the whole performance

2) good looking + plain jane voice = i will watch first 10s and subsequently put on mute. Read textbook.

3) not good looking + so so voice = mute the moment he/she steps on the stage. Read textbook.

PS: for 2) and 3), i will umute to hear the judges reinforce my judgement.

you cant blame me. the camera keeps zooming in on their face the whole time. and coupled with that face, is what i hear.

corrine's bitchiness unleashed. whoops.

<3
corrine

there's seriously something very wrong with me but i can't help it.

yes i can be motivated to work but the motivation comes largely from the amount of pay i get.

seems kinda unhealthy but why wont anyone want to make their time worth while?

i think this sort of motivation will stop only when i truly find the passion in doing what i love to do.

no matter how i psych myself to promote something that i dont have v v v strong interest in to begin with by saying, [oh.. corrine this will be a good learning experience BUT you get paid low... its ok. you can work around that fact... ] there'll be this unease inside me. because 2 criterias are not met: interest and pay.

sigh i feel kinda sucky right now. sometimes i just dont know what's wrong with me. i keep weighing the pros and cons in whatever i do.

its true i will go all out for pple/work i think deserve my attention but i will just retreat into the wilderness when pple/work that dont deserve my attention comes by.

the problem is: is my evaluation of the "deserving-ness of my attention" appropriate?

i dont think so. although i am not a big shot in my social environment as a whole or what but self-evaluation always hits me the hardest. when i go into self-evaulation, its me facing myself. and i am the biggest shot of my own world and that's when the ugly truth is revealed. not v bearable but i'm trying to handle it.

God i need a light to guide me out of this.

<3
corrine

feeling angsty right now because my student postponed tuition to a later timing yet again. and that means next lesson extend by one hour.

tolerate corrine. tolerate tolerate tolerate. this is a true test of my patience.

anwww. today i spoilt my image in school! i was running down the slope, friend waiting for me to pass her some stuff. hair untied, wearing flip flops and basically looking like a siao char bo.

spotted by another friend. haha! it's embarassing when u dont expect urself to be spotted looking like a maniac.

before that was having a nice swim at the SRC pool again. so jealous of this girl who made swimming free style look so BREEZY AND EASY. seriously. she lap after lap. like a fluttering angel. haha. ok i am starting to sound stalkerish and wierd. but i am not. dont worry.

hehe. yea. so apart from school. that basically sums up my day. 18mins more b4 my student is suppose to arrive.

i really doubt so. because she has n e v e r been punctual.

<3<3<3
corrine

--cherlyn

Sometimes i wonder whether im in university or am i back in primary school. Why? Because everyone around me gets 90% and above for all their papers (one person got 98%). Obviously, i'm no where in that league but im facing that league day in and day out. You must be wondering who are these people. basically majority of my hostel friends are on scholarship; people who have worked their ass off to be where they are today, here in new zealand and getting awesome grades. well it is not that i want to compare with them but it's like day in and day out will see them kinda thing? maybe some of you will be like...yeh there's this guy who's really smart somewhere out there in the same course as i am. well for me, that person is two doors away from me, two floors below me etc. gosh i just feel so out sometimes. SIAN. not helping when i have a bio test coming up and i dont even know what a nephron or a renal corpuscle (cant even pronounce it properly) is till yesterday and today respectively. SIGH

feel so frustrated sometimes. wish i was smarter. wish i could be like a sponge and absorb information with a snap of a finger. wish i knew all of these bio shit stuff before i came. wish wish wish...wishful thinking. cant believe im left with only 1 more month thereabout here in NZ. damn im gonna miss this place when i get back to singapore. breakfast, the weather, friends, gym, cumby's dessert(damn good). oh wells. i really need to get my ass down to studying. motivation motivation. AH!!! c'mon!

today marks the day i am going straight into recess week(aka holiday) mood. completed a 20% cognitive psychology quiz and feeling relieved that i rmbr-ed some random pop mcqs (that i hell didnt expect to come out) from lecture 1.

eg: 1) how many % of our brain do we use? 1%,10%50%,100%
2) computer/neuron faster?
3) which of the following has the largest brain? human, dinosaur, elephant, chicken

make an intelligent guess on the tagboard and i will give u the answer :p

oh well. many other confusing questions along the way. after the quiz Dr patterson(the prof) told us that the finals will be much more challenging. so encouraging. :(

lunch-ed with a small group of friends. i realise that i prefer small group gatherings instead of those rah rah big group kind. because i can get to connect with each and every individual in the conversation rather than ending up NOT TALKING to someone during the whole big group outing. lunch was my usual wednesday jap lunch. after that headed down to SRC for a swim. the changing room seriously needs a big over-haul. glad they are making that come true on 28th sept. but which also means i have nowhere to bathe if i go for a swim during the period of renovation. shucks.

today is those kind of days that i coop myself at home. basically home alone. toggle between studying and using the computer--dinner--tv--computer--study... chit chat a bit at 9pm when my parents come home.

gets kinda lonely some times but oh well. at least my dad brought me GOOD NEWS this evening. apparently the construction of the new house (expected to commence after CNY) will be 2.5 stories. and the 0.5 storey is bascially a whole room for me (and cherlyn when she comes home). big balcony, plenty of space, attached toilet, not near to kitchen. totally fits every part of my checklist for a dream room :)

construction will take prolly 6 months. that means we will only move in next year national day! worth the wait worth the wait!

back to the vicious cycle--after computer= study. life life life.

<3
corrine

--cherlyn

With a blink of an eye (ok not really that fast...but still!), it has been 9months since i have been here in new zealand. It feels like a long time to me so the number 9 does not bring justice to what i have gone through during my time here. Well, it has been a truely humbling experience to be out of my little tiny world back in singapore where all i do is aimless studying, eat, exercise, watch tv, sleep and basically laze around. All these were done during the 1 year break that i had. Perhaps thats why i must say that i'm really pretty ill prepared for new zealand! The least i could do was to google Studying in New Zealand, or student life in New Zealand. But guess what? Close to nill preparation was done. That's what i get for being so ill prepared. That being said, coming to this country with absolutely no pre-formed ideas, perceptions have really changed my mindset tremendously. It's just so hard to put everything down in words.

Maybe i can start off by the notion that "asian people will tend to clique together". Well, that may not be entirely true because people from other asian countries are ultimately still different. In actual fact, i would say very different and there's just so much to learn and explore from their diverse backgrounds. But they are the ones that I can actually have a conversation and feel as though...ya..this conversation is going somewhere. That being said, i have made a conscious effort to get to know the Kiwi culture. Some have surprised me by their colour-blindness and simply tried to connect. On the other hand, i can totally understand why some people just simply will not talk to me because it's like the exact same behaviour that i will display when i see for example an Italian dude in a campus in singapore because firstly i can't really speak italian and most importantly, WERT AM I GONNA SAY? Fortunately, over the past 9 months i have somehow roughly and weakly grasp the idea of the varying topics that people here talk about. bottom line = i have so much to say but it is so hard to put everything down in words. I am just so intrigued by everything. No time to get emo over petty stuff already. Need time to firstly focus on my study and study with the right mindset AND get out of my box one step at a time. i know i want to... but it will take a while..one step at a time.