68 days

it has been sixty eight days since i last posted.
only the seven of you that read this might (or might not care)

BUT, it is with good reason.

first, it started by my decision to take as much time away from the computer as possible and just spend time with Lolo. we spent most of July in the pool or eating frozen yogurt.

then, we GOT THE CALL.
the call?
yes! THE CALL.
for our son.

a more detailed account will evenutally follow, but, in a nutshell, in the matter of a month-we got a call that a birthmother had chosen us to be a forever family for her baby.
then we found out she delivered a boy.
then we waited two agonizing weeks.
then, we went to get him.
then, we held OUR SON for the first time.
and it was nothing short of miraculous bliss.

the past 3 weeks we have barely put him down. and why should we?

introducing to the blog world....

EZRA 

 heartbreaker.

Father's Day 2011

My Baby’s Daddy

-a father’s day poem-

My baby’s daddy is one special man.

He loves with his entire being and gives all that he can.

He plays dolls, dance party, hide-n-seek and trains

He holds, caresses, rocks and sings.

He teaches numbers, letters, acting and jokes

He prays, nuzzles, protects, and little hairs he strokes.

He forgives a million times over and laughs and the small stuff

He loves unconditionally and is a safe place his baby can trust.

Diapers, baths, kissing boo-boos and more-

My baby’s daddy is fully present and never keeps score.

My baby’s daddy loves that baby as big as an ocean

And he will love all my babies with fierce devotion.

Our family can never thank him enough

For being a daddy that shows a heavenly love.

synapses

things i am thinking about lately:

1. our dear friends who are in rwanda RIGHT NOW with their newest son.
    **adoption is a miracle that blows my mind and heart right open.**

2. naturally, our baby. i think about this child about a kajillion times a day.

3. homelessness in Austin. it is pretty much a responsibility as an Austin citizen to address the need we see on every street corner. just can't ignore it.(i am a big fan of a wave, a smile, a granola bar and, sometimes a buck or two.)
**want to do more**

4. my daughter. how she is one of the most amazing people i have ever laid eyes on, much less birthed. ok, she is the only one i've birthed, but geez...she's incredible.
**she plays "mommy" to her dollies, telling them everything "will be okay", patting there backs and rocking them and singing them sweet songs.**
**she is gorgeous; those eyes.**
**she prays every day for her family, her dog, new baby brother or sister and several of our neighbors.**
**she is insanely observant, has a sharp memory and is proving to be one smart cookie.**

5. my husband. he has had to endure more than his fair share of work-related/provide for your family/"this is not quite what i had planned" nonsense over the last few years. he keeps on keeping on, is sweet and humble and puts his head down and does what he needs to do, because he loves us so. he never thinks that he is above a situation, for he knows that his glory is not on this earth.
**proud of that man.**

well, folks. there you have it. my musings.

A week in the life

My week:
As you shall see: I am one blessed lady.

Sunday: Easter.best holiday ever.Saved by grace.

Monday: husband off work, husband wins tickets to ACL live taping with Mumford and Sons. Dance a jig and drink iced Vietnamese coffee.

Tuesday: caught a couple hours to myself, poolside for reading, journaling and magazine page-flipping. Snuggle with baby girl. Play trains.
Choir rehearsal, beethoven's glorious mass in c.

Wednesday: physical therapy for neck. Library with daughter and husband. Kolaches.
Sprinkler fun with baby girl.

Thursday: husband off in the morning. Hike a few miles, pee in the woods and eat curry for lunch. Pick up feisty girl from mother's day out, carryout multiple time-out sessions
and do lots of hugging. Make homemade pesto.
Choir rehearsal.

Friday: sister in town! Plant some plants, bathe dog, drink coffee and hang out with sister and child.
Attend adoption ceremony/ welcome home party for dear friend's and their two new children. Heart swelled.
Choir rehearsal with orchestra.

Saturday: parents, best friend come to town.
Homemade sangria and first choral performance in 13 years.

you got to fight for your rights

DISCLAIMER: i believe most doctors to be compassionate, caring people. i realize many sacrifice time, energy and their personal well-being to tend to others. i am grateful for these men and women and the hard work they do.
BUT, this is where i vent, complain, whine and generally sound bitter with them. sorry about that.
_____________________________________________________________________________
april 26, 2011

i am beyond frustrated. i am overwhelmed. i am tired. and, i am angry.

i am finding that the health-care world is an exhausting and discouraging place to navigate.

i have been battling migraines and neck (disc) problems for over 2 years. (waaaaaa)


i have been to dr's, chiropracters, specialists. i have had blood drawn. i have been proscribed narcotics. i have had massages, decompression therapy, traction, physcial therapy. i have used excercise bands, lifted weights, had laser therapy. i have iced, heated, taken hot baths, and lived on ibuprofen, and extra strength tylenol to avoid said narcotics as much as possible. i have eaten spoonfuls of ginger pills to combat the stomach aches from the pain and, the pain medicine.

i have been on the phone. like, alot.
i have told people i am hurting. like, alot.
some have listened, several have not.

