i'm really thankful to God for giving me so many friends and brothers and sisters in Christ to encourage me during such a time. thanks for hearing me whine and directing me to God instead.
Thank you Lord for always being so gracious to me even though i'm such an asshole and seldom grateful for all you've done.

i can do it!!!!!!!!!

funny how i felt God had been so silent and all of a sudden verses of encouragement and hope just start raining down on me. man...God...you really do have a weird sense of humour. ;p

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. ... ... Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."
-James 1:2-12

"And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. "
-1 peter 5:10

i'm in JC. i was brought here, i was brought this far, what's a little more??

Faith, perseverance and hope. my fuel for the As.

i'm crushed by my results. grinded to powder.

i don't know. it's prelims already and despite working my ass off...what do i get??? i'm getting below 50 percent for goodness sake. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!?!? i wish i could culture brain cells or smth. it seems so unfair. why are other people so smart? why am i like stuck in the middle of nowhere? if i was created to be stupid why can't i be FULLY stupid? at least i'd have the excuse of failing.

i don't know...i kinda expected such lousy results after the papers, but it still hurts deeply. feels like all hopes of even making it anywhere is dashed. even laselle's degrees and certs are lost, the ministry intends to stop the degree programs at laselle. WHERE DO YOU INTEND TO SEND ME GOD?!?!??! DO YOU WANT ME TO BE A RUBBISH COLLECTER???? IS THIS WHY YOU ALLOW ME TO FIND DELIGHT IN DOING MUNDANE TASKS?!??!?! WHERE IS YOUR COMFORT????

it's hard being a christian in a christian school. it's harder being a christian in SFC in school, it's even harder being an exco SFC member in school. but it's hardest when your friends and teachers around you think you are running the race for God strong. esp when they are non-christians. i find myself going through the routine, giving model answers when i myself am skeptical of what i'm saying. i wish i could lash out and scream at the airy fairy answers. i wish i could just not care about the whole Shine for Christ and belt out vulgarities to release my frustrations. yet, i know...i'm going to regret it if i ever did it.

i'm having so many different voices in my head. there's the weak "give up" taunt, the bully in my head that's just mocking me for the hope i placed in God, convincing me that He is merely a figment of my imagination, "just give up..you'll never make it" voice. and then there's the other camp of "remember God's promises, remember how He has brought you through all the other examinations" voice, there's the "be strong! you can't give up. you've already come this far" and there's also the " you can do it, i know you can" voice, "STAND UP AND HAVE A BACKBONE. THIS IS YOUR LIFE. NO ONE IS GOING TO PITY YOU EVEN IF YOU FAIL". each voice is taking turns and it's driving me insane. i can't barely hear my thoughts or differentiate which is my own voiceand which are merely figments of my imagination or influences from tv series. ARGHZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

i'm jealous of the people who help me so often in my studies. Angry at the very fact that they complain about insecurities, not having studied, prediction of bad results....but yet they come back with As, being among the top of the class. WHAT IS THIS ALL ABOUT?!??!?! it's come to a point where words of encouragement from them no longer stands. where you can't help but be skeptical because you know at the end of the day they'll still score better than you.

ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHZZZZZZ.
SHOOOOT ME SOMEBODY.

i'm almost done with my prelims....but i already know i'm going to do badly...if not worse than my block tests. OH DEARIE MEEEEEE....

why???

because i went mad mugging bio during the sept hols and once bio was over on monday...i felt like this deflated balloon: trampled and stamped on...left to shrivel and melt on the hot roads of singapore.

haha. ok..it's not that bad...apart from really emptying my brain of all that i knew of....my automated "overwriting"system in my brain kinda killed my other subjects.

to put things simply.....i died-ed for other subjects. hahaha

now how am i going to make it to uni??????

no wonder they call it a FAITH journey

anyway...this deflated BALLOON can't get her engine started again....there seems to be a whole some where...all the knowledge and info is kinda leaking out...OH DEAR..MUST PATCH IT UPPPPPPPPP!!!!

jia you glory.....

ON A HAPPIER NOTE...

MY NOTES AND TEN-YEAR SERIES, TEXTBOOKS, PRACTICE PAPERS ETC ARE DOWN FOR SALE ONCE THE PAPER FOR THAT SUBJECT IS OVER. HURRY ASK ME IF YOU WANT TO BUY!!!!!

