Recently, my ring finger and pinky on both sides of my hand have been randomly numbing up. Don't know if it's any cause for concern, just hope it gets better on its own.

Just led me to think:

"what if I lose all the sensation in my hands, before I ever get to hold yours."

Epic fail.

Got my grades back and wow. Do they suck, or do they suck? It's quite a setback indeed.

I do feel quite indignant about it. After all the studying and preparation never seen before in my life that I did, I had really expected and hoped for better grades, at least for that one beast of a module we call TORTS.

Maybe too much time away from studying has indeed caused certain decay in my grey matter.

Perhaps, by my standards, working hard is nothing compared to the effort that many others have put into the examination prep.

Or I could have just reached the actual ceiling of academic performance that I am capable of; simply not good enough.

Regardless the reason, there is nothing to do but to look ahead, to push harder and strive for the next semester. Hopefully I'd be able to push my overall grades up, in order to offset the repulsive set of alphabets that I've attained this past semester. I just fear for the life (or lack of, more accurately) that would be experienced this way.

Oh wells. Looking forward to the little things in life that brighten it up. Like having a merry christmas and a hopefully happy new year. Heh.

Well, not that I'm a Twilight fan, or that I've lived for a thousand years, but this is just awesome.

Can't believe I caught Twilight with a bunch of my army friends. And we were ridiculing it half of the time together. We were just bored the other half. Alcohol influencing your decision-making skills? Check.

Oh hello, world.  

The lunacy is over, for 6 weeks or so at least. This will probably be the most cherished 6 weeks of my life so far. My reward for surviving uni life so far - a nice bout of stomach flu that started creeping in since yesterday. Thanks a million, life.

What can I say? School has been pretty overwhelming thus far. Yeah, you hear of all the horror stories, of how law school is "crazy". I definitely believed all of them, and it was certainly within contemplation that life, as I have known it for the past 21 years, would be radically different from before. Just thinking about it though, is an entirely separate issue from experiencing it first hand. I have never ever slogged my ass this hard in my life.

The first week of official lessons opened my eyes (as if they weren't wide enough to begin with) to the harsh reality of society. I have genuinely never felt that stupid in my life before; lecturers blabbering, friends discussing, all to which I haven't much of an idea was going on. I told myself, maybe it was just the couple of years of serving the nation that caused the degeneration of that thing in my head. Or it could just be the case that I am actually not really up for this. Can't really believe that I have actually sat in front of my desk a couple of times during the first few weeks, and panicked.

Don't get me wrong. I am not one who perpetually overachieves, gets incredible grades since day one of education, and yet lament at the failure to get full marks for a test. That sort of stigma of being from a neighbourhood school certainly follows you around wherever you go, that which is evidence of (albeit past) incapabilities inherent. Compared to the vast majority here who have been educated at highly prestigious branded schools one after another, I am certainly not that significant at all. I got this similar feeling when I first stepped into JC. But somehow, everything sorted itself out. Just like in secondary school.

How miraculous. 

Hopefully a similar miracle is working its magic for me now.  I am certainly surviving school for now, and probably not without the help of having great friends around, to share the pain and undergo the hardships together, to find moments of laughter and joy under the never ending deluge of work to be done. Friends have always been a significant part of my life, and now I think we all need each other more than before.

At least now I know that what I'm studying would be immensely useful and practical in the future, compared to math and chemistry in the past where I could never foresee myself applying at work. 

Example: My parents were supposed to go to Bangkok for a holiday. But yeah, everyone knows what happened. So one fine day my dad tossed a stack of papers in front of me and said something like... "You're studying law right? Here, see if I can claim from the insurance company". 

I've never felt this useful in my life before. I intently scrolled through the clauses, trying to make good all the knowledge of contract law I've had so far. Indeed, quite a number of things make a lot more sense than before. After reading through, I advised (HAHA) my dad and told him that he would most likely be able to claim for a sum. 

But alas, it was not meant to be. At this point, I think there's some nonsense going on and it's not all that easy. So now my advice to him is to go to CASE. Definitely nowhere near the finished product, and a vastly naive overestimation of myself. Lol. But yeah, I would certainly be a lot more useful in the future. I hope.

Now, it's just R and R. And get this annoying stomach flu aside. To stop and smell the roses that I so miss.

