City Images

These photographs aren't in any particular order.

They don't have any real rhyme or reason.

These images are just those that caught my eye while I was in the city.












Shop window...... Penguin likes the symetry of the windows. I just think its pretty :)




I adore Japanese laterns for some reason. I liked the way these were swaying in the wind.



We ate dinner here one evening. It's an eclectic bar/restaurant with an unusual vibe.....




Traffic...something I saw alot of! :)

My Shopping Heaven

Like Mecca to a Muslim, the Holy Land for a Christian, The Church of Scientology to Tom Cruise, my visit to Ballard Designs Backroom was like heaven on earth for me. Think about it....my love of shopping, decorating and French country/traditional home furnishings all in one place..... and at a discount!!!!!
*Editor's note: when I get excited, it tends to come out pink and italicized. My apologies :)

City Penguin and I knew that there were two Ballard's Backroom stores in her city, but for some unknown reason, had never managed to get to one. We were determined that this visit would be the one when we would get there.

For those of you unfamiliar with Ballard's, it is a catalog of extremely overpriced French Country and traditional home furnishings. Well, overpriced to me. Because I seldom-if ever- pay full price for anything. Paying full price goes against everything I believe in...it's part of the Pissy Code.

So we arrive and start shopping before we even make it in the door. Vintage-looking wrought iron tables, chairs and benches were displayed outside...I lingered to look (of course). City Penguin pulled me to through the door, and I have to admit it: an actual gasp of delight escaped me~sigh~.....the Mothership had called me home.....

Even though Penguin inherited the shopping gene from me, she managed to restrain herself from purchasing anything..... although I honestly don't know how. Everything was fabulous! I, of course, scored 3 items at an amazing price: a wool area rug for my den

Marked down from $378.00 to $49.00. I know, I couldn't believe it either! Therefore, I provide proof below.....

A large triple matted silhouette (marked down from the ridiculous price of $268.00 to the much more reasonable price of $89.00) and some drapery tie-backs marked down to $9.99.

Let me just say, I was a happy 'lil camper.

O.K. enough about shopping for now...more TALES FROM THE CITY will be forthcoming!!!!


*Editor's note: Penguin actually found the rug while looking for one for herself. I was busy tracking down a salesperson to stake my claim to the silhouette*

*Additional Editor's note: Can you tell I got a new digital camera for Christmas? heh heh

Pissy in the City

It's happened: I've left the Southern Circle of Hell for a little "R & R". I know, I know~ most 's people don't come to a major metropolitan area to relax. But that's me: an enigma inside a conundrum.... That sounded all serious and shit, didn't it? When actually what I am is BORED and in need of, oh, I don't know~ a life outside of hell?!?!? You know~bookstores, theatres, cafes ( those aren't allowed in Hell-they sound too "uppity"), clubs with live music other than Country and "gospel music fests" (kill me), places that sell beer on Sunday (Sweet Man loves this part)...need I go on!?!?!?

So we loaded up the truck and we moved to Beverly.....no wait...THAT was the hillbillies ~but we DID load up the truck with Little Pissy's latest aquistion: a big-ass solid teak armoire, and as my co-workers like to say: "It was country come to town". Yes, they REALLY do say shit like that! I couldn't make it up!

Anyway, we brought our baby dog, Buster (of elf hat fame) 'cuz he's as spoiled as I am and he hates Hell too. I know this because he told me in our last "heart to heart".... We left our "senior" dog, Andy, with our Vet. Now don't start calling the ASPCA~ Andy perfers the vet. YOU try taking a 40 pound deaf cocker spaniel with bad knees somewhere he doesn't want to go..... not fun!

So we're here at Penguin's until Saturday morning for me to soak up as much of the things I love about the city as possible and for Sweet Man to soak up as much of the things HE loves: beer and sports bars!


While I'm here, I'm sure SOMETHING or SOMEBODY will piss me off... I'll be sure to share!



*editor's note* After the big-ass armoire was unloaded, Little Pissy had to pack for her 8 day trip out west to ski. See? SOMEONE is more spoiled than I am!

Christmas: Before, During & After

Just wanted to share some pics with y'all from our small Christmas Eve and Christmas Day celebrations. I say "small" because this year, it was just seven of us...well five and the two "boys". Urban Cowboy (Little Pissy's boyfriend) couldn't be with us as he usually is. But we did have a new addition to our little family: Penguin's hubby "Z"!!! This was his first Christmas with us as a "relative". Last Christmas he was still trying to get used to us~this year he just fits right in! :)

On Christmas Eve, we had game night...we played Scrabble, Poker, Solitaire/Hearts, and, of course, we blogged! :)

By the evening, both 'boys' were worn out! Poor pooches! They
were so busy running circles around all of their 'people' confused because we weren't paying the attention to them they think they're "due".

After the boys slowed down, and the family was finally ready to regroup, we opened our gifts. We have gotten into the habit of opening gifts on Christmas Eve rather than Christmas Day--'cuz none of us want to get up early!!! PUHLEASE!

Penguin played Santa and passed out all of the gifts. She gets ridiculously giddy about this. :)

I always give Penguin LOTS of Christmas decorations and ornaments as gifts 'cuz she LOVES Christmas time sooooo much! :)

As you can see, gift giving (and receiving) is fun at Pissy's Place! Check out all of this gift wrap! Sweet Man tried dropping a tired puppy down in the middle of the pile, just to see what he'd do...he ran away. Scared the poor fella to death!

I always make Lasagne (from scratch) for Christmas dinner. I know its a shock~ Pissy can cook?!?!? But it's what we all want and Lord knows I never make it any other time of the year~ I'm too lazy! :)

Penguin made one of her famous salads, and she and I decorated the dining room together. We're all about decorating!

