Same old Lang Syne

We'll, it's that time of year again. Wherein I attempt to better myself as a human being and reflect and reminisce and look ahead and prioritize and ruminate and assess and strategize and grammaticize. Probably I should resolve to write on my blog more often. But that would take the fun out of life. I told Jessie I have a great plan this year. We spent the day organizing our house. So my New Tear's Resolution is to organize my house. Boom. Halfway there, and I can relax until 2015. Sometimes I amaze myself with my good ideas. But I do need to come up with some amazing resolve to share with you folks because Tradition! tradition! So.

Nope. Feeling no motivation. Which gives me an idea. Instead of figuring out what I should accomplish this year, let's list the things I already accomplished this year. Because let's face it, I've been pretty rad. Prolifically productive, really. And let's make a numbered list. Because I love numbered lists.

1. I made a baby. A pretty cute baby. Honestly, this took most my efforts this year and maybe took precedence over everything else. But it was worth it, because I grew a happy smily cuddly human being and that makes me giddy.

2. I kept alive three additional human beings, and they are reasonably clean and well educated and can walk and talk and identify various cartoon characters. And they occasionally say please and thank you and I love you. And they don't smell like a dumpster. Amazing work there.

3. I completed seven years of marriage, and my husband claims he still loves me, and I even made dinner for him a few times and let him go to football games and stuff because I basically rock.

4. I got a little bit crafty. I helped my kids do things involving glue and paint, I even made my own ugly Christmas sweater and utilized a glue gun. It's not origami, but you should be impressed.

5. I organized some stuff. Problem solved and planned and made some corners of my house useable, and dare I say, pretty. I may have acquired a small obsession with the organization department at Walmart.

There was some other stuff I did, but I don't want to nauseate you with my coolness and make you all jealous and stuff. All in all, it's been a pretty good year, and one with a lot of changes for us, so we're inking next year we'll just do nothing. Like Veggie Tale pirates. Here's hoping you had an awesome year and were super cool and enjoyed your life. Happy New Year everybody!

Here's to the little guys.

Hey all. What's up? I figured it was about time to let you all in on the recent ongoings over here. Having four children has definitely been an experience, but we're starting to get into a routine or something. So I thought I'd give you a little rundown of some (non-comprehensive) highlights for each of the family. Here goes.

Youngest to oldest, shall we?

Here's the man of the hour. Ethan is definitely his own person, but also many things about him remind me of the other kids. He sure looks mightily like his brother. He is very loved around here, and keeping his siblings off of him is pretty much a full time job. He is mostly very chill and sleeps very good at night, although he has some fussy spells we think are because he's not a fan of dairy.He has just started smiling, which is a lot of fun, and Jessie even had him laughing a bit. Probably because Jessie is so funny looking. Ethan enjoys bouncing, eating, napping and being held.

This pretty much sums up Spencer. Cute as heck and trouble to the core. He enjoys picking out his own clothes and taking off his clothes. He falls down a lot, so he pretty much always has bruises, scrapes, bloody noses, or something. One particularly nasty fall left half his face bruised and his lip swollen up like a platypus. We're constantly in terror of concussions and falls. He loves his brother to a fault. He is always in everything. He dumps out cereal daily, gets out pans, spills water, plays in the bathroom, steals keys, and is generally a menace to society. (And he's not even 25 yet). But his laugh is ridiculously cute and when he cuddles it's amazing.

Kimber continues to be the most adorable thing on the planet, who happens to moonlight as the Hulk. She just had her third birthday and is still tickled to be 3. She is still verbally gifted, and pays close attention to everything, often asking questions I have no idea how to answer. Be careful what you say around this one. She loves big words, drawing, ponies, dancing, and being contrary. Reverse psychology works wonders on her. She is obsessed with Cinderella and likes to help me cook. She is a sensitive soul, and probably my only child who prefers me to Daddy (jury's still out on Ethan.)

Madeline is my guinea pig, by virtue of being first to do everything. She started kindergarten and LOVES it. She loves recess, the bus, her teacher, homework, reading, her classmates, her backpack, treats, holidays, and everything else about school. She is getting older and more responsible, and loves to help with the baby. She still loves socializing and begs for friends as soon as she gets home from school. She still does drama better than anybody I know, and we often have some attitude adjustments. But she's also a good girl who rarely violates a rule if it's been impressed upon her. She loves songs and little ditties, spelling, months of the year, Sprout, and her siblings.