BUT, mostly- i have been told many different things by many different doctors.

and, here i am...almost three years later...having spent quite a bit of time and money...and i don't have a damn clue who to believe.

i don't know which specialist to go to; which philosophy to follow or which school of thought is correct, in dealing with my case. i have had doctors tell me to my face that another doctor's opinion is crap. well, great. glad i spent all that time and money with them and their crap.

the thing is...i am the sick one. the one managing pain nearly every day of her life, trying to care for my baby girl through blinding headaches, numbness, tingling, and shooting pain.

i don't want to figure this out any more.
i don't want to call the different doctors, insurance company , etc.
i barely have the energy to fight through pain every day much less summon more energy to do personal research and pay our limited resources for more "opinions."
i want them to call me and tell me how to get better!

i realize this sounds unreasonable. because, doctors are not gods.

however, what i am seeing more than i would like is the healthcare BUSINESS.
health-care often feels like a business first and, a helper second.
everyone is taking my credit card and pushing me into the next office and no one really knows what to do with me.

my heart aches for those with chronic illness and a lifetime of doctor's offices, second and third opinions and little to no relief.

it is not how we were meant to spend our days.

i need to talk to Jesus about this.
then, i could really go for a cold beer. 

30 while I'm 30

30 While I’m 30...A year later

18 out of 30. i'm calling that a success.

1.     Take a photography class

2.    Plant some plants and keep them alive.

3.    Go through Celebrate Recovery

4.    Read at least ten new books (nine)

-The Hole in Our Gospel, Rich Sterns

-Emergence, labeled Autistic, Temple Grandin

-The Last Lecture, Randy Pausch

-Secret Thoughts of an Adoptive Mother, Jana Wolff

-Adopted for Life, Russell Moore

-The Help

-The Red Tent, Anita Diamant

-The Connected Child, Karyn Purvis

-The Jane Austen Book Club, Karen Joy Fowler

5.   Throw a surprise date for Kyle and I

6.   Adopt our child-Approved and waiting!!!

7.   Clean and and organize our closets

8.    Lose ten pounds. Enjoy being active and strong. Yeah!!!

9.    Memorize ten Scripture verses. (3 committed to memory, so far)

10.  Learn how to make homemade pasta. Not completed

11.    Take Lois to the beach

12.   Give more of my time to serve my community.  (HopeStreet)

13.   Visit my sister in Paris. (was not able to complete…sad times.)

14.  Run a mile without stopping. (ran 1.25)

15.   Go canoeing on Lake Austin.

16.   Go an entire month without watching TV. Not completed

17.  Eat at Uchi. Not completed

18.   Go on a vacation with only Kyle. (South Africa!!!)

19.   Go to the Austin Museum of Arts (not the downtown location I was referring to)

20. Have a family picnic.

21.   Take in a few happy hours with the girls.

22.  Wear false eyelashes. Not without trying, but I couldn’t get those suckers to stay on.

23. Go to the ballet.  La Sylphide!

24.  Eat lobster boo, I need to walk down to red lobster.

25.  Learn the rules of football nope, realized I just don’t care

26.  Hike more often

27. Get better at putting away folded clothes

28.  See more movies in the theater

29.  Finish compiling my poetry    (this may have to wait a few more years)

30. Find the best queso in Austin (need more research time)

Neck ya later

So, I have been suffering from neck problems, ie 2 compressed disks and a Pinched nerve, as well as migraines for over two years now.

I find chronic pain is a real buzz kill...can I get an "amen"?

Thousands of dollars and many hours spent on testing, therapy, massages, chiropractic care and there still seems to be no real solution at this point.
Stomach problems from far too much ibuprofen and migraine meds Are also a lovely part of this relationship.

To be frank, I have been throwing myself one hell of a pity party today.

I have had to pray it up...ask for peace,strength and resolve to keep on keepin'on in a very real way lately.

I feel like God reminded me today that many have it so much worse than I do, and, more in importantly, joy is heaven sent- not circumstantial. Sheesh. I need joy to reach right through my whiniest, most frustrating days and grab me by the collar and give me a good shake.

Good thing that is an illustration, because that would actually aggravate my neck. Hehe.