Buka puasa yesterday

I had a great buka puasa feast yesterday, thank you very much to K.Ana and her family. Its the best lasagna I've ever had...no words could describe it, so I've put in some pics.

My cravings in Ramadhan

Some people just want to torture others. That was why I guess SeaDemon came up with this tag .

This is a Ramadhan tag. Thank god I don't have any good photos of these food below. Or else, mau meleleh air liur.

NAME 5 FAVOURITE FOOD THAT YOU FEEL LIKE HAVING NOW

1) Chilli's Monterey chicken
2) Pasta with creamy carbonara sauce - where can I get a good one?Anybody know?
3) Half boiled/cooked 'kerang'- it has been a lonnnnggg time since I last had it
4) Keropok lekor - yang baru direbus- fresh!!
5) Fresh salmon sashimi. Thinking of buying the salmon block in the supermarket, slice it and eat it with soyu.


NAME 5 FOOD YOU WOULD LIKE TO HAVE FOR BREAKFAST IF YOU COULD

1) Lontong kering in a corner shop at Jalan Nong Chik,JB
2) Nasi impit with sambal kelapa and kuah kacang
3) Apam bakar
4) Nasi dagang with fresh udang from the river
5) Laksam

No 2 is from a makcik which is my grandma's neighbour. She sells this in the market.We just have to call her the night before to place order and the next day she delivers.
No 3, 4 and 5 is made by my auntie-she's a great cook. She has a 'Kedai Kopi' kampung style in Tembila which I always stop by on the way back from Besut to KL for breakfast. And the kopi they served there...kaw kaw punyer! Best tau ada makcik and pakcik yang buka kedai kopi ni.


NAME 5 FOOD YOU WOULD MOST LIKELY BUY FOR BERBUKA TODAY (since I don't feel like going to Pasar Ramadhan and eat anything from there, I want to rephrase this as what I want to buy/have for buka puasa....if I could)

1) Nasi air from a stall in Kg.Raja which has everything in it
2) The ketam dish from fatty crab in Taman Mayang. Pedas dan sangat sedap.
3) Chicken wings from Sabah. Its cheap and good.
4) Satay kajang (daging and perut)
5) Roast chicken which is sold in a pakistani restaurant in Nottingham. (I know this is crazy, but the chicken is damn good.)


Hmmm...maybe I should just stick to my murtabak with siput sedut masak lemak.I just love it.That's the only one within vicinity right now.........except if somebody wants to join me for buka puasa at Fatty Crab!


Who are the next mangsa?
1) Esty - I'm trying to force you to update your blog!...yuuuhuuu
2) Arn, again...who else?
3) Giggsy - asyik cerita bola je. Cerita pasal food pulak, ok!
4) Idlan - come on Idlan. What is your kind of food?
5) K.Shana - Hehehe...kak.Saje je.Maybe instead of buying, you will cook yourself?

I am a satisfied woman.

Last minute, I decided to have some good food tonight. Sms'd Ardy and agreed to meet him here around 10-ish. While waiting, managed to snap some pics. This place, Steven's Corner in Uptown is my regular hang out place years ago but stopped going there for sometime due to some 'reasons'.

Without waiting for him , and since I did not eat any 'proper' food for buka puasa, I ordered first.
Yummy...I ordered my favorite black pepper lamb. Noticed there is no fries? Yeah..fries is a no-no for my diet (kononnya). So I asked it to be replaced with coleslaw.

Not forgetting to order my favorite drink - the kick ass 'Limau assam boi' with no ice. Well, somebody haven't tried the drink, and decided to order it too as mine looks really good, ended up surprised with the strong sour (until it becomes bitter) and sweet taste. It gives you that 'Ummpphh' feeling. After the lamb, it would be good to 'wash it down' with some lime/lemon/sour drink.

After the 'main course', we decided to order the ABC. This was recommended by Ardy.
It was really good. It has a combination of ABC and cendol taste.Maybe because of the santan.Stay away if you are not fit to eat this (amaran kerajaan malaysia). We chat - well basically I was complaining to him about my job and what had happened the whole day.

Upon leaving, as I don't have anything to eat for sahur at home (saje je)...I stopped by next door to tapau this.
See? I am eating healthily. I got everything vege from Ah Keong's Yong Tau Foo for sahur. The smell...hmmm...sungguh mengancam.

And SD- God!! your tag is so difficult to do. I don't know what else to eat after I got what I've wanted!!

Ice skating anyone?

Since I am working morning this week, I had sometime to watch TV after buka puasa . While switching channels, I came across a show on Channel 8 - 'Trippin'? It was about this girl or model who was introduced to ice skating.

That reminds me when I first tried ice skating during my on job training in the UK in Dec 05.Well, I've always wanted to try it in Pyramid - tapi malu kalau jatuh. Mesti macam nangka busuk, kan? So, me and my big mouth, suggested to go for ice skating on one of the working nights, with some of our office colleagues there.At least, kalu jatuh macam nangka busuk pun, tak ada orang kenal...hehehe...

There we were, excited to try this new thing. There were 4 of us Malaysians with 5 other colleagues . It seems that the other 'mat salleh' have not even tried it to? Heran kan? Negara sejuk , ada salji, easy access to ice skating rinks, tapi tak pernah skate.

My previous office manager (just resigned last week), said to me before we started - "I think you are going to be the STAR among us tonight.You will be 'flying' everywhere.". I said no way as that was my first time on the ice. With those blades and my weight and size, huh, it would take me sometime to learn and skate smoothly.

With my previous office manager who was chubby and cute, and nice.