As you can see, a FABULOUS time was had in the Pissy household! We ate too much, played too much and (some of us) drank too much!

Hope y'all had as much fun as we did!!! :)

My Little Elf

In the spirit of the Holiday Season, I've decided to humilate my dog, Buster. I was going to have a "contest" and post two pictures of him: one wearing his Elf hat and one wearing reindeer ears. Then I was going to ask that y'all vote on which you perferred. Alas...I can't find the reindeer ears, so I'll just post this one picture of him for the hell of it. Maybe next year I'll have the contest. heh heh ...

For your consideration, I present to you: Buster!

*editor's note* don't pay any attention to how pissed off he looks. He owes me this for how much I spoil his ass all year long.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, Y'ALL!

Tag it Forward

I was "tagged" by Kelly to list 5 weird things that I do.

WEIRD??? ECCENTRIC??? I prefer to call it part of the charm that is Big Pissy....

1. I have a dance "routine" that I do in my car to my favorite "Earth, Wind and Fire" song: "Let's Groove Tonight". Actually, I have two. One for when I'm driving and one for when I'm the passenger. Routine 2 allows for more freedom of self-expression.

2. My only "grandchild" is an 18 month old hamster named Sara Jessica....her last name is hyphenated.

3. I cannot stand a messy house-mine or anyone else's. When my girls were in college it wasn't at all unusual for me to clean their roommate's rooms.

4. I love to re-arrange/re-do rooms and offices for my friends. Yes, I do restrain myself from re-arranging until I'm invited/asked to re-arrange. No matter how badly the room is crying out to be re-done!

5. I love hors de oeuvres and would rather eat them as a regular meal. My co-workers refer to hors de oeuvres as "snickity-snacks". Yes, it hurts me to admit I work with people who actually speak in such a manner. But they are kind, sweet people so I refrain FROM RIPPING THEIR TONGUES FROM THEIR THROATS WHEN THEY SAY SHIT LIKE THAT!!!

O.K. ....

Now I'm supposed to tag five people...hmmmm. I'll tag T. Cole, Sunny, City Penguin, Southern Peach T and Buddah Girl. O.K. y'all...have fun!

Updated Avatar...

As some people suggested (TC) I did go in and change my avatar. But only to make her look more like me! :)

I made her hair black (like mine) and added the black framed glasses that I wear when I use the computer and/or read. O.K. Basically I'm blind without them for anything up close. :)

I also added the "weiner dog" in honor of our weiner dog who we sent to puppy heaven almost 2 years ago ~sniffle~. He was 16 years old and the coolest dog EVER!

I Have Links! (no, it's not an STD! )

If you look over to the right side bar, I finally have LINKS!!!!

My plan was to wait until both my daughters come back to the southern circle of hell for the holidays (Wednesday), and then get them to show me how to do stuff. So much easier than actually reading about how to do it or maybe trying to do it myself. Don't act surprised. I've copped before to what a lazy bitch I am!

So.....

The links are compliments of my brilliant, first born daughter: City Penguin!

Yep, she just started her blog today and already knows how to do more stuff than I do!!!! I'd call her ugly names (for being so much smarter than me), but that seems really ungrateful in light of her doing me a favor and all. :)

So this is a great big Southern Circle of Hell SHOUT OUT to City Penguin for the hook-up!!!


*editor's note* She'll be giving me lessons on how to do all this shit when she's home next week. She just doesn't know it yet! :)

Tagged!!!!

Sunny tagged me! I'm suppossed to come up with 25 (or maybe 40~ I'm not really clear on that part) things that are interesting about me. Hmmmmmm...o.k. I can do this. I'm just not sure how interesting these 25 things are going to be to anyone else! :)

I'm not going to tag anyone ~ mostly because the few bloggers I would feel o.k. about "tagging" have already done this!

1. I'm the youngest of six kids and the only girl. Therefore, I've been spoiled since I emerged from the womb.
2. I skipped my junior year of high school.
3. I got married the first time when I was 17 years old and was married for 17 years to him. The last 5 because I didn't want to give up the lifestyle I had with him.
4. I spent my first two anniverseries with the ex at Wakiki Beach in Hawaii.
5. I didn't go to college until I was 30 years old.
6. I didn't work at my first "professional" job until I was 34.
7. The "ex" said the worst thing that ever happened to our marriage was my going to college.
8. I divorced the "ex" within one year of his saying that to me.
9. I ran my first mile at the age of 34 and used to run 5 miles a day.
10. I ran my one and only marathon at the age of 35. It hurt.
11. I haven't run at all in 10 years.
11. Because I don't run I'm at least 20 pounds overweight.
12. It doesn't bother me as much as it should.
13. I'm a self-confident bitch. (see #12)
14. I love to dance and don't mind at all being the first one on the dance floor. (see #13)
15. I love VH1 and MTV and know more about the shit they show on there than someone my age should. :)
16. People think I'm younger than I am, but I always tell them my true age. (see #13)
17. I've worked for the District Attorney's Office for 12 years. In Child Support Enforcement.
18. My job was my "ex"s worst nightmare. I didn't let his wealthy-living in Saudi Arabia-working as a pilot-not pay taxes-ass get away with anything.
19. I go to court an average of six times a month to mediate child support cases.
20. I take special pleasure in sending dead-beat assholes to jail when mediation doesn't work.
21. I take even more pleasure in the payment of huge lump sums to get their sorry deadbeat asses out of jail. The largest so far was $43,000.
22. I live in a relatively poor county. (see #21)
23. I'm really getting tired of dealing with deadbeat assholes and their "baby momma".
24. In all these years, I've had only one dead-beat threaten to come to my office with a gun and kill my "mother-fucking-whoring-bitch" ass.
25. I've been lucky.

