LOL-LIPOPS; SIZZLES

Friday, April 2, 2010

i have many things in my head right now. firstly, i think my life really has lost its direction. i totally find no joy in studying and im just studying for the sake of some societal requirements of success. one has to have good academic results to have a bright future, yea right. whats the use of being academically smart when a person cannot uphold a good character? .... seeing people fighting like crazy to get into leadership positions or get into research grp for the sake of building up portfolio really irks me.... doing things, or rather planning things instead of taking up such positions because of passion. its scary, how people do things for the sake of a good future. its tiring to fight with so many people, to try to make oneself outstanding too. i want to be successful in my definition, i want to be the hero of my own life, not by the definition of some societal requirement. it's the first time out of my school life i feel like trying for a leadership position, for once i feel like stepping out of my comfort zone to challenge my abilities. i never dared to really lead before for fear of responsibilities, but i was told i could lead, and i really wanna try for the passion of the post. however, there seems so many people who wants to compete for the place too. are they doing it for passion, or for the freaking portfolio, i have no idea. i dont mind competing for the post as i believe its an interesting role, but seeing how people literally plot to get it, sort of forces me to plot for myself in order not to lose out. i feel ashame of it, and i am tired of doing it all this way. should i continue fighting? or just give up. i just want a simple life where people around me accept me for who i am and we are able to treat each other honestly. somehow, i seem so insignificant and incapable among all the elites... i want a place where i truly belong. my dream and goal in life is to travel the world, i really want to, but it just seem so far out of reach. never can i imagine myself just sitting in an office for 20 over years working for something that i find no meaning in. if i were 70 and lking back my whole life, the success which i see is only high ranks in an office and lots of money, thats so meaningless.
friends... what really are friends. its scary how someone criticize a person behing his or her back and turn around claiming to be his or her friends. it really send chiils down my back, what are friends to you. being good in front and talking about their flaws behind. if you dont agree with their ways, dont fake them into believing you are their friend... sometimes how i wish i live in a drama, where friends can sacrifice themselves just for the sake of each other. how i wish i can find people who really understands me, accept me for who i am, and not gossip and gossip about people around them. gossips are really juicy to listen too and many people would like to listen, even me myself, but when i take a step back, i realise the gossips are just too aplenty and they float around. when will you be the content of gossips, you will never know. cant the world be just simple, why cant people tell the person directly where they did wrongly, whats wrong with them, if you dont want to, just keep your dam mouth shut. .... i think i need to tell myself too, keep my dam mouth shut, because i feel that im starting to be sucked into the whole pool of fakeness and gossips.... i realise that people joins gossips not to be left out.... i dont want to be left out, neither do i like the feeling of bonding just because we have a common enemy. haiz. my world is turing upside down and im wondering if im really the outcast. is it my fault that i dont fit in? is my thinking too illogical? what's wrong with wanting somone who understands you. i want to be the hero of my life, i want my life to not be a shadow of darkness. come on, let me soar high for my dreams.

10:23 AM

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

2010!!! ITS A NEW YEAR! my post is a bit late la but still :) better late than never! 2009 was well a wonderful year with its share of sorrow and joy. one of the thing i felt really bad about was losing almost entirely every single desire to study, which was really quite bad to the state that i harped on my hatred for studies everyday. every start of the week, i was couting down to friday=end of sch wk with 2 days hols every start of the day, im counting down to the time sch ends. cool eh. it sux. i hope i manage to recharge myself aft this hols, im really in no mood to study yet. but start of jc is a start of another episode in life, hope it will be great! and i hate my keyboard, its dam difficult to type argh.

then again. 2010, hope it will be better and more wonderful and more well hahaz filled with laughter than tears.

i have to learn to let go when the time comes, even though the feeling might be close to losing something i have been so used to and sarificed so much for. but for now, i still hope to be able to strive to what ever achievement i can get. i will try my best. im tired. but i ever regretted. :)

with another year gone, i start to realise time really pass too fast. really too fast. i really hope the time when my whole family spend time together will never end. i dread the day when each of us have our own life and dream to pursue and can never share most moments together, i really dread that. to me, spending time with my family is the happiest time of my life, and most 幸福. i wil cherish those time and whatever that lies ahead of us. i just hope we will always be as close as we can be, even if we are miles apart. wish them good health and happiness. :)

ok long and random post. tts all.