After putting on our skates, off we went into the rink. My heart was beating really fast. What if I fall? Would it hurt? Will I be injured? Slowly, one by one stepped into the rink, holding on tightly to the side wall. At first all of us just walked. Tried to get used to the boots, and the slippery ice.

Done with the 1st round of walking. The the 2nd round, I gained a bit of confidence. Tried moving a bit faster than the rest of the group. By the 3rd round, I was practically sliding fast around the rink and leaving my friends behind! It just gave me that adrenaline rush, going faster and faster.The amazing part is I didn't even fall down.Not even once. Actually, I was amazed by myself..hehehe...tak sangka. I even made friends with this guy who could also dance on the ice and was showing off to me. He thought I was a regular there as he said I'm quite good. Not bad huh for a first timer!

My other friends? Hmm....they kind of trying their very best not to fall down. One of them is the expert in falling flat on her bum. The other one keep holding to the sides/ wall every rounds. They asked me to explain how I managed to catch up really fast - I didn't know. It just came to me and something just pushed me to try; go and go.

We were there for about 2 hours. When everybody was satisfied and decided to leave, we had a group photography session. While getting ready to gather, the girl who was an 'expert' in falling, fell flat on the ice again. So, me, being the only one who had not fall down through out the night, wanted to give her a hand. Konon macho lah. Then , in a split second, without even managed to think or to shout, I fell down! It was a weird feeling.

The cameraman wanted to hold his laugh. That caused the 'blur' effects.

It was really weird as it was my 1st fall, I didn't expect it at all. I tried to stand but fell down again. If my friends fell down at the side of the rink, falling down in the middle of the rink where everybody focusing on us taking photos - not a good feeling. It was embarrassing and funny at the same time.

I managed to try some 'moves' during skating and managed to do some. However there is one thing that I could not do, until we left the rink.

I did not know how to stop. Every time, I would go straight to the wall and use it as my break mechanism. My friends teased me as with the speed that I was going, I should know how to stop.

And tonight, watching the show on TV , the girl was taught how to skate. It seems that there are 5 basic moves - and the 5th one is "How to Brake".

And do you know how long for a person usually takes to learn how to brake? On average it takes about 2 weeks.
Yes, 2 long weeks.


That explains that I'm normal.

By the way, before I forget, whoever wants to try, please make sure you do some stretching for your legs first. Or else, you might end up like me - couldn't even lift up my leg when going in and out of the car for a few days. I have to practically hold and lift up my leg manually. It hurts like hell!


p/s:
Maybe, one of these days, if I'm stressed, I should go ice skating again. Ice skating anyone?

I told you so!!

Tonight, I sang loudly in my car when driving back from office. I was happy. Real happy. Still happy till now. Maybe I'll smile in my sleep.

That's an understatement.

I feel satisfied. Damn satisfied!
Why?
We had a meeting ;-the supervisors and the 'boss'.
It was a 'hot' one between some of them.

I didn't say much, because:

-I didn't actually know what had happened(seems that in regards to some emails and rumours that were 'flying' around)
-It was not my turn yet to provide on the issue being brought up

However;
One clear message that I managed to get it across
After getting a de-motivating and defensive email sometime last week
The 'boss' agreed to my point that

"We need to have a regular meeting with all the supervisors to ensure the message that gets across the board are the same.This would definitely help the miscommunication"

Yes!! I don't have to say anything else other than that.
That is the start of something good.
Hopefully.

But what I do know.

I feel soooooo satisfied.
As if is written on my face,
telling him

"Duh! I told you so."


p/s:
See....sometimes I don't need Habibi to make me happy. But I need to share this news with him.I know, he would be really happy for me.

As the days go by...

Someday when I'm awfully low
When the world is cold
I feel a glow just thinking of you
And the way you look tonight.

Oh, but you're lovely with your smile so warm
And your cheek so soft
There is nothing for me to love you
And the way you look tonight

With each word your tenderness grows
Tearing my fear apart
And that laugh that wrinkles your nose
touches my foolish heart

Lovely, never ever change
Keep that breathless charr
Won't you please arrange it?
'Cause I love you
Just the way you look tonight...

Ya Allah,
if this is meant for me
If this is meant for us
Please do show us

I have tried my best
I think I have given my best to have the patience
To be where I am now
Still deeply and madly in love with him
Still loyal and devoted
Even though we've been apart for months

Both of us are nervous
As we could only plan
For the best things to happen
And yet, no control on it

Insya Allah,
If it is for the better
I'm hoping that
We will be together soon.
Amin.


p/s:
1 1/2 weeks away, replaced by 1 1/2 hours talk. The only thing I could say is........I love you Habibi.

My favourite meal in Ramadhan

After the 11th day of Ramadhan, only yesterday I managed to 'free' myself for less than 10mnts to go to the Pasar Ramadhan which is walking distance form my office.


And the first thing in mind is to get my favorite buka puasa food. I fell in love with this since 2004 .

Hah! This is murtabak, topped up with 'siput sedut masak lemak'. Sedap tau! Even though my friends in the office thinks its a bad combination. I believe, if the murtabak is served with 'daging salai masak lemak cili padi' mesti lagi sedap, kan?


p/s: yahooooo!! the other supervisor wants to change shift with me! She wants to do afternoon on Tuesday. Yes!No need to wakeup early for work...

End of a great week, next week? Hope it's better!

Last night will be the final night I'll go out for supper/sahur with my friends for the next 2 weeks.

Why? Its because:
1-I'm working morning shift 7-3pm starting from tomorrow
2-I then need to work night shift (11pm to 7am) the week after.
3-I will be talking(hope to talk) to habibi who is returning from Ireland tonight.

