Brief autumn update

I went to Minnesota in October and visited Jeremy, Shannon, Irene & Isaac. Fun times were had, including trips to the Children's Museum, the Mall of America, and the YMCA. Mostly it's just great spending time with people you love, and I'm so thankful to have siblings who invite me into their homes and let me be part of life for a few days.

I love these two, and being their aunt!

Found this tea and it was an instant addiction. I don't think I'll ever give up coffee, but since I like it when I don't have heart palpitations and/or insomnia, tea is a good middle of the day warm beverage alternative :)  It's also a good after-dinner ritual to signal to my brain that I'm all done eating for the day. 

The only picture I took in Minnesota. Isaac watched some other kids posing in the tunnel, then patiently waited his turn to have a glamour shot moment. Please note the cuteness of his clasped hands.

 A colleague of mine had a costume party the weekend after Halloween for her birthday, which she does every year with a different theme. This year the theme was villains, and I went as a Death Eater from Harry Potter. Here's my dark mark 'tattoo' that I traced on with a Sharpie. It needed a few touch-ups throughout the night, but I was mostly pleased. Sorry, no picture of my full costume.

My old roommate Kara (my 1st roommate in Seattle!) got married on 11/12/13 in Hawaii. I made the huge sacrifice of spending a week in Maui to be there for her wedding :) It was a fabulous week and a lovely wedding. I'd like to budget in a Hawaiian vacation every couple of years and check out some other islands.

This park was close to my condo:

It took me a couple of days to realize this was just the north part of the island I was on and not a completely different island. Geography has never been a strength of mine.

The sun stayed behind the clouds during the ceremony, then went down in a blaze of glory during the cocktail hour.

Kara & Brandon. Unfortunate lighting for this picture. Her dress was beautiful. Everybody looked pretty good with a tan and in the glow of sunset.

Mahalo for reading. More to come soon.

A season of Sapphire Skies and Spiders

Here we are again at Labor Day weekend, or as I think of it, the last dying gasp of summer. I don't mind the death of summer (to everything, turn, turn, turn, there is a season, turn, turn, turn...) because autumn is wonderful and magical in its own way. In this neck of the woods, the heralds of autumn are sapphire skies and spiders. The spiders are everywhere, disrupting my life with their sticky webs and sinister bodies. Last week I killed one on my bedroom wall, one on the kitchen floor, and almost crashed my car on the way to work when one swung down from the antenna outside my window while I was driving (I'm extra twitchy in the morning after my coffee). I walk out my front door in the morning swinging my arms in front of me like a crazy person because the feeling of walking through a spider web face-first is so alarming.

Summer was long and warm and wonderful, and I felt a little manic (as usual) with sunlight from 4:45 am -10 pm. I spent a lot of money, eating & drinking too much, and doing some fun summer things. There was also a lot of sitting around in a stagnant poo-puddle (metaphorically speaking). But God is overwhelming with grace, and I am no longer in that puddle.

Some highlights from the summer include:

The Rock n Roll 1/2 marathon! It was a perfect day, and I finished the race. I wouldn't do another one in FiveFingers (my weird running shoes), but I would probably do another one...

Picking blueberries with Kara & Max at her in-laws' U-pick blueberry farm

Camping with a great group of girls from work. My first time camping, and I loved it! 

Some great hikes, including my first solo hike (on a well-travelled trail so I felt safe but also enjoyed the solitude of being basically alone in the forest). 

Spending some time with this amazing bunch: 

Sometimes I'm so thankful for these people that I can barely breathe.

Speaking of that, I had a zen moment of gratitude the other day at work that was shocking in its intensity. It was an ordinary day (actually a Friday, which are usually harder than other days) and I was scrubbing with one of my favorite surgeons. The other people in the room were all like-able enough, but not people I would say I have particularly strong feelings for one way or the other. I was suddenly smacked with fondness for everyone in the room, and had the realization that this day would never happen again because the only thing constant in life is change...and was just profoundly grateful for such a holy moment in the middle of an ordinary day. I'm sure I looked crazy grinning under my surgical mask, and I sort of wondered if the anesthetic gas was leaking, but why question euphoria?