My Avatar

I had fun "creating" this on Yahoo....kinda like playing with virtual paperdolls! I got to select her skin tone, hair, outfit and background. I tried to choose what was closest to me. So of course "my" avatar is wearing pajamas ('cuz that's what I'm always wearing when I'm at home). And pink pajamas, of course :) There are all kinds of changes you can make! I may go in every day and change her outfit!

I know..... how sad am I that I find this "fun" on a Saturday night!?!?!?!

Tah Dah!!!!! Finally......."THE PERFECT SHOES"

Seems appropriate........

Secret Santa This year my Secret Santa bought me : A Pie In The Face Get your Secret Santa gift at JokesUnlimited.com

this seems appropriate after all the silly crap that went on yesterday.....

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND !!!!

The "Bible"

I know what you're thinking... Gee, Pissy sure never seemed religious...

Not to anger anyone with regards to their religious convictions (a whole other topic~maybe another day), but the "bible" I'm referring to is my "bible". You know....the TV Guide.

I have to say, I was completely aghast when I heard the news that the format was being changed. Need I say it? I thought it was sacrilege!

Why change it now? After all, I'd ( and as we all know: its all about me!) been happy with it for years. I was pissed! I bitched about it to Little Pissy for weeks after the announcement was made. Just ask her.

Does it seem like I bitch alot? Yeah, I think so too.

Anyway....
The "new" format was going to change from "digest" size to full size. From traditional to "glossy" . There would be more articles. More interviews. More columns. More pictures. More gossip. "What the hell did they need more gossip for?" I would rant to Little P. "That's why we have "People" and "In Touch" and all those gossip rags !" "Leave TV Guide alooooonnnee!" But no. The "changes" took place even after all my bitching!

I should say, my obsession with TV in general and TV Guide in particular is well known amongst my friends, family and co-workers. Their sorry asses won't even consider looking at a TV listing
~not even about "their" shows~ones I don't even watch . Why should they? They can just ask me, right? Sadly, I almost always know. Bitches. They know me so well...

But you know what? I like the "new" TV Guide. I know. I'm admitting I was wrong about something... but I am. I'm loving it~ the size, the pictures, the new columnists, the glossiness.

And Little Pissy is relieved. She doesn't have to listen to me bitch anymore. Not about this anyway....

Technical difficulties....

I've been trying for 30 minutes to get the "Polo Sportin" pictures to post. Nothing works. I give up....arghhhhhh!!!!
Will try again tomorrow....
Sorry!

Polo Sportin'

I know what you're thinking...not another post about how much this bitch shops! But this is a short story that must be told. And there are pictures of cute shoes! That makes it so much more worthwhile!

Those of you who have ever been on a quest for exactly the right thing will know where I'm coming from. You know what I mean.....you shop and shop, look and search, mall to strip mall, to on-line stores, to specialty store...all in the quest for the "golden egg". That perfect thing you just have to have.

Over the past 18 months I've bought six pairs (O.K. ...7) of athletic shoes in my quest for the perfect pair. No, my fat ass isn't athletic! I just wanted cute, comfy shoes to wear with the cute comfy clothes that I wear on my own time ( as opposed to the cute stylish clothes that I wear to the office)!

With each purchase, I would think, "This is it, Pissy. Your search for the perfect shoe to wear while searching for more perfect shoes has ended right here! Woo Hoo!!!" But each time I knew it really wasn't the perfect perfect shoe. I'd feel just a little empty inside 'cuz I knew they weren't the right ones...not really the perfect shoe...not really what I was looking for.... I liken it to what taking the wrong guy back to the dorm must be like for a college freshman. You know....settling, knowing you'll regret it later...all that shit....

Of course I shopped during my Thanksgiving visit to relatives. Isn't that what everybody does after having traveled 12 hours??? By car. Without stopping. And guess what?

TAH DAH!!!!! I FOUND THEM!!!!

So, a big shout out and muchas gracias to MEGA-MARSHALLS (yes, I said MEGA~and it was) in Clear Lake, Texas for having the shoes of my dreams.

Aren't they cute?


*editor's note* I bought 2 pair. These and some that are a lovely "Carolina " blue with pink straps. I would've bought the only other color they came in but they were an unfortunate raspberry color...and while I love pink, even I couldn't go there....

*additional note* I am proud to say I gave away the six (o.k., 7) pairs of shoes that I had previously purchased. (I might be a bitch, but I like to think I'm an altruistic bitch).

Sadness in the Southern Circle of Hell.....

I haven't been blogging long. Just this month, actually. I came to blogging through a circuitous route. Sure I'd heard of blogs, but I'd never actually read one. Then I read an article in"People" about a blogger being unmasked. The blogger was Nadine Hobash of "Jolie in NYC". It was all over the new media: CNN, NBC, the NY times....all this because a 24 year-old assistant beauty editor for a magazine had been blogging about her job in the "industry".

This aroused my curiosity. I went to her blog. I saw links for other blogs there. I linked to many others and enjoyed some; but none were the right fit for me. None were something that I missed if I didn't read every day. One of the very few that I found interesting (hilarious-but too political for me) was Angry Black Bitch. ABB had a link to an article where hers was listed as a notable new blog. Also listed there was "Trials and Tribs of Crits"..."What really happens behind the white picket fence"... Hmmmmmm...That sounded interesting. I clicked on the link. This was it! Finally! A blog I could relate to: one that kept me interested, made me laugh out loud, made me think about things in a new way, started debates in the comment section that were fun (usually). A blog that was well written, well set-up, colorful, fun, nicely photographed. Bottom line: entertaining. I was hooked!

