Letter 1 - Your Best Friend

Dear Best Friend,

Like I always say, I don't have a long lasting best friend. As for now, I hope you know who you are. I always thought that you don't really understand me well as compared to XXX. But recently I discover that we actually share alot of things about life along the way, which I think is quite alot as compared to any other friend. Prompting you on msn everyday has already been a habit, even just to call you. We also exchange calls quite a number of times which I haven't been doing ever since back then in secondary school. It is definitely a nice feeling to have when someone calls you, sms you, pat you on the back, talk to you at random to find out what you are doing sometimes? Though it may just be asking something random, but it's definitely very sweet. Also, you will also take care of me, lead me no matter how tired you are and don't reject my favours I ask for. Perhaps there are things that I haven't really open up and finish sharing, but thank you for the understanding of the blurness I have. Though sometimes we have differing opinions, I should say, most of the times, but it is glad that we came to an understanding position.

It's interesting to recall how I first known you, the weird weird name everyone is talking about but a super friendly guy, well-known for your joker acts. Everyone may take you for an entertainment figure infront, always making the day very bright. I love seeing the way you laugh, really very funny. Well anyway, it was after the incident that I got more close to you even when I thought that time, I find it a little difficult to step out of the box to know you and talk to you because the problem of me being "immature" has been constantly reminded and repeated to me. And also the weird and irritating questions that comes out of your mouth constantly wherever I go in school. But more and more I find that, it takes time to understand each other and also, I haven't been sharing my views too. That was when my impression of you changed from an entertainer to someone who is really really serious too. That was a miracle how different we are has closely brought us together in one way or another. Or perhaps, it takes two hands to clap.

I have always told people around me that, I hope my boyfriend will be my best friend. But I see more positive traits in you. HAHA! But it is impossible because of our vast character differences and the environment that grew us up in! Anyway, I still have alot that can never be expressed in words so short to you. I also can never imagine how am I a light to you, especially when I am in my super blur and nonchalant attitude appearance in front of you all the time. Okay I admit that I am nonchalant and appear to be cold, but that is because I think you have the capability to judge that issue for yourself and decide what you should do. I have the trust in you to accomplish that and there is little I can do to make the world chnage. On the other hand, to make me less confused and frustrated with the way things are in life, I chose to accept and just be nonchalant, as carefree as I am.

I hope things are turning well at your side. You have to be more demanding and get what you want with priority. You are a fine person, I don't see the need for you to change the way you are. It's just the way you are that is why you have many friends staying by you. Most importantly, you cannot mess your own life and daily lifestyles up. Sometimes I really wish I have a brother like you. Don't worry too much about life. Things will get better. Jia You!

Loves,
Jia Xin

As I write this letter, I teared. It gets more and more obvious who really cares and really treats me better. But just to only realise it now.

30 Day Letter Challenge

After completing the 30 Day Song Challenge on Facebook, I think this kind of challenges are so interesting. So, here's 30 day letter challenge adapted from sx's blog.

Letter 1 — Your best friend
Letter 2 — Your husband/wife/lover/bf/gf/crush
Letter 3 — Your parents
Letter 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
Letter 5 — Your dreams
Letter 6 — A stranger
Letter 7 — Your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
Letter 8 — Your favorite internet friend
Letter 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
Letter 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
Letter 11 — A deceased person you wish you could talk to
Letter 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
Letter 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
Letter 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
Letter 15 — The person you miss the most
Letter 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
Letter 17 — Someone from your childhood
Letter 18 — The person that you wish you could be
Letter 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
Letter 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
Letter 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
Letter 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
Letter 23 — The last person you kissed
Letter 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
Letter 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Letter 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
Letter 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Letter 28 — Someone that changed your life
Letter 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
Letter 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Time flies. We have just finished our school attachment just like this. And what a pity on the last day, my mentor didn't come to school and it was quite last minute I think, that he have to attend a course. Happily telling me that he will help me check out his lesson plans the day before. But to no avail, I didn't get to chat more with him on my last day. And also, I just left my message and the box of chocolates on his table. Together with a few small notes for classes that I initiated to relief. Drama on the last period where a two boys were running and chasing after another. One boy threw the other's spectacles and the casing over to the other end of the class and it hits the window and the specs flew off. It was a brand new specs. The other guy was very angry with him, but he just went off smiling and laughing. This case should be reported to the DM. I am not sure whether there is follow up, as it was already the last period of the week. Everyone came and gone off like a wind so fast where I still have alot of things to settle and say good-bye!