Mostly because of the aforementioned metaphorical poo-puddle, I haven't yet made any forward motion with plans for the future. Soon, though. Transition is on the wind :)

Tell me about your zen moments...
 

Brave

So have you heard this song? Because the first time I heard it on the radio, I thought 'hey, that's catchy.' And then when I really listened to the lyrics, I recognized life-giving words. And the first time I watched the video...well, yeah, I cried. Because running through my head for most of my life thus far has been this powerful (and tyrannical) question, mostly rooted in fear: What will people think? This song is an invitation to let go of that, acknowledging that it's hard, but showing the joy & freedom on the other side.  I'll mail a dollar to anyone who can watch the whole video without smiling.

Keeping with the theme of things that require courage, I'm running the Rock n Roll half marathon this Saturday. Training didn't go exactly as planned (like most things in life), but I feel ready enough that I'm excited. Mostly because they're shutting down major streets in downtown Seattle, and I'll get to run on both a highway and a major thoroughfare with great views of the water. Also finishers receive a medal (not to mention a T-shirt and swag bag). Send your thoughts/prayers/positive energies my way on Saturday morning!

The self-imposed deadline I set as a naive young twenty-something is fast approaching. Five years in Seattle, working in the operating room of a major trauma center, will come to an end. Maybe not forever, but definitely for now. Next up, God willing and tentatively slated for 2014, is six months volunteering with Mercy Ships ... and then perhaps some time travel nursing in the UK. I have always wanted to live overseas, and it feels like this is the time to do it. Packing up and going to a new place (for any amount of time) feels like taking the deepest breath possible, a whole world unfolding inside my chest. I'm excited for the future :)

Sunday reflections

I had just finished crossing a busy intersection today (at the end of an 8.5ish mile run/stagger...more to come on that) when I heard what can only be described as a blood-curdling shriek. I spun around, pulse racing, expecting to see something traumatic/tragic, and ready to leap into action. It was such a primal and visceral response that I'm wildly curious as to what I could have physically accomplished in that moment (when I thought I had no strength left).  It did not feel outside the realm of reality to presume I could have sprinted 50 meters and lifted a car off of a human. Thankfully, that wasn't necessary. Upon  spinning around, I saw a pretty blonde girl wearing graduation robes, half hanging out of a car, and hollering at some guys (I can only assume she knew) also wearing graduation robes who were across the intersection on bikes. Ah, youth :)

It made me nostalgic for the enthusiasm and wide-openness that accompanies such a momentous life event. While there are a lot of really great things about adulthood (and I honestly don't miss being 22), I find I must fight so hard to hold on to the beauty and potential in every day, lest the 'joie de vivre' be swept away in the constant plodding forward of the mundane. It seems like so many people become so bitter in middle age, and I never want that to be me...because it's both unpleasant to be around and unpleasant to live that way. Also, I suspect, not the abundant life Jesus was talking about.

After a lovely visit to St. Louis last week, I was laid up for a couple of days with a mystery illness (I suspect it may have been a cheesy enchilada from El Maguey that became lodged somewhere in my digestive tract and emanated evil in the form of headache, fever and general malaise, but I digress). I laid in the dark and surfed the internet a lot, but also watched a documentary called Happy which I must now recommend. It's been in my queue for well over 6 months (since my last 'documentary kick') and I'm so glad I finally watched it. Informative, induced introspection, and made me feel all warm & fuzzy inside.

Speaking of introspection, I spent some time yesterday perusing my old journals, poetry, and prose. It's quite an impressive and cringe-worthy collection, beginning with the poem eulogizing my first pet, followed by much lamenting about not feeling understood (except for those summers I spent at 'smart-kids camp') and a plethora of poems and gushing about love and various boys (that just make me want to pat the top of 14-year-old Rachel's head and say "isn't that precious" in a church lady voice). I've said it before and I'll say it again: life is long and weird and wonderful. My task now is to decide which, if any, of my works are fit for publication on this blog. Stay tuned.