life is really a box of chocolates, we never know what flavour we will be tasting next-quoted :)

10:50 AM

Saturday, October 24, 2009

BOOOOOOO. finally revamped my blog. hahaz, it has been idle for some time growing cobwebs and dust :) ok, changed my blogskin as well as the old one had some problem. the reason for chosing thsis, pure randomness, i also don't know why. but LOL is quite cool :) on the other hand, i still think if there was a theme on noobiness, i will choose that :)
eoys are over, and its really quite screwed. i studied, but i guess this year really tired me out. my flame for studying was dying out and i really could not feel the urge to push beyond extremeness. however, i still made an effort, so i hope it would not be that bad. i hope my flame can rekindle somehow so i can push myself a bit harder next year:) i dont like studying, and thats a fact. but i know its important. and thats a fact too. so hmmm. just hope will gain back the urge to do well and strive further. i am definitely not a study material that can get straight As, but i just think i can push myself further. so yea tts all.
went back to trng on thur, and my whole body ached like mad tdy. 3 days of trng aft one month of rest, its a killer. but i hope to get back my feel, at least i wont feel like a loser chasing aft the ball that somehow seems faster than usual (that certainly says something about my deproved reaction). its ok. work hard.
then ... dont know what else, i think i wrote a lot, but that's basically because i didnt write for very long :) hope to spend time with family and friends during this hols and feel fruitful about life. hmmm looking forward to several things and wanting to do several things. hope to sort them out. and ... i think i should stop, its reallly long :)
wait then again there are two fantastic videos i wanna post. espcially the one on flashmob. watch or regret :) this should happen more often, its really cool.

and the last on its near or beyond impossible breaking moves. awesomeness!

hehe entertained? hope so. and the weather is really very hot...
ending off with LOLlipoping! LOL. bye.

7:19 AM

Thursday, September 3, 2009

watching dramas is really a remedy in escaping realities, no wonder i can sit there for hours watching without moving.....
sometimes things are just meant to be, what's not yours will never be yours no matter how hard you work for it, no matter how hard you pray. things just get worse even... i seem to be talking about something really unfortunate, i know that there are much more unfortunate ppl out there than me, i know i have many blessings to count, but it really hurts when i work so hard for something, and never get anything in return. why... why do ppl who care less than me have the opportunity, but not me. yes im lousy, but have i not tried 100 percent to become better, yes ppl are lazy to wake up in the morn to trng but have i not. i have. yet all has come to nought. forget it, just forget it, im not talented, neither do i have the luck or chance, just give up, it will be easier that way. will it? i dont even know why i take it so hard, fine because im so lousy such chance hardly come, but yet i have to get my hopes up and get thrown back down the dark tunnel. great. furthermore, i know i dont have what it takes to grab every chance. sometimes, i seem to want to act to be somebody besides myself, its easier to blend in that way. whats the use of explaining my situation and having pitiful glances thrown my way. it feels weird to keep coming up with stories to cover up the truth i must hide.... i hate it. i hate this. why cant my dream be fulfiled. why.... i asked this thousandth of times, maybe, just maybe, this will be my last time. anyway, it does not turn better, so why bother, sacrificing so many stuff in the way. just give up.