To me, Dunearn is another neighbourhood school but this school focuses alot on character building which I think it's good. The students here are quite friendly, and I should say, much better than my previous school. Though in every school there are bound to be students who will give alot of troubles to the school. But I see students slowly turning over a new leaf, at least for my stay there. I hope students will appreciate the little effort we have put for them. A little bit will do. Despite a little setbacks I have faced along the way, I hope this won't change my decision as a teacher in the future to come. I pretty much enjoyed the experience but I feel that I could have done more work in school.

With that concludes my working experience for this summer holidays, to think that I spend almost $1000 over within 3 days. I bought a new phone and upgrade my phone to a smartphone and data plan, costs me $428. Then I bought a camera on Sunday,$299. Some necessities and luggage on Tuesday which costs me around $270.

Talking about luggage, my mum and I went shopping yesterday at Chinatown. The bus ride was so long that I sleep like nobody's business on the bus. It has been such a long time since I last shop with my mum. I love shopping with her. and eating street delights with her along old streets. We shopped for a long time at OG. i bought a Lee cooper sneakers, a wallet (I want it to be atas to begin with), a luggage, locks, and a winter sweater. Then we went to find some sewing stuff for mum. Then went to search for eateries and finally settle down to eat fish. We then walk over to the main Chinatown area to eat desert. It was sumptuous. I totally love the "pokpok" or I shall named it "Little Balloons" of the snow ice desert. At first I said I don't want to eat it. But after that I love it so much. It's so cute but sad also, no matter how cold or hot, how much you pressed it, it still remains that round size. But when you bite it inside your mouth, it justs bursts to juice and disappear. Just like balloons when you prick it and it just disappears with a burst. Okay, then again was lost in Chinatown, but this time round there's mummy so not so bad. I finally know how to navigate inside there. It's great to walk in such a heartland place in Singapore. I totally love this part of the country. From the river, to the clarke quay to Chinatown, to the flyer. Hai... I hope I have a boyfriend to accompany me tour the places like a tourist. =(

It all ends here!

But the next chapter will unfold really quickly, well, that's my own instinct.

Attachment is coming to an end soon, tomorrow. Today is Racial Harmony Day Celebration and I wore a sari! I have bought the sari close to 4 years but I have not yet touch it since I bought it from India. It was tiring to wear a long sari with shoes that hurts my feet. But anyway, feel kind of cheated when more than 80% of the people didn't wear! And I feel quite weird in it. I met an Indian teacher in the toilet after my breakfast today, and she helped me re-wrap the sari with many nice pleats. Her pleats were really nice! However, I really feel a restriction in my movement because I was running around the block all the time.

We helped out at the celebration for an hour. It was like a carnival/ booths everywhere, activities for students to try out. Allowing them to be more aware of cross-ethnic cultures. I walked around the whole hall observing the activities. It seems quite fun. But my legs were really aching. =P