I told my oldest daughter about the blog. We share similar tastes and she'd also liked "Jolie" so I thought she'd like "Crits". She checked it out and was hooked too. We'd talk about it daily...use references to things we'd read on Crits in our "real life". Crits was like a fun friend who we never saw because she lived too far away, but we enjoyed hearing about her escapades just the same.

Then Crits disappeared! Her blog was just gone! Panic ensued in the Pissy household! What would we read every day?!?!?! Who would we chuckle about...shaking our heads at her antics, marveling at the places she went and the things she said?

Before too long, I discovered she'd started a new blog.

YEA!!!!! I was happy again. My blog of entertainment was back! Crits had had to take her old site down because of some personal issues, but the was BACK. This time Crits came back as Nowhere Girl from Nowhereville with the Nowhere family. O.k. Whatever she had to do, as long as she came back to share. Things on her blog went back to normal: funny stories, thought provoking ones, links to silly quizzes..... Most of the same people came back read, made comments, debates took place, witticisms were exchanged.

Everything was rocking along. Eventually Nowhere girl convinced me I should start blogging. We exchanged comments about it and I decided: "What the hell!" NWG was encouraging to me in blogdom. She "linked" me and came to my newbie blog and left comments.

Then yesterday an extremely mean spirited and nasty comment was left on one of NWG's posts. Comments were exchanged between NWG and this psycho. NWG was PISSED and rightly so. She did a lengthy post about it. The post ended with a photo of a kid "flipping" somebody off. "You go, NWG", I thought. Turned out she knew this crazy killjoy well and wasn't surprised that killjoy was causing trouble for her.

Last night around 10:45 I went to put some ideas down about a post I wanted to do soon. As usual, I went to NWG's blog right after mine. Just to see how things were going....

OH NO!!!!! Instead of "Shhhh" the title of her blog read "Ta Ta". Nowhere Girl was leaving again! Only this time she wouldn't be back. She'd left a long post about her feelings over the event that had taken place with killjoy. It was a very well written post~ probably one of NWG's best~and that's saying a lot. NWG had a note at the bottom of her post stating that the blog would self-destruct in the morning.....

I had an e-mail from NWG telling me she was leaving, it had been fun and wishing me luck. I really appreciated her taking the time to do that....

NWG, if you're reading this, please know that I'll miss all the laughs and entertainment and fun I shared with you on your blog.

Also know that "The Southern Circle of Hell" is a much sadder place today knowing that you aren't out there in "Nowhereville" anymore.


"My feeling is that there is nothing in life but refraining from hurting others, and comforting those that are sad." Olive Schreiner

Vanity, thy name is Night Guard

If you've read any of my previous posts or my profiled interests, you've probably picked up on the fact that it's all about ME! This bitch cares how she looks! I love clothes, shoes ( can you ever really have too many?), make-up, jewelry all manner of girly things.

This picture of me in one of my favorite t-shirts pretty much says it all.

Then there are what we slightly chubby vain bitches care about the most: the visible protein ends: hair, teeth, and nails. Because we all know that no matter if we're dressing from the fat side of the closet or the thin side -our hair, teeth and nails never get fat, never over-eat on the weekend and can always look good, damn it!

Knowing this, you can imagine my despair when I chipped one of my front teeth! On a Friday! Of a three-day weekend! IEEEEEEE!!!!! It was my worst nightmare!!! Of course I frantically phoned my dentist. Of course he'd closed early for the long weekend. I even called him at home. (Don't be shocked-you know how small this town is. We'd car-pooled together when Little Pissy and his oldest were in 6th grade.) I left frantic messages at both places begging him to CALL ME!!! Tooth emergency here!!! Of course he didn't called me back. Ass.

O.K. Nothing I can do until Tuesday. So I tried to see an "upside". Should anyone be casting for an all-Latino remake of "deliverance" this weekend, I was a shoo-in. I came with my own "Bubba teeth". Although I guess in this version, it would be "Jose teeth". Anyway, my character would be named "Lupita". My husband would be played by Edward James Olmos. I'd considered George Lopez, but then I thought, nah, his head's too big....it might detract from my teeth (its all about ME, remember?). As you can see, I put a lot of thought into this during my "weekend of shame".

By late Saturday afternoon I was getting tired of looking at my tooth in the mirror and trying to convince myself that it really didn't look that bad. It did. I decided to venture out anyway. What the hell, I thought. Everybody (including my effing dentist, apparently) would be out of town for the weekend. So, like a dumb ass, I went to Wal-Mart. YES, OF COURSE I SAW EVERYONE I KNEW!!! The new Judge and his wife, my hair guy and his wife, my mechanic...you name 'em -they were in town and at Wal-Mart that day. They tried to be polite and not stare. They all said, "Oh, Pissy...it doesn't look that bad". Liars! I saw the flicker of pity and revulsion in their eyes before they turned away!!!!

Sunday I decided to go to the pool, sulk and work on my tan. Shit, everybody had seen me by now anyway. My best bud, Suzy Q had been listening to me bitch about "the tooth" for two days now. When she got to the pool, she'd brought me a "prize" ("surprise" in other parts of the country :) ). In this case, a pity "prize". One of the many reasons why she's my best friend is because she's just like me in the vain department. If anyone could feel my pain, she could.

My "prize" consisted of a new insulated cooler stocked with my favorite Summer beverage: Diet SunKist Orange soda. Suzy had also included some twirly cheese sticks and some M&Ms...you know ...sweet and salty. So there we were, floating on our rafts in the pool all day while I drowned my sorrows in orange soda and Suzy drank Coronas in support.

