41 weeks 1 day...

Still here, still nothing happening. Have been pumping an hour or so a day but nothing has happened. I see the doc tomorrow and also do acupuncture.

I am feeling frustrated for my own reasons but am doing ok. The thing is the body does not stay pregnant forever, none does, and if the baby is ok then a HUGE part of me wants to wait. Wants to trust my body. But the other part worries.

So I go back and forth getting frustrated, anxious, angry, worried.

Baby is moving fine and all is well otherwise.

Will post if anything changes.

40 weeks 3 days...

Saw doc again today. Nothing has really changed, he said maybe a bit thinner in the cervix but he couldn't even break my waters if I wanted because it is still so high. I don't want that as of yet but it was frustrating to hear nonetheless.

I had an NST after, which was fine. Doc said we will see where i am next week and then discuss things. I would really like to just wait and wait, some women have 10 month babies as a rule. Do not argue this with me I spent years researching all of this. But you see I had 4 days of labor with Bliss and never dilated and I have no thyroid so I may be incapable of ever dilating, or even going into spontaneous labor. And because I have had a c/s I cannot have pitocin, which I do NOT want anyway, but because of all of this I know after 42 weeks I will likely have to say yes to another c/s.

I am not freaking out about all of this I am just sad that I may never experience vaginal birth, that I may never feel the ring of fire. That is MY wish and I will mourn it if and when I need to. In the meantime I am taking evening primrose oil, black and blue cohosh and staying active.

Bliss is trying to be patient but wants the baby here yesterday. We are doing well but I keep finding myself staring at him sleeping more, and trying to enjoy our last moments as just us more. The house is coming along and we are very happy in it. If the weather clears I may get to take him fishing for the first time on our pond in the next few days, but shhhh don't tell him yet.

I got to talk on the phone to Annacyclopedia and it MADE MY WHOLE WEEK!!!! That was such a delight!! She had the smart idea to put the blue cohosh in a grape (I only have it in tincture and it is NASTY) with a syringe (gee I wonder if I have those, HA!) and although the grape didn't work the small cherry/grape tomato worked like a charm. Thanks Anna!!!!!!!!

So that is all for now, believe me folks I will let ya'll know when somethings changes. In the meantime I am hanging out eating homemade Donairs (out new Canadian discovery we are loving) and trying to say mellow.

Easter and beyond...

Here are some pictures of Easter finally. He found a few outside as you can see but pretty hard with all that snow. We did the rest of our outdoor hunt 2 days ago since the snow has melted at last. I love the snowman pic of him, roomie and Henrietta.

Yesterday the due date came and went with little fanfare.I have been staying busy each day trying to keep my body moving. I see the OB this Thursday for another check but other than that I am just trying to get things done. I will update when anything changes.

39 weeks 3 days...

I saw the OB today, had my first internal and then met with staff at the hospital and had an NST.
All was fine, as expected not much happening. The baby is low but just low nothing more, and my cervix is soft but no dilation. I go back in a week and in 2 weeks if nothing has started we will discuss options. I am not one to rush things, I believe that 40 weeks is an average meaning just as many babies come later as earlier. I hope to go into labor on my own but am pretty zen about everything right now. I have things in place for all possible outcomes. I have met with and made plans for most options and will try and remain open as I get closer.

I got what felt like a baby shower in a package from the amazing and wonderful Eden today. There was a gift for Bliss, for me, and for Soul. I was so touched I cried. Bliss has been expressing his amazement at "having friends all the way in Africa, I mean Australia" and thinks it is so wonderful. Roomie tried to tell me not to open the Soul gift until the birth and I snapped at her that showers happen before birth. Damn hormones, lol.

Our house is coming along, I got the first baby clothes and cloth diapers out to wash this week, the living room is painted and pretty much done, and the plumber and electrician have been by to do the lil things that were needed. i have to set my alter up this week and even if nothing else gets done that will be enough.

We got a LOT of snow over Easter and the following day, like 50cm almost. It was beautiful and crazy. Bliss made his first mini snowman with his aunt on the deck and I took pics when he surprised me with it. Then he crushed it with his head later. Too fun!!

The Easter bunny hid most eggs outside before the snow so many are still out there under it all. The bunny was smart and hid some inside too so all was not lost.

I have a lot of emotions mixed up and jumbled about this baby right now. They have always been there but are surfacing more as time nears. This baby is so wanted, desired, loved and needed. I still have the irrational fears come up though about how I will ever love anything or anyone as much as I love Bliss. Intellectually I know better but it still comes up sometimes. I think coming from a home that played such severe favorites games has added to my irrationality but when I find my center the fear leaves.