Jessie is, in a word, busy. Being Elder's Quorum president takes a good chunk of his time, as does increased responsibility at work. Here we see him supporting Noshavember. I think we can all agree the man looks mighty fine with a beard. But it was scratchy, so it's gone now. He's been great about picking up the slack around here when I get overwhelmed. We took a little anniversary trip without the kids (except Ethan, the little mooch), and it was great to remember that I like this guy quite a bit and we used to be young and fun. He is only a little maimed from playing football this Thanksgiving, and he enjoys being the coolest Dad in the world and making me smoothies.

No picture of me. Because my computer is about to die. But trust me, I'm the one writing this, and I'm still alive. They took me out of visiting teaching because someone told them I don't get relief society and now I'm a webelos leader, so lots of fun new adventures there. I spend most of my time nursing, doing laundry, trying to sleep, or trying to control my children.

So that's us lately. The Warner's are super duper exciting. Thanks for stopping by. See you at the next circus reunion.

Ethan goes to the Zoo

Hey, sports fans. You thought this was dead, didn't you? Surprise! Of course, there is only one thing that could drag this blog out of retirement. We had to chronicle the expansion of the crew.

Introducing Ethan Jessie Warner. He was born September 16, 2013 at 7:39 pm, weighing in at 8 pounds 5 ounces, three weeks ahead of schedule. We think he's pretty cute.

So, how this all happened. Birth story! Except not too detailed so none of you get all traumatized. I was expecting to go to 40 weeks, because hey, I always do. But Ethan apparently wanted to be his own man, because starting Sunday morning, I started having fairly frequent contractions. This was either due to a yoga ball, really spicy sausage, a long walk, or just because he was big and he was ready. Or none of the above. Your guess is as good as mine. I seriously thought we would be at the hospital by Sunday night, but then the contractions just stopped. I figured he was just going to give me three weeks of false labor like Spencer did and went to bed. Then I woke up at 2 am with more contractions. They didn't stop when you do all the things you're supposed to do to try and stop contractions, so off to the hospital we merrily went. Where they told me I was dilated the exact same amount I had been at my last doctor's appointment, which is to say, not much. They speculated I just had an infection that was irritating and causing contractions. I was contracting enough, though, they decided to keep me for a while for observation. At this point the contractions were getting really painful and I was ready to cry thinking they might send me home to deal with them for three more weeks. So I was praying pretty hard that something would change. And lo and behold, in two more hours, I had dilated from a 1 to a 4, probably through sheer force of will. Or not. So they decided to admit me and get me some drugs, which was the best news of my life. When they gave me an epidural, I got a little loopy with happiness. It might have been the low blood pressure, but I felt super relaxed and awesome. 

Well, it was pretty lucky I dilated enough to get admitted, because as soon as I got the epidural, I stopped progressing pretty much all day. After Spencer's quick labor, I felt pretty confident things would go fast, but it was so slow. Longer than Madeline's labor by quite a bit. The nurse was pretty funny, because she was bound and determined to be there for the birth. But slow and steady we went, and the epidural started to kind of selectively wear off, so I was starting to get pretty uncomfortable again. By about six thirty Jessie and I had despaired of having a baby before midnight. But then they decided to do this thing where they lay you in weird positions to try and speed things up, and that must have done the trick,  because all of a sudden I was puking and ready to push. I knew this because unlike with the other children, the epidural was basically not working on half my body and I kind of wanted to die, and I was trying to tell Jessie I couldn't stop the baby from coming out but I was puking too hard to tell him. He knew the puking meant we were close though, so they were getting everything ready. The doctor arrived about thirty seconds before Ethan's head popped out, because let me tell you, when you're puking your guts out it's kind of impossible to stop having a baby. And thus Ethan entered the world with great to do while I was the most miserable I've ever been in my life. But once I got to hold Ethan, everything was good. And I was pretty surprised at how big he was. 

So. Enough story. We all know you want pictures. Sorry, they are mostly off of my phone or stolen from my mother.

Here he is, like most Cougar fans, looking a little uncomfortable at our inability to convert.

Random picture of the other rugrats, who love Ethan so so much, and love throwing tantrums too. Reentry has been a bit rough for Kimberly especially. Spencer hated me at the hospital and has been blissfully happy since we came home. Madeline has been extra emotional.