Oh wow it's been so long. 

So much has happened. (but some things never change)
So much shit swirling around in my head.

I have no idea what on earth I'm struggling for, whether it's all worth it.

To avoid looking like a total whiner on Facebook, I guess this is a pretty good alternative just to write some stuff, to release pent up emotions, especially when there's no one around.

I think I could write an entire memorandum-length post, but heck, I haven't the time.

Oh help.

In the days leading towards last Saturday, it was a whole mix of feelings. On one hand I was really excited for it, to see all my great friends come together for once. Yet on the other, it was with much trepidation and uncertainty of the event: what if the place was not big enough, what if the atmosphere became one too awkward to bear, what if chaos ironically assumes control of the proceedings. Too many what ifs.

Thankfully, paranoia was true to its very definition. I would say that everything fell into place nicely, without much need for brain cracking or desperation. From the settling in, placing decorations, mingling with friends, cake cutting, cake smashing and, erm, late night events, everything kind of transited seamlessly from one to the other. Thank goodness, too, that my mind did not go into a whitewash when I gave my speech. I had been mentally going through the key points which I had hoped to cover for a few days prior to that, so even though I wished that I had said more, the gist of whatever I wanted to bring across was more or less there.

So yeah, I guess it was an awesome event :D

It was almost surreal to have a congregation of so many of your friends who have been a part of your (not very long) life. Perhaps this is the closest to time travel we would ever get, seeing friends from different chapters of your life gathering together in one small place.

But then of course, something does not require anything even remotely similar to time travel, because it transcends time itself - family.

I really think that I have one of the most awesome group of parents and siblings there can ever be. They are ever supportive of my decisions, and try to their best of abilities to help me out when I am lacking. This birthday get-together (I would not say party, I had always wanted it to be more for me to see all my friends, and for my friends to meet one another, regardless if they have met before or not; it was more of a celebration of family and friendship) was the epitome of my family's love for me, but do not get me wrong. It was not as if I needed proof of their love.

Mum, Dad, my sisters, I love you all.

It is totally inconceivable that, one month ago, I was in some foreign land having an experience of a lifetime.

My first real overseas holiday trip in about 5 years was a huge eye-opener, to say the least. A feast for all the five senses: great weather, majestic architecture, unique social etiquette, awe-inducing scenery and authentic western food were just some of the greater exclamation points of the trip.

I think I have been really blessed to have an opportunity like this to travel across oceans through the clouds, to visit places where a young me would think exist only in fiction. Now, when people mention the Colosseum, the United Nations' headquarters, or even the Eiffel Tower, I can be proud and glad to say that I've been there (:

When it comes to my health, I think I would be the paragon of paranoia.

If all my previous niggling suspicions were confirmed, I think I would have died like 23536232789 times over from all sorts of crazy maladies: heart disease, cancer, brain concussions, yeah you get the idea.

Now, I have someone tell me that my eyes look a tad yellow /:

So what on earth could that be? Mononucleosis? Liver cirrhosis? See, all shit like that. Never good stuff. Weiguo says it's eye infection stemming from wearing too much contacts, but I only wear them like, at most 3 to 4 times a week? And there's nothing I found online about eye infections relating to yellowy eyes /:

Maybe I should just stop drinking all the alcohol, maybe my liver's in pretty bad shape. After Sunday night's session, I dunno, I'm still having a dull headache up till now ): And even before that, I had something weird go on, vision in my right eye suddenly got obscured partially by this.... I dunno wtf is that thing. Kind of like a part of your vision getting replaced by something like television static, but not exactly, at the same time I felt a bit lightheaded.

After some research, I think what I experienced was a retinal migraine. Like, huh? Ah the wonders of technology, wonder how people survived in the past. Nothing serious, I guess, had an almost similar experience years ago. But if all my present symptoms are kinda related to each other, guess I'm in pretty deep shit.

WTF IS GOING ON. I DON'T WANNA DIE MAN. D:

Well, I think I'm gonna let my holiday in Europe pass, and see if any more crazy stuff happen. If so, I think it's time to see a doc. ):

If heartache was a physical pain,

I could face it.

I could face it.

Birthday celebration.

Hold.

Not hold.

Hold.

Not hold.

Hold.

Not hold.

Rawr.

Sigh.