Needless to say, first thing Tuesday morning my ass was at the dentist's office. Dentist's wife is the receptionist. She says, "Oh, Pissy, this must have been so hard for you....you smile so much!" Uh, yeah....cuz I'm not a mirthless bitch?

After a half-hour or so of sanding, filling, bonding, more sanding and filling I looked like myself again. That was when the dentist said I must be grinding my teeth at night. He'd meant to mention it to me before. Would I like to be fitted for a night guard? It should prevent this from happening again. Are you kidding? Do you even have to ASK?!?!? Fit me now!!!

That's the tale of how I ended up a vain, slightly chubby (but with great hair and nails) bitch who wears a night guard Gotta keep those visible protein ends looking good!

A Southern Christmas Classic.....

I know all I do is bitch about living in the South, but "classics" like this almost make it worth while. :)

(A shout out to my friend "kd" for sending it to me~)

Enjoy!!!

http://www.toonedin.com/movies/WhiteTrashXmas.html

Santa Hat Update

December 13th fast approaches. My quest for the Elf boots has intensified to the point that I felt the need to call in reinforcements. So....I'll cop to it: I've "out-sourced" the search. Yes, sadly even a professional such as myself feels the need to confer with a fellow professional in certain dire circumstances....such as these. Don't judge! After all, people--it is the 7th already!

So I decided to call in the "big guns". For blogging purposes, she shall be called "J". (Isn't that clever of me... to use an initial to identify her? I learned that in spy school.) I knew "J" was a kindred spirit the first time I met her. It was at a faculty Mardi Gras party last year. Most of us were in costume. I myself was "blinged" out to the max. I even won a prize for my costume....a box of Moon Pies...... but I digress. "J" was having none of that. It was her first faculty party and she wasn't sure just how far she should go. "J's" only form of ornamentation was a tasteful broach worn on the lapel of her jacket. When I saw the broach, I was transfixed!!! The broach identified "J" as "Bitch" spelled out in what I thought were very tastefully sized rhinestones. Ah, a kindred spirit!!!

"J" and I hung out around the bonfire for the rest of the evening when we weren't chowing on gumbo or drinking wine. I discovered that "J" regularly went to "market" with her sister and would put me on the list for a duplicate of the broach she was wearing. Because of course, need I say- allllll the women there wanted one just like it!

I put in a call to "J" this morning. And of course, true professional that she is, she wasn't even surprised at my request. "Why sure, Big Pissy" "J" said. " I have a pair of Elf boots you can borrow. You want to pick them up this weekend?"

"J", you ROCK!!!

Santa Hat

Since we finished early in court today and I hadn't eaten, I decided to drive through McDonald's (I know: bad fatty!). When I got to the second window~you know~the one where you actually pick up your food, after you pay for it; the teenage girl holding out my bag 'o biscuit was wearing a pink Santa hat!!! embroidered on the hat in lovely script was "Princess". I was IN LOVE (with the hat~not the teenage girl)! And in honor of that love, the rest of this post will be pink!
Yes, even at my advanced age, I have a thing for pink....but that's for a different post.

Anyway, I proceeded to ask the girl about the new object of my affection. Did she make it? No? Then where'd she get it? Did they have any that said "Queen" on them? ("Cuz while I love pink, I have "Queen" stuff allllll over my office so I couldn't very well have one that said "Princess", now could I?). Teenage girl said she got it at Wal-mart....and while she didn't remember seeing any that said "Queen", she had seen some that said "Spoiled". O.K. that would work in a pinch. I should have known it would be Wal-mart....where else in this town? Walgreens?

Forget the biscuit! I sped off down the access road on the 2 minute drive to Wal-Mart in search of my pink Santa hat!!! I practically RAN to the garden section where all the Christmas stuff is displayed. I asked a Wal-mart worker bee where the Santa hats were (I was in a hurry, my biscuit was getting cold). He led me to some red ones. I said, "No, no,no, the pink ones that say "Princess"! Poor worker bee looked at me like I'd lost my mind. But that's just me in "shopping mode"- a little intense....Dude...I was on a MISSION! Worker bee asks some female worker bees if they know anything about "pink Santa hats". They pointed behind them. I turned around. SCORE!!!!

I am now the proud owner of a hot pink Santa hat that has "Spoiled" embroidered on the front, right above the fluffy, fake fur. It also has a jaunty big fluffy fake fur pom-pom on it! I'm SO excited! I'll be stylin' it at the inter-office Christmas party/eat-o-rama/"dirty" Santa festivities December 13th. Along with it I'll be wearing my pink (of course) tacky Christmas t-shirt. On front is a bright (i.e. LOUD) colored reindeer, elf and Santa in a pyramid formation. Below that loveliness is printed "Christmas Cheer" Get it? A pyramid? A cheer? God, I crack myself up!!! :) I also plan to wear my favorite black pants . I mean, after all, I have to retain some fashion sense!!! :)

Now if I could only find some "Elf" boots to complete the ensemble.....

Hair Salon Revelations

Since this was my "free" day off from work, I called my hair guy of 10 years to see if he could fit me in for a cut and color. Yea! He could! So in I walk with my hair up in a "Pebbles" ponytail (Flintstone~not "Pebbles" the singer. Although I used to love rockin' out to "Girlfriend" and "Mercedes Boy" back in the 80's) ready to be "transformed".

I proceed to the shampoo room and am reclined with my head in the shampoo bowl when in walks this woman pushing a baby stroller. Mind you, I'm practically laying down, so all I see is a woman from the knees down and the stroller. Lady apologizes to Hair Guy for being so late for her appointment (45 mins) and could he still fit her in? Hair Guy says yeah, but she'll have to wait while he finishes me and then the woman after me. Lady says great and goes off to change the baby's diaper....

