I have been sleeping at 2 am for the whole of this week! This is how the horrible week 9 can be... tonnes of work piled up... Contemplating whether to go for cca or not. because I was very tired today, after the mid term. Luckily it goes well. But haiya, I just make a trip there, since every body make the effort to put up a goodshow. I think I can sleep when signing the song today... Contemplating to go for tuition on saturday because apparently there is a make up lesson during that time. But looks like things are not well for woods. jiayou! I thought to myself: perhaps I'm not a good leader... I couldn't be powerful enough to lead a group of 6 together to do this whole project, properly. How is it possible to head two projects at the same time? It's possible, just that you have what it takes or not. You know, it's graded... Whatever it is , I don't know, I only know I'm getting 5 hours of sleep everyday now... Occupying myself with work lately. To keep all of my other unwanted thoughts away. Bipolar syndrome.

Not everyone can amuse me okay? haha... Me: Why the bread so fast finish? Papa: Which one? Me: The square square one. Mum: 做么那个hot dog 没有人吃？ Me: 哦！我要吃那个麦麦麦麦的。。。 Papa: You hor! Sometimes left alittle bit then say, need to plan one ma... Me: How I know, that time left 3, I eat two skin, you can eat the slice mah... Mum: 打打打！看谁赢？！？ Me: How I know sometimes you want to feed the fish, like the fish bigger than me like that... :( Papa left kitchen to watch 爱... Mum: 他去拿那个黄梨塔去喂鱼... Me: *bursts out laughing* !!!!!!!!!!!!!! -_-""""""" 哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈！ Where got people feed the fishes with pineapple tarts? Then he was saying the fishes are kept by the company to have some prosperity or luck for the company. I am worried about the fishes because there's this funy worker anyhow feeding them... Hai today is a long day with unfruitful attempts of hw discussion, but luckily ed came to the rescue and we discuss a little bit on the results. Seriously, the sight of him makes me disgusted. I am already on the verge of striking his name out of the report. Back to the jc days when I only have 5 hours of sleep everyday. I hope I can tahan this week with all sorts of assignment deadlines coming in.

What? I actually did my critique til 4 am yesterday? OH my, I'm seriously getting from bad to worse. I have never slept so late just to do my assignments. I really don't like the feeling of rushing assignments. I will, do my assignments early next time. I promised..

Today is the last day in Woodlands library. Kind of miss the feeling, but I missed the feeling of amazon room more. Sometimes I was supposed to go up to second level to teach Sheryl but I didn't. I chose to stay in the Amazon room. It gives me much more sense of belonging there? Mainly because all of us started our tuition journey there. Next week we will all go to RP, I hope it's permanent place for us =)

It's a great feeling to not have exams the next day. I don't like the feeling of unpreparedness for an exam. I guess I better start early now...

This is home, truly...

What a nostalgic song, and a homely song. I'm so glad to seize the opportunity to perform this song through song signing. Even though I find it abit weird to be only that few seniors who joined the performance. Hmm, will try to cross that weird wall of me...

I just finished my this week's of hiong midterms. The worse of all is the open book test which I'm not confident at all. Haven't been studying physics for a long time. I just hope I won't get an egg back. And carrying that whole book to school is horrible... But after the midterm, though I feel sad, but at least I'm relieved. I like the feeling after a test, when I put in my utmost best effort (though I think this time round it's not.. haha)

Has everyone's priority change? Including mine.. How come I feel like my sem 2 is always so much more "happening" than my sem 1. Up to now, I still don't feel the sense of urgency and need to have more time for myself to study. I have been joining and joining many things so far to keep me occupied. Trying to get things work out on another side too. Leaving minimal time for myself to catch up with my work. I am not as tensed as you know me last sem. Even midterms, I still don't feel the need to buck up yet. Hai, where has my "ego" gone? Maybe I just, out of bipolar, I want to do as much things as possible when I'm pink and healthy.

Raining =(

As usual, I procrastinated to wake up today. Sleeping only at 2 am yesterday morning, waking up at 645. At least I didn't reach at 9am for tutorial today, around 850 am =P. But still, (excluding that guy) I'm still the first to reach. After the tutorial, we chase the tutor to 'feedback' about our concerns regarding commitment issues of a particular group member. Well, she even noticed that he has not been participating throughout. Just that whenever we have questions to ask he will just stand there and try to be "there". He is always "there", but such presence is not felt. Our tutor gave us "feedforward" and she say she also will take action. Wow, such great tutor! We look forward to her reply... and also, there's a cha ban shen today and I think he contributed even more to the group discussion. And also, we have decided to strike off that name in our group discussion.