6:20 AM

Monday, May 11, 2009

Personal statement. yea, thats what i have to think about over this long weekend cause we need to write about ourselves. Who am i? what makes me me? what are my dreams/goals? what am i good at? what are my values in life? WOW. so many tough questions all at one go. hahaz, i was never good at making decisions, and i can proudly say that until now, i dont know what i want to be. I really dont get the point in studying accept that without it i wont have a future, cause i cant continue to further my studies. ya. basically until now, my life just revolves around studying and table tennis. quite screwed eh. this experience doesnt really differetiate me from other people, nor do i see it benefiting me since i kind of suck at table tennis. So wad, i only know that table tennis taught me not to give up even numerous failures are put before you, cause if you want to be at the top, you have to overcome these failures. even if you cant reach the top, you will be behind the top, giving up only makes you tumble right down to the ground. Also, working hard does not garuntee success, im serious, sports is something tt require talent and opportunits and the right timing. of course, hard work is the pillar tt supports the other three factors, but without the three factors, hard work is just a pillar that supports nothing. yea. and hmm i made a lot of friends tt are nice. hahaz quite comfortable to be out with, yea it changed my life, cause i hardly go out with my classmates. hahaz.
what makes me me? i dont know, my mind makes me me. i am a person who breaks rules hahaz, but in my mind i know the limits. i know when to stop breaking rules, i know when to abide the rules, i feel irritated when i see people cutting queue, i feel sad when i see an old lady selling tissue, i feel guilty when i did something wrong. i know i need to respect elders and teachers deep down, i guess tts my value. other than tt im a slacker :) hahaz why do i like to slack, i dont know i hate work, nw im just so strssed out im holding on to the few weeks left to hols. although i also cannot really relax, but at least i will get enough sleep. sometimes teachers really just think we only have their subject to study, they dont really realise how much we really need. they get irritated when we ask for extensions, but do they know we are struggling at home until 1 to 2 am... sleeping in class is due to severe lack of sleep and not because of boredom or the weather... at least, some teachers understand. thank you! you are the best ! they add hope to my screwed life. how i wish im somewhere in europe or korea or japan, that has this large green patch of field, with maple leaves falling or cherry blossoms around, and me lying down comfortably lking at the blue sky. the weather is not hot, clear but windy, its the best if i can hear the seas waves, tt would be perfect. ok im tied from writing, i still have to clear large piles of hw.... so see ya!

1:56 AM

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Procrastination. Its a killer. But then again, it seems to be stuck in my nature. Gosh, shoo! come back after my tests. Shoo!

My life seems to be getting cloudy, the light at the end seems to be lost in the midst. Wheres my direction? Being flooded with trainings and studies, its really tiring. Will all these be worth it? I hope results show that all these are worth. I really do.

Time past really fast, being back at the same place where i was 1 year ago with similar things happening, it really bring memories back. Sometimes i wish times really past fast, sometimes i wish it would standstill, actually time just zoom past us, leaving no time for regrets. Cherish. Its the only thing we can do. Hold on to happy memories, let those unhappy ones be washed away with time.

Friends. What really defines best friend. Will you really be able to find someone who will sincerely care about you when you are down, share your happiness when you are happy, will not tease nor bully you, support you whatever the situations are so long as they are morally right, be with you just to listen to you when you need one, have similar values as you, cherish time spent with you? Is someone like this really possible? One who really cherish you as person, as a friend, but not for what you have, not for your popularity. Is there?

Wow, quite a long but random post. Just things that have been through my mind. i realise i think a lot. :)
迷失自己的感觉好可怕。

9:27 AM

Thursday, April 16, 2009

wow its ages since i posted hahaz. i never really thought of posting again cause basically i was lazy, and not much time. but i just have this urge to vent my feelings, so yea i thought of this, since no one ever reads this blog le, suits me fine. tdy i lost my match 3:1, wondering what i was thinking then. the feeling sux aft tt i think, although it was only felt like later, i feel like im wasting my time and sacrifices even bothering to train as much as i can. i come home from trng so tired and fall aslepp doing hw or studying almost like 3 times a week, whats the point when i seem to be losing... i really wonder what i want. why im i so uptight, its just a stupid comepetition some may think. but the point is tt i put in effort, isnt there suppose to be a phrase called no pain no gain or hard work brings success, since i had pain, why is there no gain? if i worked for it why im i not getting it. and i know im reaching the last 1 or 2 years of my tbt so called path, i wanna do the best for what i have left, its just. i dont know how to explain. but aft spending more than 5 or 6 years playing table tennis, you wont feel like giving up just like tt unless you acheived something to mark the end, well basically i did nothing. i haven even have half a acheivement. im i really so not talented, cant you just let my effort pay off once... should i continue or what... but i guess i expereinced failure so much tt its all quite numb to me, but will i still have tt urge to do well, to squeeeze out time for trng like i did ?
anyway aport from tt, i heard my bro made some serious mistakes in his exams. for hes confidential purpose, shall not elaborate. i know he tried his best and studied hard for it, hope he can get over over it and concentrate on the rest of his exams. gor gor dont give up! i know you can do it.
i once thought studying is the only thing on earth tt will get good marks so long as you put in the effort to study, well i have to reconsider tt. nw it seems, hard work only pays off for ppl with luck, with talent. people with just plain hard work, it brings you nowhere.

6:51 AM