Hair Guy and I proceed back to his "station". I neither see nor hear Lady or the baby anymore. She's in the reception area of the salon. After Hair Guy finishes with me, he goes out into the reception area while I pack up my stuff. I hear him admiring the baby. I go out into the reception area and see Hair Guy over where Lady is sitting on a bench. Standing next to her is a pretty girl of around 7. O.K. Then Hair Guy moves away from Lady and there is a cute little boy sitting next to Lady! What is this? A clown car?!?!?! How many has she got?!?!?!

So, ok. Lady has an adorable 8 month-old baby girl, a pretty, beautifully dressed 7 year-old girl, and a cute 6 year-old boy. I, loving all cute, clean, well-dressed children under the age of 12 (as long as they're not mine to deal with) compliment her on her lovely children as I head out the door. THEN Hair Guy drops the bomb.... "Aren't they cute", he says. "So pretty and well-behaved...and she has a 23 year-old son at home!!".

After I picked my jaw up off the floor, I got in my Beetle for the drive home-thanking God that Lady wasn't me.

I Cried Today....

I used to be quite the cryer. I'd cry at movies, commercials, when I was happy, when I was mad-you name it-I probably cried about it. I don't cry very much anymore. The older I get, the more I realize most of what I used to cry about just isn't worth it. But I cried today....

Last December 4th my father passed away. He was 83 years old. He'd taken a fall the previous spring and then things just started going downhill from there. He developed Dementia/Alzheimers. What a terrible, terrible disease. Words really can't describe it. Dad and I hadn't been close in years and years. I hadn't even seen him in 7 years. Then my brothers and step-mother called me that Spring to tell me he was sick and that I might want to break the silence that had come to exist between us. I started to call 2 or 3 times a week then. Mostly because I thought it was the right thing to do. Even though my mother had died when I was fourteen, she'd raised me right and I knew it was the right thing to do. I also wanted to be supportive for my brothers- 2 of the 4 of them had stayed close to Dad-and I knew they wanted me to call him to ease his mind. I also wanted to set a good example for my daughters. So I guess I really didn't call just for Dad. I did it for selfish reasons too. Anyway, I'd call. Sometimes he'd know it was me. Sometimes he wouldn't. Didn't matter to me-I'd still talk to him. About the things we did when I was a little girl~and so spoiled because I was the youngest of 5 kids~and the only girl. Things that happened after my mom died. Just anything that I thought might make him remember me. He'd usually end up remembering-or at least acting like he did. My step-mother said he'd seem better-less agitated after I called. I sent lots of pictures of me as a child, of my girls, anything that I thought might cheer him up. I'd always ask my step-mother if I needed to come out (back home). She'd say, it's up to you, he'll be ok, come when you can.....

I ended up going that September. Dad was absolutely pitiful. My brothers had warned me-but it was still a shock. I spent 4 days there. Dad was in a wheelchair, hooked up to a catheter, wouldn't eat, still at home. He'd lost 40 pounds in 3 months. I could pick him up by myself. Not something I'd ever imagined doing. He was so happy to see me. I felt like a piece of shit for not going sooner. For not seeing him until it was too late. Until he was in a wheelchair and sometimes not knowing his own name-much less mine. What a bitch I'd been all those years-holding a grudge that I couldn't even remember who started. Wasted years I'd never get back...

I went to his tiny house in the barrio everyday for those four days. He cried and cried and cried when I told him it was me. He had my picture up on the wall in his living room-the one somebody had taken of me in the courtroom--laughing with a co-worker. Yeah, I was right up there next to the Virgin de Guadelupe and a picture I'd never seen before of him and his dad- takenwhen he was a child. Dad would cry and cry. He said he was crying because he was so happy I was there... Sometimes while I was sitting with him, he'd just babble about nonsense non-stop. Sometimes he'd speak Spanish for hours non-stop. Before he got sick, he almost never spoke Spanish to me. He'd talk about when he was a child and his parents came to the U.S. from Mexico. How he was the only one of his 11 brothers and sisters born in the U.S. How his "white" neighbor had taught him how to speak English. How he'd been in Vietnam and there were rivers of blood everywhere..... Dad wasn't in Vietnam. He didn't even go to WWII...it was the Dementia talking.

I knew something had to be done. My step-mother was taking care of him alone. She couldn't keep on that way. He wouldn't sleep or let her sleep. She was "on duty" 24/7 with a person who had basically lost his mind and couldn't even pee by himself. I made some calls before I left to set the ball in motion for him to go to a nursing home. I told him I'd be back for Thanksgiving.

Dad never went to a nursing home. He went straight to a hospice the week after I was there. My brothers visited with him frequently and told me it was such a nice place. The nurses liked Dad and he was well cared for and seemed so much better there where he could get constant care. He'd even flirt with the nurses sometimes. A glimmer of his old self. He'd been quite the ladies man in his day. He'd always ask my brothers to take him home when they were leaving, but we all knew he was better off there.

I did go back for Thanksgiving. But not to see Dad. I went to spend the holiday with one of my brothers who lives 4 hours from the city Dad lived in. I was only going to be there 4 days. I was tired from the trip and didn't want to drive the 4 hours. Dad was doing good-relatively speaking and I figured I'd be back for Christmas. I 'd have a nice long visit with him then. That's me: selfish again.....

My brothers called me the Friday after Thanksgiving. Dad had taken a sudden turn for the worse . I'd just gotten back the previous Saturday and had missed my last chance to see him... to be there for my brothers...

Sweet Man was on a trip with some of his students and wouldn't be back until the next day. I couldn't get a flight out of here. The nearest major airport is 2 hours away. My brothers said to wait for Sweet Man. Dad wouldn't make it until I could get there anyway...... all four of them, their wives and my step-mom were all there. It would be ok. No it wouldn't. Not for me. I was a selfish bitch where my Dad was concerned and I can never take it back.