Seriously, I hope I am not the one heading this whole project. I realise my command of English is very bad. I need to know what I am writing.

Went to Hall 11 to eat today. The chinese stall is nice =))
Now I'm still left with Canteen 1. And I want to visit canteen 16 and canteen 14 soon...

I was collecting data for my project, so I need to sit one cycle of the bus C route. Taking down the timings. Then, at innovation centre, I realised that I'm the only one left inside the bus. The driver is looking at me. He must be thinking, this weird girl how come don't alight one. I wanted to continue sitting til Can 2 to go and take pioneer bus. But I think, forget it, I shall alight at NIE instead.

Then I took the pioneer shuttle bus home. saw the instep coordinator, I realise I saw her this morning. and she sat beside me now when she is leaving school. What a fate!

I must start studying my physics! although it's open book but, I still wanna at least read and familarize my physics stuff before entering the room. And 315 is tmr! I hope I can make it =)

School "reopen"

School "reopens" today... As usual, I always have mid terms on the first day of school reopen. Last semester it was hp101, the previous semester was accounting quiz.

I had a great start today at home but not so well in school. Mum made noodles for me to bring to school for lunch, save the hassle of having to queue for food every monday. I ate some noodles before going for school. Set my alarm at 730, but I slept til 830 instead. I'm getting lazier when I started to take train to school. Hmm, I just realised, I'm not coughing anymore =)) I still enjoy the feeling of snatching morning guavas like we usually do, just like kids snatching for kinder bueno.

I went to buy train concession today, when the lady gave me the change in return. She gave me 5 one dollar coins instead of notes. -_-" Then while exiting the gantry, I almost got kiap, or rather, the gantry stop halfway. The pie-ion-neer bus came real fast today, reach school at about 1020am. Wanted to go and print notes but there is something wrong with the school's printer. It doesn't compress into 3 pages when I print 6 slides on one page. Instead, it print 1 slide of one page. How can two pieces of lecture notes add up to $1? I tried at the com lab, to no avail. Then while I was printing, somebody knock my chair and my laptop fell on to the floor. Bom! I stare at the person, but he didn't say sorry. I was quite worked up with the lecture notes and printer. I just left for lecture. Luckily my laptop isn't 'injured'.

Today's midterm is supposed to be easy according to him. But as I read the first question I got stuck. The weightage for one question is super high. I hope I can get some questions correct. This is the first time I take a core with a small cohort.

Then it was HW meeting. As usual, me and hh will always be the first to arrive. But I must say I had a fun meeting today, laughing at what we are writing and laughing about something else. Can you imagine a group project when msn needs to be signed in to complain about a certain person's attitude? Seriously, we got to complain tmr!

Recess week has ended?

Time flies so fast. I don't have a good recess week actually. Just "boringly" staying at home practically everyday in a temporary "cold" place. Not even a day I went out to have some leisure time. Perhaps the only leisure I have was just a simple dinner and a "concern" session with the two Ks. And SPARKZ.

But this recess week has made me learn a very important lesson of impulsiveness. Be careful what you say. I don't want another episode to repeat again. One week of ignorance is no joke. I feel suffocated even when I'm sleeping. I never want to wish my mum to ignore me for even more than a day. Not to say a week.

To add on to my wishes, I wish my family can talk crap to each other happily everyday =)

I have 4 midterms after recess week. But I am not confident at all. It's the first 'test' I have this semester. I still don't have the sense of urgency like I have for last semester. Physics, I haven't even started revising from lecture 1 onwards! And it's gonna be an open book test, like as if there is help...

Jia You!

Sparkz '11 today... and yet I went there late. Wanted to wait for pioneer bus today but it didn't come. Decided to take 179 instead. As I reached, I just realise pioneer bus today drops off at Can A... And when I reach, everybody thought I don't have to change tshirt because Ihearyou shirt is so look-a-like.

I had fun today, just that every year, it was raining again... But I hope the tutees, and everybody else there had fun too! That's the greatest satisfaction one can get... The games were good too, I thought.

*coughs coughs...

and I came home with a note that said, "锅里我煮了梨水拿来喝和吃梨，知道吗？ 妈妈"
I guess this was something which really made my day today =)

I hope things are getting better =)

Sparkz is tmr! Looking forward...

Last semester, how I wish I have a straight free recess week so I can focus on my studies.
This time, how I wish I don't have to stay at home so I can get away from the "cold".