Ethan in his monkey hat the kids picked out for him.

Happy to be a big sister again. Because now she can ride in the back of the van with Madeline. These are the important things in life.

All the kiddos together for the first time. Spencer would not relinquish my water cup, even for the paparazzi. 

Well, there you go. Hope you enjoyed this update from the World of Warner. 

Hey.

Hey! So. Summer. Kicking our trash pretty much. Time for catch up. Speed blog style.

-We went camping. That was a mistake. The kids loved it. I think I died but I'm not sure because I probably repressed the memory.

-We attended a family reunion. Jessie played about twenty sports and died. The children were sleep deprived for several days and then all passed out together after too much swimming, treats, and sun. Madeline lost her second tooth and had a mental breakdown.

-Kimberly has been potty training. It has either been slowly but wildly successful or we've wasted six months of our life. She wears underwear now but who knows if that's a good idea.

-Spencer falls down a lot. Come to think of it, pretty much all my children run into things a lot. Grace is not in high supply here. But I pretty much have to check Spencer for concussions ten times a day, because his fixation with climbing and destruction is probably going to be his ultimate demise.

-I am getting really fat. I'm officially past the whole second trimester happy place. I'm already getting a lot of "When is that baby coming again?" and "How long do you have left?", which is really what you want to hear with a whole trimester left. Also, we have no idea what to name our child. He will probably be known as Surf if we fail to come up with something.

-Madeline started soccer. We've only made it to two games. She enjoyed the first and thought she scored every time she touched the ball. She hated the second game and only wanted to sit and drink water. Maybe tennis or chess next time.

There's probably more. But we're a little frazzled by temper tantrums and children who don't like sleeping, so we're probably going to go hide in a bunker now. Hope you're having a good summer. Stay cool.

A small recap of, you know, life.

Happy May. Life has been shockingly busy of late. We took our little jaunt to Costa Rica, and it was amazing. I can't get into it right now though, because I need to upload pictures to do it justice. Or rather steal pictures from Jessie's coworker, who actually took good ones. Anyway, between that and everyone getting sick once we got back, we've had our hands full. But hey, in the midst of all the chaos, we took a little side trip to the doctor and found out some exciting news about our future progeny. Wait for it...okay, you probably already know. We're having another little boy! Spencer is beside himself. About many other things, not about this, because he still hasn't figured out he's getting displaced. But the girls are pretty excited. Madeline complained for about thirty seconds because she was set on a sister and then started making up a song and dance celebrating the occasion. Kimberly was cool with it but really wants to name the little guy Spencer. Because two Spencers are better than one.

Jessie and I are pretty excited we're going to have two little pairs of matching munchkins. Jessie's only disappointed because he blew his perfect record predicting gender. Me, I'm still perfect at 0-4, so I'm obviously superior. Jessie likes that I now talk about the boys' room and the girls' room. I'm just glad I'll be able to ship off half the crew for Father and Son camp-outs. Yeehaw.

Well, that's about the news. There's probably more, but I'm a bit worn out from building a boy and dealing with irrational two year olds. (Seriously. Kimberly is this close to being set loose in the wilds of Africa where she belongs. We do not support independent thinking here anymore. Only swift and terrible dictatorship.) So we'll let you all get back to your important summer plans. Over and out.

Gestation Update

Hey folks. How's the peanut gallery? Life here continues to roll on. I thought since we have a zillion other things going on, the most important thing to tell you all about is how I'm getting fat.

Here's our progress at week 17. Forgive the awesome aesthetics of the photo. The wet hair, the messy room, the dirty mirror. I was going to get gussied up in my ball gown and lounge in the garden, but we don't want to lose the glamour of a fourth pregnancy here. This is living. 

On the positive side, the nausea is gone, so life is worth living again. That's probably all the physical detail you want and I'm willing to share, because let's face it, pregnancy ailments are everyone's favorite topic. But lest I disappoint you, we can still discuss my favorite pregnancy symptom: how I'm slowly turning into a crazy person. Seriously, the hormones are kicking my trash. I tried to explain it to Jessie once, but I probably didn't convey very well how my emotional state has turned into a bad YA novel. Like every emotion I've ever had in my life is just swarming around at 300 percent capacity in my subconscious and breaking out to terrorize the local villagers every once in a while. Irritability and tears being the most fun. Jessie likes to make fun of me when I cry at stupid commercials or cartoons. Except the joke's on him, because I cry at everything when he's not looking. Don't worry, I'm not about to have a nervous breakdown or anything. It just looks that way on the outside. But really, we're having a dandy old time.

