I didn't know PMS could be so bad. Have I really really got PMS?

A few days before the onset, I got really disturbed by my devil mind. Images, thoughts which are really really, you wouldn't expect a normal girl like me to have them, to an extent I thought I have some abnormal psychological symptoms, are lingering in my mind deliberately. I know if I don't put my attention to these thoughts, I have no intentions at all. But, I don't know, it's like, something is forcing me to this devil thought. Until these few days, I got especially tensed up. Adding on to the menstrual cramps, I feel utterly terrible. I was thinking should I go see a doctor, since it's not normal and also detrimental to be having bad thoughts in my mind.

Until it finally subside, it got really better, but still, the forced devil thoughts are still lingering in my mind here and there. I tried reciting prayers, listening to songs to distract my mind away, or having a big laugh with my parents, watching a super lame TV, having an early night sleep. My daily routines are usual, nothing has changed. Rather, it has been pretty good. I wake up in the morning (but I don't wish to have bad thoughts lingering my mind as I wake up), I dreamt normally as usual, then I got up of bed, preparing to go to work as usual. Work doesn't give me any stress these days. I eat my bread and read newspapers as usual, eat an early lunch as usual, snacking on grapes as usual. Went home as usual, very routine based. Reached home, bathed, dinner as usual. Then watching prime time TV shows. Even my bio clock didn't fail me, I would yawn around 9 plus and I will go to sleep normally at 10 plus. I get tired as usual, my stomach growls as usual.

So, what is bothering me? It's just the stupid mind that I want to get rid away. Or is it am I living a life too peaceful and smooth such that, I have nothing to keep me preoccupied? Aiya, I don't know la. I just don't want to think about it. And it's over. I want the real self back.

But so now, I feel tensed on my neck when I swallow, or the little side effect of my acid reflux throat problems? I need to relax.

I read an article that it's about the quality of your mind and thoughts, if you think good, you will be good, if you think it's bad, then you will be bad. Something along this line, it's like, about how you treat your beliefs. Alot of things are control by your mindset, and also, not to let them control you. Which is why, I keep searching articles on how to cheer myself up. Other than that, I don't know how to help myself feel better, and be a better person. I really hope I will destroy all the unwanted and unhealthy thoughts. A normal human being will surely have some bad thoughts and impulses, especially college students (quoted by wiki), that's normal. Well, I hope I'm normal too and, the way I deal with problems.

Cheer up jiaxin!

看过，读过别人的博格，介绍他们喜欢的东西，自己对生活的认真，期待，感想， 对身边的人的那种爱。 我觉得有时候，我是真的太过钻牛角尖了。

我妈跟我说过，有人看相说我会是一个走极端，爱钻牛角尖的人。我承认，的确是有时候会想太多，看不开。但我觉得还没那么严重。但最近，可能因为刚开始新的工作，新的环境，在加上这几天大姨妈要来拜访。我的心情更加急躁，会胡思乱想，像一些我会很极端的做些什么事？ 可能看太多极端的东西吧？最火搭档？ 哈哈。脑海一直浮现出很多画面，连我自己都很气自己，为什么我会是这样的一个不良的人。 这些想法和画面经常一直不断的出现。 这些年来，来来去去都是这样，不同的画面。但我知道，是错误的，可是我不知道为什么会去胡思乱想些东西，很无聊，非常无聊。 也制造了我很多的不愉快。而且我发现，每次这样的时候，都是大姨妈要来了。很烦叻！

但是现在，我们应该成年轻时，去做一些喜欢做的事情，不要有烦恼。 我们也要过一般年轻人的生活，追求梦想。所以，我希望，我不要一直浮现奇奇怪怪的东西了！这对我也没有好处，因为如果不，那我不就是败给那位看相的人所指定的命运了吗？

我说过，有时候，有些事情，我让命运决定，不要去强求。但是，我还是得掌控自己的命运，自己的生活，因为我不希望，自己糟蹋自己的生活对吧？因为，生活就是要开心，放宽心胸，就像妈妈一样！

所以，这期间来，就因为我在钻牛角尖事候对那些所有态度不好的朋友们，非常抱歉。我会改进的。我应该把精力放在比较重要的东西，学业，工作，妈妈爸爸，朋友，和那些关心我的人与事。对吗? 对了，就是这个态度，我得牢牢的记住，做个更好的人=）就像我说的，我是一个不懂得玩乐的人，因为我就是太认真了。

不敢对妈妈说，在这里说出来感觉真好，因为我知道，有些人一定会看！

嘉欣，加油！

;)

My best university semester, after exchange.
The least number of modules.
The least number of AUs.

The same grade of my core modules.
My first perfect language mod.
My first perfect Physics mod.
My first perfect Psychology mod.

JIA YOU FOR NEXT SEMESTER!

;)

needs to be more careful!

I don't know what is super wrong with me today. Today seems a bad day to start of with. First, I had repeated flashbacks of unpleasant scenes lingering in my mind which is unhealthy. Sometimes, I was thinking if I had really some kind of weird imaginative disorder or not. I am just... I don't know what to say. Think too much? But well, at least work buries me.

Precisely when work buries me, makes me more stressed than ever like today, just meeting the directors at a meeting which don't require me to do or say anything can stress me so much. And then rushing out some materials before I knock off today, make my chest feels tensed up, lessen my energy.