National Junior Robotics Competition (NJRC)
ah yes. brings back loads of wonderful memories. from Oasis(NJRC) to Oasis(FLL) to Ignition (NJRC) and i can't remember our FLL team name. sigh...those were the days.

it's sad how so many things in the competition has changed. the very thing that made NJRC in itself fun and memorable was the whole journal making...and yet...it's all gone. SAD. i sincerely and honestly believe it's because they are afraid of how much further IJ can push in the journal arena. We went from small lttle cupboard like structures to huge life size journals of islands, castle, london phone booth etc. the mad rush to finish the booklets, to get it out of the ever jamming brother printer to the mad binding of the booklets. the lack of sleep, the countless amount of coke we drank, the dust we probaby accumulated in our lungs from staying in the arc room..........arc definitely defined my life in IJ. those were the days....

it's sad how time flies and all of a sudden all the people left in the CCA are strangers. all that you knew are graduating and soon...all that remains is just the teacher :( the arc room isn;t familiar at all. the last time we worked in the arc room was in the old run down campus where mould used to grow on anything it could lay its spores on. the countless cleaning up till we decided to just chuck the whole load of rubbish under a table and use banners as table cloths to cover it all up. hahahaha. yes..yet it seems that all that is left of what we've done are our memories. i went back to ij today only to find out that journals...the very essence of our time in NJRC, the product of our sweat and blood, tears and laughter......to be gone :'(

i guess...they dun even need an archive for it anymore since in the first place....journal award is no longer there. SAD. returning back to IJ to wish the juniors all the best brought back alot of memories and even stirred up this passion in me to want to go back and re-do all we did for NJRC. no doubt those were very tiring, stressful periods....but still...i really treasure them. if it wasn't for ARC, i wouldn't have been able to enter SA, wouldn't get to know my fellow brudders, wouldn;t be able to have so many wonderful memories. the adrenaline rush from working as a team, looking out for judges on booth day, the excitement of the competition....OOOHHHH...oh yea baby yea!!!!!!!!! those were the days.

still....life has to go on....i wish i could be inspiring and spur the juniors on, to teach them and guide them along the NJRC journey so that they could bring back a million memories to keep as they grow old and wrinkly in their wooden rocking chair, to know without a doubt, about the wonders of ARC.

GO ARC!!!!!!!!!!!!

glory just came back from a short while of retail therapy and glory is happy :)

glory is happy becaused she manage 9 hrs of study today in school and covered quite a no. of stuff :)

glory is happy because she retailed therapy at the supermarket where there are no annoying salesgirl who stare at you as though you are going to steal their things. and then there was also the happy buying nice food that makes YOU happy in the future. YAY.

glory decided to treat herself to some sushi to release her stressed and dead-ed mind. and glory was very HAIR-PEE to imagine all the wonderful yum-mums that she can stock her hostel room with.....ooooohhhhhhhhh......zoo land biscuits, digestives, soups, post cereals, honey stars...yada yada....OOOOOHHHHH...haha. thinking about it just makes me excited!!!!

yayayayayayyayayayayyayayayayayayayayayyayayayaa...haha. retail therapyyyyyyyyy :)

**glory beams very very widely**

!@#$%!@#$%

rah. glory is angry at herself because she is sooooooo unproductive. stupid glory.

i've been burying myself in school work and studies i'm becoming anti-social. seriously. but i suppose i really need to be disciplined and continue studying even when no one else is able to. it's really very tempting to just follow all of them home when the 5.30pm alarm in school rings.

still, it's been rather discouraging for me during the first half of the prelims. SIGH. i dunno. after all the training we've received from ms lye and the practices and what nots, i felt a ray of hope that maybe this time, i could do well in my GP. i dunno. but after the paper, i felt demoralised, disheartened, discouraged, depressed whatnots. i dunno. i was quite disappointed la. and then there was bio paper 3 and lit on the same day. after going through the notes multiple times and drilling myself for the essay questions, i was quite disappointed to find myself not able to recall some stuff and not understanding what the question is asking :( chem was a huge disappointment. i was glad that i managed to finish the entire syllabus early since i started early. but little did i expect myself to forget all that i've studied such that i can't even remember the formula for Ksp. what an idiot. i couldn't remember the organic stuff etc. i chose the wrong questions to do and i ended up having loads of blanks in my paper. all that practicing and starting early seemed to do more harm than good. sigh. and then there was maths. quite disappointed with that one also. i almost completed the entire pure maths tys portion and then....BLARH...shucks. now i need double the work to fix my grades. SIGH.

things are seriously not looking up for me :(
even my spiritual walk hasn;t been looking up.
it's dumb. so dumb i dun even know where to start.
or perhaps everything has just been a part of my imagination......

just maybe....