Another bigger thing that happened today was the presentation. We have been busy with lessons observations that we chiong last minute for the project. The printer was down at the Resource room so we need to find alternatives to get our stuff printed. The printing took up alot of time, that I don't really have much time to go through my slides, not to say writing cue cards and rehearse. So I wasn't prepare to articulate what I want to share with the SMCs. Therefore, as I kind of expected it, I fumbled with my slides nearing to the last bit of the presentation. And all the way, I thought I was very blur in trying to deliver what I was saying. I wonder how the SMCs really like the idea of having GKW when I present it too lousily. Hai.. guess I need to brush up on my presentation skills and crapping skills too =P I feel really lousy after that when my the other groupmates did soo well. However, the SMCs say that overall it was very impressive piece of work. And also some teachers were saying it's okay it's okay... But why is it that I get butterflies still when I speak infront of people, for the first time I seen them. As a teacher, a certain level of confidence should be already built up. I guess I have a steep learning curve then. I guess I need to reflect more, fumbling on slides is the last thing that I could ever think of. I'm the kind of person who will need to rehearse and have script in front of me before I can really do a good job. But normal talking conversations or sharing sessions are fine with me, even teaching. Why is it that presentations always put me down, and I often put them down too? I would love to have dialogue sessions, it's fun, just like how the Taiwan host show is doing. ARGHHH!!!!

Thank goodness tomorrow is the last day. Then after that I don't have to be reminded of this "little bad experience" anymore. However, I must say I had a good time here, despite of the "very free week 1" and for certain point in time, nothing to do. I enjoy going for lessons and doing co-teach.

And also watching the last part of harry potter! Just looking forward to it, I don't have any expectations of it. I just want to enjoy, but I guess I will fall asleep.

Guess what? I only had three hours of sleep yesterday but I was the earliest to school today out of the 3 weeks of attachment.

Chalet was fun but the thing is we started steamboat too late. I chose to go there earlier to check in together with M&M. The two hot brothers went to fly kites, after half an hour or so, their kites didn't fly. -_-" We played cards while the juniors went off to buy steamboat food for quite long. We started preparing and some of us went to rent the bikes. It took us some time to get it done. Thus we had our steamboat late and the fire and hot plate is not really working. I ate as much as I could to kill my gastric. Then we sat down and started laughing all the way of the nonsense we came up with...

So, we left late. And we couldn't join night cycling because of our attachment. For once, I hope I can join in too, though I think night cycling will be tired just like how I dreaded it last time. But nevermind, there are things that needed to be done. And so luckily I still manage to catch the last train home from Khatib.

I think I played too much this holidays. Back to work!!!

It was tiring these days but I truly had a fun time! I have never ever enjoyed it with the presence of a group of friends since JC?

We had project ID performance this morning til early afternoon. We performed too early til many of them missed our performances. So we did an encore again. First time in RSPHI for me we did an encore performance! I really had fun doing this song. It's high, but still, it takes some effort to ensure that I'm smiling. Next was tuition, totally not in the mood to rush back and teach cuz we were so drained out already.

We did so much stupid things today, like chair-ing, playing at the play ground. Guess we are old enough to remininsce the young and innocent days we had. That's the moment that'll keep our spirit down =)


You know someone means a lot to you when their mood can easily affect yours.
I guess I must stop deceiving myself.

Last day of lesson observations!

Okay there shouldn't be a question mark there. Should be =(. Kind of missed the feeling of entering classes everyday, helping students with their sums and work. One point is... my mentor is really funny today!

1) His dressing today not very "like" him... Dress down day today. He just tuck out his long sleeve shirt. So the students ask him, "cher why you never tuck in your shirt?"
[teacher]: Hey tuck in your shirt...
[student]: Cher you also never tuck in.
[teacher]: ...
[me] : (laughing in my heart) hahahaha!

I thought he will wear polo tee today.

2) I was supposed to teach his class today. I went up to him and want to follow him to lesson. He ask me, "you have something to ask me?"
I look at him, "Having lesson now right?"
He look at me again, "I have another lesson now leh."
"huh? I thought my timetable wrote 1045?"
I ran back to take my timetable.

"Oh ya, sorry typo. But I have lesson now, it's 4NA. Do you want to sit in?"
"Okay!"

So I get to sit in all his classes already. Basically, this class was completing their TYS. Very power. Every student will do different questions at different pace. Different pages. Looks like I have to do it on the spot when they ask question. But not bad arh. At least I can help them with all the questions. yay! I'm a MATH QUEEN! HAHAHAHAHAHA (thick skinned)

3) Hai... I taught so cui today. I should be more specific and explain the rationale first before starting. End up my mentor have to go through everything again. But thank goodness everyone was patient with me. My mentor even apologised to me for disrupting my lesson. I felt so bad because I should be the one apologising because I slowed things down. =( Guess I will have to improve on my pedagogy. Never mind, I feel bad, but not very very bad because he was so nice to me hahahaha! At least I never take it so guilty in me. Never mind everyone has their own mistakes and first time..