Well, It is more for point no 3. I miss him so much. We have been spending limited time talking to each other as he has been away for a week. They were short phone calls saying, "Hi, I miss you" or"Habibati, I love you", but that's not enough. I want to hear his voice. I want to hear him telling me what has been happening late.I want to tease him. I want to hear him laugh. I want to laugh with him. I want to hear him complaining that he wish he has more time to talk to me. I want to hear him saying he misses me so much again and again and again, not only once.

To sacrifice for Habibi not being here, physically around me is already a big thing .
But to be very, very patient by not talking to him on YM for a week or more, that is a bigger thing.
Sometimes, when I think of it, it is alright if I don't have him physically around.
But at least, please let me hear his voice. Let me talk to him.
I miss him so much.
His voice, calms me down.

And last night, to end the whole week of 'sahur' outings, this trio sang me a song.

Well, not really. They were singing to the patrons there.But since I sat the nearest to where they performed, I feel perasan a bit. Hehehe....


p/s: I look forward for the coming nights. But again, I'm so afraid of hoping as I know if it does not turn up the way it is supposed to, I'll get really disappointed this time. What else can I ask for if that too cannot be satisfied?

Spiderman or cat-woman?

As per planned, (well, not exactly because I totally knocked-out after work and only managed to wake up almost buka puasa time), I went to Arn's place for their kids' birthday .I haven't met Arn for almost 2 years. The last time was just before I signed the Appointment letter for the current job and it was on the 1st day of Raya 2005.

So, tonight, I went there and thanks to her and her family, Alhamdulillah I had a great feast. After the 10th Ramadhan, only today I could say this was the best buka puasa food I've had. They served soto, satay,wantan, rice with mixed vege, rendang and a number of desserts which includes my favourite pudding.

The kids were busy opening up their presents. As this was a last minute decision, I didn't get them any - just got their mother the long awaited Hard Rock shot glass from Cologne to add to her collection.

Then, a few minutes later, I decided to transform myself to Spiderman.

Cool huh? It looks real (except my hand was holding the mask). Yeah, I wish I was a Spiderman;- when I'm stressed I could jump from one building to another, or jump down from a building and later pull myself up and stick to any of the tall building and just enjoy the view. I wish...
Or ....maybe..I should be a cat-woman or just be this cat. Everybody that love cats would adore this fat, adorable , huggable cat. It is soooo big that it just feel so good to be hugging it! It definitely can be a stress reliever. I wanna hug you again, cat, please...please....
Or maybe I should just be these balloons. Balloons are adorable. They can float and go up high into the sky. Hmm.....I didn't manage to get any of these into my car...maybe next time I'll slip one quietly into my bag...
Aahhhh... these beautiful and yummy chocolate cakes.2 birthdays, 2 cakes. Unfortunately by then, I was too full. Her aunties packed me some of it and other food. It will definitely last me till sahur (or maybe the next 2,3 days).

Thank you Arn for letting me spend sometime with your family tonight.

p/s: How can a man say the woman he loves is always in his heart and mind and ask us not to worry of anything when he does not call or sms? And when we call he is unreachable. How can we not feel the sadness and frustration unless we don't really care?

My eyes teared and my jaw hurt!

Laughter, along with an active sense of humor, may help protect you against a heart attack, according to a new study by cardiologists at the University of Maryland Medical Center in Baltimore. The study, which is the first to indicate that laughter may help prevent heart disease, was presented at the American Heart Association's 73rd Scientific Sessions on November 15 in New Orleans. The researchers found that people with heart disease were 40 percent less likely to laugh in a variety of situations compared to people of the same age without heart disease.

"The old saying that 'laughter is the best medicine,' definitely appears to be true when it comes to protecting your heart," says Michael Miller, M.D., F.A.C.C., director of the Center for Preventive Cardiology at the University of Maryland Medical Center. "We don't know yet why laughing protects the heart, but we know that mental stress is associated with impairment of the endothelium, the protective barrier lining our blood vessels. This can cause a series of inflammatory reactions that lead to fat and cholesterol build-up in the coronary arteries and ultimately to a heart attack," says Dr. Miller who is also an associate professor of medicine at the University of Maryland School of Medicine.

Taken from Univ.of Maryland Medical Centre website.

I had my 'buka puasa' and 'sahur' meal here at about 4.15am early this morning.Too busy to eat a proper meal during buka puasa yesterday after my 'bosses' wanted to see me in regards to the email I sent the day before. I could see they are just being so defensive about what I had brought up. YOU GUYS DON'T KNOW ME AT ALL,OK!!

Right after finishing work at 11pm, with all the stress, I went straight to Bangsar and met my new great bunch of friends for drinks .I had a really good laugh till my eyes teared and my jaw hurt. We shared a lot of interesting stories. Very interesting. We only left at about 4am and I decided to go for sahur at one of the new 24hours KFC in PJ. Arrived home at 4.45am and managed to get a short nap before leaving for work again at 6.20am.

And now, god! I'm really suffering at work, trying to make sure my eyes stay wide open till 3pm. Can't wait for my 1/2 hour breaktime soon - I hope to get another session of power nap which should last me till tonight. I got to stay awake as I got a buka puasa invitation today - birthday party of my STF sist's children.

Lack of sleep, defnitely I am but at least I know the chance of me getting a heart attack is relatively low if reading from the article above.My new friends are definitely a bunch of fun, loving, crazy, pervert people!!

Jalan-jalan cari makan

Tonight.....oops I meant last night was crazy. Well, at first in the office, I was feeling really, really unproductive and inefficient. Why? Hmmm...this whole week I was asked to sit upstairs at a PC which has no Words, no Excel and only one monitor!. With the supervisory job that I need to do, I need 2 monitors to open up at least 7-8 screens at one time! And today, I felt really bad. But I guess, why do I need to care that I am doing less work now with this limitations when the management doesn't really care.