In other baby related news, only two weeks until we find out what this little one is. We're excited about that. We don't really care if it's a boy or a girl, and I go back and forth on which I'm pulling for based on which kid is being cuter/naughtier in the moment. I'd tell you what I think it is, but since I'm always wrong, this would be bad for my street cred. Jessie thinks it's a girl. (I don't care about his street cred.) Feel free to place bets and you know, feel superior if you're right. 

And, that's all the news we have on new offspring. Thanks for staying tuned.

Forever Young

So I am not as cool as I thought I am. We happened to miss an important date a few days ago, and obviously I love Madeline more than Jessie since I got her birthday post done early. But Jessie is a big boy who ties his own shoes and everything, and furthermore he's legally stuck with me, so I'm sure he'll recover. So...Jessie had a birthday! Old geezer. I admit, I have been terrible taking pictures with the camera this year, so we don't have as many pictures of the stud as would be advised. But fortunately, we had someone better with a camera get some shots, so we will forever be reposting those. So smart of us.

See how handsomely and casually he leans upon the post? A genius in leaning. So it would be fun to lie to you about his age, but Jessie would probably catch that and get mad at me. So I'll just tell you he turned a prime number. That's right! 37! You guys are so smart. (If he tells you it's only 29 he's clearly going senile.) Since next year is a big deal, 38 being a big number and all, I keep teasing Jessie that's he's on the brink of senior citizenship. In honor of his advancing years, let's list all the ways Jessie is getting old.

• Instead of lounging around all day at the beach or working at McDonalds, he got a respectable 8-5 job where he does computer stuff all day and cares what his boss thinks and occasionally wears slacks. Boring, right? I mean, I hear rumors they play ping pong all day and throw watermelons off of buildings and stuff. But senior citizens do weird stuff like that too.
• Whenever he participates in sports he comes home with injuries. Sprained ankles, jammed fingers, almost broken noses, strained muscles. Clearly his body is falling apart after years of overuse.
• He got his dream car a couple months ago after convincing me he needed it to commute and stuff. His dream car is a Hyundai Sonata. An old people car if I ever saw one. He tried to get the turbo engine to make it seem cooler, but I was worried about the effect on his blood pressure and nixed that idea for his health.
• He has 3 1/2 children. No explanation needed here. Only old fogies have lots of children.
• He spends most nights watching television on the couch with a pregnant woman. Every night I beg him to take me clubbing or to a midnight movie or a big concert, but he always claims he's so exhuasted after a day with the children and cooking and cleaning and he has a headache and man, gestating a baby is so much work, would I just leave him the heck alone so he can recuperate! Oh wait. That might be someone else. But the point is Jessie is old.

I could go on, but let's not embarrass the old boy. He's got some avid fans around here even if he is elderly, and he's pretty much everyone's favorite. You should see the mobs when he gets home from work. Jessie is pretty awesome, and let's be honest, he makes the world go round here at the Warner household, and pretty much holds everything together with his coolness. We love him a lot. Happy 29th, I mean 37th, birthday Mr. Warner! Here's to a good year ahead.

Five for Fighting

These little milestones keep coming a little faster now. Goodness, I'm going to have to start getting ghost writers. But I suppose I can muster up a little writing frenzy, because goodness knows, this is a big one. Here's the rascal now:

This little imp has, against all odds, made it to 5. Well, technically tomorrow she'll make 5.You have to be impressed I'm this on the ball. Wow, has this girl changed our life and made things crazy, but we sure can't imagine not having her around. Hmm. So. Madeline at 5. (That sounds strange. I don't like it.) Well, here's what's up with the princess:

- She lost her first tooth. It was super traumatic. It was wiggly for weeks, and we had her all prepped and excited for it to come out. Then, of course, I go to church ten minutes early for a song practice, and in the interim Jessie loosened it up and Madeline pulled it out. And then clammed up and refused to be comforted for the next two hours. Finally she got cheered up. But the next morning, the Easter egg she had stowed it in in anticipation of putting it under her pillow was abducted by her siblings and the tooth, sadly, was lost to oblivion. But Madeline, in her infinite wisdom, decided that Tinkerbell and her snow sister must have collected it for the tooth fairy even though it wasn't under her pillow, and sure enough, when we checked it out there was money under her pillow (because she has a mother who is quick on her feet, if I do say so myself). Crisis averted. A new tooth is already growing in. Sad day. She's kind of adorable without it.