Where feet may fail

Have you heard this song?

Because I can't stop listening to it.

I read or heard somewhere recently that we are most responsive when God calls to us through beauty or pain, and that is certainly true in my life. For a while now it's been a time* of pain for me; a time extended by my stubborn refusal to acknowledge said pain, which always ends up only causing more. Just like a person who ignores an injury, pretending it will go away, until they finally land in the operating room with a gangrenous limb needing to be amputated. It may sound extreme, but you'd be shocked how often it happens. In a similar way, I find myself at times emotionally hobbling through the days, unable to connect with what I feel because I'm too wrapped up in chasing distraction after distraction. Music often serves as a bridge to my feelings...and that's what happened with this song.

I'm so thankful God never gets fed up or turns away from me in anger. I'm thankful for this journey he's been leading me on. I'm thankful for all the amazing people I've met along the way and traveled alongside for a time. I'm excited to find out what's next, even though it's often a painful process of giving up control (the sweetest illusion) and learning to trust God.

*(please note the deliberate non-usage of the word 'season' which is one of those stuff-Christians-say words that has crept into my vocabulary against my will)

The mystery of the dead honeybee and other things

I've been living in this apartment since July 2011, and periodically I will find a single dead (or occasionally living) honeybee near the window. It continues to baffle me how they get in. I've been sitting on the couch reading and suddenly become aware of buzzing against the window...it's like they appear out of mid-air, one at a time. Is it possible that a bee would make the long, dark journey down my chimney only to become trapped and then ripped apart by the tornado-force winds of my Dyson? Tragic...

Half-marathon training is going well, although it's definitely cutting into my free time (mostly because I'm so slow). I ran with a woman from my gym last weekend, which was great because she's faster than  me and we talked as we ran. So I went ahead and considered that my speedwork for the week...because I still don't know what that means. 9 miles total last week, shooting for 10 this week.

Concurrently with race training, I'm participating in a Paleo leaning challenge at the gym, with the opportunity to win a significant amount of money. Everyone pays $30 to enter the challenge, then they take a 'before' picture (guys in shorts, gals in shorts + a sports bra) from the front, side, and back. We email in a food log each week for seven weeks and try to stick to the Paleo diet. Then at the end they take an 'after' picture and the trainers vote on who leaned out/lost the most fat. I'm very much appreciating how having to account for everything I eat helps me not to cheat or eat for the wrong reason, and how motivating $1000 winnings can be. The first week was hard but good, and I enjoyed the glowing skin and feeling like a rockstar at the gym that go along with cutting out sugar. The second week I was feeling pretty wiped out at work each day, with a perpetual mental fog, and one night kept waking up every 90 minutes. So (after talking to my mom who voiced some concern) I added up what I was eating each day, and realized I needed to take in about 500 more calories. Oops, thanks Mom.

I recently got my renewed passport in the mail, and I suddenly feel like the world is waiting for me :)  It's deliciously exciting.

Speaking of delicious, I ordered some of these Tanka bars from Amazon. Anyone looking for a tasty, meaty, low-carb, grass-fed buffalo treat, look no further. Seriously.

Modern miracles

I remember when I first got glasses, what feels like a million years ago. I had no idea how nearsighted I  was until I put those glasses on, and everything in the world came into focus. It was miraculous. Then came a decade and a half of contacts lenses and all the fun that comes with wearing them. Starting each day touching your eyeballs, not being able to go to bed until you take them out, the itchy discomfort during allergy season (which is perennial, in my case), and being incapacitated every time a stray eyelash makes its way into your eye. Let's not even talk about jalapeno peppers...