As usual, the same since Monday, I had Tesco Fruit Muesli with milk for buka puasa. They had this promotion, a box of 500gm for only RM3.50. A good deal definitely. With only 30 mnts break, I could only grab this - can also be eaten in between calls!


As per planned yesterday night, after I finished work at around 12.30midnight, us, the trios, decided to have supper in KL. Since I've not been to my fave food place in Kg baru for the past 2 years, they decided to let me win. I was actually craving for this particular store's Kelantanese lauk-pauk and ikan bakar.
Hehehe...oops....too eager to eat the fish. This was what left after that.....Yummy....
Thats the table where they serve a whole range of dishes. I have never forgotten how I love the food here. The other 2 also enjoyed their dinner.
And guess what? Something that I've never done before, took a drive in KL, parked at the roadside ....
.......off Jalan P.Ramlee where The Beach and Aloha is located. Both places were packed with people. Can't believe its actually Ramadhan and it is still packed. I was actually craving for this.....


Even though we just had 'supper' , we had another round of what I call as 'celup-celup'. This was also something I love . I had to show to those 2 guys on how to cook and eat it! (Thank god I just had a little rice earlier compared to them). We were actually standing at the roadside, eating and enjoying the 'view' while listening to the loud music from Aloha. (trust me, we were just at the roadside ok, we didn't go in!)
From there, we drove to the 'Heritage' or they call it as "Doraisamy"? (betul ke ni?) for our teh tarik and a quiet chit chat session. (perut dah nak meletup tapi still nak minum...hehehe) . Tonight's...I mean this morning's topic was different then yesterday's , yet still an interesting one.And here was the cat, which was enjoying its view from the car. Maybe the cat was thinking, " Apalah orang ni semua buat. Dah pukul 3.15pagi, balik tidur je lah..."


And I feel I've becoming naughty lately, reaching home at only about 3.30am - 4am everyday.

Cikgu sayang saya tak?

While we were about to have teh tarik early this morning, as I was about to seat, I received a call. Mind you, this was at about 3 in the morning. I saw the number, it was from somebody whom I did not expect at all as there was no news from him for the past 1 1/2 years.

It was one of my PLKN students. I did write about him which I have written as him being like an 'adopted son'. I always remember him compare to the rest as he always make time to talk to me and kononnya 'bermanja' and mengadu.

When I got his call this morning, I was worried. Worried as I know his history. I know what he was involved in, even when he was in school. He had told me everything even though I only spent 5 days at the camp. I managed to gave him some advise. Not much for a 18 years old, after all he had done, he has been through. But I've done my part and just pray for the best.

We started talking by asking each other's health and questions about job. Then he was asking me about my ex-as he knew I was married then. Told him the truth, he apologised for asking. He told me that recently, he 'accidently ' got involved with something that is not good. He was release after finding out that he was not involved with it.

He also told me that he met with an accident sometime last week. The conversation went well until he asked me,

D: "Cikgu bila nak balik Terengganu? ( they call the trainers "Cikgu").
Me: La cikgu banyak kali dah balik tapi D sombong. Tak contact so ingat dah tak tau kerja mana.
D: Cikgu balik Terengganu meh lah jumpa saya.Saya bawak cikgu jalan-jalan.
Me: Insya Allah.kalau cikgu balik, cikgu gi jumpa D.
D: Cikgu tak rindu ke kat saya? Saya tak ada awek lagi dari dulu. Asyik teringat kat cikgu je.
Me: Cikgu ingat kat D. Mana boleh tak ingat anak murid .Bob pun ada contact cikgu jugak. (Bob is his close friend)
D: ok..Cikgu sayang saya tak?

I did not expect that was coming.
This boy has a 'not so good' history. To let him go, on his own and just not care about him, might lead him doing something bad.
If I were to give attention and care to him, with the way he asked the questions above, it might lead to him thinking of 'something' else.
And if I am going to treat him as normal, but he misunderstood it as something else, and when it comes the time for me to 'go', he might turn to the wrong things again.

So, what do I do now? Why did he call me at 3am?

I need advise please.

Loving my life

What I don't have now:

-a 'husband'
-my own child


What do I have now:
-my mom, sist and bro (eventhough they have their own life)
-my 'foster' family : K.Ana and her whole family
-my girlfriends especially the NSSC members(and their kids) and my batch mates
-my basketball friends esp Ardy and Fauzy (yg lain jgn jeles lak)
-my sporting and fun to be with colleagues
-my handful basketball girls - no need to get my own children.
-my 'manja' basketball boys - handling them reminds me no need for me to get my own boys
-my new wonderful online friends ; hope I get to meet more people soon
-my own time of doing the things which I like, traveling to places, at my own time, on my own.


Hmmmm....

What if I have a husband or partner;

-who wants me to stay at home all the time?
-who wants me to quit all the things I love doing?
-who controls me in every single thing I do?
-who actually say sweet things before the marriage and after that a disaster?


Alhamdulillah, I thank god for my life now
To have all the wonderful people above.
To have them to remind me that I should be thankful with what I have

There might be a lot of people out there who wants my life!


Oops - I do have somebody who loves me currently.Somebody who is madly in love with me. Even though he's not physically around, but he is ALWAYS around me, and in my heart.Insya Allah.

What an unbelievable night!

Everything happens for a reason
Sometimes , it is a blessing in disguise
Didn't actually plan to come back from hibernation like this!