-She's a week away from graduating preschool, and off to kindergarten in the fall. I am pretty much freaked out. I'm still having nightmares about school six years out of college, and there she goes to start the whole process. On a school bus where she will probably die. With a class full of children who will probably bully her or something. In a strange situation where she'll probably have a nervous breakdown where I can't talk her down. Oh, the fun possibilities. She'll be fine. She'll be awesome. I'll be a wreck. 

-She loves, loves loves writing and art. Our house is a wasteland of letters, envelopes, pictures, and cut up paper. She has started trying to spell things on her own, with hilarious results. She likes rhyming and singing and Daniel Tiger. Everything has a Daniel Tiger ditty to go with it. We sing a song for using the bathroom, for eating dinner, for waiting, for sharing. Sometimes I want to get my little hands on Daniel Tiger and poke out his vocal cords.

-She is probably the most emotional kid west of the Mississippi. Seriously, the amount of crises we have around here in a day is staggering. Sometimes over extremely important things like her friends having to go home after hours of playing, or being asked to pick up toys after getting them out. Sometimes over even more important things like not getting a treat after every meal or getting the wrong color plate or having a one year old act like a one year old in her presence. 

Well, there's a lot more that could be said, but I feel like that's a long enough novel. Madeline is pretty awesome. Still a firecracker as she's been since day one. Still a sweetheart and stubborn as a mule. Still creative and imaginative and crazy. She continues to amaze me and astound me and drive me nuts and warm my heart. Happy birthday, crazy girl. You can stop growing now.

All that she wants, is another baby

Hey everybody! Long time no see. So I may be the queen of excuses, but trust me, this time I have a good one. So for anyone who missed it on facebook, here's our little Easter annoucement:

So, there you go. Awesome reason why blogging has not been top on my list of things to do. Basically, this has been my priority list the last few months:

1. Don't die.

2. Make sure the kids didn't die.

3. Occasionally ask Jessie if he has died.

That's pretty much it. If there's time left over after that extensive list, I might use it to try and clear up the confusion between my house and the local land fill. Through PR releases, naturally, not through actually trying to lessen any resemblance my house bears to the local land fill. Fortunately, we are approaching week 14 and the nausea is abating, so maybe in the future the house will move up the list of priorities. 

Well that just sounds rosy and excited, doesn't it? Don't get the idea that we're not excited. We are thrilled to add another little whippersnapper to the family. We are undoubtedly crazy, and of course scared to death that four children will drive us swiftly to the loony bin, but we're glad and happy and confident this is a good thing for our family. I was reading some Anne of Green Gables during my sickly convalescence and ran across this little gem that sort of sums up my feelings (and reminded me that I was glad to be puking. Glad I tell you) : "Some folks think they (babies) are luxuries,' I said, 'but at Ingleside we think they are necessities." So if I start complaining about feeling yucky feel free to throw that up in my face and I'll give you a dirty look and we'll all feel better.

Here's to October. :-)

Boy oh boy oh boy

Heya. How's it rolling? We've been a bit swamped around here. Literally. The last month has been a bit busy. We've had a few birthdays, some Valentine's exploits, a flooded basement, weeks of sickness in which three of us had ear infections (hint: only one was a minor), Jessie joined a soccer team, and other stuff that I can't remember because I am either sleep deprived or recovering from a sinus infection. I've forgotten which. 

But hey. All that stuff can wait. Because like the awesome mother I am, I'm on a mission to prove the third kid gets the shaft. So only a few days or so late, it's time for one of our poignant and Pulitzer prize winning birthday tributes. And no, I'm not going to talk about how awesome I am, because that would be weird. No, our VIP of the month is this sharp fellow:

(Look! He even got cake! Okay. That's a lie. He already got cupcakes at my mom's and I've been super sick so he got a giant hunk of the ice cream cake Jessie got for my birthday. Poor deprived little son. But he got a special candle. So he's okay.)

Spencer is officially 1! Is it just me, or did that go fast? All of a sudden my little newborn is walking and talking and being a boy. It's nuts. He's pretty cute though. Looks a lot like his dad. So here's a little bio about Spencer. His talents. His quirks. His ambitions.