Dad died December 4th, 2004. I stayed on the phone with my brothers off and on all that day and night until he died. One of my brothers said Dad was peaceful. My brother had combed his hair for him one last time while he was slipping away because Dad always liked to "look sharp" (one of his favorite sayings). My poor brother was sobbing while he was telling me this.... and I was sitting here in my comfortable, suburban house. I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE! My hands are shaking right now. I'm remembering how DESTROYED my brothers were that Dad was dying.... and I wasn't there for them...

Sweet Man and I left for home and Dad's funeral December 5th. Dad's funeral was going to be Thursday. My girls couldn't go. Too short notice, couldn't take leave from their jobs on such short notice, the distance, etc...... I alternated between crying and arguing with them on my cell phone the entire trip. We said horrible things to each other on the phone. I WANTED them there. I didn't care how they pulled it off. JUST BE THERE FOR ME!!! I NEED YOU THERE!!! I'VE BEEN THERE FOR YOU FOR EVERYTHING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO YOU IN YOUR LIVES!!! THIS IS THE ONLY TIME I'VE ASKED YOU TO BE THERE FOR ME!!! They couldn't come and I was PISSED!!! Selfish again, I know.

So I cried today.... I think I'll probably cry every year on December 4th for a lot of reasons. Nothing I can change.... and that's probably why I'm crying right now.

"LOST" : love it--hate "her"

I am a huge "Lost" fan. I have never missed an episode. I even watched it in my hotel room the night before my dad's funeral last December. My brothers were o.k. with it because they know how obsessed I am. I have a mini-forum with two of my co-workers every Thursday morning in the office. We pick each episode apart and discuss our theories. City Girl, Little Pissy and I call each other during the commercials and after the show to discuss. I go to several blogs and fan sites devoted to the show to find out what all the other fanatics are saying. Little Pissy even bough me the 1st season on DVD just because she knows how much I love it. I tell you this to give you a clear understanding of how obsessed I truly am....

That being said, I DESPISE Ana Lucia! Don't get me wrong. I'm all about there being a Latina "Lostie" ( I hate that word-but it seemed the easiest to use)-but did it have to be Michelle Rodriguez ?!?!?!? She is SUCH a bad actress!!!! O.K. I admit I've only seen her in one or two movies (mostly because I despise her so much). From what I've seen of her, she only has two expressions: pissed-off sneer and constipated looking pissed-off sneer. I've read that she's one-half Dominican and one-half Puerto Rican. I bet all the "chicas" back in the barrio tienen mucho coraje con ella ( I speak a little Spanish-I hope I said that right) for how poorly she represents them....

Then yesterday, a glimmer of hope. I read that she and one of her co-stars, Cynthis Watros ("Libby") were both arrested and charged with DUI within 15 minutes of each other on the same highway in Hawaii!!!! See?!?!?! "Ana Lucia" is such a bitch that her co-stars would rather risk a DUI than be in the same vehicle with her!!!! By the way, the mug shots on Perezhilton.com are priceless. Michelle is working her pissed-off look for the police photographer. Perez also reports that she was already on probation for drunk driving so this latest offense may affect her contract with the show. Dare I hope this will be the end of her on my favorite show????? Pretty please?!?!?!?

Just in case the DUI doesn't do it, would somebody-"Sawyer", "Jack", "Eko"-anybody?-borrow one of those guns "Desmond" had down in the hatch and pop a cap in her ass???? It would put me out of my misery....and I bet the chicas would be glad too!

Sunny 1 and 2

I thought it was just me! Maybe it is... the same thing happened to me when I tried to leave a comment on your Little Words post! ARGGGGG! Sweet Man isn't here to offer technical support~so..... I really need to read up on all this stuff to figure out what I'm doing wrong :( I just want it to be easy and fun!
As for the floor...if we can get the guy to do the job over the holidays, we're going for it!!!! Yea!!! Both Sweet Man and I have 2 weeks off from our jobs so that'd be good. Especially for the whole "emptying the room of furniture" extravaganza we'll be having :( I love that you had friends "help" you do your floors! That is SO something I'd do. I always have projects I want done around the house and Sweet Man ends up doing the labor while I "help" ( he he :) )
I'm all about doing a "baby name" book with you! :) I'm sure we could come up with better names than the "celebs" do!
Boots!!! You have boots for Itsy?!?!?! I. LOVE. IT. !!!! Are they pink? :)
By the way, thanks for "linking" me! :)

The Name Game

I was sitting in court this afternoon waiting for the Judge to get to our one case. We'd been waiting awhile, which happens way more than it should. The wheels of justice turn slowly and all that shit. Anyway, I'm sitting there and the mind starts drifting. I'd already had it on my mind all week that City Girl's birthday is tomorrow. She'll be 27. Damn! I'm old. I have a 27 year-old daughter!!!! That led me to thinking of babies in general, especially since the baby Assistant D.A. that I work with is also 27 years old (yeah, he and City Girl went to high school together, this shit just keeps getting better and better, doesn't it?) and his wife just had their first baby last week. So of course, that got me to thinking about baby names. I'm allll about baby names. As soon as I found out I was pregnant that was the first thing I did: start thinking up names! FUN!