I don't wth was wrong with me, I saw several small boys wearing my sec school uniform running across the traffic light, well, it's green light, so running across the road don't seem any problem, I thought. As when that traffic turns red, I reached the point, it was a cross junction, the other traffic light heading to another direction hasn't even turned green. I DON'T KNOW WHY I CROSS THAT TRAFFIC. IT WAS A RED LIGHT! Suddenly,...

A company bus was speeding towards me and I thought, why is the bus going so fast when it's green light, and I held my head up, IT'S A RED LIGHT! OMG, I quickly dashed to the platform at the middle of the road, and faster cross over to another side. My gosh, it was so dangerous, and I thought it was supposed to turn green anytime soon. Oh well, I don't know what am I so stressed up about. I am always afraid when crossing roads, and always made sure that cars stopped, or when there is hardly any vehicle, then I will cross the road. I guess I am lucky this time to escape this tragedy. I still remember two years back when I was heading to my tuitee's house, I cross a junction which cannot be crossed by passengers and many many cars were horning me. Oh my gosh, I still have that bad impression in my mind and now, another flashback will be stuck in my mind again. Never got to be released. And I will just stay with these bad memories in me.

That kind of scared, afraidness but, why does it still happens to me? My mum must be pretty worried about me when I cross roads, two times, which occurs at traffic lights which are supposed to help people cross roads safely.

I seriously wonder, why am I so not cautious and mind drifting away all the time. A lesson learnt, to be more careful and alert all the time whenever doing something.

Thinking about today, just make me more afraid in life. 不要想太多！

And because of this bad flashback, I am constantly reminded of it after this incident. Talking about accidents, on the news radio, on the drama preview clip, on the straits time twitter, car horns on and off around my estate.

Don't you guys agree so? That you encounter something annoying that day which lingers in your mind, related incidents or scene will remind you as and when you interact with the environment, on the newspaper, during conversation with your family, on the TV. Well, I guess not to take this so seriously. Otherwise, it is very difficult for me to move on in life. Another thing, I am being too serious and easily annoyed by myself- person. My mother always remind me, in life, we always always have to learn to let things go, you will be lighter, and happier to deal with more challenges in the future. I always believe what she said, and I will also always try to make sure I keep up to that, though sometimes I am slow to realise things. =)

Jia you for results release! And thanks to NTU tweets for the CONSTANT reminder that results will be out midnight, check your results while dancing in the club whatsoever. UGH! I just plan to have a good night sleep tonight and forget all my troubles away. Hopefully, tomorrow is a happy day for me!

One week of intern has just passed!

I suddenly feel that I should really treasure weekends, especially when we are all working.

My internship is going smooth still, I like the working environment, the location, RP is really a very nice place to be in. The students are quite nice in general, the staff too, are all very friendly and sociable. I am very happy to be given this opportunity to work in RP too. So now, I have experienced sec sch, JC, poly... what's next? HAHA! No! not uni!

But there is something that irritates me and I shall not say here. Actually both good and bad. I shall just tolerate with it for the next 11 weeks or more. And I will bound to have this problem again when I step into working life next time.

11 weeks to go and counting down.

Glad to meet up with daddy and mummy today at Jcube. At least something I do fun out of my work. and we are just talking about traveling this coming holidays. =) Korea? Japan? Hong kong? Taiwan? South east Asia? If I'm travelling with them, of course, I will choose SEA, since daddy and mummy are very good ambassadors of SEA. =)

Is it because my senses are too sensitive? And I am very easily annoyed with typical Singaporeans' behaviours?

Sometimes, some things, really, are not meant to be said out. Keep it to yourself.

And also, some things are not very nice to say it to your friends or colleagues. 要察言观色.

What you want to do? What you are thinking? What you want to say? Sometimes, it is better to keep it to yourself. In my opinion, people, including me, will judge for whatever things you say. Judge as in, grade your first impression.

But sometimes, it is really annoying to see such comments.

So, I am a person who never likes to be known for whatever person I am. Err, well reserved person. I won't say much or comment much on things. And be a quiet person for whoever I am. Well, I don't know if others judge me. I really don't know. But if you do, then, it doesn't really bothers me. But I keep myself afar from people whom I have first met. But, knowing me for long, you will definitely see my true colours. Hee Hee!

Given my temperament, the only career that suits me alot is “胡小曼”. SERIOUS 24/7. 冷酷无情. Always alert and suspicious.

I can't stand people doing things jokingly. When it comes to serious stuff, I can really be serious. It's just sometimes I don't have the capability to do it well. Jokes aside, come to serious things, serious. Come to fun things, I also serious. What's wrong with me hor?

Wah, I am so tired after two days of badminton. But I had fun. Otherwise, it would be a long time to exercise with friends again especially since IA is going to start really soon. But I had a fun time!

Exams are oveR!

gosh. don't know what has gone over me but I keep remembering exam times and venues wrongly! Subconsciously I keep thinking paper always starts at 1pm. Then I keep thinking my korean paper is at Hall C instead of Hall D. And then today, I sat on the wrong seat number. I wrote everywhere on my schedule, my phone schedule that my seat number is 206. Until when I was about to write on the paper, a guy came up to say his seat number is 206. I have already off my phone since then, and I have to restart my phone to check it. and was so sorry and embarrassed, thank goodness the time is still early. And, I left the phone un-off throughout the exam. OMG! luckily it's an obedient phone that does not give me any surprises.

This semester's modules were all manageable, to the extent that I aimed quite high for each paper. Out of all the 4 papers, time series was the most cui I could say. But oh well, I have been forcing myself to wake up early to study these days. From now onwards, I could sleep til as and when I like! YAY! And also, catch up on TV!