Yesterday,
leaving my home for work
I didn't think that things are going to get better that soon

I was wrong

After work
Without planning
I met the most wonderful new friends
Who gave me a warm hug
Which I thought it was a dream
But it wasn't

And after that
met with Ardy and Fauzi for sahur
till about 3.00am

After a mug of Caramel Macchiato, a glass of teh tarik, 1/2 a plate of Pelita nasi kandar and a bar of Toblerone Fruit&Nut, and meeting these excellent people, alhamdulillah, I felt much, much better. Thank you guys!!

And,
after sharing my experiences with my new friends of how my ex's gf kept calling me and complaint or asked for advise and updated me that she's getting engaged,
An hour later, when I was in Pelita, I got an sms that says,

"Hi K.Ina. Ni Wati. Ingat lagi x? I nampak u tengah makan kat Pelita. I pun kat sini.Nak tegur, tapi segan"

OH MY GOD!

Thank god I was with Ardy and Fauzi, if I was with the girls, they might really want to know who this person is and I don't know what will happen next!!

A hug might make a difference

Ok...that's it. This is the max. I just got a call and its not something I was looking forward to.It was not something that I expect it to turn out to be.
It is adding up giving me more heartache, more sadness.

I feel like hitting and punching on something. Anybody has a punching bag?

Maybe I should start smoking.
No.

Maybe I should take a 1 hour drive to PD tonight and spend the night sleeping on the beach.
Maybe.

Or I think its time for me to go back and visit my grandma and my kampung.
Maybe too.


I give up.

I just give up.






What I really want now.....
Is a hug.

Until then,

I'm going to hibernate.

Is this normal?

I wish I could just go away temporarily, somewhere far, to be alone. Maybe at a beach. Just to lie down and listen to the waves.
But a lot of people would say that will not be the best option as it will make me feel worst.

Then please tell me what is the best solution when this happens:

Habibi called me and we had a chat.
Then he asked, how's my fasting so far? Well, everything's ok.
Then he asked," so, what do Malaysian family have when they are having buka puasa?"
I was speechless.
I couldn't even talk.
And in my heart....I just feel sad....really sad....
It was a mixture of wanting to say something,but I couldn't.
It was only tears that came out.



How I wish I could take some medication to numb this feeling. Or use the 'gadget' they used in MIB - to make me forget about my past or maybe just take out the memories that hurts.

Human equation

"To solve the human equation, we need to add love, subtract hate, multiply good and divide between truth and error."

I got this from one of my boy's friendster page. (that shows I got nothing better to do than blog-hopping and friendster-hopping at home now.)

How I wish human equation is as easy and straight forward as the sentence above. The moment we know somebody, give it 2 months, then we will know what's the answer to it.

Where do we put the feelings and emotion in then?

As a coach, I've always told my girls in the court, we should not be emotional in order to win the game. To achieve the objective. A game is strictly a game. As long as everybody listen and play according to the instruction, we will win.

Hmmm...if we were to apply this to our life, what is our goal? What is our objective? To get married? To stay married? To get kids? To have somebody beside us all the time? To have somebody who would grow old together with us? To find somebody to spend most our times with? To have fun? To get rich?

Again, if we were to compare; life is like a game. You can go all out, follow all the instructions given, and give your best, but there will always be only one winner. (there's no win-win situation, ok) And even though we keep saying that , 'winning is everything' , deep inside us we have to be ready not to win.

The difference is, as long as we've given our best, even though we lose with a tiny margin, it is not that we are not good. Its just that they are lucky.

We may lose this time, but
we might be winning all the games after this.

To my neighbours

Last Sunday, when I return from JB, as I wrote earlier, my sister told me that my house door was opened widely. The 'best part' was my ex was the one who told her about that. I was damn pissed off. Until today actually.

This is not the 1st time it happened. The first was 2 years ago. I came back home and saw the wooden door was wide opened. Thank god I have a grill which is locked with this huge padlock. So from that day onwards, I make sure that the door inside is properly closed and locked everytime before I leave.

I still have this phobia until I thought I have a kind of sickness - I don't really know what they call it but I sometimes need to check it again and again to make sure that its locked. Especially when I often travel during the weekends and need to make sure by the time I return, everything is ok. Sometimes, when I'm leaving for work and already seated in the car, I could go up again to check on the door.

I am angry because I know its high possibility done by my neighbours. Well this is the story. I live in one of these apartment blocks in SA which the community consists of the families which have kids age from babies till 10 or 11 years old and also IPTA students. Out of all the blocks here, my block is the most active in organising kenduri ; be it akikah, berkhatan for their children, menyambut ramadhan, open house hari raya and all sorts of other gatherings.

I refuse to join since the big D. Yes, I refuse to join in any kind of gatherings. If because of that they are doing this to me, then now its worst. The more I lose respect of my neighbours.

They are so 'BUSYBODY' until not only me, but my limited friends who sometimes send and pick me up from home, noticed that.

Once I had a gf and her daughter sent me home to pick up my clothes for a night stay at theirs. My friend and I could see all the neighbours practically sticking up their neck outside the window trying to see who sent me back. I wrote it here.

Then it was early this year when a friend picked me up to go for a picnic at a waterfall in Sg.Pisang. I didn't write about it but what happened was, this time its one of my basketball friend, waited for me in his car downstairs. When I got to his car, put all the things in the boot, and when I sat in the car getting ready to go, he asked, "Wah, Awek tu dok tengok kat aku je. Boleh tahan jugak." And I looked at her and noticed she was trying to look away. I told my friend," Oh..awek tu bini orang and dah ada anak kecik. Dia bukan tengok kat kau sebab apa, sebab dia nak tengok sapa yang ambik aku. Busybody lah tu."