We celebrated Daniel's birthday today but epic fail. Didn't manage to surprise him enough. Then after that we chiong for meeting. Haven't ate my lunch yet =( After long periods of lesson.

Oh! And I met Mdm Saubiah today, my DM from my sec sch. She remembers my face I guess. but not my name (of course lah. Last time I so Guai1) So glad to see her. "good good, everyone is making a difference!"

Today it was honours day for the lower secondary. Memories flew back when I was in Sec sch that I was up there every year receiving awards. I was very happy then. But I guess striving hard for my results made me lost a few things in life. Results are not everything. Bear that in mind students!

As I was about to leave. One student keep looking at me, I didn't know he wants to approach me for consultation because he could not find his teacher. And I don't recognise him! Omg I feel so bad, he was the student who compliment me yesterday! so touched! He even ask me til when will I be staying in Dunearn. So I told him next week is my last week already... So sad... gonna miss this place too.

I am really glad my small effort made a difference in their lives one way or another...

Seriously, I doubt and question myself these few days. I have been troubled over a series of issues. I know I shouldn't bring my emotions and feelings to work because that's just not being very professional. I mean it's very childish of me too because I'm just on attachment there and what's so stressed and upset I could get right???

1) Instep. I'm worried that my roomie is not going. I seriously hope that she can go so I wouldn't feel lonely for the trip. And she herself can enjoy the trip together with us too. I know she badly wants to go. And me too. I was very excited about it at first. But seems like alot of people are withdrawing due to timetable matters, personal matters. I want to "party in the USA". Looks like I can't really PARTEYYYY you know? And this is only the beginning. I have to also take into consideration the culture and the people over there in Canda. I have never been outside of Asia before. To think to handle everything by myself. I can't. If plan changes, I have to settle everything all again through MOE, my residence plan, and what so ever. I don't mind the paying part, cuz I have no choice. It's the vacancy of the flights again. Well, who knows what will happen? My rule still stays, I would never ever go to a place alone... My one and only golden rule for my trip.

2) How does it feel like to be worried for somebody and something but that person doesn't even know or care about me and my feelings? I'm starting/ or have already feel a distance apart. Or is it that we are initially also not that close afterall, but only perceived to be close by other people? I'm not feeling very good. But I don't want to show my feelings to other people. I don't want to let people worry about me. Maybe you couldn't understand this point afterall. That's the reason why I appear so non-chalant? Because I don't want to let my feelings or sadness affect other people. I sleep all my sadness away, waking up feeling very tired. Sometimes I am really angry. Or rather it's my fault for hiding my feelings so you don't even know that I'm angry, upset, or disappointed with certain things. It's just a matter of the level of understanding afterall. I don't wanna lose the friendship. Maybe I just have to learn to let it go. Forget about all the feelings tied. I'm going on a long trip anyway. Away from Singapore. I'll definitely miss the people who I hold dear in my heart, for I don't know who. Ask my heart then...

3) Teaching. Well, still a beginner, on attachment. Shouldn't be feeling stressed but I think I feel more sian more. I don't know why, just this week only. Probably with the fear of teaching infront of alot of people for the first time. With some frowns looking at you. And I have not been going in early these few days. And this cannot happen anymore! I'm getting from bad to worse. I shall not be late tomorrow!!! I had alot of questions. Can I control the kids well? Can I project my voice loud enough? Can I handle the heavy workload? Can I maintain a good and healthy relationship with them? Do I look like a teacher? Do I know my stuff well? Am I prepared enough?