After several friends had great outcomes with Lasik surgery in recent years, I decided I was ready to join the eagle-eyed among us. I set aside some funds in a flexible spending account, scheduled the appropriate appointments, and thankfully found out I was a candidate. The weeks before my surgery, I tried to drink in the beauty around me, knowing there was a (very small) chance that something could go wrong and I might never see again. I spent some time looking at pictures of all my loved ones, not in a dramatic way, just acknowledging that there are always risks associated with surgery.

So, the procedure itself was very strange. They gave me a Valium in pre-op, after which I passed out for an hour. Then they woke me up, and I walked into the laser suite. I sat down in what looked like the chair you sit in at the dentist's office, fully reclined. They placed a big stuffed alligator on my abdomen, and told me to grab it if I felt the urge to move during the surgery. Then they wrapped a foil blanket around me. I asked if it was to stop me from catching on fire from the laser, and the nurse responded that it was an anti-lint blanket. I still think it was to stop me from catching on fire.

Then came the mildly uncomfortable parts of the procedure. If you're squeamish, just skip this paragraph. They put sticky drapes over my upper and lower eyelids, then put in a retractor to hold my eye open. Then numbing drops (thank you!). Next came a lot of pressure on my eyeball as they pressed some apparatus onto my eye, so hard that my vision blacked out. I could hear a buzzing noise, and I presume they were sawing into my cornea to make the flap. Then I could see again (sort of) and all I had to do was stare at the red and green lights while the laser made some clicking noises (did you know that lasers make a clicking noise? I did, because we use them in the O.R. but I bet not many people know that). The doctor put something onto my eye and brushed the flap back into place. Retractor out, drapes ripped off (which may have been the most painful part of the whole procedure), and then they did the other eye. The whole thing took about 20 minutes.

Then my eyes burned like the dickens. Think sand, srirracha, and glue rubbed into your eye. They led me into a dark room and tested my vision (20/10 baby!). I went home wearing some super cool plastic eye shields, ate some food, took the Vicodin they prescribed me, and slept for 12 hours. I woke up to a gloriously sunny day, with no eye pain and terrific vision. MIRACLE. My roommate took me to my post-op appointment where the doctor cleared me to go about normal activities (gym, running, etc) as long as put the prescribed drops in my eyes.

It was a truly beautiful weekend in Seattle. Springtime in full swing.

I took advantage of the beautiful weather and went for a long run (6+ miles) wearing a hydration belt for the first time ever. There was definitely an adjustment process. After a mile of the darn thing hiking up my back every 50 steps, I figured out that it worked much better for me with the water bottles in front (a tip for other pear-shaped runners who didn't already know this). My next step, besides just putting the miles in each week, is going to a nearby track and doing 'speedwork' or some such. I've got to be honest, I'm not really sure what that means, but that's why the internet exists right? I keep reading things about your race pace + 15 seconds, and realizing I don't have a race pace. So my plan is to go to the track, just pretend I'm in middle school gym class, and run around it faster than I normally run (with rest between laps). I'm not trying to break any records here.

To keep with the body-themed nature of this post, I had an alarming experience at the gym the other night. We were doing overhead squats, and the trainer was helping me because I said that it didn't feel like a very stable position in my shoulders. He told me to push my elbows forward to externally rotate the shoulder, which I did, and immediately realized that my left shoulder was stuck. Like, I cannot lower this (thankfully empty) barbell without damaging something in my shoulder. Trainer Mike took the barbell from me, and then I was able to lower my arm. He suggested I get my shoulder looked at because there's something going on. I'm pretty sure I have 'loose' shoulders because of that one time one of them partially popped out while I was sleeping. I'm also pretty sure that going to a sports medicine clinic is going to get me an expensive MRI and medical advice to stop going to Crossfit. So, I asked some of the ortho guys at work, who said I should look up rotator cuff strengthening exercises. Did anyone else in the family get these 'loose' shoulders besides me and Jeremy? Does anyone have any favorite rotator cuff strengthening exercises? How about hip flexor stretches? Please share. 

Thanks for stopping by!