Well, Gwenneth Paltrow is pregnant again. You know Gwennie: wife of Coldplay's Chris Martin, daughter of actress Blythe Danner (loved her as Will's mother on "Will and Grace") academy award winning actress for "Shakespeare in Love", mother of Apple. Yeah, Apple. I know! It was the name heard 'round the world. People were like: "What the fuck?!?!?" "What kind of a name is Apple? "

Sadly, Apple is just one of the many offspring of celebs who are saddle with such burdensome monikers. There's little "Pilot Inspektor" son of actor Jason Lee, "Poet" (not so bad actually) daughter of actress Soliel Moon Frey ( and herself the owner of a weird name) of Punky Brewster fame(and later "Sabrina the Teenage Witch"), "Paris and "Brooklyn" sons of former Spice Girl, Posh and her hottie soceer star husband, David Beckham. Paris and Brooklyn aren't really that bad either, but for boys???? I hope that hottie dad teaches them how to fight, cuz there's gonna be some tormenting going on when they're in their snooty British boarding schools...
eard that Gwenneth Paltrow is pregnant again. You know Gwennie: wife of Coldplay lead singer,
City Girl is named after one of my favorite areas of England. And no. Her name isn't London. Her's is a lovely name and one which both she and I have been complimented on many times over the years. One of Little Pissy's oldest childhood friends named her child the same name as City Girl-just because she loved it so much. Isn't that sweet? City Girl's name is cool. It's different, but not weird, reminds me of a place I love and suits her beautifully. It will still be appropriate when she's an 80 year old woman. You know, normal.

I didn't choose Little Pissy's name. I made the unfortunate mistake of letting her father choose. He named her after one of "Charlie's Angels" Yeah, You heard me right. The one with Farrah (another weird name). I know, I know. What the hell was I thinking? But I wasn't the Big Pissy then that I am today. I was easily swayed in those days. It took me a few years to be the bitch that I proudly am today and which so often gets me my way :)

Luckily, Little Pissy's name is the best of the three "Angels" in my opinion. Her father named her the character's name rather than that of the actress. So that's something. And no, Farrah wasn't his favorite. The name is spunky and cute. Just like Little Pissy. My problem is that the name is a little too commonly used for my taste. Little Pissy, being the self-confident little bitch-in-training that she is, is ok with her name. I did choose her middle name. Its a good one and lots of people in the south go by their middle names, so that would work if she wanted to use it.

So, that's how we, as common folk, came up with names for our children. Wonder how the Celebs arrive at their decisions... Chillin' at the Spyder Club, listening to DJ AM spin, tossing back some mojitos. Hey, there's a name for Gwennie's new baby! Mojito translates to "little wet one". Seems appropriate. Nah, Gwennie will probably stick with the "fruit theme" she's already got going on. Little Apple's new sib will probably be named Kiwi or pomegranate! Poor kid....

And They Said it Wouldn't Last......

Just read at Jolie in NYC, that everybody's favorite white-trash couple are on the outs! Can it be that Brit finally tired of K-Fed???? What could it have been? His refusal to quit smoking during her entire pregnancy and even after the birth of poor lil' Sean Preston? His obsession with corn-rows? His lack of obsession with her; I mean they are newly-weds, after all?!? His lack of, I don't know...a JOB?!?!? Maybe it was just his general over-all skankness that finally did it. Whatever it was, I hope Brit doesn't take him back after she sobers up! Be strong, Brit! Go buy a new trucker hat or something to cheer yourself up!

TomKat? Tom Crazy!

Ok. I admit I've never been a huge Tom Cruise fan. I liked Top Gun and Risky Business. Hated him in Interview with the Vampire. Thought he was great in that movie with Jamie Foxx. Loved War of the Worlds...... thought his cameo in the Austin Powers movie was cute.

But this thing with poor Katie Holmes..... I love, love, love gossip mags and blogs. I do. I can't resist them. Anyway, I've been following the whole "TomKat" madness since it began. I was there when Tom jumped on Oprah's couch (not literally-but in my den) . I watched on the Today show when Matt Lauer was interviewing Tom and Tom let the American public know that HE knows ALL about the history of psychiatry (dumb-ass). And Matt, Matt's just "glib" ~snicker~ Matt SO kept his cool while Tom foamed at the mouth. But have y'all seen Katie lately? Or "Kate" as Tom has proclaimed she shall be called henceforth. In every picture she's either got a vacant half-smile on her face, she looks like a deer in the headlights, or Tom is sucking her face so hard he could give the Orik a run for the money. And her clothes.... Katie...for the love of God:buy some decent maternity clothes! Have y'all seen that picture of her that was out yesterday? She appears to be wearing some ugly-ass unlaundered bathrobe. VERY unflattering! Katie, go to Target. The Liz Lange line of maternity wear is cute. Just in case Tom is controlling the purse strings the same way he's controlling your mind, career, choice of friends, religion......

Oh, how could I forget the sonogram machine he just bought to "monitor" the baby's progress. What the fuck?!?!?! We know he's a multitrillionaire many times over, but come the fuck on!!!How Michael Jackson and his hyperbaric chamber can you get?

Run, Katie! Run like the wind!

Here I go.....

I thought about it. I talked to City Girl (my oldest daughter) about it. I exchanged comments with my favorite blogger about it. When I woke up at 3:30 this morning still thinking about it and then started writing down ideas for it, I decided I should at least give it a shot. It might suck. I might not stick with it. I might not be good at it. It might take me a while to figure out how to do all the cool stuff I see on other people's blogs... but, I might like it, I might be at least decent at it and if nothing else I can spill all the shit that's on my mind whenever I feel like it. And not just to my family. :) Family consists of Sweet Man (hubby), the aforementioned City Girl, youngest daughter Little Pissy (so named for blog purposes because she's so much like me it's scary sometimes) and the boys. Oh, I forgot Son-in-law. Sorry. See... I said in my profile I'm still adjusting to having a married daughter. I'll try to come up with a better name for him later. City Boy, maybe? I'm sure City Girl and Little Pissy will have some ideas for me!