And that was the only 2 times I got my friends to come near my apartment as close to only the carpark and not even the staircase. God! people can just be so busybody.

Just because I leave home at almost midnight most times. Just because I come back at the 2 or 3 am or even 7 or 8am most times. Just because I don't join the gatherings all the time, what do you all think I am? What do you all think my job is?

And what makes me really angry is, why must they be so SIBUK right now when they should be doing that 2 years ago when I was away for 3 months.

That was when my ex brought the girl back to our apartment. I wrote this under the title of An Interesting Topic from The Star. Like I've written, what if the person is one of the group members who help to snoop on other people's apartment and take advantage of that?

And how do I know that? Well, that's why people say wife always knows what the husband does.

I love and hate this place altogether. Love because this my first, very own property. Hate- because of what had happened and what is still happening to it. Oh yeah..did I mention that my ex is still staying somewhere around here, spying on me? That adds up to it.

I am definitely moving - just need some financial help before I could take out my money from EPF for the 2nd house. Why can't I take it out for a 2nd house???? Arghhhh.....It's my money.....


Note: To my neighbours - maybe the wifeys think I'm sexy and available and they are sooo worried that I would steal their husbands........muuuaahhahahaha. Sorry ladies, buang masa aje. But to the men...I don't know what on earth they are thinking by snooping on me. If they think I would bring back a bf soon to 'cekup' me - no way jose.
And if you are one of my 'male' neighbours, if you think that I'm 'sombong' everytime we meet at the carpark, nope I'm not. Just that I need to think of myself first before getting into trouble with your wives.

Menumpang kasih with the Bear

Yesterday night, after work, I went out to 'menumpang kasih' with some colleagues. We had supper cum sahur at A&W. The session dragged for almost up to 2 hours.
From topics of the happenings in the office until topics of food and previous jobs and also future jobs.Hmmm...very interesting. At least, I thanked them as they managed to fill up my lonely hours.

Sorry Ardy, they booked me first in the afternoon before you sms me for sahur. Maybe next week.

It was also QSM's birthday. Happy birthday dik. Hope you have wonderful years ahead and achieve all your dreams.

Just talk

When you are driving back home at 2.30am,your mind will be wandering elsewhere. Thinking of things that sometime even you don't have the answer for it. Or maybe you try to find the solution, but you just don't know how.

Tonight, I finished work at 2am. Had to wait for the next supervisor's shift to come in as she had informed earlier she would be late.What the heck....there's no issues of that as I know I won't be sleeping that early even if I were to go back early.

While driving back peacefully, on the 'empty' federal highway, these thoughts came up:

- why did I fall in love with somebody who is far, far away?
- why did my heart fall for a man who already has a family? ( I didn't know in the first place)
-why is it so hard for me to go out with another man when the person I love is thousand of miles away (with his family)and won't even know about it?
-why was I born with only 'one ' heart and I cannot divide my heart to love somebody and to like somebody else?


I remember a friend of mine gave an advise. She said I need to know how to divide myself and my heart. I can love a person, but I should also be able to be with another person with no feelings. And this eventually helps me not to feel bad if anything were to happen to any one of them as I'm practically not giving 100% of my heart.

I respect her and thanked for the advise. But I guess, how hard I try, I'm just me with the certain values that I believe in.

I believe there are pros and cons. Giving myself 100% will create the moment of pure honesty, love and happiness. Those are the moments that I don't need to pretend.I will be be at the top of the world being with the man I love.
However, when things do not go the way I want it to be, I feel my heart being crushed into bits and pieces. At times, it might turn to dust.

Currently, jealousy is not the issue.
I've accepted that he has a family.
Its just that I am lonely.
And every time he calls to say hi, automatically my eyes will be teary.

I just need a person to talk to.
I miss the moments of lying down beside somebody, holding hands and talk.

Just talk.
Yeah...I'm missing those moments badly.
Especially when I can't sleep lately.

Tagged again.

Thanks a lot Jazz....Well, TAG is not my kind of thing. But I think 'some people' will kutuk me if I refuse to do it. So....here it is...

5 Things In My Bag
1. My Nike wallet/passport holder
2. My cute Pentax camera...must bring this everywhere
3. My 'M' - MP4 player with song and photos in it
4. Redoxon soluble Vit C
5. Ibuprofen tablets

5 Things That Are In My Wallet
1. Money?...I think its hidden behind a stack of receipts
2. Passport.......just in case if I feel like going to Spore when I'm in JB
3. My blood group type care - I'm a B-ve so, need to bring this everywhere just in case anything happen
4. My blood donation record book- its like my savings book but this is for blood.
5. Hah! My Dominos Millenium Gold Card.

5 Favourite Things In My Bedroom
1. My loyal and hardworking desktop beside my bed
2. My duvet
3. My DVD player
4. My hi-fi set
5. My story books which I put on the other half of the big bed

5 Things I Wish To Do
1. Work closer with teenagers...maybe more PLKN job
2. Travel more...Jakarta here I come....
3. Take up SCUBA diving soon - Oh God! This has been pending for sometime
4. Own a house that has a 'pondok' or 'wakaf' which faces the beach in Kuala Besut - near my grandma's place
5. Walk on the beach holding hands with my partner and not worry of anything

5 Things That I Am Doing Now
1. Thinking whether to finish up this TAG or not
2. Snoozing of my alarm - reminding me to get ready for work
3. What to eat for lunch.....hehehe....
4. Is work going to be ok today - hopefully so!
5. Finishing this TAG asap as I need to take a bath.