I also worry about gender in that I worry what Bliss will want. I have absolutely no care which but Bliss today mentioned being outnumbered and needing a brother. He hasn't mentioned that in many many many months but it is back. I told him I hope he got what he wanted but knew we would love the baby no matter what it was. He agreed but I still worry a tiny bit at times.

My hands go dead all day and night now and it is still annoying but expected. I am still throwing up every few days but I am dealing ok with that too. I lost another pound since last week but am healthy with great blood pressure.

So now I continue to unpack, and wait to the arrival.

I am still barely online and feel awful for how little I can comment right now but I know it isn't forever.

Much love to all!!!

as promised...

I want to begin by saying I spent 4 hours, YES 4 FUCKING HOURS uploading these pictures. And I didn't finish, I spent another hour and a half this morning. Have I mentioned I now have dial up? Truly the only thing I just cannot adjust to.

So here we are on the back deck in all my huge glory. The strange thing is I am just not as big outward as I was with Bliss. I think I am carrying way wider though and I AM huge.





This is Bliss trying to get baked again as he is a booty boy whenever possible!! Now he can as much as he wants which I love for him!!!


I wish I could explain how huge my boobs are, but they really are bigger than his head.







This was us taking out first nature walk on our property, dogs, Bliss, roomie and me bringing up the rear. The snow only melted about a week ago so we see we have a small ATV trail to walk. Bliss has a walking stick he immediately found, so cute. The dogs are also there, they suddenly think they are wild animals and refuse to listen to anything we say when outside, it is unnerving.


He is so precious and kisses the belly often, I love watching it move but he is pretty over it, although he asks it to come in 2 days often, but I do not see birth happening before the due date AT ALL!!

Probably a week or more late as usual but I am not concerned, there is still so much to do.








This is one of our ponds on the property, it supposedly will have lots of trout or does already, it is beautiful and Bliss loves it. He cannot believe it is in our "yard" and so much nature right here, he says now we never need to leave. My thoughts exactly.



My only real complaints right now, besides dial up Internet, has been finally having hip and joint pain. I have been lucky until now but having the 2 story house is also harder on me with the pain.

I am still throwing up on occasion but the last 2 days have been pretty good. It is nice to finally have my kitchen stuff out and available to cook with.

It still amazes me I have lost 25 pounds so far this pregnancy, especially when I see these pictures.



This is another shot of the one pond, the other pond is next to it but I didn't get a good shot. There is a huge rock across the other side I think we will have to explore fishing off of, and there is a bench on the banks.


Tomorrow is Easter (we do a more Solstice type celebration) and we are expecting a very late season snow storm to bring quite a bit of snow. I love it and think it will be a hoot. We will spend the morning with Bliss hunting for eggs and candy and have a nice breakfast and then I will cook a feast and spend the day by the fireplace playing with Bliss. Things are slowly getting more normal and a bit less chaotic. I am sure as soon as they really quiet down the baby will be here with all new chaos to enjoy and cherish.

Happy Holiday to All!!!

quick update...

We are in the house. It truly has been hell.

My wonderful, amazing memory foam bed was somehow soaked. I am not even going to begin to try and figure out whose fault this was but it devastated me beyond what I can explain.
I did not get to sleep in my bed the night we moved, or the next night. Finally after the most recent movers flaked for 2 days I hired some local high school boys to move it into the house.

Last night was my first night in my bed. My level of physical pain from overdoing it and moving and unpacking was such that I took one vicodin in order to even bear laying down as Tylenol was a joke. Needless to say I did sleep well.

I have so missed this bed.

We are still trying to unpack, it will take a very long time. Today we finally got a cord of wood delivered as the previous owners tenant did not leave beyond 6 pieces of wood which was not supposed to happen. We have a wood furnace and wood stove fireplace so this was necessary.

Fortunately it has been very warm so we have been fine with the baseboard heat around the house and the weather.

The creek in the backyard is in full flood mode (nowhere near the house and not a bad thing) with the snow melt so we only hear a rushing river sound off the back deck. It is truly beautiful.

We got a lot unpacked in the kitchen today, I am trying not to overdo but I also only have 2+ weeks left and I have to get stuff organized before I am spending every moment breast feeding and gazing.

The dial-up internet is worse than even I imagined it would be. I also just learned my Mac has no phone modem so I have to go pick one up for it, right now I am using Bliss' laptop (my old PC) until I sort that out. It feels awful to be so unconnected but we really do have so much to do it is not the priority right now. I DO hope to gawd I get high speed soooooooon but who knows.

I am ok physically beyond the pain of unpacking although my hands feel still and my knees and feet hurt. They do not look swollen but feel like it. I am also having hip pain but to be honest I am so shocked it has not happened up until now that I am not complaining.

I had to cancel the OB this week because of the move but I see him Monday.

Hopefully I will be back on here in the next few days with more news and a pic of me Bliss and my belly.

Much love to all.