Spencer is all boy. He has transitioned from being exclusively a momma's boy to loving his Dad. Which, by the way, are the two words he can say: mama and dad. He just figured out walking the last few weeks, and although he is very wobbly, is enjoying his new freedom. He loves his binky, blankets, rolling around in blankets, pillows, ripping up books, food, climbing, destroying, laughing, whining, cars, banging pans, cuddling, following his sisters, escaping his sisters, wrestling, throwing things, and other boy stuff. He is a sensitive little guy, very inquisitive, who likes to kick back and relax. He'll let you know if you have done something to offend him, and then he'll burrow his head into your shoulder and cuddle it out. 

As you can see, he's already into the ipad and the iphone. He likes to try to do everything all the older people do, including talk on the phone, read books, put ear drops in his sister's ear, cook, conduct music, and stay up late. 

 He also enjoys playing in my pan drawer. A lot. When I'm cooking this is where you will find him.

After the doctor's visit, I'm pleased to tell you he's tallish and skinny like his sisters, with a ginormous head. Probably he's going to be a genius. He's healthy and happy. He survived his first year with only few falls and burns and emotional traumas. We've enjoyed having a boy around to break up the estrogen. He's happy and cuddly and awesome and just what we needed. We love him a lot even if he is the third kid. Happy birthday Spence-a-bug! Please go put the pans back in the cupboard now.

Pecadores pueden arrepentirse y sentir la luz.

It's Wednesday night! Time to party hardy over here. So while I have your attention, I would like to inform you of a great announcement that pretty much all of you know anyway, but that is definitely blog worthy. And I try never to neglect blog worthy events. So feast your eyes:

You see that hunk of a man? Well, he was named Lendion of the year by his company. Which is called Lendio. In case you were confused as to what a Lendion is. It is not a person from the country Lendi. But that would be cool. I think I am digressing. You see that awesome shiny trophy? That is proof that that hunk of a man is awesome and hard-working. He kept telling me they like him over there at Lendio, but now I believe him. 

Also: what you cannot see in the picture is Costa Rica. Which is understandable, since Costa Rica is not located in South Jordan. But Costa Rica is a pretty cool place, which is about to get cooler in May, when Jessie and I will take a nice little jaunt down there with several other couples from Lendio. Something about being Lendion of the year. I know. This is stellar news. I think Costa Rica is planning a parade in my honor. Probably. But I told them it wasn't necessary. All I really want, and what Costa Rica can give me, is a week to sleep in. I think Costa Rica and I will be good friends. If you want me to take any messages or cookies to Costa Rica, just leave them on my doorstep in an unmarked brown paper bag.

Anyway. That's all. I just wanted to share the love and joy. And to ask if you think Costa Rican mosquitoes have different cravings than Lehi mosquitoes  Because if they're basically the same I'm going to have to bring a heck of a large can of Off. But I don't mind. Because it's Costa Rica. And a week of sleeping in. In case you missed that part. 

How to teach a human being to control their bodily functions.

So we've been having fun this week. Keeping our New Year's Resolutions and all that. We had a spurt of the home improvement bug, and so we've been having a little fun moving around pictures and clocks and such and confusing ourselves. Now we spin in circles looking at the wall and feeling bewildered.

But beyond that, we're entering a fun new world this week. We decided for reasons unknown to the human race to try a little potty training and see if Kimberly took to it. We've potty trained one child, so pretty much we're experts. And by experts, I mean people who have no idea what they're doing and live by the motto "fake it til you make it". Let me tell you a little bit about potty training. It is a process wherein small children take control of their parents' lives and get spoiled while giving nothing in return. They can't figure out when to relieve their bladders, but they know exactly what avenues to take to score ipad time, suckers, stickers, movies, and other goodies. Potty training is the fruitless search for El Dorado that entices parents time and time again but takes it's sweet time materializing. Potty training is the toddler Lucy grabbing the football from the parent Charlie Brown. Potty training is awesome fun for the whole family.

Let me tell you something else I am learning about potty training this time around. You should never have multiple children when you are potty training. If you have older siblings, they may suddenly develop the need to use the potty twenty times more than normal in a bid for attention. They may also yell "YOU NEED TO USE THE POTTY!"to the potty training target at odd intervals and try to drag them into the bathroom by the hair. They will also require a treat, movies and ipad time every single time their younger sibling has any of these privileges. Now: you should never have a younger sibling around when potty training either. Especially mobile ones. They tend to try to splash in the toilet, unroll the toilet paper, dig through the garbage, steal ipads, and beg for suckers. I have come to the conclusion that the best way to handle this conundrum is to have one child, raise them to age 18, kick them out of the house, and then have another. Repeat.