I thought I would have a happy recess week this time, but hai...
3 days already.
Perhaps we're not that bonded after all..

Why will one happy small family turn into a cold strange place?

Hai. Contrary

I haven't been talking to mum for more than a day... =(
I cried upon entering the house...

Mummy!

I really really have to pen this down...

I feel so loved by my mummy!

I have been ranting for the past few weeks about the new pillow that we got in time for CNY changeover. It's kinda too hard, thick and too high for my neck (Okay, my neck is long enough) but it's making me quite uncomfortable each day as I wake up in the morning. So casually she say keep the pillow as low as possible when you are sleeping and not tilt it at an angle. And I tried, it works and so my back and neck is no longer in pain. But yesterday, she took my pillow out and tried to amend it. Took some cotton out to make it flatter. Then I casually say, hey maybe you can make it into another pillow for me to bring to CAN!

And so she really make another pillow for me... with cotton from her pillow also. Then she say, since you like my smell so much, I put my cotton pillow inside this pillow too so you will have my smell! OOOO! So sweet! Mum mummy!

And today, she went all the way to Chinatown to get zips to make bag. I thought she just simply wanted to get zips. Upon realising that she cannot find zips there, she bought alot of expensive cloth material and a super expensive patchwork book. Just to make a bag for me to bring to Can, that I wanted her to make one =P And the material has cats!!! One small piece costs $5 from Japan! And those have cats pattern!

Thank you Mummy!

What happen to me? Why is my heart beating so fast and my hands shivering since yesterday night? Haven't I had enough sleep lately? Or too stressed?

It's so amazing for me to sleep in so late today... I have to get on my work!

I hope I can be still in pink of health like as of now, being able to eat everything and do everything with energy. Or rather, did my bipolar syndrome come back again yesterday? Sometimes I thought I don't know what I was doing too...

"Phong you just have to solve your own problems!"

Although this statement is not said to me, but I feel the arrow sticking to my heart. Running away is not the solution.

It's just those nitty witty problems and frustrations that a normal person would normally do. That's just cramming up everything in my head. But, I don't wish to present myself weakly in those occasions. I don't wanna present myself that I am unable to withstand the amount of stress and pressure. It all boils down to a strong pride I have since young. You may disagree with what I say or how I behave. How I behave may not necessarily reflects how I feel about others, and myself. I dislike it when people come around telling me my mistakes, sometimes I accept it, or rather, feels afraid when I think I have gotten into trouble. Sometimes I would just get upset with myself for not doing the right things that I should do, or being the right way I should be. Be yourself, that's indecisive, fickle-mindedness, small minded-ness, childish-ness, that causes to me become so bipolar and multi-personal. I could have just change myself or be a different person when I am thrown to another environment. But somethings of mine will change, some things will stay constant. As a going-to-21 adult, I don't feel that I should even deserve the title of an adult, because I am simply just not mature enough to comprehend things and deal with it, in my style. Sometimes I think I'm not being too initiative enough...

I always always thought I am very very sensitive to other people feelings. But it turns out that, everyone came to me and tell me, "Hey, you are not being very sensitive enough." Well, I thought, the problem lies in me? Or have they mistook something or the way I behave, with what I say or do. Or that's just plain complacency? It gets very worrying when what you thought yourself to be turns out completely different with what others think. Whatever it is, maybe my brain is too preoccupied with other things, perhaps newater too.

People have too much likes or dislikes. People dislike the certain way other people are, but it just can't help it. They are like that, but you dislike it. What else can you do? You can't possibly change the person to suit you. Similarly, that would be as difficult as changing your opinions to accommodate each other.

Can I just take a step slower, sit back, and realise/ appreciate the essence of life and people? I have been missing out too much out there. I have not been doing much things these days. Let along accomplishing bigger tasks. I wish I could have that kind of energy moving on, but I chose to take a step back, watch the show and move on. I should just sleep in and forget away my troubles tomorrow.

Though study is still my first priority, I have begin to let go certain bits of it and went out of the box to do other things as well. I am no longer so terrified when I know my days are numbered to study. Let alone one saturday burnt. Because I know, I want to take back something in my last phase of studying life. Seriously I haven't caught up with my work yet and my friends are so surprised with me lagging at such stage and I seem not to be bothered with it anymore. There are things in life I should treasure, more... I could have done more things back then.

"If Studies is a real person, he'd probably be the happiest person on Earth" --> Because I spend alot of time and effort on him...