Monday, June 25, 2012
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Thursday, April 5, 2012
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Ambivalence
Before I continue on my contract notes, I have to answer my urge to blog.
The me one year ago, on 20th March 2011, probably would not have imagined myself surrounded with this set of circumstances.
Struggling in law school. Troubling over my future. Troubling over, trying to find a solution for eroding friendships in school. Fear of despise.
All these probably would not have happened if not for law school. It's really been crazy. When I was told that it would be crazy, I didn't know that it would be THIS crazy. Everything is taking a toll from the huge amounts of time spent on studying, doing up notes, making up for incompetent teaching, doing assignments, this and that.
The effects are extremely salient. People in school don't smile that much compared to semester one. People sigh, grunt in agony or just simply go crazy more often. Witness as students trod about without life in their eyes, with great weight in their feet, intent to have their behinds stuck on a chair from morning all the way till the lights are all gone. It pains when I witness friends falling out with each other. Someone said: "Year one, semester two, is a vortex. It will suck the soul away from you". It certainly feels way different from last semester.
I truly admire those who have the determination and stamina to study in such a unwavering manner. Then again, it might not be something worth admiring. It certainly is a conundrum: is this really all worth it? Don't get me wrong. I do try my best. But regrettably, my best appears to be lacking; my grades provide unquestionable evidence. I already almost went mad last semester studying *close* to that manner closer to the examinations. This semester I've taken it a lot higher. But then again, it pales greatly in comparison to what the others are doing.
I think I've thought it through, and decided on something - that I would just do my best, regardless of what the rest do. Whatever happens, happens. I'm not too sure if this mentality is the right one, but what more can you do, when what would have been personal free time has already ended up going to studies? But still, I just cannot help but feel upset, or stressed about it. Perhaps the repercussions are grave. Or perhaps it's just the infectious atmosphere in school.
Amidst all these, at least I've found an extra pillar of support. She brings me smiles, laughter, and comfort at times. Yet she is one of my motivations to push myself harder, to challenge myself to test my limits and exceed them. Without her, and my other better friends in school, I think I'd have been dead by now.
Now, there is only the holidays to look forward to. Exams? I'll just have to work hard. I cannot complain, if like last semester, I have already toiled my butt off, but the results still end up being unsatisfactory, right?
Well. Back to duress, undue influence and unconscionability.
The me one year ago, on 20th March 2011, probably would not have imagined myself surrounded with this set of circumstances.
Struggling in law school. Troubling over my future. Troubling over, trying to find a solution for eroding friendships in school. Fear of despise.
All these probably would not have happened if not for law school. It's really been crazy. When I was told that it would be crazy, I didn't know that it would be THIS crazy. Everything is taking a toll from the huge amounts of time spent on studying, doing up notes, making up for incompetent teaching, doing assignments, this and that.
The effects are extremely salient. People in school don't smile that much compared to semester one. People sigh, grunt in agony or just simply go crazy more often. Witness as students trod about without life in their eyes, with great weight in their feet, intent to have their behinds stuck on a chair from morning all the way till the lights are all gone. It pains when I witness friends falling out with each other. Someone said: "Year one, semester two, is a vortex. It will suck the soul away from you". It certainly feels way different from last semester.
I truly admire those who have the determination and stamina to study in such a unwavering manner. Then again, it might not be something worth admiring. It certainly is a conundrum: is this really all worth it? Don't get me wrong. I do try my best. But regrettably, my best appears to be lacking; my grades provide unquestionable evidence. I already almost went mad last semester studying *close* to that manner closer to the examinations. This semester I've taken it a lot higher. But then again, it pales greatly in comparison to what the others are doing.
I think I've thought it through, and decided on something - that I would just do my best, regardless of what the rest do. Whatever happens, happens. I'm not too sure if this mentality is the right one, but what more can you do, when what would have been personal free time has already ended up going to studies? But still, I just cannot help but feel upset, or stressed about it. Perhaps the repercussions are grave. Or perhaps it's just the infectious atmosphere in school.
Amidst all these, at least I've found an extra pillar of support. She brings me smiles, laughter, and comfort at times. Yet she is one of my motivations to push myself harder, to challenge myself to test my limits and exceed them. Without her, and my other better friends in school, I think I'd have been dead by now.
Now, there is only the holidays to look forward to. Exams? I'll just have to work hard. I cannot complain, if like last semester, I have already toiled my butt off, but the results still end up being unsatisfactory, right?
Well. Back to duress, undue influence and unconscionability.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Friday, February 24, 2012
Sunday, February 19, 2012
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Missed out on a gold timing yet again, this time by 9 mere seconds. Guess it's kind of remarkable I managed to clock at that speed given that I barely did any training with my messed up knee. I felt like I could have pushed myself harder though, as it certainly wasn't like the previous occasion when I almost thought I was going to die (yet still be a split second short). And the feeling sucks. Cursed at myself right after seeing my time.
But is this how it's really going to be, then? To never be good enough in all aspects of life? To be almost there, but never capable of reaching it?
I'm definitely not perfect. Neither am I expecting myself to be. Not sure about what others expect of me. But even if my best is not competent enough, I will keep trying. There's all to gain when you give it your all, right?
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