5 People I Would Like To Tag (hopefully some of them update their long due blog)
1. Arn
2. zasya
3. Ryzah
4. Rudy
5. Ardy

The effects

Because of feeling really, really down for the past 2 days,
and coincidently my ex-colleague sent me a 'notification'

And again, I always do something crazy when I'm down

I bought myself a ticket to Jakarta.

Yes!!!
I am going Jakarta in 4 months time!
Wooooohooooooo.........

I can't wait. Hopefully time is going to fly really fast.....

Different year, same feelings.

Last night, I tried really hard.
Really hard not to feel sad, or shed any tears.
I guess, deep inside, I'm not that strong.
I was wondering is it only this year I'm feeling this bad or every year.
Going through Ramadhan 2006 and Ramadhan 2005 postings made me realise even though how far I've gone through, how successful I've been in trying to build up my life again, how strong of a new person I try to become, I still feel sad when it comes to Ramadhan.

It was the 2nd day in Ramadhan 2005, which is 6th October when my big D was official.

I guess, every year, I would feel the same when Ramadhan arrives, until I find a replacement - which I doubt so.


That reminds me of what one of my girls said - "Kak, you always look happy when you are with us, but deep inside , we know that you are not and you are just trying to be happy for us."

And for the past 1 week, daily short calls from Habibi has not been helping me at all. Not that I am not thankful but it is actually making me miss him more and feel worst. Seriously, how bad I want this relationship to go on, I'm not sure what is in store for us in the future. I'm leaving it to Allah to decide what is the best as He knows the best for us.

I hate to admit it, but I guess what ST said is true about LEOs - its ALL OR NOTHING.

But it is impossible to have all. And that is the fact of life.

Ramadhan and my wish

Going into 1st Ramadhan tonight,
This is the 3rd year I'm celebrating Ramadhan
Without somebody 'beside' me
Without somebody to eat 'sahur' with me
Without somebody to go to 'pasar ramadhan' with me
Without somebody to 'buka puasa' with me
Without somebody to go for 'terawih' with

Thinking of this, it makes me sad.

And,

I sent a message to Habibi,

God!
I pray that one day, Insya Allah, I will have the chance to celebrate Ramadhan Kareem with somebody I call 'husband'.

Until then, I have decided to spend most of my buka puasa time, in the office.

To all - Ramadhan Kareem.

A coaching and eating weekend

A bit lazy to write in detail. These pictures will tell a story of what I did on Friday, Saturday and Sunday, after a long week of working without a break.

After work, asked Eugene's help to send me to Puduraya as my bus was scheduled to leave for JB at 11.59pm. KL was still bright with the 50years Independence celeb lights.

Bus after midnight to JB will only take 4 to 4.30 hours only instead of 5 hours. I reached Larkin at 4.15am. As usual, this is the time I thank McD for opening its doors 24hours.

With Big Breakfast McValue Meal (as per Ardy which is not BIG actually) and a storybook, I hang around till about 6am. Its easier to go in to STF after 6am (actually there's no problem for me going in at anytime, but no point as the girls would still be sleeping and I won't have any place to lepak)

Joined the girls for their morning run and the start of their fitness training session . (not that I run -but who's going to time them if it wasn't me?..hehehe). The day later was spent sleeping for a few hours before going to Larkin to get my bus ticket back to KL and HP to 'cuci mata'.


Due to the reason checks and inspection on bus drivers, this is the first time, ever, in the past 2 1/2 years, I had problem getting a ticket back to KL. As far as I could remember, even if it was 2 days before Raya , there was no problem in getting a ticket. Just imagine how many bus drivers are involve in the recent cases. I could imagine this year's Raya is going to be worst.Had another training session with the girls at 3pm. They had to wipe the court first as it rained in the morning and there were some pool of water on the court.Checked on their basic skills, and also fitness. You could see that in my 2 months not paying them any visits, their fitness level has decreases.Not good.

This is my partner in crime. She's the band instructor. After we ended our training/practice, as usual, we would go out for dinner. As I was not feeling well , we decided to go for bubur in Sentosa. (it does not make any difference actually, healthy or not, the bubur there is my fave)
We ordered bubur for 2 person.It comes with the condiment - bilis goreng, kangkung masak sambal, kacang, ikan masin, telur asin and some other things.
I felt like eating ikan bakar- so we ordered pari bakar to add up to the bubur order. Hmm...yummy..... Stayed there for about 1 hour. Catch up on some latest hot news from both sides. Then we were talking about having desserts. We decided to take a drive to Pantai Lido for the ABC that both of us loveeee
Yup! We really did that. From Sentosa to Lido. I odered the normal ABC while ST ordered only with kacang. Both were good. Really good. I even forgot that I was not feeling well with sore throat and running nose.heheh.... Then....
I felt like eating eating siput sedut. And my partner agreed. So, there we were, people thought we were just having ABCs and siput for dinner which that was not the real case. The siput was excellent too. Takpe...dah nak puasa....
Here I am, 2 hours after a very ful-filling dinner and a short meeting with the girls, in my bedroom socks, trying to get some sleep. The girls usually prefer to bring down the mattresses and sleep on the floor. That explains the empty beds.
Sunday morning at 6.30am, again the weekend ritual to run 4 rounds. This time , their timing got better. Majority seems to be motivated to run faster. And after that we did some 'stretching and bending' works.
Joined them for breakfast at the dining hall. The sambal nasi lemak in STF is good, but my throat was really hurting me, and since ST was also around, we decided to out for breakfast.
Taraahh! Cucur ikan bilis, freshly fried upon our order. Sedap tau. Well, this was not the only dish we had.heheh... We had lontong kering (which both of us forgot to take a photo off, since dah lapar sangat). This is also one of our fave breakfast place in Jalan Nong Chik.And again, to 'burn' the calories off kononnya, I had another training session with the girls. Form 2& 4 at 3pm, whilst Form 1&4 at 5pm. I can say that I'm proud with the Form 1s. They are good and I could see some of them are really motivated and hardworking in improving themselves.

