Merdeka! Merdeka! Merdeka!

This one word has a lot of meanings to different people. Merdeka means independence. To us, Malaysians, it means a lot. It gives us the freedom from being controlled / managed by other outside parties.

People usually use the word "merdeka" when they are happy that they have the freedom to do things that they have wanted to do for a long time. Or it also means that now they are free from being controlled. Personally, I am not in the "Merdeka" mood. The word itself to me, doesn't sound comforting. Doesn't sound right. Maybe I am being a bit too sensitive especially when I have to face too many challenges currently. Normally, people will shout "Merdeka!" with the spirit of proud and happy. But can we still shout "Merdeka!" when we know inside us, there is a conflict. Conflict between the feeling of wanting to be free from problems and move on and the feeling of wanting to hold on to the good things and ignore the problems.

Is it possible?

By the way, Selamat Menyambut Kemerdekaan yang ke 48, Malaysia!!

My horoscope...the past has been true...

Leo Horoscope for 2005

July 23-Aug. 22

Until mid-2006 the theme is about big plans! Going it alone in some regard, and doing more things that please you personally. It's some serious ME time. In the process you'll likely seek insights into spirituality and religion. Your convictions are likely to be questioned mostly by you but periodically by those you meet in the course of the year and a half. You are more likely now to meet people from different countries, cultures and those who have totally different beliefs than you do. This is the area of life where we expand our horizons. If the past year has brought any discontent with your career and where it is headed, then you may find yourself researching your options, such as beginning additional schooling or avocational training. The travel bug may be persistent for the next 18 months and you want more freedom to roam.

Until late October Jupiter better known as Mr. Big stays in your house of travel, communication and siblings. In addition to making your days busier this can be a time of increased short trips around the country side. Next year the contemplation of what you have in your personal bag of tricks and skills comes into the equation. This can be a wonderful confidence booster, as you learn to identify personal assets and attributes you may not had not properly acknowledged and utilized.

November 4, 2004 - January 9, 2005 and October 30 - January 3, 2006

The Mercury periods highlight three areas in your life. The ones at the end of the year both 2004 and 2005, bring the house of joy, pleasure, romance and creativity into focus. This time is about re-creating that sense of joy and reconnecting with things that make you feel alive. So what is it you do that makes your heart sing? If the answer is not much of late, then what are you planning to do to change that? Envision bigger, don't settle for anything humdrum. If we couldn't realize our dreams, why would the Universe entice us to have them? Lots of questions but you do have the answers, simply allow your mind to wonder and meander through different paths. We have options galore, the limitations are self-imposed. Think in terms of what you have always wished you could do or be.

March 4, 2005 - May 12, 2005

During the Mercury period in the Spring there is a strong yearning now to expand our horizons, to venture out there into the bigger world more boldly and to acquire new skills, knowledge, and education. You might alternately be contemplating religion and philosophy; pondering the meaning of life. This can also be a great time to consider teaching and sharing your knowledge outside those little circles. Journaling and writing your thoughts down might be wonderful activity. Perhaps you are just busy entertaining all those in-laws. 2005 can be an exceptional year for spiritual growth; it is said that when a student is ready a teacher appears.

Full Venus: April 30, 2005

If you started something new in the Spring of 2001 - it can now yield beautiful rewards. Any positive shifts and changes that took place back then are coming to fruition. It can also be a time of quiet realization that you want different things from life from here on out. Meeting someone special this year is a strong possibility; could be a teacher, long-lost relative, mentor or someone with a completely different background to yours.

Saturn in your area of inner life until mid-July

This theme has been going on for a year and a half now. You may have been rather reclusive during this time, spending a lot of time pondering the meaning of life. During this time energy levels can be rather low, and it might be difficult to find the motivation to try out new things. We can also experience age related health issues at this time, sometimes earlier than normal. It is ultimately about gaining faith and learning to address some of those fears that all of us have.

In July when Saturn moves into Leo, for the next 2.5 years (until September 2007), which can feel rather limiting and make you feel somewhat powerless and at the mercy of the fates. Once you get over the initial hurdles, this is a great time to build new structures and gain recognition for any hard work. It is a time, when you do need to stay on top of any health issues. You may become involved in a business venture with your kids or somehow provide them with extra support. Perhaps you are supporting your spouse financially to a bigger extent than before. Remember to talk it out with those you love rather than bottling it in.

June 27, 2005 - September 4, 2005

The third Mercury period in the Summer involves the house of self, personal attitude, physical body and appearance. It is about you, your attitude, and physical body. Your energy levels may fluctuate and any neglected health concerns can crop up; from an impacted wisdom tooth to being more susceptible to the viruses out there. It is time to get back in shape, revamp your attitude and appearance; and perhaps create a healthier dietary regimen to follow. You love your independence, and if you simply opt to accommodate everyone else, you quickly become dissatisfied with relationships. A happy, vibrant you doing things you love make you a far better partner; it is not about quantity but quality. So do a bit to reinvent you.