Anyway, I think I'm bringing my emotions to school every morning, which I shouldn't be doing. Though it's not very obvious, but I can still feel I am a little bit distracted. That was just for the first lesson when I sat through values education. Teaching us how to "listen actively", I'll keep that in mind. I feel quite relaxed today as I don't have to teach today. But I sat in all Mr Chue's classes today. The first class was so much different. at least I would something expect in a neighbourhood school setting. With students having ADHD problems, and some other problems which are unknown to me. Things like "My dog is very hungry, eat away my paper, CHER! I got do!" Shouting across the whole class. I am not yet settled down. Two guys planted their seats both beside me. All I could do was just to help them with their work. I told one of them, there is a mistake in ur integration. He suddenly screamed so loudly beside me and I was totally stunned, bang the table somemore. So my teacher have to do something to him. This kind of situation, cuz I'm a female teacher. I wouldn't know how to handle yet. Another one, I just ask him, "eh why are you so slow, still at this page?" "Cher I got suspended lah..." Oops, perhaps I should be more sensitive when I ask questions too. These students were generally bright but they lack the proper environment. for once, I feel sympathy for them. I start to see this people in a different light. Back then in my school, I thought everyone was like that, trying to make trouble for teachers. But still, there are some notorious ones, don't know what they are doing. Sometimes I tried to run away when they start to call me for help. Still, I tried to help them as much as I can. So long, as they don't make noise and trouble.

Heard from my colleague that my mentor taught real well today!!! He used some cute softtoys to explain kinematics. I think I missed out a good show by him since I was with him for the past one week. But nvm, the previous class was an eye-opener too. 4S students are also lovable, interactive. I don't know how well Ti taught them yesterday. I still feel that there should be improvememts. But my mentor say it was alright just that I have to go faster and walk more rounds! haha! Okay 4S tmr I bring a friend with me!

The second class was so peaceful. I tag along with my colleague. "Cher why you got so many friends?" "Why you jealous arh?" Though this class I only been there once. I still think I feel more friendly with them and was more strict with my 4S. Trying to explain the same concept til my saliva dried. At least FINALLY they got what I am saying. One thing very funny is, I was trying to explain something quietly while the teacher is teaching. Suddenly, he said, "JIA XIN PLEASE LOOK UP" I got a shock and look up, luckily didn't let out some sound. I look around, chey, he is calling a student who has the same name as me. Then my colleague is laughing at the back... -_-"""

The thing that made my day was the students' friendly faces. One of the at-risk students commented me to my colleague saying that, "She is a very good teacher." I didn't hear it because I was consulting my mentor at the same time outside 4S. That was when my colleague told me and I feel so motivated afterall.

Which is why I say, students made my day! It's so unexpected... =))

Alot of things happened recently. Just started on my attachment that time and now it's like ending soon. It was a good experience at dss because it was a neighbourhood school so close to me that I will pass by the bus stop everyday when I was a student of pj. And now I was attached to the school, getting to know the teachers and students there better. I must really say the students here are so much better than my sec sch. Well, at least I feel, haven't gone to the lower end classes to see. The students are so much friendlier and polite, at least the school teach them to be D&D. haha! Though they are still from neighbourhood schools, I still feel a sense of discipline seen in the students.

Taught a class today, a class I go in everyday, even more than once on certain days. I still feel much to be improved by my mentor say it was okay. So stressed. And I was already stressed and feeling not well in the beginning of the week. Many thoughts came to my mind. Not just school alone, but other stuff more that is so distracting and uneasy.

Just came back from Genting. I must say it wasn't a wonderful one. I don't know what happen to him but I still feel that he thought too much. It could have been much more fun with the four of us getting crazy there. Perhaps we only stayed there for a day? I seriously hope the next trip, if there is, will be more fun. I won't expect much. But at least, smiles on everyone's faces!

Worrying about instep also. When is my roomie gonna confirm her courses on that side??? It seems so uncertain, my "party in the USA" and all the stuff that I anticipated too.

Still I haven't get to experience what is it like to be a full-fledged teacher? Going home and reaching home before 3pm and taking naps after that is so much of good life!!!

I just feel like sighing everyday, not because of my job but because... =(