So. We're having a good time here. Probably we'll be potty training for the next year, because that's how we roll. But never fear. It will give us a lot of quality family time, and a lifetime supply of suckers. Score.

Onward and Upward, to 2013

Hey all. Did you have a Merry Christmas? We did. It was exhausting. Good thing it only happens once a year. But we survived and enjoyed it and now it's time to get down to the serious business of January, which is,  I think I have mentioned before, the coolest month ever. Like a month long hangover of nothingness and cold. Not that I've had a hangover before, but I imagine if I did it would feel like January. Maybe I'll make a chain to count down to February.

However, January it is, and January it will be all month. So we'll just have to suck it up and get down to business. That's right. You may have thought that on my new once-a-month blogging schedule, I would forget to grace you with my traditional New Year's Resolutions Spectacular! But never fear. I have not forgotten, and I am here to resolve and reform and sally forth and improve and retrospect! But since it's no fun to follow through with my own goals, we're going to make family goals. Because I'm pretty sure my children have no pressing plans to resolve and reform and improve, and I find this disturbing. So, here are my suggested goals/edicts for my progeny, partner, and yes, for myself, because I guess I could use some edicts too. Let's do me first so we can get to the fun stuff.

Cami. Resolved:
1. To exercise once in a while. I would put down some hard numbers, but that might foster accountability or something and we can't have that.
2. To play with my kids with reckless abandon at least once a day. Drat it all, I quantified a goal. But I figure resolving to forget about everything else I've resolved to do once a day is somewhere within my range of ambition. Also, I sort of like my kids. They're good-looking and deviously adorable.
3. To look at Jessie once a day and say to myself, "Self, that is one good-looking and hilarious man you chose to marry there. Good call. Carry on."

Spencer. Resolved:
1. To learn to walk. He's close but he lacks motivation. We think either juice or being told he's not as ambitious as his sisters will spur him to action. Or he might sit there and chew on his stuffed bear. Whatever.
2. To learn to call Jessie Daddy instead of Mommy. Although I sort of like the mix-up.
3. To tunnel a secret cave into the floor in which to escape sudden assaults by sisters of the female variety who may want to sit on his face.

Kimberly. Resolved:
1. To learn how to sleep past 6 am. This will solve global warming and usher in World Peace.
2. To enter rehab to kick her juice addiction once and for all. Apple juice can drastically lower your inhibitions, causing you to remove your pants and sing "Santa Baby's coming to town" in public.
3. To learn to potty train with minimal stress and tears. From Mom or Kimber. Because potty training is around #3 on the New York Times Top Ten Ways to Have a Good Time.

Madeline. Resolved:
1. To enroll in acting lessons. We thought this might be a good outlet for her passion and flair for the dramatic. The master plan is to let these forces out in a safe environment instead of, say, at the dinner table or at bedtime.
2. To attend kindergarten and ride a bus. This has pretty much been her New Year's Resolution since April 2008.
3. To have 10 additional brothers and sisters, all at one time, who will reside in the basement in 10 cribs and be cared for exclusively by Madeline, except in the event she wants to take them for a walk, in which case I must accompany her because she is not allowed to take walks by herself. And if they cry, she plans to shut the door to the basement and hang out in the peace and quiet because she is very nurturing.

Jessie. Resolved:
1. To beat Cami at foosball, because we all know she schools him. Every. Time.
2. To buy a pink tie and wear it not infrequently, proving to the world that burly manly men wear pink and work it.
3. To appear on Celebrity Jeopardy and win a trip to Jamaica that he can donate to poor needy college students who support Van Noy for Heisman.

Now I know our New Year's Resolutions are lofty and ambitious, but we are beautiful, humble, refined individuals so I like our chances. We're excited for the new year and the chance to be awesome. You may think that we'll probably forget about these goals and end up watching West Wing every night while eating M&Ms and ice cream, but if you thought that, you would only probably be right. I hope you all made a bunch of awesome goals and practiced writing 2013 instead of 2012 so you don't look dumb next time you go to the bank. Mazeltov.