July 27, 2005 - February 17, 2006

At the same time Mercury travels through Leo and has taken up residency there for two months, Mars moves in for an extended, six month, visit of that career house. During the actual retrograde period (refer to dates below) it is prudent to stay diplomatic and courteous with bosses, authorities and parents. This launches a busy period for you on that worldly stage, you'll be called to do things and handle tasks that you may feel a bit beyond your capabilities. You'll soon discover that they really weren't, during the moments when you find the time to take a breather. Big career moves can be made in times like these. Your family is exceptionally supportive of your efforts now, and you are more free to make choices. Next year will bring big rewards, but this is the time when you get to decide in what area. Nothing happens overnight, some of the choices you'll be making are those that you pondered throughout 2003-04.

November 5, 2005 - Apr 5, 2006

Venus spends three months in your house of work, chores and routines. This is further emphasizing the fact that you'll have a busy, busy, busy year from about mid-2005 onward. Venus will cajole you to take a look at how you perform your duties and tasks. Are you loving it? - that is her question. What do you want to change and how? This isn't a brand new theme either, as any discontent that settled in during 2003-04 with regard to what you do day in and day out, will need to be addressed now. We don't always cut loose at this time and make a total turnaround, however, this is when we tend to promise ourselves that we are still OK even if we make some profound changes. This is also a time when you may decide to make some serious changes with regard to your health, such as give up bad habits, loose those extra pounds, or maybe even get some cosmetic surgery. (I would recommend not doing so while Mars is retrograde in the sign of beauty - dates below).

Late September to early October is a wonderful time frame, that might bring pleasant news with family members - marriage, grandchildren, children, promotions or bonuses. It is a celebration time for something related to home or career.

TF Dynamites

Are they supposed to be a type of explosives? I hope so...but in a good way. That is the name of STF's basketball team. Interesting....Why Dynamites? Maybe because they are suposed to "explode" and make an impact on people.

The team consists of six Form 4s, Six Form 3s, seven Form 2s and seven Form 1s....so far. Honestly, I don't know whether some of them will want or will be able to be part of the team after this. WHY? because it is going to be tough.....on the court training and also in their studies. In order to make it into the first 12, they need to have discipline and academically, their position in the form should not be more than 60.Tough huh! Thank god I went to school 15 years ago. Or else...I might be suffering now. I guess, as time goes by, a lot of things change and its for the better. But then, that is why we are here. That is why the Srikandis are here. We are meant to help out. Teachers might not have enough hands to handle as there are other 679 more kids in the same school.

Its interesting to work with them, especially all girls. They are not like us when we were in school 15 years back. They are different. Very different. I can't explain. Too complicated. Nowadays, they like to make their life complicated.Maybe "like" is not the word. Its just in them. Too much thinking of the advance until they forgot that the current situation has not been solved or overcome. They are preparing themselves for the future until they forgot that their current "defence system" is not even ready yet.

To start it of, we organised a teambuilding and character building program for them. They liked it, we enjoyed and hopefully they got the message. Well, we've got to start somewhere..right?

31st birthday celebration...was there any?

This year, I celebrated my 31 years of being in this world. (actually I'm supposed to write this blog much more earlier, but I didn't have the time - I know..its just an excuse) When I was in the UK, I kept telling my friends there that I really wanted to return to Malaysia and celebrate my birthday with my love ones. They tried to persuade me to stay longer but I refused. Yes, I like my friends very much and I love being there, in Nottingham. But then, again, I miss my loved one so much and I want to celebrate it with him. I did manage to come back long before "the" day.And here I am now. But then maybe the word "celebrate" is not the appropriate one.Why?....hmm....

31st? Hmm....for me age does not matter. At 31...you can either look older or much younger than the age. You decide and you choose which one you want to be. The best part is...this year quite a number of people thought I am only 27 or 28.Wow!! Amazing huh? Being 31 - there's nothing special about it. If we say, at 17 or 21, we "received" the key to freedom (kononnya), and at 40 - usually people likes to say "life begins at 40". But for me...I think at 31...this is turning point of my life. Well, I hope so...after all the trouble I've gone through.

A lot of things happened since early this year. Just before I reached 31. I was retrenched from work. I went to the UK for the 1st time in my life...a place that I have have dreamt to go.I even went back again to take English course. Couldn't believe it! I was there for 3 months! I had the chance to work in a Japanese restaurant and learnt how to make sushi.....my favourite food. Of all the places...in UK. I also had the chance to be one of the trainer for PLKN . Currently, I'm learning how to play basketball better from a coach and on top of that I am helping my ex-school team to prepare for the tournaments. And ..yes..I am still considered as jobless. The list goes on and on....

The point is, no matter at what age, if things are meant to happen, it will. Its either we face the challenges and move forward while enjoying life, or we sit there, regretting about things which had happened and just wait for miracle to happen. Yes, its very tough. To be and stay positive is not easy. We will have people who support our ideas and we will have people who go against it. Only we can decide what's best for us. But sometimes, we wouldn't know which one is the best until it gives us result. Before that....we just have to take the risk....and be strong..

I hope...I still have the energy to go on and stay positive......Insya Allah...





Everyday, a lot of new things