lunch time in bellarine, sitting in front of the computer and remembered this long neglected blog. everyone's growing/ grown up, they offer me words of wisdom, but i lack the courage to put advice into action. it feels like i am the only one lagging behind in maturity, or i am the only one who overthinks and complicates life. on the weekend past we learn of a devastating news, of an amazing amazing person taken way too soon. he was extremely accomplished in his career (and to describe him as accomplished would be a big understatement), amazing personality, friendly, generous, inspiring, a most loving father who leaves behind his wife and two very young sons. a great great loss to the world and the profession. and that got me into a reflective mood. along with friends' relationships that i thought would end up in marriage, but ended instead. life's too short to be settling if you're not completely happy and know you're worthy/ capable of better. and thats where a lack of courage becomes the limitting factor. afraid to leave the comfort zone for fear of never finding anth better, but also discontent cause you think you deserve better. i used to have this time-line plan of how i want my life to be, to achieve certain life milestones at a certain age. but hey, from memory, my plans never go to plan. so far, i have been blessed with the fact that things have worked out beautifully in the end. and i can only hope that this time, it does too.

how time flies. even faster than it did last year it seems.

5weeks as a dentist and enjoying it, i would even say im quite happy to get up every morning to go to work. i think thats an incentive not many people get to enjoy these days. i hope it stays that way :) but i really need to start at least part time private next year.

its a big house in geelong with lots of space but no furnitures, so i spend most of my time in the kitchen or sitting on the bed lol. nevertheless, its a good space to live in :)

i now understand why working people look forward to the weekends so much. it feels like a totally different lifestyle altogether weekday vs weekends. also, its so difficult to try and get office hours things done like bank, tax etc. always have to do the lunch time dash.

made a shepparton trip one weekend. and a brisbane trip the other weekend. in brissie life feels like a holiday. which was nice just chilling and acting like i have all the time in the world instead of rushing around trying to be a tourist and seeing things.

also, i still think about you and worry about you, but i think i might be slowly getting over you.

its been raining and raining non stop its flooding in the northeast of victoria.

also joined fenix gym and im looking fwd to getting fitter this year :)

thats what happens when people get married/ get a partner. they no longer have time for you, or you just become so low down on their priority list you start to wonder why do i even bother. it is truly upsetting but there is nothing much you can do about it. maybe it is a part of growing up.

went to see showhouses today. was never really interested in looking at houses, and im now finding it more and more interesting. maybe its the thought that maybe one of these days i could actually own one. again, that i think is a sign of growing up. sigh.

having a financial responsibility is troublesome lol.

oh also, im moving to geelong, and work at barwon health starts on monday! :)

didnt think its been over two months since the last post. so i guess, happy belated christmas, new year, chinese new year :)

in these two months..

grandparents, aunties, uncle, parents came for my graduation which was on Dec 3rd. a day where everyone did seem to be glowing with smiles.

4th Dec was grad ball, which was probably the last time im gonna see some people ever. there was drama, hugs, tears, laughters and smiles, and there was reminiscing.

there were blurry days.

there was going back to indo, and Bali and Surabaya :)

and there were conversations with you, and happy and hopeful moments which i wish would last forever. there were more promises made and promises broken. and i still do not understand why i put myself through this shit, again. and why you do what you do. and why in the world do i still miss you.

http://everyday-isa.com/2011/11/24/a-history-of-beautiful-unpleasantries-thanksgiving-2011/

"Thank you, Loneliness.

You showed me that solitude can be beautiful. The truth is that if I take a real good look at my life, I’ll see that I am loved beyond measure and that I am never alone. Every contradicting idea is a lie. You are just a feeling and you are just passing by."

how did this happen again :/

“My Dearest Allie.

I couldn’t sleep last night because I know that it’s over between us. I’m not bitter anymore, because I know that what we had was real. And if in some distant place in the future we see each other in our new lives, I’ll smile at you with joy and remember how we spent the summer beneath the trees, learning from each other and growing in love. The best love is the kind that awakens the soul and makes us reach for more, that plants a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds, and that’s what you’ve given me. That’s what I hope to give to you forever. I love you. I’ll be seeing you.

-Noah”