CHICKEN- YUCK

So as some of you may know, over the years I have developed a pretty healthy dislike of chicken. It has nothing to do with the taste, and everything to do with running into weird stuff while you are eating it. There is nothing more disgusting than biting into a piece of hard, unchewable chicken parts.

I never thought that this particular quirk of mine would actually get me fired from my job, but it did- crazy I know. Apparently me hating chicken was too much of a hazard for the Avalon Hills facility, and so I took my bow and left. Am I a bit upset? Absolutely, I keep thinking to myself- that was messed up. Will I get over it? Half way there. Although, I do need to brag for a minute on how I have definitely been a very big person through the entire situation.

I was very graceful when my boss told me I had to leave, I didn't even back talk, I just took it, told her if that is what she thought was best for the patients then I would do what I had to in order to ensure their full recovery. When the girls asked me why I had to leave (and let me tell you several of them were very sad, it was hard to leave them, I had really started bonding with them) I just told them that my chicken dislike was too hard for Avalon to accomodate, and that it was in their best interest that I no longer stay on as staff. I assured them it was not a big deal, it had nothing to do with them, and I would miss them very much.

In reality, when I get home and am not at Avalon? I think that I was treated extremely unfairly seeing as I ate the chicken everytime they served it. I hated it but I manned up and ate the stuff. I made a request a few times with individual chefs to substitute something when I knew I was really going to have a hard time eating the stuff, but whatever. Also, my boss said that my last week here I wouldn't have to eat chicken at all, that the culinary staff would provide substitutes- guess who ate chicken twice, and never got a single substitute. I know I know, I can't blame the culinary staff, but really I just feel Avalon really treated me unfairly.

Okay enough complaining and on to the silver lining. The day before I got fired I got a call from an insurance company I put an application into back in the Spring. If I hadn't of gotten fired, I never would have called them for the interview. The job could be fantastic, great salary and absolutely amazing benefits. I feel really good about the interview, still waiting to hear back for sure about whether I have the job, but I feel optomistic about it. I will be making almost three times what I was making at Avalon, so financially it will put us in a really great position, and I qualify for outstanding benefits after just a month of working.

Can I complain and moan about my situation? Yes. But will it last forever? No, I think I move on pretty quickly.

Making the cut and keeping it all in perspective

So, do you all ever just feel sometimes that no matter what you do you aren't ever going to make the cut with some people? I have this compulsive need to be liked, we all do, but there are times when I feel like no matter what I do, no matter how nice I am, I just can't win people over, and it really gets to me.

I was thinking about that today. I am in a new environment and I am trying so hard to make friends with co-workers, neighbors, etc. but I just feel like I can't break into the social circles, and it is really tough. Of course I have friends, and I love them all and they are totally great and their friendships are enough, for now, just not when they all move away, as they will. I am trying to prepare for this next transition, and I feel so overwhelmed, and a little alone.

When I was a child I was the biggest social butterfly, I had no inhibitions, I wanted to be friends with everyone and so I befriended everyone I could- I was outgoing, bubbly and completely myself. I know we all change as we get older, but sometimes I wish I could bring out these traits that were so natural to me as a child. I wouldn't say I am not friendly, but I definitely have a harder time putting myself out there than I used to.

I think my job is making this difficult for me, because you have to be so careful of what you do and say, and me being such an open and honest person, I sometime say or do things that while appropriate in the real world, aren't appropriate at Avalon, and I get talked to a lot about my inappropriate behaviors at work. I know it is just business and you shouldn't take it personally, but I do, I get easily hurt, that is just the way it is. I guess this all stems from feeling like I am never going to be a good enough employee, which really gets to me because I have always been a super hard worker and gotten praise at all my previous jobs. I take pride in my work ethic and my ability to learn new skills quickly, but I guess Avalon is an exception.

When I come home from work feeling absolutely awful, like I do today, I try to keep it all in perspective, and of course I use this same mentality with any other thing that brings me down. I remember all the people in my life who I know care about and love me. I think about whether or not the thing bothering me is really that big of a deal, which it usually isn't. I remind myself that what is happening is only temporary, and I am not stuck in the situation. It helps, most of the time.

When life gets really bad or sad, I always remind myself that this life is also temporary, and is a freckle on the timeline we live eternally. I know this life is just a stepping stone to an even better one, and that in the end everything will be fine, and as long as I am trying my best, that is all I can do. All the Lord asks of me is that I am trying harder every day to become the best me I can be.

Keeping it in perspective is somewhat easy, but waiting for a time when I can stop worrying about the things I do, who likes me, etc. isn't so easy.