As usual, St sent me off to the bus station 10mnts before 7pm. I was looking forward to sleep peacefully on the way to KL, when suddenly my sister called and said that my ex called her to inform that my house door is wide opened. It seems that his friend, informed him about that. I was damn worried and pissed off the whole way. Will write about this later.

Alhamdulillah, when I reached home, everything was ok.

More pics of the whole trip here.

A good way to a forced diet

After the previous post, I did not actually plan to go on a diet. No intention until....maybe when Ramadhan 's here. Unfortunately, that is not the case.

Today I visited the friendly but not the-person-I-would- like-to-meet 'dentist' after a long overdue visit. Its not my fault that my previous good looking and charming dentist had actually opened up another business which is not related to dentistry and left the regular clinic I visited which made me scared to visit another dentist. He was really, really nice. All my visits with him were painless as I could remember. I still remember the last words from him, "Saf1na, I won't be here anymore after this as I'm opening up my own business." Uwaaaaaaa!!!

Ok, back to my visit this morning. I knew I had to check the fillings I did a few years ago. I had no pain-just needed to go and check. Then the dentist said he's amazed that I didn't have any pain. (If there was pain, I wouldn't be eating like I did the past few days, ok). That was still ok. After giving me some jabs, and waited for a part of my mouth to get numb, he did the 'drilling' thingy, which was ok as I didn't feel anything.

After he's done with it, he said," OK...I've put some medicine in it and you need to come back next Wednesday for a follow up. Meanwhile , don't chew with your right side and you will also feel the pain". Pain? What pain?

Ok. That's it. This is the start of my diet. I'm ok with the 'can't chew' part but...the pain? Oh no...
And I'm going to JB this weekend and planned to have a feast before puasa with Esty.....sob..sob..


Note:
At least this dentist is also good. I didn't feel anything at all during the process. Just that he's not good looking and charming.

I feel FAT!

Oh god! I hope yesterday was the maximum for the whole of last week. I hope it was the closure. I hope that's it. The last day of my worst eating habit. Because of the work stress last week, I noticed I've been eating a lot. I mean I do eat a lot but not as much as this time.
With the long working hours, on diffrerent shifts, and add up with all the frustration , the only way to satisfy myself was to eat.

My day started at IKEA with its hotdog, currypuff and 3 cups of coffee in the morning. Then Jazz joined me at Big Apple - another glass of Iced Cappucino with one free donut and we also bought 6 donuts each! (Both of us felt like eating)

After yesterday, I don't think I want to eat donuts for sometime.

Thank god I just bought it and did not end up eating all of it. (3 pcs were given to my staff later of the day)We then left for Jazz's house with Hana. Jazz's later invited us to join her and her parents for a Hi-Tea buffet.

The food there was so-so. Nothing was really outstanding. I was too full to help myself with the ice-cream!

At 4.30pm, I was practically stuck to my chair. Can't move as I was too full. Had to ask Hana to drive my car to her place to drop her off before I proceed to the office.(well, managed to get a nap during the short journey from KL to Damansara)

Yes, I had to work on 31st, on Saturday and also Sunday. I guess that explains the quantity of food intake compare to stress level. The higher the stress, the higher the food intake is.

Gang-makan tak ingat dunia. Oh ya, Hana bought 6pcs of donut too!

Good, old songs

I'm in the mood to cheer up myself with some old songs. I love this. It was from Practical Magic - a cute movie about witches.



I also loveeee this song and the movie 'The Other Sisiter". It made me laugh and also cry watching it.



And this one from Mannequin. The lyrics just stick in my head even though it was years ago I memorised it. (I wonder how come I can remember the lyrics and not my chemistry or physics formula...)






p/s: Actually, I'm trying my very best to cheer up myself.Work is just bugging and demotivating me lately. But then, I'm just doing this for my girls and Habibi.

Superman is flying to Egypt

On 31st August, I sent somebody off at KLIA (more pics here). The boy , whom I've just got to know for about 2 years, is offered a place at a Uni in Alexandria, Egypt.
When I first knew him when he was in Form 4, I was asked to send and pick him up from his training sessions in the MABA stadium in KL, from USJ. Every day for almost a week. At times, I had to stay and watched him trained.(thank god I enjoyed watching basketball trainings). During the 30 mnts drive to KL, every time, he would just keep quiet in the car. He was this shy boy, not even a word from him.

I remembered clearly, when I asked him questions, only one or two words will come out from his mouth. There was once he actually 'melatah' when there was this loud thunder went off. That was it.That was the only word for the trip.

Then as time goes by, he talks a bit more. And we got closer. I have a brother in the UK, but I can't remember pampering him at all. So, I guess , this boy replaces him in a way. At times, when he gets a basket of 'bodoh' from his coach after a game, he would sms me and mengadu. Kesian. But because of that, he's the best player out of all.

He was in my life for a season.Not that we would not get in touch at all after this but it will definitely be very limited - with me , as always lazy to reply to sms and emails, and him being busy with his studies.

How smart he looks in the suit.

Whatever it is, he's been there, by my side when I needed a person to accompany me when there was nobody at all, even though there was no words from him at times, even though he does not really know my 'history' , that does not matter.

What matters most is.....

He's one of the person who was there to help me go through it all.

Bro Alep,
Thank you very much for being there
My prayers is always with you.
Hope you achieve all your dreams.
May you fly high......
And stay the way you are.

This song, will always remind me of you.